Sanctuary

"This anatomy final is going to drive me up the fucking wall," Maggie groaned, throwing her head down on the table.

"You have the study guide already?!" Audrey exclaimed, reaching for the stack of papers that sat in front of Maggie. It was mid-April, just a few weeks before the start of finals. And it was safe to say that nearly everyone was stressed out. Taryn was sitting in her floor's lobby, attempting to get some homework done with Audrey, Maggie, and Parker.

"No, but this is the last exam. And if the exams have been any indication, the final is going to be a monster," Maggie said, her voice muffled with her face still buried in her notebook.

"I don't think I've ever seen the great Maggie so stressed out," Parker joked, typing furiously on his laptop.

"Shut up," Maggie sighed, sitting up and straightening her gorgeous hair. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah, you will," Alex said, cutting through the lobby behind their table. He shot Maggie a flirty grin, making her cheeks flush. Taryn's heart pounded as she kept her eyes trained on her journal. Not exactly homework, but her friends didn't need to know that.

"So what are you guys up to?" Alex asked, as if it weren't obvious. Maggie, Parker, and Audrey glanced at Taryn, expecting her to chime in. She stayed silent, trying to avoid looking at Alex at all costs. He was certainly not someone she wanted to deal with right now.

The tension in the air was palpable until Audrey cut in. "We're studying. Or…trying to," she joked lightheartedly.

"Of course. I'll leave you guys to it, then," Alex said awkwardly, continuing toward wherever he had been headed.

"See ya," Maggie said, casually waving and returning to her notes. She was oblivious to the awkward tension between Taryn and Alex, as were Parker and Audrey. Which was good, Taryn supposed. She didn't want any of them to know about it, anyway.

"Tare, you've been awfully quiet today," Audrey said softly. She bit her pen cap, raising her eyebrows at Taryn across the table. Taryn glanced down at her journal before forcing a smile and shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh, it's nothing. I just have a lot to do so I'm trying to stay focused."

"Fair enough," Audrey replied, flipping a page in her notebook. "Where's Hallie?"

"Um, I don't know. I haven't seen her since we woke up this morning," Taryn said quietly, trying to brush it off. She actually hadn't seen her roommate since the night before, but she didn't want to make it seem like a big deal. Since the wedding incident, her relationship with Shae had been…strained. And she had somehow let that affect her ability to keep up with her other friendships, including Hallie's.

"Yeah, she gets super stressed out all the time," Maggie said matter-of-factly. "She's probably boarded up in the library or something."

Taryn checked her phone for messages, frowning at the empty screen. "Yeah, maybe," she said, trying to sound cheerful. "I'm sure we'll catch up for dinner."

***

They didn't catch up for dinner. In fact, Taryn had planned to spend the night totally in their room, alone. Except for the fact that her microwaveable meals had run out days ago and she had absolutely no food left.

Which is why she found herself venturing to the dining hall by herself later that night. It was after the dinner rush, so she didn't expect to see too many kids there. She shivered against the cool spring air, pulling her hoodie tighter around herself as she neared the glass doors.

She instantly regretted the whole dining hall thing as soon as she yanked one of the doors open.

"New girl," she heard a familiar greeting off to her left. She turned, seeing Shane sitting in a lounge chair by the front doors. He was alone, a duffel bag sitting next to his feet as he slid his phone into his pocket. "Must be fate."

"Sure, if that's what you want to call it," she said with a smirk. She looked down at her feet, her Converse old and nearly falling apart. "Where are your friends?"

"Where are your friends?" he retaliated. She raised her eyebrows in protest.

He caved after a prolonged silence. "My friends just left. We had practice earlier and then a team meeting for dinner. And here I am."

"Are you waiting for someone or….?" Taryn asked, glancing around. The place was nearly empty, save for a few stragglers packing up their bags and heading out.

"Nah, just trying to find the motivation to make the walk back to my place." She nodded, meeting his gaze. "Who are you meeting up with?"

"No one, actually. I was…um, sleeping earlier and missed dinner with everyone. So I'm just gonna grab something really quick."

"Or you can come back with me and have some top-notch Ramen," he said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her closer to him. He dropped his voice to a near whisper. "Besides, I missed you after the wedding."

"I know," she said slowly, wringing her hands together anxiously. "I've just…been pretty busy lately."

"So come back with me," he said with a flirty smirk. "I can walk with you back to campus in the morning."

She paused, looking into his eyes and considering her options. On one hand, she could eat here, alone. And walk back to the dorms. Alone. And sit in her room. Alone. And go to sleep early. And alone. Or she could just as easily spend the night with Shane, who had an incredibly ability to make her forget about the rest of the world for a little while.

The choice was obvious.

***

"4/23/15

It's been months since I've heard from Kelsey. But I received another message tonight. It was short and to the point. She didn't apologize, nor did she offer to make up. But she claimed to be "moving on". She wants to make peace with her past, and that includes forgetting about me and my "meaningless existence". That's good news, I suppose. Everyone deserves to move on with their life, including Kelsey. And I certainly don't want to be the person to hold her back from that.

I've been thinking about transferring to another school next fall. As much fun as I've had here this past year, things have gotten too weird. I fucked everything up with Shae and Danielle and Hallie, who were nothing but nice and supportive to me up until then. And Shane, although very fun, says he's much too busy to keep up with a girl like me. Whatever that means. And now that James and Stacey are back from their honeymoon and finally settled in, I need to find a new home. Even farther away from home than Brighton, perhaps.

I know they'll never see this, but I hope my friends know how sorry I am for messing things up.

It's inevitable for a girl like me, and when it happens, I have to just apologize for the damage and move on. It's all I can do at this point. For now, I need to just keep my head down, finish out the year quietly, and spare any more casualties. I'm a walking hazard, and I'm really sorry I intruded like I did. You guys really meant the world to me and I'm just so sorry."