Sanctuary

"11/24/14

I get to go home for Thanksgiving tonight. Today is my last session with Dr. Manning, and I have to say, I haven't felt this okay in a while. My hands are still shaky and my appetite is faulty at best, but I can breathe again.

I'm glad I get to wrap up this journal with the end of my treatment. It seems fitting, of course; my entire journey of this year, compiled in a seemingly neat bundle of pages. There are gaps, but like in every story, there sometimes aren't perfect words for what needs to be said. In no way is my story finished, and this journal will be only one of many. But I think this may be one of the most important ones for me. Through my lowest point, I have learned what it means to be who I am. I know what I want, and I know it won't be easy to get there. But I can only take each day at a time and focus on loving freely without expectations. The world owes me nothing, and although I may be disappointed sometimes, I know I'll survive. Because I'm still alive."

Dr. Manning closed the journal, lowering it onto his desk and flashing Taryn a warm smile. "Taryn, this is amazing."

She smiled, tucking a long piece of hair behind her ear and ducking her head shyly.

"Seriously," the doctor continued. "When you first got here, you couldn't say a coherent sentence to me, let alone let me read anything you've written. You're doing well."

"Thank you," she said quietly, grabbing the journal from his outstretched arm.

"Are you excited to be going home?" the doctor asked. "I know it seems premature, but you've shown immense growth these last few weeks. I think you'll be okay."

She nodded, glancing out the big bay window. God, she would miss the view. Back home, the closest she could get was probably that pier. "I am excited. I don't know what I'll be walking into. But I'll be happy to be around family again."

"Well, listen. This transition is probably going to be pretty difficult for you. You'll be submerged in your old life rather quickly, and most of your old triggers are probably still going to be there. Over the past few weeks, we've worked together on coping with those, but I've referred you to a local psychiatrist back home in case there are any issues. Okay? We're here to help you, Taryn, and I'd hate to see you fall back into old habits."

"I'm going to try my hardest not to," she said emphatically, wringing her hands together. Truly, she had been pretty anxious lately, but mostly because she didn't know what to expect when she left for home. Had anything changed?

"Good. It really has been a pleasure working with you, Taryn. I'm always a phone call away if you need me, okay? As you said, your journey isn't over yet, but I think you've come along enough to leave this facility."

"Thank you so much," she said, standing up and reaching across the desk to give her doctor a hug. It was true, when she had first arrived at the facility, that she hardly spoke to Dr. Manning. It took almost two weeks for him to crack her silence, and even when he did, she resented him for it. They really had come a long way, and she wouldn't ever forget what he had helped her do.

"Of course. Now, I do believe you have some packing to do," Dr. Manning said with a smile and a wink. "Don't want to miss your flight."

***

She stepped out of the gate, scanning the crowded airport. Families rushed around her, clad in assorted travel gear. Important business people in suits rushed around, muttering angrily on their cell phones as they hurried to catch their flight during one of the busiest travel weeks of the year. She ran her fingers through her thick hair, brushing it away from her bright eyes. Her duffel bag hung from her shoulder, her cell phone gripped tightly in her hand. She bit her lip, walking slowly into the crowded main terminal.

Her eyes widened as she looked around, her heart pounding as she searched for her father and brother.

“Taryn,” she heard a voice say. She turned, locking eyes with Hallie. Her heart swelled, her face breaking into a huge grin.

She dropped her bag as Hallie threw her arms around her old roommate's shoulders. “You look so good,” she said, squeezing her tightly.

“What are you doing here?!” she exclaimed as they pulled apart. “I mean, I’m so glad to see you, of course. But where is everyone else?”

Hallie stepped aside with an ecstatic grin. Behind her stood their friends - Audrey, Jocelyn, Parker, Matt, and even Maggie. Jocelyn squealed as they all rushed over, embracing Taryn and Hallie in a huge group hug. After what seemed like hours of gushing and hugging and kisses on cheeks, Taryn asked breathlessly, "...but my dad?"

"He's waiting at home with your brother. I can be pretty convincing when I want to be," Hallie said, squeezing Taryn's arm. She reached down, picking up the duffel bag. "Now let's go get you home."

Taryn's chest swelled with gratefulness at that simple statement. She linked arms with Hallie and Audrey, heading for the huge glass doors at the head of the airport.

"God, just wait to you hear the dish on Alex," Maggie boasted, looking down at her shiny new iPhone.

Taryn's face faltered, not sure if Maggie was being serious or not. Hallie shot Maggie a look, forcing Maggie to giggle and explain further.

"He got busted with a DWI and got kicked out of Brighton," she laughed.

"Mags, that's not even funny," Parker said, swatting her arm.

"I know...but I thought maybe deep down, it might make Taryn feel a little bit better."

"Thanks, girl," Taryn said, wrapping an arm around Maggie in a hug. God, she had missed Maggie's punishing sarcasm. She smirked, wishing that she wasn't so pleased by the news regarding Alex. She didn't like taking pleasure in others' misfortunes...but she couldn't say it upset her. It definitely made having to face her old life feel less scary...even if by just a little bit.