Status: First story! Hope you enjoy :)

Sanctuary

"Sorry, Not Sorry"

"To finals," Hallie said, holding up a shot glass and looking around at her friends. "May we pass the semester and not fuck them all up." She giggled, joining her friends as they all downed another shot.

Taryn tipped her glass back, chasing it with some juice as she looked around the kitchen. They were in Shane's house again for what would perhaps be the last party of the semester. No one dared go out during finals week, what with all the studying and projects to be done. At least, that's what everyone had told Taryn. And what better way to kick off Hell Week than by throwing huge blowouts right beforehand?

This party was definitely the most eventful she had been to yet. All of her friends were there: Shae, Danielle, Shane, Maggie, Audrey, Parker, Matt, Jocelyn, and Hallie. She had even seen Alex making his way through the crowd at one point. She had been drunk for quite some time, but luckily not as sloppy as she perhaps could have been. Her mind was comfortably numb, and as she watched her friends disperse once more, she went in search of Matt. She had danced with him for a while, but he had been careful not to do more than that.

She grabbed a cup of juice, heading through the living room towards the basement. She descended the stairs, sounds of Robin Thicke and smells of beer surrounding her as she headed for Hallie at the back of the room.

"Hey, girl!" Hallie exclaimed as Taryn arrived. Taryn joined in, dancing with Hallie for a while as she watched everyone around the room. She didn't want to let Hallie know that she was looking for Matt. As ashamed as she was of it, she hadn't actually told her roommate about him. She didn't want to screw things up too early on, in case he actually would turn out to be good for her.

Too late.

Her eyes caught on a dark red v-neck, the same color shirt Matt had been wearing earlier. He was facing the wall, leaning into it. Or rather, leaning into a girl backed up against it. He was kissing her, making her giggle as he caressed her waist. Taryn didn't recognize her, but she sure was beautiful.

She kept dancing, trying not to let the disappointment show on her face. So that's why he had disappeared earlier.

She shimmied her way through the crowd so that Matt and his new girl weren't in her line of sight.

"Oh, sorry," she said as she accidentally ran into someone.

"You okay?" Shae joked as he looked down at her.

"Shit, yeah," Taryn laughed, wiping her hair back from her face. "Just...trying to get a drink. Come with me?" She couldn't tell if her voice was slurred, but she didn't necessarily care at that point.

He nodded, letting her grab his forearm as she led him through the rest of the crowd to the makeshift bar. She asked for a cup of magic juice, turning to Shae. "Do you want anything?" she called up to him.

He grabbed a beer, following her back to the other side of the room. They talked for a while, but it was becoming clear that Taryn was bored. And increasingly sloppy.

"Fuck," she slurred as she dropped her half-cup of magic juice. She shakily bent down, attempting to find the cup again.

"Hey," Shae said, grabbing her arm and pulling her to her feet. "Before you flash someone."

"I need my cup," she pouted, looking up at him.

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" he asked.

"Are you trying to distract me?" she said skeptically.

"Absolutely."

"Okay." She grabbed his arm again, this time following him as he climbed the stairs, helping her up each one. They left the house, slowly making their way back to campus. Shae tried to keep the conversation away from the party, but Taryn wasn't quite sure she was done for the night. Occasionally she would turn away from him, sneaking a sip from the flask stashed in her purse. Maybe he would go back to his room and then she could go back to the party.

"ID?" Shae said, holding out his hand. She pulled it out of her skirt waistband, slapping it into his palm. She tried to steady herself as he led her through Radnor's lobby, boarding the elevator to the fourth floor.

They stepped off the elevator, running into Alex, who was apparently trying to get back on.

"Oh, hey," he said with a smirk, looking Taryn up and down. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." she slurred, clearly not okay.

"Here," he said holding out his arm for her to grab. He turned to Shae. "Thanks, man. I got her."

She stepped behind Shae, shaking her head emphatically.

"I don't think that's a good idea, man," Shae said, pulling Taryn toward her room.

"Whatever," Alex said, pushing the button to call the elevator again. He looked back at Taryn. "Come see me later."

"Okay," Taryn laughed. Shae wrenched the key from her hand, opening her door and nudging her inside.

"No, Taryn, listen," Shae said, closing the door behind him. "I don't want you to go see him later. I don't know how you're involved with him, but I need you to go to sleep."

"Why? I'm a big girl," she argued, peeling off her skirt and shirt. He averted his eyes, letting out a sigh as she pulled her pajama shorts and a tank top on.

