Velvet Black

It seemed that my life was a carnival ride spinning from one end of the exhausted spectrum to an abundance of energy all exerted into nothingness. By the time I woke up the next day my skin was sticky with a cold sweat and it felt as if I’d been running for miles. Imori saw this shaken look on my face and brought me a sweet flavored tea that calmed my nerves, but I couldn’t erase the memory from the night before.
“Whatever he said, forget about it,” Imori assured me, patting my shoulder.
“Imori?”
“Mm?”
“Have you ever… forgotten what’s the right thing to do and just sorta… floated?”
Imori looked at me with a sad expression crossing his translucent face. The corners of his mouth twitched in uncertainty as he thought about how he would answer. I’d had that very look on my own face when I didn’t want to mess up what could be a perfect response.
Finally his face cleared and he nodded.
“More than you’ll ever know,” he muttered, placing his hand over mine.
After some small talk Imori decided that it was best for me to speak to William. I didn’t think it was possible, really. All this talk of Markers and lovers, gods and demons, I honestly thought that we were pretty unreachable items. However, Imori explained that he knew the right people meaning Nal and his connections.
Soon I was sitting in a small room that looked oddly as if it had fallen out of a Victorian home in England. There was a fireplace crackling comfortably across from the red velvet fainting couch I was lying across. It was strange how I’d seen only a fraction of this mansion and it still seemed so small. Despite the unreasonable proportions and constant shifting of themes, this strange home felt cozy. Even the piping cloves and lady grey tea fit the Victorian bill.
Just as I’d settled against the soft couch and closed my eyes for a rest the door opened. A sigh of relief and a storming of feet woke me to the sight of William. His hair was no longer that plain snowy blonde. Instead his hair had been added to by three streaks of black.
“God, you’re alright,” he gushed, hugging me tight the moment I came to my feet. His grasp was genuine and brought a certain warmth in my heart. “I hadn’t heard from you in so long I was worried something had happened to you!”
“Well, I mean, it did. And you’re okay?” I asked, handing him a cup of the tea so that he could sit just as comfortably as I was. One had to set the mood when you were living in a multidimensional world.
“Couldn’t be better. I mean that truly, too,” he smiled from the rim of his cup as he took a sip. His face said that he’d never tasted a more satisfying tea, but he seemed to make that little pleased smile every time he drank the hot beverage. “So, spill. How’ve you been?”
Honestly, it hadn’t occurred to me that we’d have such mediocre conversations, but I suppose that was Imori’s intention. I needed to stop thinking about the heavy drama of it all. For once in nearly a week I needed to just talk with a friend.
“I’ve been…” I nodded slowly.
I tried getting the words out, but my throat clamped up. It was as if my body refused to let the truth out despite my waking fears that kept me up at night and haunted me in the space of the dark. Saying that I was scared or that he told me I could go back if I wanted to wasn’t an option to my body. It would wring a tight hold around itself to prevent me from admitting that I was terrified. So much time had passed in their world, but if I didn’t go back now I would put it off until they were all dead.
William’s eyes watched me, smile fading, as he set his cup on the tiled table to his side.
“Sae…”
“I, um,” I swallowed hard, shaking off the tears pooling in my eyes. “I’m trying to… to, uh… keep it together, right now,” I nodded, fighting off the sobs that threatened to drive a truck through the walls in my heart.
Without even the slightest hesitation my friend hopped up and knelt before the couch. He stared up at me with a face that told me that this pain I was feeling was all too familiar; that all the pressure that crushed down on me was held by millions of others, just separately. It said that my monster was as big as I made it out to be, but it would always follow me.
Before I had the heart to look up from my lap William wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. His hand stroked my hair and hushed me even though I wasn’t crying. He was simply preparing me for the break. In just moments I was burying my face into his neck and biting back the tears.
“I know,” he soothed, saying the word over and over. “I know.”

After I’d collected myself and drank several cups of tea I explained to William what Sago had told me. How he was acting like a person he wasn’t, but constantly apologized to remain apologetic. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but my friend seemed so point blank.
“Well he clearly loves you,” William dismissed as if there was no doubt about it. “But if he didn’t mean for you to cross so early, then he’s trying to let you go back. Though, I’d say he’s happy with you here. Perhaps he’s realized that he’s changed so much that you’d be disappointed and he doesn’t want that opinion from you.”
“But that’s not what I think,” I said defensively.
“It’s not how Sago thinks you think. Humans, demons, sex fiends and even gods overthink things most often.”
My eyes fixed on Will in disbelief. All of his deductions were so concise and intelligent that I had trouble believing that he was some alley working prostitute. He couldn’t have always been that way, could he?
“The bottom line is that he loves you, but he’s scared you won’t love him back.”
For a long time I stared into my sixth cup of tea and watched my eyes reflect back at me. They were so puffy and sore looking that even I felt a certain level of pity for myself. Then again, if what William said was true, I had no reason to be asking for sympathy. If he was truly in love with me, which I was still uncertain of, then why would he do anything less than try to keep me here?
“Sae,” Will called knowingly. “You’re doing it.”
“Huh?”
“You’re overthinking this,” he smiled, pouring himself another cupful. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta act.”
“But what about consequences?”
“Consequences are for those people not locked in as gods’ lovers, my dear. Time is infinite, eternity is certain, and penalties are fickle,” he cheered the air and threw the cup back. “Live in the moment, Sae. I can give you no better advice.”
When he began to stand I clambered to my feet in confusion. He couldn’t be leaving so soon, could he?
“Where are you going?”
“Nal could only buy me an hour,” Will turned back, kissing each of my cheeks affectionately. “I’ll try to visit more often. This place has such a high security, I don’t think getting out for you would be so easy,” he chortled softly. “Ah, one more thing. A tip, I should say. You have to understand all the expectations of a lover. That entails more than just emotional and mental love, if you know what I mean,” he winked, turning towards the door.
However, my reaction was delayed. My face burned with embarrassment and I even humored myself to think of doing something so shameful with that bipolar man. One minute he was begging for my approval and the next he was shooing me out of the house. Where on god’s green earth did sex fit?!

I dismissed what William said and went about my day. Instead of dwelling on the constantly looming consequences of being Sago’s pet thing I walked around the castle. It was true like the servants said, everything was bigger on the inside and you could move from one room designed after ancient Japan and into another modeled after a modern high rise apartment in Europe. Even the furnishings and foods were from that designated world.
A girl named Koima stopped me in the hall on my way to another room.
“You look famished, Master. Come this way,” she smiled, taking my hand and leading me through the back kitchen doors.
Inside the kitchen people were rushing around with pots steaming with food, pans flaring with flambé, and steamers cooking vegetables and dumplings to pure perfection. She explained that so much food is cooked because of the numerous servants. It was said that any time there could be multitudes of guests without my knowing. Many orphans ran around the palace doing busy work. Koima told me that Sago picked them up at the gate’s entrance, usually in the hands of some starved monster, and kept them out of the Houses’ grasp. In return for the salvation they could never understand they worked around the house and stayed out of trouble.
“Master Masaguri is very kind, you see?” She smiled charmingly at a young girl washing dishes.
“He put you up to this?” I raised a brow, suspicious of how timely the girl’s testimony was.
“Who? Master Masaguri?” She blinked, a laugh rising from her chest. “No, no. You misunderstand. Only Nal, Imori, and a handful of others have ever spoken to the master directly. Even I have only seen him once,” she nodded, smiling at the memory of him.
Her pleasant face reminded me of Juri. Even her tone was reminiscent of the girl’s warmth. This strange demon girl reminded me of a painted fawn. The base of her glistening nose was black and her cheeks were brushed with the color of rich orange clay, white freckles contrasting against her green eyes. If you overlooked her short, furry ears and small antlers she could have been the girl’s doppelganger.
“Masaguri can’t keep up with them all some nights, so he takes staff. One night he took me and another servant girl. Young master, you must understand, the woods of this world are very violent creatures,” she looked at me from below, her eyes watery in learned fear.
“Creatures…?”
“The forests in your world may be places of peace and untouched beauty, but in this realm it is a demon of its own. You are very fortunate that someone found you quickly or you might not have gotten to the Mizell manor,” she went on, noting aloud that the name of the castle was Mizell. “I even lost my arm to that beast.”
Koima rolled her left sleeve up and showed me her wound. Her arm was still attached, earthen freckles and all, but far up near her shoulder a deep, sensitive scar disturbed the skin. The way the skin was broken it looked as if the arm was ripped from the socket. “There’s no room for science and unnatural substances in this world,” she muttered, sliding the sleeve back down.
“Had the master not been there I would have died. Fawns regenerate, surely, but they must be in the place of their home.” Another sad expression cut through her rosy countenance, but she pushed past it. “There hasn’t been a forest that the Fawns claim since the Shift. Only Mizell house remained as pure land. Had he not carried me back to the baths here I would have died.
