We Are the Lovers, We Are the Last of Our Kind

**Kellin’s P.O.V**

It’s been a week since I’ve been in the hospital. No, I did not say ‘I love you’ back. I couldn’t at the time. I knew in my heart that I did love Vic, but I was way too scared to actually admit it. When I didn’t say it back to him it hit him pretty hard, the look on his face is one that I never want to see again. I tried to explain it to him the best that I could but I don’t think I got through to him. He nodded his head and put on a fake smile for me but I knew I really hurt him. We’re still together though. He keeps saying ‘I love you’ to me and I feel like an asshole every time I don’t say it back.

He’s continued to help me with my eating disorder, it was definitely not an easy thing to overcome. I didn’t even feel like I was getting better. I often had nights that I cried and threw up everything in my stomach because I couldn’t hold it down. Vic was there every time.

Tonight was one of those rough nights. For dinner the counselors made me eat a full meal, it took me 2 hours to finish it. I felt like shit and I thought I would throw up at any moment. I got out of bed as quietly as possible trying not to wake Vic up, we had been sleeping in the same bed since I left the hospital. I crept over to the chair we had next to our desk, pulled the trash can close and leaned over.

I just wanted this food out of me, it didn’t belong there. I felt nasty when I was full. I promised Vic that I would never make myself throw up but at the moment I was considering it. I couldn’t breathe and it felt like every time I moved I could feel the food shifting around in my stomach, it was sickening. Everything was overwhelming right now and all I could do was cry.

“I want it out,” I said groaning at the feeling in my stomach.

I kept repeating that phrase over and over again. Food did nothing to help me. It just made me feel sick. I ran my hands through my hair and pulled at it a little bit. I leaned over the trash can a little bit more hoping I would throw up and get it over with.

“Baby what are you doing?”

Fuck, I woke Vic up again. Every night that this would happen I tried not to wake him up, but he was a very light sleeper. He walked over to the chair I was in and knelt down.

“V-Vic I want it out.”

He bent down to brush the hair from my face.

“Try to keep your food down hun.”

I shook my head rapidly. By doing that motion I felt a lurching in my stomach. I leaned back over the trash can and threw up. Everything that had been weighing me down was now leaving my body and making me feel skinny again. Vic rubbed my back in circles until I was done. He kissed the top of my head.

“At least you held it down for longer this time. Feel better?”

I nodded and let out a sigh. Vic helped me clean myself up, he then got an extra blanket and wrapped me up really tight in it. He started to giggle a little bit.

“W-what?” I asked sticking out my bottom lip a little.

“You look like a cute little burrito,” he said still laughing.

I started to laugh too. I swear he was the only person who could make me laugh at a time like this. I loved the sound of his laugh, it was contagious. He was so perfect and I couldn’t get over it. I loved him. If only I could stop my insecurities from getting in the way and tell him how I feel. But I knew that once I openly admitted it that I would become vulnerable.

I reached out and pulled him into me.

“You are so amazing,” I whispered in his ear.

“If I’m so amazing then why don’t you love me back?”

I was taken back by his bluntness and just stared at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he said quickly.

I didn’t reply, I felt like such a horrible person, I’m just letting him believe that I don’t feel the same way about him.

