Not a Sound

I sink into my bed and cry.

Everything feels like it is tumbling apart inside me. That wildfire destroyed and burned within me, but now there is only ash and smoking remnants of my emotions. I can't believe I did that. I can already imagine the consequences of my actions. Melissa would tell her father; she might even lie and say it happened on school campus so I can be punished. Melissa can do anything. And there is nothing I can do.

I cry for a long time in my blankets until I feel a hand on my back.

I flinch and look up. I expect my mom, but it's Ozzy. I'm sorry for barging in, he says, and I bury my face in my blankets so he can't see me anymore. Of course he couldn't knock and alert me he was coming in. I feel ashamed at my state.

I feel the side of the bed squish down as he sits on it and he rubs my back. It makes the tears flow even harder and I start trembling even though I don't want to. I don't want him to see me like this. He doesn't leave. After a while of him rubbing my back I sit up and look at him.

What is that girl's problem? he asks. His face is angry.

You don't want to know, I sign.

I do. She's hurt you. She's probably hurt you more than I know, too.

There's nothing you can do about it.

You're right. Only you can do it. And you made an awesome start out there.

My hand falls into my lap. I lift it, but I don't know what to say.

You should've seen her face after you flipped her off. Ozzy smiles widely.

A grin crawls across my face before I know it. Really?

Yeah. It was hilarious.

I turn my head down and shake it a few times to make sure reality was happening. Then I look back up at Ozzy. I think on what he said. Only you can do it. He's right. He wasn't going to sugarcoat it. Ozzy's face is back to being morose.

Why is she so cruel? he asks. He gingerly touches my shoulder and rubs it with his thumb. I want to cry again.

You don't want to know. I repeat.

I do, though.

I hesitate for a long time. I don't know what to tell him. I haven't told anyone why she bullies me, and that secret has festered inside me for as long as I can remember. What would happen if I tell him? Would he believe me? Would he judge me?

But I look into his caring, forest green eyes, and something in me breaks.

It's a long story, I sign. And it's the same story that explains how I became deaf in the first place.