Status: First story! Hope you enjoy :)

Sanctuary

"Say Something"

She crossed through the gate into the skate park, hugging her oversized, tan sweater closer to her body. A cool, fall breeze whipped past her face and she scanned the park for Shae. She found him, sitting by himself at one of the picnic tables eating his tell-tale peanut-butter sandwich. She slowly crossed the park towards him, her brown boots scuffing the pavement as she pondered what to start with.

He looked up as she arrived, his face unreadable. Her heart sank.

“Hey,” she said, looking down at her feet.

“What’s up?” he said, standing up and tossing his trash into a nearby container. He dug his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Do you want to walk?” she said quietly. He nodded, following her as she exited the gate and continued on along a dusty path around the skatepark.

She balled her fingers into a fist, taking a deep breath, pausing as a sudden gust of wind blew into her face.

“So can I just say that I’m sorry for last night?” she started, trying not to ramble. “I’m so ashamed and I don’t know what happened, but something did and I’m really sorry because I know you were just trying to be nice and make sure I didn’t die or get raped or - ”

“Taryn, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s really not. You didn’t deserve any of that, and I’m an asshole for treating you the way I did. I’ve just been…stressed lately. And I know it’s no excuse, but it’s my sorry explanation for why.”

“Stressed with what?” he asked, his stoic expression finally breaking. He looked over at her, waiting for her to continue.

“Just…everything. And I know that partying is not a good way to handle it, but I was trying to get my mind off of Ryan.”

“Ryan. I’m guessing…he’s the kid that fucked you up so bad.” He cracked a smirk. Taryn sighed to herself with relief. Finally he was back to his old self. Her worst fear hadn’t been realized.

“Among others,” she said. “To make a long story short, my ex-boyfriend is now engaged to my old best friend and they, along with a few of their friends, all live to torture me whenever possible.”

“You know, your life kinda sounds like a glamorous soap opera,” he said jokingly.

“Tell me about it,” she said, her loose curls falling into her face.

“All joking aside, you can talk about it, if you want,” he said as they rounded the edge of the field behind the skatepark. “I know I said some pretty nasty things last night, too, but I promise I care.”

“I know,” she said quietly, hugging her arms to herself. “This year has just been…a whirlwind of new people and things have been happening that I clearly wasn’t prepared to handle. I’m only three and a half months into this semester and I’m cracking.” As if on cue, her voice cracked on her last word.

He stayed quiet, the crunch of leaves under their shoes the only sound between them.

She cleared her throat, calming herself down.

“Ryan and Dan…these two kids I used to be involved with…have made a spontaneous re-entrance into my life. And not for the better. And…I’ve been…using other guys to keep myself occupied.”

He nodded. “Alex and Shane and Matt.”

“That’s not to say I don’t care about any of them. I do. They’re all really nice people and deep down, I know they’ll make some girls very happy someday. But…I don’t know. I’m just…looking for that connection again. The one I used to have with Ryan. I’m scared I’ll never find it. And somewhere inside of me, I can’t stop feeling like I’m not good enough. And Shane, he’s such a great guy. But he’s got some other girl he’s in love with. And Alex, too. And Matt…I just don’t get him. I can’t stop going back to them because shallow attention is, in my deluded mind, better than none at all.” She took a deep breath.

Shae paused, processing what she had just said. “I know they seem like nice guys to you. And obviously you shouldn’t doubt your own judgment. But…sleeping with them gets you nowhere.”

“It’s what they want. And I want to make them happy.”

“At the expense of your own happiness?”

“I’m happy,” she said slowly. “I know I have some things going on, but for better or worse, I’m happy.”

Shae looked over at her, doubtfully. “You sure? I witnessed that exchange between you and Alex, you know.”

“Yeah. I don’t know about him. I met the girl he’s been flirting with. She’s gorgeous, of course, but unlike Shane, I can’t get away from him. And it kills me how much I really like him. And I know sleeping with him totally fucked me over, but I still hold out hope that he sees me as more than just some girl that lives on his floor.”

“And Shane?”

“I like him a lot, but to be honest, it’s mostly physical. Besides, I have to back off now that he’s got Kylie.”

“Yeah, he told me about her. She’ll probably be good for him. Bring him back down to earth.”

“And Matt’s the worst. He asked me out for coffee. Well, at least that’s what I thought it was, a coffee date. And then he hooked up with this girl last night and didn’t care about what I was doing and I’m just really confused because I thought for maybe one second that he actually liked me and that he would be a good distraction from Alex. But I guess not.”

“Wow. Um, well, I don’t know anything about Matt. Honestly, he seems exactly like Alex. Flirty, not really intending for much to happen. As for Shane, I’d just say to keep being his friend. He definitely likes having you around.”

She pouted, kicking a stray rock with her boot.

“Listen,” he said, nudging her shoulder. “I know you feel like you can’t catch a break, but let’s be honest. You’ve had a very poor selection of guys thus far. Brighton has a lot of douchebags on campus, and from what you’ve said, you’ve met three of them. Just because they can’t think with anything other than their dicks doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth anything.”

She looked up at him.

“You have a lot going for you. Just…try not to use sex as a weapon.”

Wait. She lost him there. She wouldn’t exactly say she was doing that, so to speak.

“Trust me. Not everyone on this campus sucks. And even the people you’re currently involved with don’t suck, not totally. You just have to…do your thing and fuck the rest.”

“Nicely put,” she laughed.

“But you know what I mean,” he said, slowing his pace as they arrived back at the entrance gate to the park. “This is the time to be selfish, so make sure everything you do is for you and you alone.”

“Thanks,” she said with a smile, wrapping her arms around his torso. “I really do appreciate you looking out for me. You’re the best big brother I could’ve asked for at Brighton.”

He dramatically kissed the top of her head, making her laugh as she pulled away from him. “I’m sorry, again. For what I said about not being able to come to me. And Hallie.”

“It’s fine. I think we can both agree that nothing said last night was truly intended,” she said, smiling and zipping her finger across her closed lips. “It never even happened.”

***

“Girl, trust me. You’ve been looking tired for days. You need this,” Maggie gushed, pushing open the door to her favorite clothing store. Although she had been there loads of times before with Maggie and the rest of the girls, Taryn was feeling sort of refreshed to have one-on-one time with Maggie. She admired Maggie’s independence, and that was just what she needed right then.

“Maggie, you know I can’t afford any of this,” she said, running her thumb and index finger along a sleek white cashmere sweater.

“Please, neither can I,” she whispered. “But trying things on does wonders for your self-esteem.”

Taryn nodded, combing through the rack of oversized sweaters and stylish pea coats. Maybe this was Maggie’s favorite place much like the clearing was Taryn’s. A place for her to clear her head when things were getting too hard to handle. She looked over at Maggie, her curly blond hair tied back in a loose ponytail and her subtle makeup accentuating her beautiful face. She couldn’t imagine a girl like Maggie needing to get away from things, but she supposed everyone had trouble sometimes. She was starting to see that everyone had their own struggles, just not that everyone else could see them.

“This is you,” Maggie said, holding up a flowy graphic tee and dark blue high-waisted denim skinnies. “Go try them on.”

“Maggie, these are awesome. But then I’ll fall in love with them and won’t be able to get them.”

“Hush,” Maggie said, shushing her and nudging her for the dressing rooms. “They’re on clearance anyway.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Chapter 30!

Wow, I can't believe this marks 30 chapters of this story! I'm so excited to finish this thing out, although there's still a lot to go. Many thanks to those that have been following thus far and for anyone who is just now starting to read. All the feedback means so much!

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Song: 'Say Something' by A Great Big World