“Lets try to get some sleep Kells,” he sighed kissing me on the nose.

~~~~~~~~~

It was breakfast and the counselors were making me eat with them again. Vic as sitting at a table with Alan, Austin, Jack and Alex. He was becoming more social even though he never talked to anyone. Everyone was excited today because tonight was the night we were going to sneak out and go to a party. It was Tony’s idea, and he’d been sneaking out for months, so we figured he knew what he was doing. He had friends on the outside that were going to bring cars to drive us there and back. Tonight was going to be so much fun.

After breakfast we had group therapy then we were left to ourselves for a bit. I was looking for Vic but he was nowhere to be found, he disappeared right after therapy . I decided to go back to our room and just wait for him to find me. I went back and sat down on the bed. I looked across the hall over to Jaime and Tony’s room and I saw Vic in there with Jaime. Jaime was talking to him and Vic was writing things down to Jaime. I wanted them to be friends again but I couldn’t help the jealousy I felt. Jaime was leaning awfully close to him. Vic seemed to be engrossed in the conversation as well. I then saw Jaime lightly touch Vic’s arm. Oh hell no.

I got up and walked over to the door of Jaime’s room. I was kind of scared to go to the door because last time I was that close to Jaime he tried to beat my ass. When Vic noticed me at the door he looked over and smiled, Jaime on the other hand wasn’t ecstatic about my presence.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?” he snapped.

“I’m g-getting my boyfriend, that’s what I’m fucking doing,” I said surprised at myself for saying something back.

Jaime stood up quickly and stalked over to me.

“You can’t even fucking talk right. Just get out before I hurt you Kellin,” he said, his face about an inch from mine.

“W-what the hell are you gonna do? Hit me? It’s not going to change anything. Vic is mine,” I said yelling back with even more force.

I had no idea where this anger came from, but it overcame me really quickly. I guess it was because my feelings for Vic had really grown and I didn’t want him to be taken from me.

Vic quickly got up and stood in between Jaime and I. I was still trying to get past him to tell off Jaime some more, Vic had to literally lift me up and carry me out of the room. He carried over to our room and put me on the bed.

“What the fuck Kells?”

“He w-was f-flirting with you and you know it!” I said in defense.

“We’re working on sorting out our problems,” he said looking at me with an annoyed face.

“He’s in l-love with you!”

“Kellin, he’s over it now.”

“T-that’s the b-biggest fucking lie I’ve ever h-heard,” I said with a look of disbelief.

I was getting angrier and Vic could tell, because when I got angry my stuttering got worse.
“You don’t know that,” Vic said trying to stay calm.

“Y-Yes I do, h-h-h-h-” I got frustrated with all of the stuttering and just stopped talking.

My eyes started to water and I was pretty sure my face was as red as an apple. I held my face in my hands and tried not to cry. I let the silence that filled the room calm me. I felt Vics arms wrap around my torso.

“Look at me,” Vic said softly.

I did as told.

“Don’t cry,” he said stroking my face.

“I’m n-not going to cry,” I said stubbornly.

“I can see your eyes watering Kells.”

I just sighed and melted at his touch.

“I love you babe,” he mumbled into my shoulder.

And again I didn’t reply.

~~~~~~~~~~~

*** Vic’s P.O.V***

We successfully snuck out of the asylum, it was hard and nerve racking, but we did it. I didn’t realize there were so many cameras and security guards at the asylum at night. Tony had his friends park up the road so they wouldn't notice trucks parked outside the asylum.

There were 9 of us, Tony, Jaime, Alex, Jack, Alan, Austin, Oli, Kellin and I. We jogged out to the trucks. There were two of them, we split up and went into the separate ones but I made sure Kellin was riding with me, I needed to make sure he was safe. The guy who was driving was named Elliot, he was nice looking and seemed to be a chill guy.