“He was so… worried. He rushed into the waters and held me just below the surface. Even though I was healing, his face was so pained. It was as if he was scared of losing even someone small. Like… he’d lost so much before.”
The way her face contorted from warmth to melancholy I could see that this strange girl was truly grateful. She shook off the bad mood wafting about us and smiled. “Ah, but I am alive and that’s all that truly matters.”
I couldn’t just sweep the image of Sago holding an injured girl close to his chest nearly broke my heart. To think that the man with two faces shared one heart. Then again, I was still mulling over his wavering love. His rash altruism mixed with contradiction egotism. Though, I could see this little fawn girl longed for his heart more than I did. Her watery, dazed stare into space when she spoke of him; the signs were all there. She was in love. Worse yet, completely unrequited love.
“You really love him, don’t you?” To this Koima’s face burned, a hand coming down on her cheek.
“Heavens, don’t spread such fallacy here, young master!” She blushed, shaking her head furiously.
My heartstrings played a sad melody for the girl. She was lying to herself saying that she wasn’t head over heels in love with Sago. I could see the way her face flushed as if she begged her mind to dismiss the thought. How she didn’t resent me, I’ll never know. But before I could think about it too much, as Imori and William had advised against, the little fawn drew my attention.
“You must be starving still with all my gabbing. What would you like, young master?” She smiled warmly, producing nothing but an aura of warmth and hospitality from her body.
“What do you have?” I smiled, having only seen a quarter of the kitchen.
“What we have is every food you can imagine,” she beamed, walking me along a side path facing the baths.
I asked her to make something that I hadn’t had since I was back on earth. Juri and I would go to a local shop and order it all the time, but that had started to dwindle because of her affections for Nagi. If I could have anything, I would want the comforts of my life on earth.
“One plate of veggie pad thai coming up,” she smiled, trotting off.
“Oh, Koima?” I called after her, the fawn turning on her earthy heel and watching me, awaiting my question. “Make yourself a plate.”
At first the suggestion didn’t seem to register with the young girl, but the moment I nodded faintly and smiled she understood. Her cheeks turned pinkish beneath her sienna cheeks in gratitude, her head bowing politely just before she disappeared behind a secret door for the workers.
The moment the air settled in peace again I felt the thoughts seep up to the surface like oil on water. Primordial evils still stirred in this world and humans overlooked them. The forest, so peaceful compared to the Veil, was forbade by the townspeople because it held unforeseen dangers. What would they think if they knew there was once four gods protecting its depths and history? What would they do if they discovered those selected people hiding the darkness of the earth who cold access this world with one word?
My head throbbed with pain at the thought of mass chaos and the resurrection of the witch burnings. Those already steeped in sadness and misery would be dragged into a world of pain and fear. I could only cover my eyes and walk aimlessly into the mansion’s depths at the horrid thought.
By the time I had ceased wandering I was facing a large wooden door that called me inside. To my surprise it was the Victorian sitting room once again. The fireplace was furnished with new logs and roaring and crackling pleasantly. On the table between the tall sitting chair and the fainting couch sat two plates of pad thai and two pork buns with blooming tea. Koima was standing by the couch with a delighted smile, her hands folded at her stomach.
“Young master,” she greeted me.
“Oh, please don’t. It sounds so pompous when people say ‘young master’. This isn’t some primetime drama. My name’s Sae,” I shooed all that fancy labeling business from the air and grabbed a plate, sitting on the couch. I was taking a liking to its soft velvety surface and slight bounce.
“Then… S-Sae, sir,” she muttered modestly.
Koima grabbed a plate and sat in the arm chair, smiling while she ate. It was as if there was no physically way she could stop smiling. I began to worry for her. Though, something was on her mind that was worrying her. Her face slowly slipped from his near perpetually contentment into a solemn look of confusion. For a long time she stared at the food, stirring it about her plate. I could see she was holding something back, but wasn’t sure if she should say it or not.
Finally the little fawn girl gave and she set the food down.
“Sae,” she said, an admittance lining her voice. “I know this must all seem like a great deal to you--.”
“You have no idea,” I grumbled, sucking down another forkful of noodles. “It’s different when you grow up in this world. I used to think that Sago was just a nightmare my mind created to explain an accident I had when I was a kid," I sighed, eating more of the noodles. “Then surprise, it wasn’t a dream and now you’re questioning your sexuality when you’re not breathing underwater or muttering a lullaby.”
Koima’s face contorted into an expression of regret. I paused mid-chew and felt my own heart twist in guilt. It sounded as if I was just pining for attention with all my nagging, but I couldn’t stop. I was so scared even though everything that left my mouth came off as anger and whining. So many others had accepted their fate and even embraced it, but I wasn’t ready for this madness. I loved Juri, I missed my grandmother, Nagi, and as much as I hated to even think it, I missed Rumi.
“Young mast—ah, Sae… Listen, I know how you feel. Fawns… we are not of this world either,” she explained, eyes lowering. “Long before your time, long before electricity or modern war, there was darkness. Masaguri-dono himself was just a boy. History says that it was little rats that spread the plague, but those people knew nothing of the hatred humans harbored.”
As the young girl began her story my interest was piqued. She spoke solemnly, but the fiery look in her eyes told a grand tale.
“Disease rose from the black ambitions of men, you see. Ailments such as pox or the feverish black death rose from the bitter hearts of cruel kings and filth, not animals. No animal on that earth spreads virulent illness. It is the grand emptiness of humanity that brought about the plagues in their houses,” she said bitterly, face twisted in anger. “When man discovered magic he discovered the realm. He discovered Fawns and Mermaids, faeries and elves that all lived in the deepest parts of the forest. Man, having led by the myth of God to believe that they could conquer all, destroyed the forests. They believed they had dominion over everything.
“Soon the pure, innocent magic in the fae turned bitter and black, festering like acid in their veins. The once lovely pixies tricked humans into killing themselves or tormented them to death. Elves hunted humans like game, taking revenge for their lost loves. Mermaids, who never used their poisons, embraced perverse sailors in their venomous spines. Once peaceful, gentle beings turned dark and malicious,” she closed her eyes in sadness. I could see twinkling tears brimming at the corner of her eyes, but she went on.
“One day, when I was sending fleets of Fawns to the boats so that we could escape the burnings, my father resisted. He was the king of the fawns and he was stub--… He was a stubborn man,” she choked up, coughing to clear her throat. “While fawns were running everywhere my father was fighting the humans back. Fires… screaming was so loud, but he wouldn’t leave.”
I could feel a knot tighten in my throat as I closed my eyes. Blindly my hands reached out for the girl as if the lost connection of emotion put an ocean between us. I maneuvered the coffee table with silent ease, something I must have picked up from Sago. My hands slid over her cheeks, a gasp of surprise breaking the silence.
“Shh,” I whispered, smoothing my hands up her face and against her temple.
Koima shivered, but it had to be done. Instinct guided me as the girl’s heat radiated through my fingertips and up my arm. Flashes of orange woods filled my mind, images of running brown shapes and sounds of screams flooding my mind. Body stiffening with shock, I pressed my forehead against the fawn’s. The girl gasped, her eyes flying open as I squeezed mine shut.
As if a video tape was fed through my head I was sent back into the burning forests in Koima’s mind. Panicked screams filled the forests as the animal hybrids fled for their lives. In mid-leap some morphed into deer hoping to escape. Others, like children, padded on their hands and feet in hopes of dodging arrows and fire, their parents lost to the scourge.
Shivers ran up and down my spine as my head turned left and right looking for Koima. She was nowhere to be found.
“Koima!” I called out, rushing through the tall grasses and into a pathway.
My lungs tightened as my stomach lurched at the sight. Corpses of slain fawns were strewn across the main path, some lovers and children wailing over their loved ones. One of them was even twitching, the arrow not giving them mercy.
Through the smoke and cries a loud roar came. My eyes winced at the sight of the orange blaze towards the end of the succeeding green lands, but a great, broad shadow cut through the light. From behind me a little girl’s scream raised distinction from the masses of shrieks. The shadow came lumbering forward, the ground shaking beneath its gait.
“Daddy!”
“Koimalia!” He roared, flying past me and collapsing to the ground beside the sobbing girl.
“Daddy, I-I can’t f-find mommy!” She wailed, rubbing her eyes.
I turned back to see this great man, broad shouldered and massive, making himself small to quiet the girl. He lowered his voice and looked up at her so not to frighten her. It was so endearing had the situation not been so vital. “I can’t find mommy!”
“Koimalia, don’t worry. I’m sure she’s at the boats,” he smiled, rubbing her back as he hugged her warmly. “Now find Sago. You must go now. The humans are advancing,” he said sternly when the girl pulled away.
