Status: First story! Hope you enjoy :)

Sanctuary

"Jesus Christ, That's a Pretty Face"

“12/31/13

I know it’s been forever since I’ve written. And I’m sorry. Things are…not alright. I’m supposed to be with my friends right now. Instead, I’m writing this from the comfort of my own bed. I can hear Tracy and her friends next door. You’d think the neighborhood watch would be up their asses about noise violations, but even THEY are probably out somewhere getting wasted.

It’s New Year’s Eve, and once again, I’m numb.

I haven’t talked to anyone in days. It’s taking every ounce of willpower to not pick up the phone and call someone. But I know they’re all having a great time. And a call from me wouldn’t help anything. Who wants to talk to me when they’re out having the time of their lives? I wouldn’t want to, either. And I know I would regret it because how the fuck could I put into words what I’m thinking? I’m having trouble writing it down, let alone saying it.

These words are terrible. I used to write beautifully, eloquently, and now each thought has been reduced to this. Broken and fragmented, just like the words running through my head. I’m losing it. The one thing that I always found solace in, and I’m losing it. There is nothing now. I feel nothing anymore. I am simply numb. What kind of a life is that?

I just took some of Dad’s sleeping pills. Waiting for them to take effect have honestly been the longest minutes of my life. I don’t want to think right now. I don’t want to see or hear or feel or even be. I don’t want to exist. I am nothing.”

She glanced down, her handwriting become more forced and jagged with each word. Her hand was shaking, gripping the pen for dear life. Her heart pounded, a slow and steady pace as it blended into the bass sounds from next door. Finally. She pushed the journal aside, burrowing further into her comforter and listening for any sounds. Nothing. Her house was empty. Her breathing was shallow, and breath after breath became heavier and heavier. Her eyelids slid down, enclosing her in the darkness she so dearly desired.

***

The bass pounded through her chest as she sipped her drink, the ice swirling and making her grin in drunken ecstasy. She glanced around, looking for Hallie. There was Maggie, dancing with Matt. And Jocelyn, talking and laughing with a boy on the baseball team. And Audrey, chatting up the DJ and closely examining his speaker system. Oh, and there were Shae and Danielle, dancing intimately in the corner and sneaking kisses when they thought no one could see. The basement was crowded as she scanned it for her roommate’s telltale blond hair. She couldn’t find Parker, either, now that she thought about it.

She swayed back and forth to the beat with Kelsey and Tara, laughing and grabbing their hands in excitement. She squealed as Dan and Ryan approached, greeting the girls and beginning to dance. Kelsey pulled Ryan’s hand, leading him towards the stairs. Taryn looked at Tara, whose eyes widened in excitement as Dan grabbed her wrist and whispered something in her ear.

She took a sip of her drink, looking around for something new to focus on. She hated standing by herself on the dance floor.

All of a sudden, she heard someone squeal excitedly. “Hey! Oh my God, she’s right there! Please dance with her! She wants you so badly!” she heard someone yell.

She resisted the urge to turn her head, not recognizing the voice of the girl who had shrieked.

She felt a pair of strong arms grip her waist and a voice whisper in her ear. “Dance with me.” His voice sent shivers down her spine. Yes. She had wanted to hear those words for a long time.

She turned, locking eyes with Alex and returning his flirty smile. “Maybe I don’t want to,” she said boldly.

“You’re so full of shit,” he said, leaning into her and intertwining his fingers with hers.

She smiled as his lips brushed her cheek. “Am I?” She gently pushed him back, taking a few steps backwards toward the wall.

“Wait, come back,” he said, shaking his head and reaching for her. “No, seriously. Come here.” She let him grab her waist, giggling into his shoulder. God. He smelled so fucking good.

“Please?” he whispered into her ear, trailing his fingers down the inside of her arm. Her hair stood on end, and her heart raced. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, closing the small gap between them. She took a few steps backward until she felt the cool wall on her bare shoulders.

He wrapped his arms around her waist again, swaying his hips to the beat and locking eyes with her once more. His lips curled into a playful smirk, and he raised his eyebrows, waiting for what he knew she was about to do. She leaned into him, kissing him. He nibbled on her bottom lip, trailing kisses down her jawline and nibbling at her neck. She let out an involuntary moan, bringing his face back up to meet hers. He deepened the kiss, sliding his hands down and letting his fingers grace the hem of her tight skirt. She smiled through the kiss, grinding her hips on his and gripping his t-shirt. His fingers trailed her upper thigh, inching their way past her skirt and moving dangerously close to her lacy thong. Her heart pounded, desire building in the pit of her stomach until she could barely handle it. She moaned into his ear, losing sense of the entire party around her, even as they began counting down the seconds until midnight. 5…his breathing escalated. 4…she bit her lip, looking up into his eyes. 3…he leaned into her, pressing her harder against the wall. 2…her hands gripped his chest, her lips emitting a guttural moan. 1…he paused, looking into her eyes before…

She sat up, her heart pounding and mind racing. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, the confusion evident on her pale face. Moonlight shone through her window, illuminating the damask pattern on her comforter. Her journal had been accidentally kicked onto the ground.

Holy shit. That was definitely not okay.
♠ ♠ ♠
Chapter 33!

Sorry that this one is shorter than the rest. I didn't want to focus much on Taryn's winter break, and I have much more planned for when she gets back to school.

On another note, I am unbelievably sorry for how long it is taking me to update. I've been having a really rough time these last few weeks, both with school and my social life. I haven't had much time to breathe, let alone write. Hopefully I'll have some time this week to get this moving again.

Song: 'Jesus Christ' by Brand New