She's My Ride Home
Chapter 3
“Cause you’ve got the love I need to see me through…”
I knew it would be bittersweet to leave home, but studying fashion and starting my own design company was something I had wanted to do for the longest time. I knew that no matter how bad it all tore me up inside, or how badly I wanted to run back to Brian and tell him I was a bitch and to forgive me, that I needed to put my bravest face on and come toe to toe with the new world I wanted to enter. I needed to become an adult and learn to grow on my own outside of the confines of Huntington High School, off the streets of PCH and away from the pier on Main Street.
I had spent the summer working on myself, going back and forth between California and New York to find an apartment that was financially friendly yet wasn’t a complete dump. I was slowly packing things up from my parent’s house in Huntington and having them shipped and stored in Manhattan. Now it was the end of August and the last thing to send to New York was my luggage and me; as excited as I was I could officially say I was scared shitless of the reality of my life. I was 18 and had my own apartment on the other side of the country, had mastered the art of decorating and furniture shopping, and was planning on starting my own business. I could only hope that my dreams weren’t too big for me to handle.
Just as I had finished zipping my suitcase and moving it from my bed to the floor there was a knock on the door.
“Come in!” I yelled, expecting it to be my mother as I grabbed a bunch of books and picture frames and tossed them in a box.
I heard the door open and close again, but no sound of a voice. As I turned around I dropped the frame I was holding, the wood cracking as it came in contact with my wood floor, and my jaw falling slack as I examined the figure standing in front of me.
“Sorry,” He said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t scare,” I sighed, bending down to pick up the broken frame. “What are you doing here Brian?”
“I came to say goodbye,” He ran a hand through his short spiky hair and brought it down over his face, rubbing his eyes before sighing again. “My mom told me that your mom told her you were leaving tomorrow and I didn’t want you to leave without at least having a chance to say goodbye.”
I felt my face soften for a moment as I sat on the bed, looking down for the first time at the broken frame in my hands. It was a picture of me and Brian on my 16th birthday. The frame had snapped in two pieces and the glass was cracked right down the center, marring our smiling faces.
“Shit.” I muttered.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, coming to sit beside me.
“I broke the frame,” I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I actually think I broke more than the frame.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I broke us when I walked away from you.”
“You didn’t break us.” He chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around my waist.
“Yes, I did!” I stressed. “I walked away and I haven’t seen or spoken to you all summer! I’ve avoided anything and everything that had to do with you or the band or any of our friends by flying back and forth to look for a place to live, buy furniture or decorate!”
He was silent, turning to look at me a moment later with a look of sadness riddling his beautiful features.
“What do you mean a place to live?” He asked. “Doesn’t your school provide dorms and shit?”
“Yea, they do, but I want something more permanent so I can stay in Manhattan when school’s over in the summer.”
“So you’re not coming back?” He asked, standing up to look at me fully.
“No, I’m not.” I whispered, looking down at my hands.
“I thought this school thing was temporary Jackie!” He said, raising his voice more. “I figured you’d go study over there and then come back home!”
“I want to stay there Brian!” I yelled back. “What’s so hard for you to understand when I say this is my dream?!”
“So you don’t love me then?” He said, lowering his voice and coming closer to me. “You can be honest with me because I’m not afraid to hear it.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes before stepping back from him, glaring in his direction.
“How can you say that to me!” I practically growled. “How can you try and make me feel guilty for doing what I’ve always wanted, when I’ve never stepped between you and your band!”
“I just want to know if you don’t love me anymore.” He stated, his eyes glossing over as he blinked a few times.
“Of course I love you Brian! I’d be insane to walk away from any of this pretending like I never loved you!”
“Then why are you abandoning me when I need you?”
“I’m not abandoning you because I want to Brian,” I cried, the tears falling freely. “I wish more than anything that I could do this with you, but I can’t grow if I stay in Huntington for the rest of my life!”
There he was, trying to sprint up the stairs of the Starbucks in hopes that I hadn’t seen him. In all honesty he made so much noise that it was hard to miss him there, but I wouldn’t let him know that. I quickly ordered a coffee and made time to adjust myself before heading up the stairs. I smoothed the front of my gray one shoulder top and made sure there was no dust on my black skinny jeans before my black summer heels carried me up the stairs to the man waiting for me. When I got to the second floor I gripped the plastic coffee cup a little harder as I spotted him sitting in one of those big fluffy chairs, elbows resting on the table in front of him as he played with whatever on his phone. I adjusted my oversized purple hobo bag on my shoulder before walking over to him. I’m not sure if it was the clicking of my heels or the shadow that I cast over the table but he looked up immediately, a large smile forming on his face that almost reached his eyes.