“Wh-where is he?”
“Sir,” a young voice said from behind me.
“Sago, you must take her away from here. I can’t hold them back much longer,” the man’s voice boomed through the chaos.
At first I had to pinch my arm to make sure I hadn’t fallen asleep. The young man standing behind Koima was none other than Sago Masaguri. His hair was shorter, a messy sweep of raven black locks in his face, but they were still tipped in black and his eyes were still that piercing hazel.
My mouth hung open in shock. There was no way that Sago was ever a dutiful child protecting a fawn princess from assassination. I just would not have this image in my head. I refused! It contradicted every conception I had of him since we’d met. I simply could not, would not accept that he’d ever been a servant under anyone. He’d always carried an air of such authority that seeing him subordinated almost made me laugh.
However, there was nothing to laugh about when a wall of screams brought up the edge of the forest to the present. Sago bent down and swept Koima into his arms, holding her face close to his chest so she would not see any more of the carnage spread out before her.
"I am entrusting you with the life of my daughter, Sago. Do not fail me,” the man bellowed, patting the boy’s shoulder. He nodded, quickly dashing away.
The man, the King I presumed, turned back to face his enemies. His great shoulders stiffened as his arms, thick as tree trunks, spread out. It looked as if the King was inviting his death upon him, but the moment he seemed to find peace his mouth spread wide in a great roar. The men dashing towards him with swords and bows stumbled backwards onto their backsides, eyes wide in horror.
Taking advantage of the shock, the King barreled forward, horns first, into the wall of soldier. Bucking his head from side to side, blood and screams being tossed about, the King fought through the selfish men. When his own natural brawn failed him he drew his mighty axe, swinging parts of his assaulters away from him.
Amidst the heat of battle he cried out something in Fawn, rotating in one massive circle and clearing ten men around him. For a moment he turned back and saw me, eyes wide in shock.
“What are you doing, boy? Run!” He shouted, his volume sending panic rushing through me. I had suddenly realized the depth of the situation.
Adrenaline forced my feet to run down the path, chasing after the direction I vaguely recalled Sago running to. My legs bounded over fallen trees, bodies, and wreckage of a once peaceful civilization. At one point I slipped in a pool of blood and scraped my face against a splintered tree. Pain shot through my hands and head, but I couldn’t stop. I had to find Koima and Sago or I would die in this hallucination.
I had barely gotten to my feet before a pair of strong hands had grabbed my wrist and pulled me to face it. A scream rose in my throat, but only came out as a panicked wheeze. My eyes were wide with fear as I faced the young Sago, his hazel glower sending a sweaty shudder clawing up my spine.
“You… God, you’re a mess… Where’s King Opedius?” He demanded, trying to lace his words with conviction. Unfortunately, when you’re just over two inches taller than the person you’re trying to intimidate, it doesn’t resonate so well.
“I… I…”
“Where is he?”
“He was fighting… s-some soldiers when I left,” I stuttered, hands in the air as a sign of innocence.
“Damn humans… monsters,” he grumbled, holding Koima closer to his chest. “Do you know where the boats are?”
“What?”
“The boats. The escape boats. I’m sorry, who are you? You smell awfully… human,” Sago spat, narrowing his eyes at me.
“I… No, no. I’m a…” Think fast, Sae. Sago’s not patient. “…clairvoyant.” Nailed it.
“Whatever. Do you know where the water is?” He asked again, beginning to walk back towards what looked like a rock-lined path. “It might be this way, but this could also lead to more humans.”
My eyes looked down the path and stared. Through a few spaces in the trees I could see the dirt turn to sand and faint waves lapping at the shore. I rushed down the path, Sago following quickly.
“I think this is--,” I began, throat clenching when the beach came into full view. “Oh… g-god.”
“Holy…” Sago trailed off, eyes wide as he shielded Koima’s. “Don’t look.”
Down on the shore bodies were lined up like soldiers and the boats were blazing on the water, warnings to all those who dared draw near. I stumbled back up the path, stomach no longer able to hold it in. My hands pressed against a tree as my stomach lurched, throat burning with acid. I could only spit up bile and hyperventilate every time I thought of ending up like the charred corpses on the sand.
Seeing my panic Sago joined me, placing a hand on my back. “We have to go,” he said softly, letting me compose myself before I turned back. “We can’t stay here. They’ll find us. I know a way out,” he began explaining. “But I need you to hold onto me and never let go.”
“I know a better way,” I blurted, grabbing a hold of his wrist.
Sago stared at me for a long time, eyes questioning my statement. I could see the cynicism in his eyes, but there was no time to think. Voices were calling from all directions and we were in charge of the adolescent successor to the throne of the Fawns. We were under just a bit of pressure.
“If this doesn’t work--,” he began, but I simply pressed our foreheads together and chanted.
"Shii ei la noh, koe kokoro... sasame noh ke.... yuga naga metto shela soh... somotto... nogatto... ryo..."
Just before a flash of white light engulfed us whole I saw the younger Sago’s eyes draw wide in confusion and shock, a hand reaching out for me before the vision was cut off.
“Ah!” I gasped, skin peeling from Koima’s forehead as I stumbled back. Clumsily I tripped over the coffee table and landed on the floor behind it. My ankle throbbed with pain, I was dizzy, and my head hurt, but none of that mattered. Koima looked at me with the most peculiar expression I had ever seen. It was a cross between joy, trauma, and confusion.
“You!” She covered her mouth. “You were the one… that got us away from the humans!”
“I… I guess I did,” I smiled stupidly, jerkily coming to my full height.
“Master Sae, do you know what this means?”
“No… I’m afraid I don’t,” I shook my head, regretting the motion. Pain throbbed to my brow like I’d, well, fallen into a tree.
“You created a paradox!”
“A what?”

After some observation I can tell you that it’s quite easy to know when Sago’s come back to the Mizel Manor. Servants evaporate into thin air, all noise of life ceases, and my mark rises like an embellished stamp. My fingertips rubbed over the mark idly when the door to the Victorian room was drawn wide. I decided to pay it no mind considering that there was only one person in the entire house that could have made such an entrance.
“I heard you met Koima,” Sago mentioned, his voice echoing off the cathedral ceilings of the room.
“I did,” I said, still not looking at him. “Funny thing how you groom a stranger to deal with your desires when you have a girl that’s head over heels for you working in your kitchen,” I muttered bitterly, cleaning my nails.
“What?”
My eyes shot over to him and he quieted. However, I couldn’t hold my icy stare for long. Sago’s face was pallor with worry and his hair was tousled as if he was fighting not two seconds before he walked in the door.
“What happened?” I asked, rising to my feat.
“Poor delegation among the beasts. It doesn’t matter. Who are you talking about?” He asked hurriedly, standing close to me.
“Koima, you oaf!” I snapped, shoving his hands that he pressed against my hips away. “And what are you doing keeping an heiress in the kitchen? That’s wrong for so many reasons, Sago!” To this he looked surprised. It wasn’t even feigned. He was genuinely confused. Baffled, even.
“What are you talking about? She’s an heiress, yes, but she doesn’t work in the house. She lives two levels lower on the house… I’m sorry, how did you meet her?”
“I was walking around and she stopped me. Look, I’m thick sometimes, but that girl was dressed like a servant,” I insisted, his face scrunching. After a moment’s thought he rolled his eyes and huffed. “What?”
“Koima, I assume you know her name is Koimalia… Well, she has a fondness for the lost. She oversees the kitchens and the bathhouses when I’m away. I demand that she doesn’t. She’s stubborn. Does it anyway,” he shook his head and sighed, shielding his eyes with a hand. “Sae, do you think so less of me as if to assume that I’d make a childhood friend work in the kitchen?”
Hearing the words repeated back to me my face burned crimson. When Sago finally peeked from between his fingers he chuckled. Honestly, I didn’t know what to think. I had just gone with what the fawn girl had said. She was so sincere and sweet that she could have convinced me to jump off a cliff while smiling and I’d do it.
“And if she’s in love with me, that’s news. Shocking news, in fact. Koima has a harem brimming with blossoming men and women alike. To think that a Fawn of her age would even considering committing is unearthly,” he shook the explanation out of the air as if it were a foul smell.
“B-But…” I stammered, face still heated with a blush.
“Don’t overthink it. Fawns are simply… poly-amorous lovers. She may have a real, wholehearted desire to love me, but not love me, if you get my drift,” he snickered, bending down and sipping from one of the cups of tea I’d poured.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That woman was a deadly thing. She had me believing that she was some love-stricken, unrequited Juliet amidst a nightmarish situation. Even so, there was no way that she was any older than me. She was far shorter, had no breasts, and no filled in figure.
The moment I pointed this out Sago he covered his mouth so not to laugh at me. Apparently fawns are master shape shifters. I didn’t just feel shocked. I felt violated. My brain had been tricked!
