Sanctuary

It had been a week since Hallie had broken down at the coffeehouse over Parker. Subsequently, she hadn't been herself much since. She was much quieter, only tagging along on outings if she were outwardly invited. She forced herself to the library a lot more than usual, offering lame excuses as if Taryn didn't know her any better. Taryn felt awful. She wanted so badly to help, but until she knew how Parker felt about the situation, she didn't want to say anything to give Hallie false hope. And Parker couldn't know how Hallie felt. That would be betraying Hallie's trust if Taryn told him.

So...she was stuck.

The next Sunday, in the late afternoon, she sat in the lobby of her floor, surrounded by folders and papers and syllabi and assignments and planners. She had been working for the last three hours, trying desperately to get as much done as possible. And until now, she had been able to work in peace, her Spotify starred playlist on low volume as she wrote.

"Hey," Alex said, strolling out into the lobby. He was holding his laptop and a textbook, placing them on the table opposite Taryn. He slid into the chair, meeting her eyes as she watched him. She smiled, turning her attention back to her creative writing portfolio.

"So where's your partner in crime?" he asked, waiting for his computer to boot up. With a whir, it came to life and Taryn dragged her eyes from her latest attempt at a poem.

"Home. She wanted a weekend alone, off-campus."

"She okay?" he asked.

Taryn nodded, switching songs on her computer.

"Wait. You like Luke Bryan?" he said, raising his eyes in disbelief.

"What happened to no judgments?!" Taryn laughed.

"I'm not judging," he said arrogantly, as if his behavior wasn't totally transparent.

"You're so full of shit."

"No, I'm just saying! My little brother is really into country."

"I didn't know you had a brother."

"Yeah, he's fourteen," Alex said, clicking away and keeping his eyes trained on his computer screen. "He's a little player. I think he's got, like, three girlfriends right now."

"And as his big brother, I think you need to step in and discourage that kind of thing," Taryn teased, shaking her head at him.

"Well, he likes country, and he figured out that girls like country music, too. And now he's a babe magnet."

"Not all girls like country," Taryn retaliated. "My friend Audrey hates it."

"Do you have to counter everything I say?"

"Yes, because you make ridiculous generalizations with each statement."

"And you just think you're so much better, is that it?" he sat up straighter, trying to match her height. It amused her, picking on him. He came across as so cocky, and she liked attempting to put him in his place. Just because he was her RA didn't mean she had to bow down to every word that emerged from his mouth.

"Never said that."

"But you're thinking it."

Taryn shook her head, trying not to smile as she argued with him. That would mean losing. Her phone buzzed with a text, and she looked down, where it lay beside her laptop. Alex glanced down to, noting the name on the screen.

"So tell me about Shane," he said, smirking. Taryn was starting to think he actually didn't have anything to work on, and he had just come out to pester her about her personal life. She immediately scolded herself for being so self-absorbed. He didn't think twice about her. He made that clear every time he shot down her invitations to go grab food or something of the like.

"What about him?"

"Don't think I didn't notice how he comes over to study with you all the time."

"So? I tutor him in Ethics."

"Alone. In your room."

"You're such a creep, you know that?" Taryn said, grabbing her phone to see what Shane had said. She fought her giddy school-girl urge to marvel in the fact that Alex noticed little things about her.

"And that's you avoiding the subject," he fought back, leaning against the table closer to her. Seriously. What was this kid's deal?

"We're friends."

"Okay." He leaned back in the chair, stretching his muscular arms behind his head. "Whatever you say, Taryn." She squinted her eyes at him. She knew what he was doing. Pretending to surrender the argument so she would let her guard down. Shane did the exact same thing, all the time. Ironic, how they were so similar.

"Don't you have something to work on?" Taryn said, placing her phone down and readjusting her messy bun of hair.

"Yes, of course. Important RA business." There he went, trying to assert her dominance over her. God, why was she so attracted to guys with such superiority complexes?

She wondered just what it would take to get him to drop his act.

***

"10/27/13

Needless to say, I was finished with Ryan. But seeing as we had grown so close, I quickly realized that it would be near impossible to completely sever ties with him. His friends were mine, not to mention that we were still in a lot of the same classes. Our houses for senior week were even right next to each other, and that, along with most other things, wasn't one that could be changed.

My heart had felt literally broken in two, and as long as I saw his face every day, I knew it wouldn't heal. And it didn't. Day after day, I went home in tears after seeing him in school. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus on much of anything. His good friend Dan - OUR good friend Dan - tried to comfort me. I remember him being there more than anyone else was. My girl friends stayed back, not wanting to have to choose between Kelsey and I. It was an ugly situation that tore our close-knit group apart.

By the time graduation rolled around, I was completely alone. I had committed to a nearby state university and I was ready to move on, forgetting my high school and all the people in it. Senior week approached quickly, and I deliberately chose to stay home, knowing the misery that would entail if I tried to act like nothing had changed. Dan showed up at my door, begging me to go for a ride with him in his car. I knew he was going to drive me all the way to the beach, and that's exactly what I let him do."

She looked up at the canopy of trees, recalling that sticky summer night. They had driven down the highway, windows down and music up, sound filling the world around them as they moved in blissful oblivion. She smiled at the thought. To this day, she still loved long car rides.

"We sat in his car all night, and for the first time in months, I talked for hours. There was something comforting about Dan and he soon become my shoulder to lean on. He told me how big of an asshole Ryan was and how on his behalf, he was sorry for what Ryan did.

As the sun came up the morning after our long talk, he kissed me. It was simple and sweet, taking my mind off of Ryan for the first time since junior year had started. I didn't know what it had meant, but I didn't question it. Afterwards, Dan didn't try to get me to talk more. He didn't force me to confront what he had just done. And I liked him for that.

He drove me home, knowing I wouldn't be happy if I stayed there. I said goodbye to him, thanking him for giving me exactly what I needed at that point. A distraction, in the best way possible. He seemed to understand, and for the first part of that summer, he was my best friend."

The backs of her eyes pinched with a sudden onset of tears. She longed for those endless nights, the balmy summer storms and feeling that they had all the time in the world.

"For all that Dan offered, I was too heartbroken to realize that it really was too good to be true. I was blissfully unaware that he wasn't being completely honest with me. We had some really great times that summer, and I guess I'll never know if he ever did really like me in some sense. But from what happened next, I'd suppose not.

A week into my freshman year at the state college, I went out with a group of new friends. Unbeknownst to me, my new pals were tight with a few kids from my old high school. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to run into Ryan and Dan that night.

Turns out that Dan and Ryan were just as tight as ever. Dan wouldn't even look me in the face. Within minutes they had infiltrated our group and were laughing and joking with my new friends as if I weren't even there. I tried to drink and forget what was going on, but it wasn't long before I saw the strange looks I was getting from everyone. It became clear that I wasn't wanted there any longer.

I didn't know what I had done, but in the days that followed, no one spoke to me unless I approached them. And even then, each conversation was forced and awkward. I remember not leaving my room for days at a time except for class. My worst fears were coming true. My past wasn't behind me. It was still a living nightmare."

She took a shaky breath, pushing the journal away from herself. Shutting her eyes, she laid backwards on the bench. After a few moments, she looked up at the sky. Everything up there was so calm. So open and inviting. Everything up there was at peace.

And in facing each painful memory, she knew she was that much closer to getting there, too.