“Jackie!” He said, standing up and stepping away from the table.
“Hey stranger,” I smiled, putting my cup down before engulfing him in a long overdue hug. “I really missed you.”
“Well the feeling’s mutual because I missed you too.” He whispered.
I let him hold me there for a moment as I inhaled the scent of his cologne and cigarettes, something that had been ingrained in my memory since the time he was old enough to buy his own Marlboros.
“Still smoking then?” I asked, chuckling as I pulled away.
“Of course I am,” He laughed. “I’m Synyster Gates god damnit!”
“Well, could you do me a favor and be Brian, at least for today?”
“For you, I could do anything.” He beamed.
We sat in Starbucks making small talk at first; how’re the guys, how’s the road treating you, how’s your parents, is the shop doing good, how’s business. General boring crap like that, that we always seemed to need to get out of the way. It was our second cup of coffee that got the ball rolling with the deep unanswered questions.
“I’m really glad you decided to come spend the day with me.” He smiled, sipping his coffee casually.
“So am I,” I chuckled. “It’s been a long time since you and I have spent an entire day together.”
“When was the last time we spent more than a cup of coffee with each other?” He asked, his eyes dulling a bit.
“Hmm, was it…” I thought for a moment, and then realized I couldn’t remember anytime recent. The last thing I could come up with was about a year after I left Huntington. “I think it was New Years Eve when we were about 19.”
“We were 19?!” He looked shocked, and his eyes had gone wide.
“I think so, yea.”
“Jesus,” He breathed. “You realize we’re 26 now right?”
“I know,” I sighed, raking my free hand through my hair as my bangs fell in my face. “When did we get so adult and grown up like?”
“I have no fucking idea.” He said, sighing as well.
“You ever think about when we were kids?” I asked.
“All the time,” He smiled. “I always think about when I’d sneak you out of the house, or climb the tree next to your window at the ungodly hours of the morning and pass out in your bed.”
I blushed at the notion that he was thinking about us in particular and not just our teenage years.
“You mean when I’d have to get out of bed and let you in at four in the morning because you were drunk or stoned coming home from Jimmy’s and you couldn’t go home?” I laughed, trying my best not to make it sound forced.
“You always made room for me in your bed.” He winked.
“I did,” I smiled. “You were always great for cuddling.”
“We did a lot of that back in the day.”
I sighed, and wondered if there was any shred of a chance to have any of that back, if even for a moment. It was impossible, I was here and he was, well…everywhere. We weren’t kids anymore, it wasn’t even an option.
“You always knew how to get me to relax and forget about everything going on.” I admitted.
“Do I still have the same magic now?”
“I’d say you do Bri,” I smiled. “You definitely do.”
And he did have the same way of making me forget the things flying through my mind at top speed. He was a diamond in the rough when it came to distracting me, and today he had successfully done it without even trying.
Right now he didn’t need to know that I was getting bored with the monotony of work, or that I was looking for a new place to live because the atmosphere of my apartment that I had turned into my home was starting to worsen because the man who owned the building originally had sold and the new owner was letting the place go to shit. He didn’t know that I had to fire two of my best designers last week because they had gotten into a physical fight with each other in the middle of the office, or that one of my store’s employees had stolen half a shipment of new merchandise last month. Brian didn’t need to know about all the negative things that had accompanied me when in New York, because in his eyes I was as happy as a clam doing what I had always wanted. I didn’t want him for one second to know that I was restless and looking for something new to do. In my heart I knew it would tear him up, because the last thing he said before I got on the plane all those years ago was “as long as you’re happy then I’m happy for you.”
“Jackie!”
I looked up and Brian was looking straight back at me, a worried expression masking his delicate features.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yea, why?”
“Because you stopped talking and just sat there!”
I blushed slightly and shook my head, trying to clear any of the previous thoughts from my mind before answering him.
“Yea, I’m fine,” I smiled. “Just thinking is all.”
He looked at me funny before nodding.
“Okay, if you say so.” He winked in an attempt to, what I assumed was to lighten the mood.
I had to watch my steps around Brian, because if I wasn’t careful I could find myself falling and on the next flight out to Huntington Beach with him.