Sago was having a good laugh, hand bracing himself against the mantle of the crackling fireplace. I simply slumped down into the fainted couch, hand over my face. Though, I couldn’t deny. It was nice just laughing. Not overthinking anything. Hell, not thinking of anything at all was a lovely change of pace, but all good things must come to an end.
The moment that demon saw just a brick of my walls come down he pounced. I was pinned to the couch with Sago looming over me, hands on the top and arm of the seat. His shadow made me feel small and insignificant even though I was a major player in the game. It made me despise myself that I made myself small beneath him so not to feel so threatened.
“You look quite… edible when you blush like that,” he said through a low, husky snicker. He tilted my chin up and exposed my slightly damp neck.
Every inch of me shivered when he reached down and drug his tongue up to my jaw. Goosebumps trailed his nips and licks, my face only turning beet red. My hands clasped over my mouth in attempts to smother the gasps, but it was useless. With the height of the ceilings so much as a whisper shot up into the air.
“S-Sago… Nn…”
“I wanna hear that louder,” he whispered, biting my ear.
My hand reached up, nails digging into the wood frame of the couch. Sago’s lips slid over mine, locking them into something deeper than what I was prepared for. His tongue slid into my mouth and subtly had me countering, too. I wove my fingers through his hair, gasping into his kisses as he cupped his hand against the front of my jeans, the one luxury I’d managed to save from the House.
“Sago… nn, god,” I groaned, craning my neck back just to have him bite it. “Hnn!”
Just when he moved towards my pants again the door burst open. I took the split second of surprise to shove the animal off of me. I heard Sago lurch in pain, but someone was coming in and I wasn’t going to be caught messing around like this.
“Sago, you never told me your little lover boy was so cute. I must say he—Oh, hello, there,” a tall, graceful woman smiled down at me, thin hands folded over her heart.
From the couch I could see that this woman was strangely familiar. Her hair was an earthy auburn, similar to Koima’s. Her face was just as cheery and warm, face freckled in white over the clay red. If not for the antlers and the beautiful dress, I would have confused her for the little servant girl. Then again, that’s what she wanted. Separate the body from the heart.
“Koimalia, heiress to the Fawn’s throne,” I muttered, giving her a hard stare as I watched her from below.
“Also, house overseer to the kitchen staff, bath house, and guests,” she beamed, moving her folded hands over her stomach as if she were reciting a job qualifications listing. “Sae, I didn’t want to put a wall between us because of how I looked. I figured you would be more open to talking with someone around your age,” she nodded warmly.
“At this point a talking pony with a cat’s head could walk up to me and I would just nod because it’s normal,” I scrunched my face bitterly. “What’s wrong with you people? Can no one just look me in the eye with their actual self facing me? Are you afraid of something so freakin’ trivial as my reaction?” I snapped, pushing off the couch and storming from the room.
The second I crossed the threshold and slammed the door behind me I sank down to my knees. I couldn’t stand it anymore. This world was strange and brimming with the bile of monsters. It was true. I couldn’t even look someone in the eye and keep myself from wondering if they were hiding behind a façade to avoid scaring me. I’d fallen between worlds, worked as a prostitute for one miserable night, and started breathing under water. What, pray tell, could scare me now.
While I slumped against the wall outside the door, shoulders shaking in anger and fear, I listened.
“Sago, this isn’t right. It was an accident. Nal should have sent his back home the second he was found and you know it,” Koima’s voice echoed from inside the room.
“It’s not that simple, Koima.”
“If it isn’t, explain it,” she demanded, still keeping a soft tone so not to ruffle any feathers. “The boy is frightened. I understand the circumstances of this paradox, but you aren’t seeing what is repeating!”
“I see what’s going on!”
A shiver shot up my spine as I leaned in closer to hear what followed the icy silence. I was afraid that I would learn nothing else, but Sago spoke up.
“I’m sorry… I just… I can’t take this. Each starts the pattern and finishes it. I had…” He stopped, voice tightening in pain. “I had to watch him die… not a year ago, but so long on earth.”
“Sago…”
“I had no way to come back… I cannot exist here when there is no him out there. For fifty years I hid in that damn hole of a forest… I waited and waited, watching the Rogues die and new Guardians rise,” his words paced in circles, Koima simply listening to it all. What could she say? ‘I’m sorry, I wish I could understand’?
“When Sasaki and Tomoe died… God, Koima, he was their son!”
“What?” I breathed, eyes widening like dinner plates.
I didn’t understand. My parents died in… an accident. Car crash, I’d always assumed. Nagi refused to speak about it, but… there had always been this unspoken schism between us. Even when we were children he’d pick on me needlessly. He would stick close to baa-chan and only talk to me when we were walking to school. Always… I was shadowed by him constantly. In grades, in spiritual capacity, and in efficiency; I was just second best. But if he wasn’t my brother, then who was he?
By the time I had come back to the conscious world I was pacing around the bedroom. By my tenth lap around the room I walked straight into Sago’s grip. My skin jumped in shock as he bent low, the doors slamming shut, consuming us in utter darkness.
My first reaction was to clamp my lips shut and turn away. I didn’t want to be swayed by physiological reactions. I needed answer. Hell, even a ceasefire would make me happy.
However, forced romance wasn’t the demon’s intention. He leaned close, breathing against my neck, only to pull me into a tight embrace. My entire body when rigid in his arms, but he didn’t seem to mind. Just as long as I was in his grasp things would be okay.
“God, I wish this curse would end. I just want it all to end,” he whispered, a hand pressing into the small of my back so that I was touching his chest. “There’s so much to tell that you’re not ready for.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. ‘You’re wrong. My possibly-not brother and time jetlag life has prepared me for what you have to say’?
All I could do was clutch his robe and bite my lip. My heart was aching because I was caught between two worlds. A rock and a hard place just didn’t cut it. I couldn’t stay here. Not when there were so many questions to ask back home. I had no idea how long it had been on Earth. For god’s sake, my family could be dead and I would have not aged hardly a day.
Despite my fear, overlooking my uncertainty, a pang of familiarity rang through my body. I had felt this shame and confusion before; I just couldn’t place my finger on it. The swelling sensation of age old emptiness was all too recognizable as if I’d felt it not just a moment ago. In a wave of instinct I reached up and laced my arms around his neck, begging my mind to understand what it was I was feeling.
Sago’s heart throbbed in its chest as I stood up on my toes to hold him tighter. Why couldn’t I think? It was like my head was a screaming mess of static deafening my thoughts. I longed for that intense closeness that flickered in my mind only briefly. What made him so special that I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to stay in this monstrous world or return home where it was save?
“Who are you?” I hissed, grabbing a fistful of his hair and leaning up further towards his ear. “You’re so clear in my mind it haunts me. I can hear your voice even though sensory memories last two seconds. I can feel this familiarity burning inside me, but I don’t know who you are…” I pleaded, pulling him to my face so that his glimmering hazel eyes stared deeply into mine.
Being so close to Sago scared me. His intensity was startling, but I wouldn’t let go. I couldn’t even remember my parents and he had spoken of their death as if there was no greater tragedy that had struck him. His voice wavered like a scared child’s and I knew then and only then that he knew something greater than this world. His lips held a secret that could unravel it all. He could be my undoing.
He simply stared at me with half-lidded eyes, an expression possessing silent anger and frustration. With a heavy sigh he leaned in closer, nearly closing the gap between us.
“I can’t tell you that.”
“You talk about never wanting me here and that it was a mistake. You’ve assaulted me twice and you won’t tell me who you are?” I narrowed my eyes in the dark, chest twisting in exasperation.
How could he do this to me? How could be so selfish. My life had all but been torn at the seams and he couldn’t do me that little courtesy? Something animalistic burned inside me. I wanted to choke the life out of him, but conflicting interests kept me enraptured with gaze; love and hatred at war to the point of passionate dance.
“It’s because I love you that I can’t tell you,” he whispered, placing his hands on my shoulder. I shrugged them off angrily, yanking on his hair hard. A low growl rose from his lips as I leaned in closer, his hands still lingering at my waist.
“You love me. Keeping me trapped in this dark place is your idea of love? Tell me who you are!” I snapped, our faces nearly colliding.
My ragged breath filled the air, Sago remaining quiet. While I was getting worked up and seething with rage he just stared at me with saddened confusion. As if my anger was anything less than disappointing. How else was I supposed to act?
“Sae--.”
“If you love me… you’ll tell me who you are,” I breathed, lip quivering. My eyes threatened to let the tears spill over, but I had to stand my ground. “Please, Sago…”
The man sighed, cupping my face in his hands. I watched as he sealed the space between us with a kiss. Though, it wasn’t a violently passionate French kiss. It was a sweet, endearing kiss on the lips, a warm apology in the form of kindness. Slowly I felt my lips giving way and pushing against his pull. I leaned forward, hands still entwined in his hair.
