Sanctuary

"Taryn," she heard a faint voice call out. It sounded muffled, barely close enough to understand. "Taryn."

She wrenched her eyes open, her lids puffy and weak.

"Taryn." Hallie sat on the end of her bed, twirling a piece of blonde hair around her finger.

Taryn rolled onto her back, groaning at the ceiling. Her head pounded, each throb sending shots of pain through every one of her limbs. The ceiling shifted and her stomach lurched. Hallie grabbed the nearby trash can, already lined in preparation with a plastic bag. Taryn leaned over the side of the bed, gagging into the can and dry-heaving.

Once she was able to breathe again, she glanced over at Hallie. "What time is it?" she mumbled.

"Three o'clock."

"Shit."

"Yeah. I didn't want to wake you any earlier. I figured you'd be better off with sleep. But...any later and you won't sleep tonight."

"You're such a good friend. I don't deserve you," Taryn said, rubbing her temples and staring at the stucco ceiling. Shit. What in the world happened last night?

Her stomach lurched again. Ugh.

"Anyway. I'm meeting Matt at the library for help with my math homework. Just wanted to make sure you were alright before I left. There's water and Advil on the desk next to you. And I have my phone on me if you need anything else."

"Thank you," Taryn said, fully intending to remain where she was for the next few hours...or days, if the mere weight of her body was any indication.

Hallie rubbed her shoulder, pursing her lips with a forced smile before she headed out. Taryn reached for the trash can again, her mind racing as her stomach tried to empty itself. To no avail, she angrily threw herself back onto the pillow. She tried to trace the events of the night before, but it was like repeatedly running at a solid wall. She remembered playing Never Have I Ever. And then her friends leaving for the diner. And then...cleaning up. And then....she must've went to sleep, right? But that didn't make sense. Because she felt like absolute shit and couldn't recall actually getting into bed.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to quiet her thoughts.

She heard three light taps on her door. Wait. Was that a dream?

She heard them again. Nope. Not a dream, unfortunately.

"Come in," she weakly called out. At this point, it could've been Shane and she wouldn't have cared one bit.

The door cracked open. She didn't even bother to crane her neck to see who it was.

"Hey," she heard Alex's voice say. "I come bearing grease."

"What?" she said, furrowing her brow. She slowly sat up, trying to mask the urge to start dry-heaving again.

"I have a bacon, egg and cheese bagel," he said, setting it on her lap. The smell alone overturned her stomach and she turned away in disgust.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, sitting at her feet and reaching for the Advil. He popped one out of the bottle and handed it to her, along with the bottle of water.

"I've been better," she said, motioning to the trash can with a pathetic laugh. Her eyes widened with sudden worry. Had he witnessed them drinking the night before? And how ridiculous they had probably gotten?

"I'm sorry if you had to witness any of that," she said quickly, trying to cover her tracks. "And, uh, thanks for turning a blind eye."

He paused before speaking as he realized. "You...blacked out."

"That obvious?"

"Let me see your phone," he laughed. She looked around, no idea where it was. He reached over suddenly, grabbing it from her bedside table. She shrugged. She wasn't the one who had put it there.

He scrolled through it for a moment, bringing up a picture and holding it out to her. It was a picture of the two of them, smiling and hugging for the camera.

"When was this?" she laughed. "Last night?"

He nodded, anticipating her reaction. She stared down at her phone. She took in the small details, and as realization began to hit, her smile faded slowly. In the photo, her makeup was still done, her hair haphazardly pulled back in a ponytail. She had on pajamas, but was still wearing her bracelets from earlier in the night. She and Alex were in....his room. And...shot glasses were on the table in the background, a bottle of Jack opened next to it.

"Wait," she said quietly. "I came to your room? After they left?" That would explain the part she couldn't remember.

"Yeah," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Damn," she said with disbelief. "I'm such a dumbass."

"No you're not," he scoffed lightheartedly. "I really don't care."