I knew it would be bittersweet to leave home, but studying fashion and starting my own design company was something I had wanted to do for the longest time. I knew that no matter how bad it all tore me up inside, or how badly I wanted to run back to Brian and tell him I was a bitch and to forgive me, that I needed to put my bravest face on and come toe to toe with the new world I wanted to enter. I needed to become an adult and learn to grow on my own outside of the confines of Huntington High School, off the streets of PCH and away from the pier on Main Street.
I had spent the summer working on myself, going back and forth between California and New York to find an apartment that was financially friendly yet wasn’t a complete dump. I was slowly packing things up from my parent’s house in Huntington and having them shipped and stored in Manhattan. Now it was the end of August and the last thing to send to New York was my luggage and me; as excited as I was I could officially say I was scared shitless of the reality of my life. I was 18 and had my own apartment on the other side of the country, had mastered the art of decorating and furniture shopping, and was planning on starting my own business. I could only hope that my dreams weren’t too big for me to handle.
Just as I had finished zipping my suitcase and moving it from my bed to the floor there was a knock on the door.
“Come in!” I yelled, expecting it to be my mother as I grabbed a bunch of books and picture frames and tossed them in a box.
I heard the door open and close again, but no sound of a voice. As I turned around I dropped the frame I was holding, the wood cracking as it came in contact with my wood floor, and my jaw falling slack as I examined the figure standing in front of me.
“Sorry,” He said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t scare,” I sighed, bending down to pick up the broken frame. “What are you doing here Brian?”
“I came to say goodbye,” He ran a hand through his short spiky hair and brought it down over his face, rubbing his eyes before sighing again. “My mom told me that your mom told her you were leaving tomorrow and I didn’t want you to leave without at least having a chance to say goodbye.”
I felt my face soften for a moment as I sat on the bed, looking down for the first time at the broken frame in my hands. It was a picture of me and Brian on my 16th birthday. The frame had snapped in two pieces and the glass was cracked right down the center, marring our smiling faces.
“Shit.” I muttered.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, coming to sit beside me.
“I broke the frame,” I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I actually think I broke more than the frame.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I broke us when I walked away from you.”
“You didn’t break us.” He chuckled softly, wrapping his arm around my waist.
“Yes, I did!” I stressed. “I walked away and I haven’t seen or spoken to you all summer! I’ve avoided anything and everything that had to do with you or the band or any of our friends by flying back and forth to look for a place to live, buy furniture or decorate!”
He was silent, turning to look at me a moment later with a look of sadness riddling his beautiful features.
“What do you mean a place to live?” He asked. “Doesn’t your school provide dorms and shit?”
“Yea, they do, but I want something more permanent so I can stay in Manhattan when school’s over in the summer.”
“So you’re not coming back?” He asked, standing up to look at me fully.
“No, I’m not.” I whispered, looking down at my hands.
“I thought this school thing was temporary Jackie!” He said, raising his voice more. “I figured you’d go study over there and then come back home!”
“I want to stay there Brian!” I yelled back. “What’s so hard for you to understand when I say this is my dream?!”
“So you don’t love me then?” He said, lowering his voice and coming closer to me. “You can be honest with me because I’m not afraid to hear it.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes before stepping back from him, glaring in his direction.
“How can you say that to me!” I practically growled. “How can you try and make me feel guilty for doing what I’ve always wanted, when I’ve never stepped between you and your band!”
“I just want to know if you don’t love me anymore.” He stated, his eyes glossing over as he blinked a few times.
“Of course I love you Brian! I’d be insane to walk away from any of this pretending like I never loved you!”
“Then why are you abandoning me when I need you?”
“I’m not abandoning you because I want to Brian,” I cried, the tears falling freely. “I wish more than anything that I could do this with you, but I can’t grow if I stay in Huntington for the rest of my life!”
There he was, trying to sprint up the stairs of the Starbucks in hopes that I hadn’t seen him. In all honesty he made so much noise that it was hard to miss him there, but I wouldn’t let him know that. I quickly ordered a coffee and made time to adjust myself before heading up the stairs. I smoothed the front of my gray one shoulder top and made sure there was no dust on my black skinny jeans before my black summer heels carried me up the stairs to the man waiting for me. When I got to the second floor I gripped the plastic coffee cup a little harder as I spotted him sitting in one of those big fluffy chairs, elbows resting on the table in front of him as he played with whatever on his phone. I adjusted my oversized purple hobo bag on my shoulder before walking over to him. I’m not sure if it was the clicking of my heels or the shadow that I cast over the table but he looked up immediately, a large smile forming on his face that almost reached his eyes.