“Sa… mm,” I managed, words cut off as his kisses became more urgent.
When he finally released me I was crushed against his chest once again. I could hear his heart throbbing in his ribcage and feel the sweat beading against his skin. Nerves.
“Windiga,” he whispered.
As if something dark had clicked inside of me my eyes burst open. I was no longer clutched in the arms of a demon king, but wandering in darkness around me. Fear stirred beneath my skin as I assessed the situation. If thoughts were occurring they came out like shredded paper. I couldn’t form a sentence if I tried. Every inch of me was cold and sticky with sweat as if I’d woken up from a nightmare. Rather, walked into one.
Frantically I called out for someone, anyone. To my dismay the only sound that echoed back was my own and dark, bubbling sounds that meant nothing good. Too nervous to sit still, I stumbled backwards and tripped onto my haunches. A choking sensation of panic strangled the screams in my throats to mere whimpers as I backed up nervously.
Soon scratching noises accompanied the gurgling and sputtering like coughed up blood engorged the room. My heartbeat was so fast that I thought the creature stirring in the emptiness could hear. I would be eaten because my body was reaction to this strange, unseen horror. I would die terrified of something I couldn’t see, it seemed.
“S-S-S-S…” I stammered, body trembling violently as the spits, gurgles, and hissing scratches swelled to a defeaning volume. “Sa--… Sa--…”
Flickers of dead memories blindsided me as I scampered to my feet, their crisp, white clarity leaving bluish afterimages. Smiling faces were here and gone in a blink; fear stirs in their faces; rivers of red flow from unknown places; it’s the dead. I’m seeing the dead in my mind, yet so clearly now that it brings tears to my eyes. So much blue floats in my vision that I collapse to my knees again and crush my palms over my ears. I don’t want to be in this place. Did he send me here to punish me? Because I didn’t understand? Where was I?
Suddenly the whitish blurs slowed down like a carnival ride coming to stop. Small squares of that pristine ivory shade rotated around me slowly like a shield to the creatures hissing at the brightness. To my relief the sounds of their existence faded into the shadows and I was left alone in the circle of white memories.
Overtaken with shock, I feel back onto my back once again. Every inch of me burned with exhaustion though I’d only stumbled a few feet before the peace of my mind came to my rescue. I could feel the tar-like floor trying to swallow me whole, so I slowly pushed back to a wobbly standing position where I could at least fight back this world with my hands. Though, I couldn’t say that I simply ignored the magical shield guarding me dutifully.
Lazily I extended my hand and tried to touch one of the squares. As if by command, the image stopped before me and waited for my next action. I looked at the tiny white picture with fully focused, narrowed eyes to see what story it told, but it was simply too bright. Stupidly curiously, I reached out for it again, accidentally tapping the surface with my fingertips. Big mistake.
Like a door to another world the little white square spread its vast, blinding jaws and swallowed me whole, my echoing scream dissolving into thin air as the light enveloped me. My first reaction was to shield my eyes, hands tightly cupped over them. I wasn’t going to lose my eyes because of some white-washed Limbo land.
Afraid of opening my eyes, I floated there in the emptiness, never peeking between my fingers like a child. I’d learned to stop looking for things that could possibly be there. Chances are they really are there and they will hurt you. Or so I’ve learned from experience.
“Sae, what are you doing?” A woman’s voice called.
Instantly I uncovered my eyes, facing masked with utter bewilderment. The woman’s voice was so familiar that it almost hurt my head with the inability to remember it. Though, her voice was put on the back burner when I saw where I was. If I thought the third sector of hell’s many infernos was strangely nostalgic then I clearly hadn’t recalled this place.
Sitting atop a steep, lively hill was a grand shrine. Its turrets the color of night complemented the garnet façade. The roof, tiled and accented at the corners with dragon-guarded spires, was set to be the stage where great fireworks would rocket off. At the food of the hill was a beautiful gate that was hung with paper garnishes to keep the evil spirits away. Today, I could tell, was a day of peace.
Looking down at myself I noticed that I was no longer a genderless white form but dressed for the occasion in a blue yukata. I patted my chest and sure enough, I was solid. However, something wasn’t completely right. My hands were black as soot. At first I jumped, eyes popping in shock. Was my body rotting away?
Nervously I yanked at the collar of my robe, eyes surveying the damage my body had been done. The discoloration only spread to the middle of my forearms, but it didn’t calm my nerves any more.
“Sae, what’s the hold up?” The voice called again.
My eyes shot up to see a woman parting the crowd with her sheer grace and beauty. Her delicate features and warm complexion had everyone staring in envy and happiness, as if her existence blanketed the strange festival in warmth. Before long I realized that she was approaching me. Heart jumping into my throat, I tried to act natural as I could.
“H-hello,” I stammered, but her eyes looked right though me.
“Excuse me, young man,” she whispered softly. “Sae, stop hiding. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” she cooed, bending behind me and lifting a small child into her arms.
At first I simply stared in confusion, but the woman didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy devoting her every whim to the child sitting in her arms, his gaze turned back to my in strange complacency. “Sae, don’t stare. It’s rude.”
“I-I’m sorry… who… are you?” I asked cautiously, the child’s eyes never leaving mine.
“Lady Ringo,” she extended one graceful hand. I shook it softly, still stunned. “And yours, dear boy?”
Oh, shit.
“S… Nagi,” I blurted, apologizing mentally to my step-brother for stealing his name. I hope I in no way affected his future in a negative way.
“Nagi-kun,” she smiled warmly. “That’s my older son’s name.”
What?
“He’s not one for this world,” she sighed, smiling all the while. “Though his father says it’s just a phase fear does not come and go like the seasons.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” I nodded, swallowing nervously.
“Perhaps you would like to accompany us to the shrine, Nagi-kun. In gratitude for finding my son.”
Let the record stand that I would have no better opportunity to meet my mother than I had now. I was not going to pass it up in fear of paradox-created consequences. You may be wondering how I knew it was my mother. If you ever see a woman pick up the five year old version of yourself and call him the woman calls him her son then you know it is your mother because there isn’t a doubt in your mind when you identify your parents.
As we walked through the crowded festival alley Lady Ringo, my mother, talked idly with contentment. She spoke of the Obon festival of Letora, the first level of Hell. “Spirits and demons do not wander here, Nagi-kun. God would not give them such a kindness. We send lanterns out on the waters for those only in the second ring by blood. We send them for hope and peace and for the souls lost to their own devices,” she explained, nodding the whole time while little me, Sae-chan as she called him, twisted bits of grass together and whistled through the blades.
“Do you never fear the pillars?” I asked, hoping to learn something from this mind-boggling event.
“Heavens, no. They help commence the games and the festivities. Why ever would we fear them?” She chortled warmly. Everything about her seeped maternal love and comfort; how I wished I could have seen more of her. “They each do their part in creating a beautiful night just for the people. It’s their one relief from the dark lives they live keeping the peace amongst us.”
I couldn’t help but get distracted by all the many different kinds of creatures walking around. Some had horns like a rams and others sported six eyes and fangs. A few trotted on hooves, some even toddling on webbed feet. One demon, particularly shocking, had eight legs and eight eyes like a spider, but wore a headband and loose fitting yukata as he served a table of creatures ramen. I really did have to learn to stop staring.
“So, tell me, Nagi-kun. What brings you here tonight?” Lady Ringo beamed, face nearly glowing in the pale lantern light.
I didn’t expect to be here, so I didn’t think up a backstory. I’m really your son that you’re holding, but in twelve years in the future. I’ve been raped by a monster, assaulted by what I think is a king of hell, and the place I belong is spinning into a vortex of misunderstood conduct of time while I dilly dally in this memory that I don’t recall.
Is what I wanted to say.
“I’m looking for someone, actually,” I said stiffly. “My parents and, uh… Sago.”
At the mention of the Pillar’s name Lady Ringo blushed. She laughed hysterically, covering her mouth as tears welled in her sparkling green eyes. Her face flushed red with laughter as she fanned herself nervously, Sae-chan still whistling through the grass.
“Sago-san? Oh, Nagi-kun, no one’s seen him in nearly fifty years,” she exclaimed, calming herself. “I hope you weren’t tricked into traveling far, dear.”
Slowly I shook my head. When I was eavesdropping I had heard something about half a century of waiting. Would Sago still have been on earth during this time?
“Your parents, however, are quite doable,” she nodded, turning down a long walkway lined with cherry blossoms.
A snow of their fluttering petals breezed overhead, sprinkling all the strolling festival attendees with a pink dust. In the light Lady Ringo looked like she had never belonged in a place more than she did amongst those blooming trees. Sae-chan craned his neck to see the flowers, a few petals dappling his face. I looked down the path and saw many people admiring the woman gliding across the cobblestone path rather than the beauty of the trees. I couldn’t blame them, either. My mother was exquisitely beautiful.