"Well, that's good," she said, looking up at the ceiling. "Thank you."

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," he said slowly.

"Alright..." she said, looking quizzically at him. Why was he being so weird?

"After what we did."

Her heart and stomach dropped. "What do you mean, what we did?" Her mind started racing.

"Well, you came to my room and...yeah." She hated him for being so shy at this very moment. He was never like this. Forget feeling awkward. She wanted to know what had happened the night before.

"...it was just a kiss, though. Right?" she said, feeling helplessly stupid. Clearly something along those lines had happened.

He pursed his lips, looking at his hands. "Not exactly."

The last realization hit her like a freight train. "We didn't."

"We did." He looked up at her, trying to gauge her reaction. But she didn't have one. Her face was set in confusion.

God, how could she let this happen? Was she really that sloppy? Her mind raced with the scenario, trying to think of the consequences. How did he feel? What did that mean? What would Shane think? God, did that mean Hallie knew?!

"Oh my God," was all she could say. Her heart pounded, and all she wanted to do was run. Too bad her legs felt like lead blocks underneath her comforter.

"So...are you alright?" he said tentatively. Taryn could tell he was tip-toeing around her, not sure what to say to her.

Suddenly, Hallie burst through the door, hair disheveled and cheeks rosy.

"Shit, I forgot my textbook, and-" She froze upon seeing Alex perched at the end of Taryn's bed.

"Hey," he said slowly, a soft smile forming on his lips.

Hallie glanced back and forth from Taryn to Alex, then back to Taryn again. She raised her eyebrows at her roommate, but Taryn couldn't respond. She didn't know what to do. Or say.

"I don't think you should be here," Hallie said quietly. Alex looked over at Taryn, nodding his head. Hallie stood there, watching as Alex neared the door. Taryn remained frozen, sitting up in bed.

"Let me know if you need anything," Alex said to Taryn. Hallie followed him out the door, pulling it nearly shut behind her.

"You're the last thing she needs right now," Taryn heard through the door. Hallie was speaking in low and forceful tones.

"I just wanted to be a decent guy and let her know what happened."

"And you thought now was the most appropriate time?"

"Look, no offense, but it's really none of your business. She's a big girl."

"Yeah, and she's my roommate," Hallie said, her voice getting louder. "And now she won't be able to face you without last night hanging over her shoulders. So pardon me if I step to her defense."

"Just...tell her I said I'm here if she needs me."

"Yeah, I think she gets the point." Taryn heard footsteps as someone - Alex, she assumed - walked away, down the hall. Hallie pushed back into the room, pulling her phone out of her jeans' pocket.

"You okay?" she said, grabbing her math textbook and shoving it in her bag.

"Yeah. Just...sort of stunned."

"Yeah, I'm sorry he came in here. I didn't think anyone was around. I know you probably didn't want to hear that right now." Taryn was amazed at how calm and mature Hallie was being about this entire thing.

"It's okay. I'm glad he actually brought it up. I needed to know."

"Yeah, I suppose," Hallie said, approaching the door again. "About that. Do you want to meet up for lunch tomorrow between classes? We should talk."

Taryn pursed her lips. She hated that phrase. But that didn't stop her from nodding her head, knowing full well that Hallie deserved to know what she was going through.

***

"How do you feel?" Hallie asked tentatively, sitting across from Taryn at a table in the dining hall. They sat along the side windows, away from most of the other students. It was quiet, later in the afternoon before the last few classes of the day.

"So much better," Taryn said with a grateful smile. "The Advil helped a lot. But I still don't remember anything."

Hallie laughed, albeit uncomfortably. "Yeah, you had a lot to drink. There isn't much left in that bottle."

"Shit. I'm sorry. I'll buy the next couple," Taryn offered, bowing her head in embarrassment. She picked at a piece of lettuce in her caesar salad.

"That's not important," Hallie said, shaking her head. "I just want to make sure you're alright."

