We Are the Lovers, We Are the Last of Our Kind

**Kellin’s P.O.V.**

It’s been two weeks. Two whole fucking weeks since Vic has talked to me. With every day I’m pretty sure I died a little bit more inside. I was breaking down and I’m pretty sure I was close to the edge. I was thinking about suicide a lot. I know Vic and I hadn't been together for that long but the guilt was eating away at me and when I was with Vic I was truly happy, to have that happiness suddenly stripped away by something I did made me want to die.

I hadn’t slept all night. I just laid in bed and looked at the ceiling. I had bags under my eyes now from not sleeping. I mostly stayed up at night either having panic attacks or planning my death. I knew I was going to do it. I just needed to prepare everything first. I decided on hanging myself. It could work if I did it right. I also had to write my letter to Vic, it would take a while. I had no idea what I even wanted to write in it yet. I think I would make it short and simple. He hated me anyway so it’s not like he’d want to read a long ass letter from a pathetic guy who was in love with him.

The bell rang, I looked over at Vic, he tossed and turned until he finally opened his eyes. He sat up with a grunt and wiped his eyes.

“G-Good Morning,” I said so quietly that I could barely hear myself.

This was going to be the last day that I would see his beautiful face.

He looked towards me and nodded. That was it, he didn’t say anything else. He got up and gathered his stuff and headed to the shower. I waited until he left and got up, put some socks on and started my hunt for rope and stuff that I could find to hang myself.

I walked down the hall leading to the isolation rooms, the security around here sucked but I made sure to be careful; just in case. I made sure I was quiet as I wandered around. I didn’t even know where I was going. Maybe the supply closet had some rope or something, maybe I could get some shoe strings and tie them together. Where would I find show strings anyway? They made us turn in our shoes and they gave us some white slip on shoes. Not that I was complaining, they were comfortable, but I did miss the TOMS I used to wear everyday.

I finally reached the supply closet that was at the end of the isolation hallway. I turned the doorknob, but the door wouldn’t open.

“Shit,” I said to myself.

I decided to wait until someone went in there, while they were in there I needed to put a piece of tissue in the hole in the door that the lock goes into so it wouldn't close all of the way. I went back to one of the bathrooms and got some tissue paper and balled it up.

It seemed like it look forever but finally the janitor for the asylum went into the supply closet. I was extremely nervous to get caught but I needed this. I needed this so I could end it all. As soon as he went in I looked and his back was facing the door, he was looking for something. I quickly creeped over to the door and stuck in the tissue. I immediately went back over to my hiding place. The janitor was done after about 5 minutes of searching. I went in after him and looked at all of the shelves as quickly as I could because I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, creeping around made my anxiety really bad. I searched everywhere. There were some bottles of cleaning products that were in the corner. I moved them aside and behind them I found a worn out, thick, rope. Perfect.

I was back in my room in about 5 minutes. I hid the rope under my pillow, I would tie it after breakfast.

“Kellin, are you trying to skip breakfast?” I heard Mitch say from the door.

I quickly turned around.

“N-No.”

He looked at me with dissapointed eyes.

“C’mon, lets go eat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was after breakfast and I was in bed trying my best to tie a noose. It was hard because I couldn’t see it very well because I was hiding it under my blanket. Vic walked in a couple minutes after I finished tying it. He didn’t even look at me, he grabbed his ipod and laid down in bed, his back facing me.

It was crazy after a little mistake that everything could come crumbling down. He acted all hard on the outside but I knew he really cared, I could hear him crying at night. I loved this guy so much, it was ridiculous, but he could never love me again, that’s why I needed to end it all. I don’t think I’ve actually registered that it was the last time I was going to see everyone. I wasn’t even worried about my family, they were assholes anyway. I was worried about all my friends I’ve made in the asylum, but most importantly, I was worried about Vic.

“I love you so much,” I sobbed quietly.

I knew he couldn’t hear me because he has his headphones in but I felt as if I was talking to him.