“Jackie!” He said, standing up and stepping away from the table.
“Hey stranger,” I smiled, putting my cup down before engulfing him in a long overdue hug. “I really missed you.”
“Well the feeling’s mutual because I missed you too.” He whispered.
I let him hold me there for a moment as I inhaled the scent of his cologne and cigarettes, something that had been ingrained in my memory since the time he was old enough to buy his own Marlboros.
“Still smoking then?” I asked, chuckling as I pulled away.
“Of course I am,” He laughed. “I’m Synyster Gates god damnit!”
“Well, could you do me a favor and be Brian, at least for today?”
“For you, I could do anything.” He beamed.
We sat in Starbucks making small talk at first; how’re the guys, how’s the road treating you, how’s your parents, is the shop doing good, how’s business. General boring crap like that, that we always seemed to need to get out of the way. It was our second cup of coffee that got the ball rolling with the deep unanswered questions.
“I’m really glad you decided to come spend the day with me.” He smiled, sipping his coffee casually.
“So am I,” I chuckled. “It’s been a long time since you and I have spent an entire day together.”
“When was the last time we spent more than a cup of coffee with each other?” He asked, his eyes dulling a bit.
“Hmm, was it…” I thought for a moment, and then realized I couldn’t remember anytime recent. The last thing I could come up with was about a year after I left Huntington. “I think it was New Years Eve when we were about 19.”
“We were 19?!” He looked shocked, and his eyes had gone wide.
“I think so, yea.”
“Jesus,” He breathed. “You realize we’re 26 now right?”
“I know,” I sighed, raking my free hand through my hair as my bangs fell in my face. “When did we get so adult and grown up like?”
“I have no fucking idea.” He said, sighing as well.
“You ever think about when we were kids?” I asked.
“All the time,” He smiled. “I always think about when I’d sneak you out of the house, or climb the tree next to your window at the ungodly hours of the morning and pass out in your bed.”
I blushed at the notion that he was thinking about us in particular and not just our teenage years.
“You mean when I’d have to get out of bed and let you in at four in the morning because you were drunk or stoned coming home from Jimmy’s and you couldn’t go home?” I laughed, trying my best not to make it sound forced.
“You always made room for me in your bed.” He winked.
“I did,” I smiled. “You were always great for cuddling.”
“We did a lot of that back in the day.”
I sighed, and wondered if there was any shred of a chance to have any of that back, if even for a moment. It was impossible, I was here and he was, well…everywhere. We weren’t kids anymore, it wasn’t even an option.
“You always knew how to get me to relax and forget about everything going on.” I admitted.
“Do I still have the same magic now?”
“I’d say you do Bri,” I smiled. “You definitely do.”
And he did have the same way of making me forget the things flying through my mind at top speed. He was a diamond in the rough when it came to distracting me, and today he had successfully done it without even trying.
Right now he didn’t need to know that I was getting bored with the monotony of work, or that I was looking for a new place to live because the atmosphere of my apartment that I had turned into my home was starting to worsen because the man who owned the building originally had sold and the new owner was letting the place go to shit. He didn’t know that I had to fire two of my best designers last week because they had gotten into a physical fight with each other in the middle of the office, or that one of my store’s employees had stolen half a shipment of new merchandise last month. Brian didn’t need to know about all the negative things that had accompanied me when in New York, because in his eyes I was as happy as a clam doing what I had always wanted. I didn’t want him for one second to know that I was restless and looking for something new to do. In my heart I knew it would tear him up, because the last thing he said before I got on the plane all those years ago was “as long as you’re happy then I’m happy for you.”
“Jackie!”
I looked up and Brian was looking straight back at me, a worried expression masking his delicate features.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yea, why?”
“Because you stopped talking and just sat there!”
I blushed slightly and shook my head, trying to clear any of the previous thoughts from my mind before answering him.
“Yea, I’m fine,” I smiled. “Just thinking is all.”
He looked at me funny before nodding.
“Okay, if you say so.” He winked in an attempt to, what I assumed was to lighten the mood.
I had to watch my steps around Brian, because if I wasn’t careful I could find myself falling and on the next flight out to Huntington Beach with him.