"I've been getting that a lot lately."

"Well, I'm worried about you, to be honest. Genuinely. Not in an i-just-slept-with-you-and-i-want-to-be-a-good-guy kind of worried."

"You're really pissed at him, aren't you?" Taryn said with a sad smile. She hated to think she might've caused a tension between Alex and Hallie.

"You aren't?" Hallie gasped. "He totally took advantage of you!"

"He didn't," Taryn said. She didn't remember particular events of that night, but she trusted what Alex had said. She had come to his room first.

"Are you sure? He just seems shady to me," Hallie said, chewing on a french fry.

"Yeah, but I think really deep down, he's alright."

"Regardless, I just wanted to see where your head was at."

"What do you mean?" Taryn said, cocking her head as she looked at Hallie.

"Taryn," she said, as if her roommate were a mere child. "You drank almost an entire handle of vodka in a four-hour span. You should be in the hospital for alcohol poisoning or something. And I'm really glad you're not, but there has to be a reason things got so far that night."

"There's not. I just wanted to have some fun," Taryn said, shrugging.

"Are you sure? Because I know you've been feeling really confused about Shane lately, and after that phone call you got from that girl, I think you might be really stressed and it's not good if-"

"It's not any of that," Taryn snapped, quieting Hallie. "I just got carried away. And Alex was just the only one around that I happened to run into."

"Taryn, that's what scares me. You didn't just make out with him. It literally could've been any scumbag you just happened to run into."

"What are you implying?" Taryn said, suddenly hating the way Hallie was speaking to her.

"You know I don't mean it that way," Hallie said defensively. "But honestly, if Matt or Parker had been the next guy to walk by, would it have been them? It scares me that you don't seem to question who you have sex with."

"Why does it matter? I'm on birth control. I'm emotionally stable. It's my life, my decision, and at least they're not random guys," she blurted, her voice rising. "I'm capable of living my own life."

"Okay," Hallie said quietly, ending the argument. "I'm sorry. I"ll back off. I just...don't want to see you get hurt."

Taryn's face softened, her shoulders slumping. "No, I'm sorry. I just...I know you care. I really do, and I love you for that. I just...came here so I could live my life for me and make my own choices, and I just feel like I'm losing control of that."

"Fair enough," Hallie said with a sad smile. "I understand. From now on, I'll say nothing until you do. Just know I'm here."

"Of course," Taryn said. "And I love having you. Trust me." She took a few bites of salad.

After a few moments, she spoke again. "And you know I'm here for you. How have you been since the coffeehouse?"

Hallie pursed her lips, looking down at her lap. "I've been okay. It was hard, but I think I needed that. It's going to help me move on."

"Move on?"

"Yeah. Clearly he doesn't want me, and I'm not going to be that desperate girl that can't let go. I needed a reality check."

"Hallie," Taryn started. "I know he loves you. Just maybe not in a romantic way....yet." She paused, laughing at herself. "In a terrible comparison, he's like the male version of me. He just doesn't know what he wants yet."

Hallie laughed, relieved. "Ugh. I know. But it's not healthy for me to hang onto him."

"And it's good that you recognize that. But don't give up all hope. Things will get better. And...word on the street is that Theresa hooked up with some senior this weekend. So he'll come back. She's not right for him, and soon he'll see that."

"Oh, God, that actually makes me kind of happy. Does that make me a terrible person?" Hallie said, laughing and burying her face in her hands.

"No. Just normal," Taryn said, joining in her roommate's laughter. She felt a weight lifting, all tension flowing out of her body. After the shaky start to their lunch, she had worried that Hallie wouldn't ever see her the same. But as they sat there, poking fun at each other's insecurities, she realized that they truly did have a connection. It was an amazing foundation that would always bring them back together as friends, and Taryn couldn't have been happier to realize that. Forget Shane and his ability to numb her for a while. Hallie was what she needed, for good.