“If you know Sago-san, then you must know of his burden,” Lady Ringo muttered softly, eyes still fixated straight ahead.
“No… I’m afraid that why I’m trying to find him. He won’t tell me.”
“Mm. Sounds right. Trust broken so many times before… one doesn’t trust too easily after that,” she nodded. “As long as you promise not to tell him I will tell you.” I nodded shortly, her face spreading in a smile. “Good.”
Lady Ringo, or okaasan as I should say, went into great detail of a war that had occurred many centuries before that day. “Humans are lazy. They called the great war the Fall of Lucifer to shorten the details. An angel rebelled, his brother shot him down, and he cast evil into the world,” she said with distaste. “It was so… so much more.”
When the highest gods, referred to as Dominion Deities, began creating Earth they had to create servants. Angels, or low-level spirits, would keep the peace amongst the humans. And so, as the Bible loosely states, in seven days—which considering time is a loose figure without people to measure it—Earth was born.
However, it was not without opposing forces. The Dominion were challenged by lesser gods driven by jealousy. Though, they had only scratched the surface of the lower gods’ wrath.
Plots stirred and resistance groups were formed in every culture in the world. Humans were driven to war by the gods speaking through them and nearly all of the population was slain. In some places blood ran more freely than water. The Dominion saw this great err and planned to act.
“Kill them with water,” one said.
“Kill them with fire,” another said.
“Kill them with earth,” the other cried.
“But one goddess, Lady Hakashi, they called her, suggested something even more absurd than her fellow Dominion’s ideas. They say she simply said the word and the gods agreed. Any good reader knows that a man would not budge on the mere suggestion from a woman,” Lady Ringo smiled, shaking her head.
“Love,” she said.
“What?” The others glowered, confused by her proposition.
“Kill them with love,” she simply smiled. “Nothing drives a man to madness faster and nothing kills a heart slower than love.” None of the gods could disagree with her point. “And nothing drives any man closer to the edge… than the loss of that love.”
And so Lady Hakashi went to work. They say her deal with fate was so powerful and dangerous that she shifted the plates of the earth apart and enveloped it in a storm that blacked out the sun. She furnished the earth with plentiful bounties of food and water, culture and joy. Fate and given her the inevitability. Destiny had lent her the suggestion. Lady Hakashi was simply breeding the right souls with the right circumstances.
“Until one day… she was born,” Lady Ringo said romantically. “Rumored to be the love child of a Persian king and a gyspy, Princess Eila was Lady Hakashi’s grand deception. The gods boasted about her plan and congratulated her, to which she simply said, ‘Do not thank me yet. It is only beginning.’”
Princess Eila was said to be the fairest beauty of the likes which the earth had never seen. Her long, thick hair was believed to have grown so wildly that oil treatments every day and trims each week were necessary to tame it. Her skin was the cross between the Mediterranean olive skin and the smoothness of European complexion. Her eyes, revered by all, were two colors: one a warm hazel, the other a deep blue.
“People described her as holding the wildness of the land in one gaze and the depths and mystery of the ocean in the other,” my mother prattled on, face still glazed over in mythical dreaminess. “But that’s just what Lady Hakashi wanted. To create the most ideal Heiress that no man, god, or monster would resist her.” And no one did.
Many assassination attempts were made on the girl’s life, the men claiming she was too beautiful to exist. She must have been a monster. Hundreds of thousands of men courted her daily, but the girl simply refused. “You do not love me for who I am, you love me for who I seem to be. I will not love so frivolously,” she would say to each of them.
“Brave girl, to be so defiant in that age,” I noted, my mother nodding.
“Poor thing. She was setting herself up for a fall before she even knew what she was doing. Fate’s inevitability,” she reminded me.
Days and nights, weeks and months, years and decades had passed until finally Princess Eila reached her twenty-first birthday. The entire kingdom gathered in the square below the grand balcony, roaring with delight as the fair beauty waved to her subjects. It was said that the people were so joyous that food, drink, and shelter were all offered free of charge to celebrate the occasion. After all, her coronation would begin the following day.
Eila’s birthday was so celebrated that even the Pillars of the Rings of Hell came to celebrate the young woman’s crowning. Only two were able to make it, but it was all that Lady Hakashi needed. Sago Masaguri of Ring Three ascended to earth with Trielani of Ring Two.
“He was alive back then?” I cocked a brow, my mother nodding through a coy smile.
“Pillars are doomed to exist through the endless gaps of space and time. Their lovers, called Markers, are their only loves. That, my dear, is where Fate and Destiny’s hands moved as one.”
Millions of people were scampering about the city that night, but Lady Eila’s would only see one. Her eyes fell on Sago in the midst of hundreds, her eyes narrowing in broad curiosity.
“Who is that man?” She asked her lady in waiting.
“I don’t know, milady. Does his presence disturb you?”
“No… bring him to the tower, Latsa,” Eila said before turning to go ahead and wait for the man she was doomed to love.
It is said that when Sago reached the tower Princess Eila served him tea, humbling herself before a stranger. She smiled through her fuchsia bejeweled with rubies and emeralds and conversed with the strange man until the moon rose in the sky and the festival below had commenced.
“Strange… I’ve never met a single man like you. Not one in thousands,” she smiled, watching the man with the hunting eyes of a panther who’s spotted her meal.
“I am not a man, if that may imply anything,” he responded.
“If not, then what are you? Might I gain comfort knowing that you’re one of the nightmares my father used to warn me of?” She laughed lowly, crawling closer to the man. “Or are you a god come to steal me away as your bride?”
“I am only the former, Lady Eila. I have no business stealing any brides,” he smiled.
“A god, then. How exciting. Tell me, God, am I doomed to be loved by shallow men who only think of sex and beauty?”
Sago surveyed her and smiled, laughing through his tea. He was confused as to how a man had never looked past her curious eyes and reserved temperament and loved the wild adventurer behind it all. How they hadn’t just fallen madly in love at the sight of her.
The story itself is a little vague, but to the knowledge of the servants Lady Eila and Sago snuck out just when the festival was at its peak, taking advantage of the chaos to slip away. They chased each other through the gardens and escaped through a secret door behind the hedges.
Eventually Sago took her to the ocean and waltzed her over the waves. Music echoed from the caves by the shore and stars shifted overhead to cast magnificent light over the waters below in the absence of the moon. Like a constant embrace the two stayed close in a tight dance, eyes never parting. They said that not even Yin and Yang orbited each other as passionately as the two lovers had.
Hands clasped in each other’s, hearts dancing to the other’s beat, Sago and Eila fell madly in love. As if every slight word was understood in utter silence between them, the only words necessary spoken in deep gazes. Then, as the music descended, Sago held her close and kissed her deeply. The two star-crossed lovers never knew their kiss signed the deal with the Gods. They never knew they were the true undoing.
“Lady Hakashi was so pleased that she herself would be the end of it all. She wouldn’t stand by and let the spirits do her dirty work. The cut would be clean, but the blood would spill violently,” Lady Ringo said solemnly. “The worst part, perhaps, is that she never drew a blade.”
When the lovers returned to the castle, unbeknownst to the servants, a dark, jealous man had arrived. Though, his arrival was not sudden. He’d simply kept himself hidden until the time had come.
Sago parted his darling with a gentle kiss on the forehead, marking her with the sign of Pluto, his realm. “When it rises I am near. Call my name and I will be there in a blink,” he promised her. “No harm will ever come to you… I would move heaven and earth to stop anything from hurting you.”
“If only he had known,” okaasan sighed, her voice laced with reminiscent melancholy.
“Eila,” the king had said. “This man is to be your King.”
“I have no king. I am perfectly capable of being the monarch over this kingdom,” she protested, heart twisting in fear. She would not love another man than her own Sago. She had a god. She did not need a puny, hateful man.
“Whether you are capable or not, he will marry you after your crowning. This kingdom needs an heir. You will bear a fine son. After all, he is the greatest warrior and prince of the lands.”
Eila, stricken with grief, ran from the room and up to the tower, locking herself inside. It was said that she stayed there for three days until her father had the door removed. With the coronation pushed back and the wedding pushed forward she feared that she would be locked in a marriage with an evil man.
“I can hear the hateful things he says, father. He holds nothing but contempt in his heart!” She had pleaded with the king, but he wouldn’t budge.
“Every man needs a hardened heart, dear. Expanding boarders is not a delegated process.” Though, her father’s blind eyes did not frighten the princess the most.
True to her testimony the man she was to wed was seen flirting with the maids and slapping young servant boys. In fear they never spoke up, but Eila saw it all. Had the mark not faded from her forehead she would have called out for her lover for salvation. She would not, could not marry such a cruel and unfaithful man, even before the knot was tied.