"It's not like I'm going to sleep with him again," she continued, placing her hands on her hips defiantly. Shae raised his eyebrows, processing what she had just said.

"Come on. Bed," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards her bed. He pulled back the comforter, arranging the pillows and patting them. "Let's go."

"Can I have a hug first?"

He paused, looking down at her pleading eyes. "Of course." He wrapped his strong arms around her bare shoulders, pulling her into his chest. She laced her arms around his waist, burying her face in his neck. They were silent for a few minutes.

"Thank you," she whispered, lifting her head ever-so-slightly. She placed her lips on his neck, planting a trail of kisses down to his collarbone.

"Taryn," he said, grabbing her arms and nudging her off of him. "Stop."

"What?" she said, pressing herself to him again.

"I don't want this," he said emphatically, trying to snap her out of it.

"No one does," she said angrily, fighting back a sudden tear. She reached for his belt, starting to undo it. "So we might as well just fuck and call it a night."

"Taryn." He pushed her away, more forcefully this time.

"What?!"

"Don't do this."

"Why? It's all I'm worth." Her voice cracked. "It's what I'm good for."

He took a step towards her. "Is that what he said to you?"

"Which one? There's Alex and Shane and oh! Let's not forget Matt!" she rambled in drunken anxiety, yanking her loosely curled hair out of her face.

"Fuck, Taryn," he said, exasperated. "Any of them!"

"No. They didn't say anything."

"This isn't who you are." He reached out to touch her arm.

"Don't fucking touch me," she said, biting her lip and pushing his hand away. "You don't know me. Get out."

"Taryn."

"Get the fuck out!" she said, wiping her eyes. She turned her back on him, trying to hide her tears. He stayed silent for a minute.

"Shae, get the fuck out of my goddamn room."

"Just don't come crying to me and Hallie when your fucking boy toys start taking advantage of you." He reached for the doorknob.

"Too late for that, you asshole. I fucking hate all of you." She pushed him out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

She shut off the light, climbing into bed and letting loose wretched sobs into her pillow. She heard knocks on her door at various points, but eventually lost track of how often they came. Eventually they faded out, leaving her free to fall into restless sleep, wondering why she was able to mess up every single good thing she might ever have.

***

“I was such a bitch,” Taryn said, staring up at the ceiling. She lay in bed, murmuring to Hallie who sat opposite Taryn on her own bed. After an awkwardly tense morning, Taryn had come clean about Matt and told Hallie how she had acted towards Shae the night before. She was moritified.

“Have you texted or called him? I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“There’s no excuse for what I said to him,” Taryn murmured into her pillow. “All he did was try to get me home safe, and I flipped out on him.”

“I’m sure he’s not angry. Probably just confused,” Hallie said comfortingly.

“I feel like I should apologize, but I don’t want him to think I’m being facetious or something.”

“Well, why would he think that?”

“I don’t know. He’s such a good friend, and good friends don’t speak to each other like I did to him.”

“Taryn, he’s a nice boy. He’ll forgive you, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, exactly. He’s a nice boy who isn’t like the other dumbasses I screw around with. He’s a great friend and look how I treated him. I’m awful,” Taryn said, squeezing her eyes shut sadly. “I don’t deserve him anymore.”

“You need to make things right, at least. Even if he doesn’t accept it, you need to say what’s on your mind,” Hallie said, standing up and crossing the room to Taryn’s bed. She held out Taryn’s cell phone to her.

“I can’t,” she said, fighting back a wave of severe, hungover nausea.

“Taryn.”

She grabbed her phone from Hallie’s hand and shakily dialed Shae’s number.

“Hello?” he murmured. His voice was low and barely audible, monotone as if he didn’t care who she was. She swallowed, trying to get up the courage to speak.

“Hey. I know I’m the last person you want to talk to right now, but I have something to say.” She paused, looking over at Hallie. “Actually, I have a lot to say. Will you meet me at the skatepark?”

A long pause ensued. Taryn bit her lip, wondering if he had hung up on her already. She was hoping he couldn’t resist at least skating around for a little while. It was his favorite thing, after all.

She was right. “Fine. I’ll be there in an hour,” he said slowly before hanging up.

Taryn sat up, rubbing her temples and reaching for a water bottle. Whew. That was over. Now if only she could figure out what to say next.
♠ ♠ ♠
Chapter 29!

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Song: 'Sorry, Not Sorry' by Mayday Parade