“You’re my everything, I’m going to miss you so much.”

I was going to miss everything about him. His touch, his smell, his taste, even the way that he would call me a cute little burrito when I was wrapped up in a blanket. He was such a perfect human being and I hated myself for hurting him.

“Hey Kellin,” Alan said leaning against the door frame.

I could tell he was trying his best to keep his hyper mood when he could tell I was in the middle of a breakdown.

“Come hang out with me, I’m bored,” he said bouncing over to me and grabbing my hands.

This would be my last day with him so why not?

I walked in and laid on my stomach on Alan’s bed. He laid next to me and rubbed my back with sympathy.

“Hey Kellin,” Austin said walking into the room with a smile on his face.

When Austin came in Alan jumped up and pounced on his back, attacking him with kisses.

“Where have you been mister?” Alan questioned playfully.

“Watching TV,” Austin answered laughing at Alans adorableness.

This should be Vic and I right now.

I didn’t realize that I had started crying again. I readjusted myself so I was sitting up and leaning against the wall. I pulled my knees into my chest and pulled my sleeves over my hands. I just wanted my Vic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vic was in the main room with most of the people in the asylum, there was this movie night thing and Jaime convinced him to go. They were still working out their problems, which scared me because Vic could easily fall into the arms of Jaime now that we were in this horrible stage in our “relationship”. I needed to talk to him before I went through with my plan. Just one last time.

I walked into the main room to see everyone on the couches and sprawled out on the floor under various blankets. Luckily Jaime was on the couch sitting next to Tony and Vic was on the floor, with a blanket around him, hugging his knees to his chest.

I walked over to him, trying my best not to step on the people that were laying on the floor. When I got to him I bent down and whispered in his ear.

“C-Can I t-talk to you?” I said

He looked up and me and nodded. He followed me back to our room without resistance. Once we were there he didn’t say anything. He just stared at me as if he wanted me to speak first.

“I-I just needed to tell you a f-few things,” I said with shaking hands, “You are the best person I’ve ever come into contact with. There’s l-literally no one like you. These past two weeks without you have been complete h-hell. I miss you so much, i-i’ts killing me,” I paused and tried to regain my composure, “ I am in love with you Vic. I know you don’t believe me because i’m a f-fucking idiot who has shitty timing. But I d-do. I am not the same person without you. If I could take back what I did, I w-would. I-I would have never gone to that party in the first place. C-”

“Why are you telling me this?” this is the first time I’ve heard his voice in two weeks and it sounded like music to my ears, but then when the words sunk in, it hurt really fucking bad.

I just stared at him, I could feel my face turning red, I felt as if i was going to burst into tears. I couldn’t say anything.

“That’s all?,” he said crossing his arms, “ I cry over you every fucking night and that’s your apology?”

He rolled his eyes. I could not help but burst into tears at that comment. When I did that I could see a hint of regret in his eyes, but it quickly faded away.

“B-B-B-” I tried to talk but my stuttering got in the way.

“Are you done?” he asked.

He didn’t even wait for my answer, he just left.

It was time to end this.

I quickly wrote him a note on a torn in half sheet of paper, it was short and to the point, “I love you, forever and always.” I put a little heart and wrote Kells + Vicky at the bottom . I placed it on his pillow. I sat on his bed for a little bit. The blankets smelled like him, they were so comforting. After a while I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t stall any longer.

I shakily pulled the noose from under my pillow. I used a chair to get up to the ceiling fan Vic and I had in the room, I made sure to tie the rope tight enough so it was sturdy.

“C-C-C’mon K-Kells,” I said gripping the loop in my hands,“H-He doesn’t love you a-a-anymore, it’ll be better this w-way.”

Tears were now staining my cheeks and my knees were buckling underneath me.

“H-He wants you to d-do it,” I said to myself, “ I l-love you Vic.”

Without thinking anymore I put the loop around my neck and kicked the chair from under me.

I was on my way out of here.