“Dear, god. Why have you forsaken me? Bring back my angel. Bring him back,” she wept, collapsed over the altar in the town’s church.
Seeing her distraught look and tear-streaked face a clergy bent low to her and pressed a cool hand to her feverish back. She jolted, rising to her feet suddenly to hold her authority. After all, she was still to be the monarch of a vast kingdom.
“Lady Eila,” the young Father said. “What makes you, an earthly angel, weep?”
In fret the girl spilled out her fears. The cruel man and her blind father, her love and her horrors; it all came out in a sobbing rush. The clergyman led her to a pew and comforted her, patting her back and holding her in his arms as she cried. It was as if the whole world was crushing down on her and holes burned in her heart.
“I-it hurts so much, Father. This love hurts so much,” she sobbed, clutching his robes. “I fear if that man takes the throne he will slaughter people in favor of conquering and accepting people of the world,” she whispered, voice shaking nervously.
“The gods will guide you to a better place, my dear. The throne is rightfully yours, man or no man. However, this love you speak of… I fear darker powers may be at work,” he confided in her, sweeping a mess of hair from her face. "You must not tell others of him.”
“I haven’t.”
“Now, go, princess. You are to be crowned and wed at dawn,” he hurried her through the back door. “You must not be seen mingling with the commoners before this holy day.”
And so the princess hurried back to the palace and hide in the tower, praying to the gods for guidance. The young woman did not sleep a wink until the sun rose over the sandy dunes of the desert kingdom, the king greeting her at the door. A sad smile crossed his face as he approached her, the stillness of the morning still pure and unbroken.
“Your mother prayed to the gods all night before she, too, was crowned,” he said idly, standing at a fair distance. “She was afraid she would trip on her way to the throne and make a mockery of herself. Or that she would forget the oath and show a feeble mind.”
Eila said nothing, still holding a great deal of disdain for her father. Though, no matter how much she hated him—and then it was with every bone in her body—she could never live without him. Her mother’s death had cast a dark gloom over the kingdom long ago and only since the princess had matured did the empty sensation of dread lift. Now it was her turn to fear the littlest things and beg the gods for a good kingdom.
“You’ll go to your grave loving another man, won’t you?”
“What?”
“Your mother… she loved a boy that worked in the palace. They tried to elope a few times, but her father wouldn’t have it. She was dragged back for the last time and locked in this very room. Rumors say that they executed the boy in front of her as a warning to never escape again, but she truly did not know where he was. I tried comforting her, but she was stricken with grief,” her father said with a glassy expression. “She married me and made me very happy. She had you and brought this kingdom to its peak… but she never loved me like that boy.”
“Father…”
“I understand. Circumstances and expectations are hard to commit to when they tear your heart apart. It’s how a woman is. Love and passion above all else. Men only want devotion and heirs. Women need intimacy, familiarity, and passion. They would starve if not for love,” the king said thoughtfully.
“Father,” Eila said weakly, standing to her feet. “Thank you.”
And just after dawn, before the entire town, in the grand abbey of the kingdom, Princess Eila Sharan became Queen Eila Sharan-Paktel. She kissed her new husband with tears in her eyes that he perceived as joy. Only the Queen knew it was bitter sorrow.
“Lady Hakashi is not forgiving when these things are concerned,” my mother nodded, the path tapering to an end. “She hated Sago the most. Why else would she have put him in such a tale of tragedy?”
“Why did she hate him so much?” I asked, watching at my mother’s warm eyes searched for the next path.
We walked towards a mossy garden lined with rocks and blue-green pools filled with fish as big as cars. Trees swayed and bobbed like living beings, their leaves tipped in lights growing between their vibrant cells. Even the gentle waterfall crashing down from above seemed to create an atmosphere of peace and serenity.
“She loved him, of course,” Lady Ringo said matter-of-factly. “Why else would you make a man suffer? Hatred usually spawns from love or passion, either being very crude emotions.”
Apparently Lady Hakashi had made advances towards Sago several times, but he refused her each and every one. It just so happened that in spite Sago would be her ultimate victim. Though, there was more to be said beside the not-so-happy ending of Eila and the mad man.
Not a week had gone by before his true wolfish nature bled through his bleating, wooly guise. He made lewd advances on her before she was willing and took his frustration out on the servants more openly now that he stood in some vague position of power. He once hit Eila and not one person could do a thing. The queen had made them all promise not to tell her father. He had lost so much already. Hearing of his daughter’s abuse would only cut his life short. All the good it did, she should have told him.
At the end of the week her father had been killed. One of the servants rushed to tell her, eyes spilling with tears. Just before her husband was about to beat the child for rushing in Eila stopped him.
“Laksa, what’s wrong?”
“H-h-he…” She stammered. “Th-the king! He’s been murdered!” She wailed, the queen’s face draining of life.
“What!”
Sure enough the king had been killed swiftly in his sleep. A dagger stood protruding from his chest, blood blooming out from his cold body. Eila cried out in agony, but the man only slapped her to silence the cries. “You’re being ridiculous,” he snapped.
The king’s funeral was at dawn, his casket being carried through a city as the kingdom wept en masse. His body rested on a bed of roses, his corpse coddled in silks and gems. Watching from the door the clergyman frowned, watching the man’s movements as he stared at the casket in boredom.
“He is just as you said,” the young Father hissed when he pulled the queen aside. “Apathetic and cruel.”
“No one would listen, Father. I’m so scared that he killed my king,” the queen wiped her eyes.
“I would not put it past him, dearest Queen. You must leave tonight! Call your love. The people will rebel against him in your absence. No one would blame you,” the young man rushed, folding a rosary into her hands before she departed. “May the gods be with this precious lamb.”
The moment the Queen returned to the castle she rushed from her husband’s side and ran to the tower. She locked the newly placed door behind her and threw her black veil from her eyes. Call my name and I’ll be there in a blink…
“Sago,” she cried, leaning out a window. “Sago, come to me!”
However, before she could finish calling out the door burst open. Eila spun around and screamed, her husband striding towards her with a dagger in his hand, the very blade that had taken her father’s life. He held it close to her throat and cupped his hand over her mouth.
“Who is this man you speak of?” He demanded, eyes bulging and nose flaring. “You unfaithful witch!”
“I am not the unfaithful one,” she spat. “Making passes at the maids, hitting the servant boys… You are the most unfit king I have ever seen. No, a monster!” She cried, the man seething with rage.
“You quiet, woman!”
“Silence has left this kingdom without guidance and you want me to quiet?”
“I said silence!”
The moment was so sudden and so violent that time seemed to halt. Queen Eila’s eyes drew wide, hand clutching onto her husband’s arm for stability. At first it was just a prickling sensation followed by throbbing pain. The sharp sound of a blade drawing away from its victim filled the air, the metal clanging to the floor. Instinctively Eila clasped her hand over the wound and felt the blood run between her fingers and down her black dress.
“You were always a worthless, wild mare to begin with,” the man spat, shoving her to the ground. Eila gasped, sputtering blood as she hit the ground.
It is said that the sky rippled black and the earth stopped in its place when Eila life began to slip away. Sago crashed through the veil like a true demon, his body alert of the attack. He bounded over the sandy dunes and to the castle doors where he flew up stairs and past servants like a gust of wind.
“Eila!” He cried, breaking the door down locking the two inside.
Cowering behind the curtains was her husband, hands covered in her blood. Sago noticed him not, only bending down to pull his love into his lap. “Oh, god, Eila. My god, no. Eila, please. Eila… Eila!” He cried, the girl’s eyes fluttering open weakly. “Eila…”
“My love… S-Sago…” She mused, hand reaching up weakly to brush his face with her hand.
“Who did this to you!”
Unable to speak, Eila pointed to the drape where her husband hid. Instantly the demon king turned around, eyes flaring red with rage. The man squeaked, jumping from behind the curtain and dashing for the door. Just as he’d reached its threshold the door flew back on its hinges and became one with the walls. Knowing his fate, the man pawed at the clay walls and cried out in fear.
“Please, spare me, demon!” He sobbed, falling to his knees.
“You can imagine that Sago wasn’t so slight towards the man,” Lady Ringo murmured, Sae-chan asleep in her arms. “Then again, who would be? To have found a love that you would move heaven and earth for… But Queen Eila died, her last breath reaching out and saying, ‘Find me in the next world’…”
My heart sank. Sago had been cursed to watch his love die. Though, I suppose a couple hundred thousand years had to clear the heart. Or maybe it ate away at him with the passing days, his heart darkening to fit his duty as King of the Third Ring, but something didn’t add up.
“Curses last longer than one life, though, don’t they?” I asked, Lady Dingo nodding.