We pulled up to a big house that looked like it should have been a hotel. Everyone got out and started heading into the house.The inside was packed with intoxicated people and blaring music. Kellin had a tight grip on my arm so I didn’t lose him as we walked through the crowd. We ended up in the kitchen next to Alex. Him and Kellin were chatting away and Kellin was downing drinks. I planned on staying sober this time in order to look out for him. I loved him too much to let him get hurt because of my stupidity. Even if he didn’t love me back yet, I would wait.
~~~~~

We’d been there for 2 hours and Kellin had consumed so many drinks that I lost count. I was scared. We were currently on the dance floor. He had just finished another drink and he threw his cup to the floor.

“Dance with me Vicky,” he slurred.

Whoa, his stutter had gone away, I guess it was because he was totally relaxed due to the alcohol.

He started jumping around and singing loudly to the music. He didn’t know the lyrics very well but that didn't stop him. He looked so adorable and I couldn’t help but chuckle. He pulled me close and started to grind on me. This kind of dancing with him made me a little uncomfortable. I think things like this should be done in private.

“C’mon baby,” he said trying to get me to move.

“Kells stop,” I whispered in his ear, pulling him into a hug instead.

“But I want to dance!” he yelled in a childish voice.

I just shook my head.

“I’ll find someone else to dance with then!”

He then stumbled into the crowd. I lost him in the sea of people and I started to panic. I ran after him but he was gone. There was no trace of him. I spent the rest of the party looking for him. After searching for over 2 hours everyone was piling back into the trucks to go back to the asylum. There was no sign of Kellin. I went out to the driveway to see if he had already got into the truck but he hadn’t. Austin saw me looking for Kellin and came over.

“Dude you looking for Kellin?” he asked.

I nodded trying to stay calm, but he could tell I wasn’t because of the tears in my eyes.

“Alan, do you know where Kellin is?” he asked looking over to his boyfriend that was just leaving the house.

Alan’s eyes were wide and he had a worried expression on his face. He nodded, this wasn't like him, he knew something.

“He’s upstairs in some room.”
This scared the shit out me. I took off running with Austin and Alan right behind me. We got upstairs and started looking through every room. We came to one at the end of the hallway and I could hear Kellin’s giggles. I swung open the door and I was totally unprepared for what I was about to see. Kellin was in the bed, straddling some guy while sloppily kissing him. I was about to lose it, my vision turned red and I lost all self-control that I had.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” I yelled, not caring that Austin and Alan were there to hear me.

When Kellin heard that he bolted up from what he was doing and turned around. I couldn’t even look at him. He was hammered drunk and in all honesty I wanted to punch him in his fucking face. This just shattered my heart, I couldn't believe Kellin would do this, knowing what I’ve been through in my past. He scrambled to get out of the bed and his drunken ass fell to the floor. He tried to get up and walk over to me but he couldn’t walk straight. He held onto things and made his way over to me.

“Vi-”

I cut him off by pushing him with all of the force I had in me, he fell to the floor again. I never thought I would ever be doing this with Kellin, but he crossed the line, I openly admitted to being in love with him and he does this.

He sat on the ground and started to cry. Alan came from where he was standing and helped him up. Austin grabbed me by my arms. Now I was lashing out. I was yelling curse words and trying to get at Kellin. All the while he was crying while Alan tried to calm him down.

“C’mon man, let’s get you out of here. I don’t want you to do anything you’d regret,” Austin said.

He pulled me out of the room and down the stairs. As I was going down the stairs realization hit me. The guy I am in love with cheated on me. Where did this leave us? What was I not doing to make him cheat? Was I not good enough?

Austin finally led me outside the house, where the trucks were waiting, Alan and Kellin came behind us. We all got into the backseat. I sat by the window, Alan sat in the middle, Kellin sat on the other side of Alan and Austin sat shotgun. There was complete silence except for the radio playing. It was very intense. I was infuriated and sad at the same time.

“Viiiicc,” Kellin whined, trying to reach over Alan to hold my hand.

I rolled my eyes and turned away. Why would he even try to touch me right now? He was just kissing on some guy. We spent the whole ride back listening to Kellin cry and whine my name. Alan tried to calm him down by whispering things to him and giving him hugs, but it wasn't working, he continued to go on.

We reached the road next to the asylum that they picked us up at. We all got out and started walking towards it. I lingered behind, trying to salvage what little sanity I had left. Everyone was a good distance ahead of me and it was too dark to see them.

“Viiic,” I heard Kellin whine.

I kept walking, not acknowledging him, I couldn’t see him anyways. I then felt a hand on my arm, I quickly jerked away and looked over. There he was, staring at me all I could see in the darkness were those huge, gorgeous, green eyes.

“Babbbbyyy, pleaseee-.”

“Stop,” I said cutting him off.

He started to cry, to be honest I didn’t really care. He caused this.

“I’m sorrryyyy,” he said trying to latch on to my arm.

“Don’t touch me,” I snapped, pulling my arm from his.

He fell silent except for his sniffling. We walked in silence for a few moments.

“I love you,” He said breaking the silence.

I stopped walking and tried to control myself. Are you serious? This was a fucking joke. I’ve been telling him this for a week straight and he tells this to me when he’s drunk and after he just cheated on me. My feelings were a joke to him, he was just fucking around with me to get what he wants. Jaime was right, he was just like Dylan.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? IS THIS A JOKE TO YOU? I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL ALONG AND YOU DECIDE THAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME NOW. YOU’RE LYING JUST TO GET ME TO NOT BE MAD AT YOU. YOU'RE USING ME. I KNOW YOU’RE LYING AND YOU KNOW YOU’RE LYING SO JUST DO ME A FAVOR AND SHUT THE FUCK UP,” I yelled, about 5 centimeters from his face.

He was so stunned that he started shaking. He didn’t say anything. I turned around and continued to walk. He followed behind me slowly and all I could hear was him sobbing. I hated to hear it but he deserved it. He had become my world and now I was lost, I didn’t even know where we stood as a couple.

You know what the frustrating part about this whole thing was? I still loved him.