“They never end,” she said quietly, sweeping some petals from Sae-chan’s hair. “Just as Eila had begged, Sago found her in the next life. Though, the cycle would never cease. He died in her arms and she grew in the veil, waiting for his reincarnation. Each time she was sure of who it was and they were never wrong. One life would be Sago’s, his birth being guarded and loved by Eila’s soul, the next being Eila’s birth being guarded by Sago’s and ended in his arms.”
Then the darkness of the tale began to click. Like clockwork the pieces fell together and the machine turned like a brilliantly oiled Rolex. The cycle never ended, Sago guarded her soul until his end, and she brought his next life into the cycle. There was no way escaping it. Fifty years trapped on earth in wait of the next soul. He was waiting.
“I’m afraid my son is the next one Eila’s soul inhabited,” she sighed sadly, kissing her son’s forehead gently.
“H-how do you know?” I asked, face draining of all blood.
“It’s a courtesy not to, these days, but most all demons and spirits can read souls. Like books, people walk around this world with their scars and secrets written inside their hearts. My husband and I knew the moment he was born that it was Eila… At first I mourned over his fate, but then I realized something far greater than the sorrow…” Lady Ringo tailed off, her voice becoming nostalgic as she brushed her hand over the child’s forehead smoothly.
“What is that?” Though I asked the question I was not ready to hear the answer. There was so much happening at once and I was afraid my legs would turn to jelly. Even so, I felt my time in this memory was limited. I shouldn’t waste it.
“Because I know he will be loved like no other… he will know the passion and devotion from a man that knowing nothing more than to love truly… madly… deeply,” she whispered, smiling softly, her eyes reddening with tears.
“Okaa… Lady Ringo,” I stumbled, my mother not seeming to notice. “What if he’s scared to love Sago? What if he loves someone else and… what if he’s not sure that he even likes another man?”
Lady Ringo simply chuckle and shook the tears from her eyes. She lolled her head to my side and smiled knowingly at me before she spoke.
“Who or what you love isn’t a concern here, Nagi-kun. It’s how you love… Earth is so fruitless, you see. People always judge another and push their thoughts onto happy people. You have to love this person or you’re disgusting. You have to like these things or you’re not morally correct. You must know these things or you’re not intelligent,” she sighed, mocking a deep, throaty voice. I couldn’t help but smile. My mother was so perfect that it brought tears to my eyes. “Why not just love? Why not just like? Why not just learn and be content with what you know? And why can’t my own son see that I’m no fool?”
“Wh-what!”
“Sae, did you really think I was going to be fooled so easily?” She laughed softly, her eyes tearing up. “My, you grew up handsome.”
“M-mother…”
“More beautiful, than handsome I’d say. Oh, my boy, I’m sorry I left you,” she whispered, lips quivering as she reached out and pulled me into an embrace. “Your father would be so proud of you.”
“Mom…” I trembled, tears spilling over my eyes.
“Yes, I’m here…”
For the longest time I held onto her and cried; my face sore and red from holding so much in. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to stop keeping it all locked up. I missed my mom. I missed my dad. I missed simplicity and love and kindness and I missed my family. The worst part of it all was that I missed Sago. The aching agony of his absence hollowed my heart out like a gourd, leaving the dripping remains of potential seeds of love rotting at the bottom. I was cursed to love him, I was cursed to lose everything I had, and I was never more at peace.
“It’ll be alright. I know, I know…”
“It hurts so much,” I covered my mouth, smothering the sobs in my throat. “I’m so scared… I don’t know what to do, mom…”
Lady Ringo, my mother, pulled away and swept a long length of her violet hair from her face. She wiped a tear from her eye before speaking, voice shaking slightly.
“Just love, honey. Close your eyes and love.”
Gently she reached up and kissed my forehead. The mark of Pluto itched, calling me back to the veil. Her tired smile said a sad good bye and I understood. She wasn’t a memory. She was another time. She was waiting for this. She was waiting for me.

When I blinked I was back in the blackness of the veil. The white images of other worlds circled around me slowly, patiently like my mother’s love. Perhaps that was what came to my rescue: her undying devotion and maternal instinct. I think I would be content with that.
Knowing what must be done I swallowed my pride and reached out for the image of the shrine I once called home. I brushed my hand against it and let the light consume me until my feet touched down on solid ground. I was standing on the sidewalk outside the gate, eyes looking up at the old place. My clothes were back, the only thing out of place being my blackened arms. It was winter, the world silent and still.
My feet crunched in the snow as I walked down the cobblestone path towards the sloping stairs. Not a single soul stirred as I ascended to the main entrance and stared inside. At the very front was the prayer bell and the massive rope sloping from one end of the ceiling to the other, its cut ends holding thrown coins brimming with wishes and desires. It was peaceful without all the squawking of Nagi’s voice and obaa-chan’s nagging. Though, I can’t say it felt like home without it.
Quietly I walked around the shrine until I came to the open sitting area. In the hearth a fire crackled quietly, announcing the only signs of life for miles. I watched the glowing coals flicker with little tendrils of flame, the sign of heat pulling me forward. I was so distracted I didn’t even hear the familiarly quiet footsteps of Juri approaching.
“Sae…” She breathed, lungs tight with uncertainty by her tone. “Oh, god… Sae!”
“Juri,” I jumped, her embrace nearly crushing me. “Juri…”
“Sae, we thought we’d never see you again,” she wailed, smothering her sobs into my jacket. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“Not just yet,” I smiled weakly, pulling her close. “How old are you now?” I asked, throat clenching shut.
“Twenty-nine,” she whispered, my heart stabbed with pain of regret.
“Juri… I’m so sorry,” I muttered, tears welling in my eyes. “I’m so, so sorry.”

After she’d had be sit at the hearth and made me a cup of tea she began catching me up.
“Nagi and I got married four years ago,” she said, showing her ring. “We’re expecting our second in a few months,” she mused, rubbing her swollen stomach.
“Juri…”
“She’s going to be named Saeyuri,” she whispered. “After you.”
I fought back the tears, throwing back the scalding tea so not to cry. I wanted to punch all my weak hearted intentions back into my body and to stand against the fears. The crying and the self-pity had to stop. Though, I couldn’t say that my heart wasn’t broken by it all.
“Baa-chan died six years ago…”
Too late.
“Rumi lead the search party that looked for you… Imagine that,” Juri laughed softly. “She always said that something was funny about the woods, but she wasn’t going to give up just because you went missing.”
“How ironic,” I nodded, swallowing the strangling sensation in my chest.
“She still goes out there checking spots people don’t go for your turn up. You should tell her you’re back.”
My chest squeezed. I couldn’t say that I was leaving, could I? Wouldn’t it be heartlessly selfish to even propose my return then to suddenly vanish as quickly as I’d arrived? Though, Juri seemed to understand. Her eyes fell, but she smiled through the pain.
“You’re not staying… I figured as such…”
“Juri, it’s just that… I can’t. I’m still seventeen and… the world’s just shifted too much.”
“What’s it like?” She asked, knowing the time was dwindling the more we debated my stay. “The veil. What’s it like there.”
I smiled sadly, but told her anyway. “Beautiful… I met a Fawn Queen with a harem. I met a boy from Norway who was a prostitute. I learned how to breathe underwater, too. You can fly there. Dragons and demons, spirits and monsters all live in a general, loose form of coexisting peace. The first ring is where… it’s where my mother lives.”
“She’s alive?” Juri gasped, but I only shook my head.
“She was alive… but I met her.”
“Oh, Sae.”
“She was so profound… so beautiful… she was perfect. And, uh, the festivals… they’re so lively. Then there are the people, they, ah… they…” But I couldn’t get my words out. The tears were choking my words off in my throat like a killer ending his victim’s life. I had no life in silence.
Juri, seeing my struggle, crawled over to my side and pulled me into a warm, maternal embrace. I could hear her heart beat through her skin and feel her radiating humanity penetrate my skin and revive the cold stone of my heart. It felt so nice to have this familiarity closing around me.
“Juri, I don’t want to go…”
“Then don’t,” she murmured, kissing my forehead softly. “You don’t have to go.”
I could feel a little part of me dying inside. She didn’t understand. I did.

I felt it necessary to cut the meeting short before I got tangled up in a whole mess of drama. Before I departed I left a letter to Nagi and Rumi. Juri said she’d deliver them the moment the snow melted, though Nagi would be home after work. He had given up the life of a monk and become an honest man in the world of business.
“Just… don’t go anywhere… until the baby’s born, alright?”
“I have things to do, you know,” she pouted, her face still resonating with perfect clarity.
“Well, have Nagi do them,” I smiled, stepping off the open hall and into the sand garden. “Good bye Juri…”
“Good bye…”
I took one deep breath and exhaled ‘Sago’, eyes closing so that I wouldn’t see the scarring expression Juri wore.