Terrible Things

6 months later (Warped Tour)

Jack’s POV

The beeping of a car horn from outside snapped me from my daydreaming. Today was the day. Today was the day All Time Low was going back on tour. Warped Tour.

I ran down the stairs, skidding across the tiles in the hall, before pulling open the door to reveal Zack.

“You better be ready to go, Flyzik’s talking about retiring...again,” he laughed.

“Can he give us ten minutes? Imogen’s not here yet,” I replied with a small chuckle.

“NO YOU CANNOT! GET IN THE FUCKING BUS, BARAKAT!” came Matt’s voice, and I looked towards the bus, to see his head stuck round the side of the bus. He looked pissed.

I laughed and help up a hand to greet him, before shouting:

“FIVE MINUTES!”

I ran back inside, only to almost trip over Leo who was dragging his suitcase outside.

“Get Uncle Zack to get it Lee, he’s much stronger than you,” I chided my 7 year old.

“I’m big and strong as well Dad,” he replied with an eye roll. So like Leah.

“If you say so, but don’t hurt yourself ok?”

“Whatever Dad.” Sassy much?

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair, taking in the living room. Evie was sat in the middle playing with Isla’s curls as Isla attempted to pack every Disney DVD we owned into a small duffel bag.

“Oh Jack, I’m so so so sorry I’m late. I over slept and the world seemed so against me this morning!” came Imogen’s voice from the front door.

I laughed and turned around, taking in the woman in front of me. She looked stressed, but as usual her eyes sparkled, and her mouth was turned up in a small grin.

Imogen was coming on Warped to help with the kids. She’d sort of become my help when it came to my children, because juggling a music career and a family was proving to be much harder than I had expected; but I was blessed to have a close knit group of friends who were willing to help me out, and Imogen was a god send when it came to helping me with the kids. We were just good friends, and it was nice to have someone who hadn’t known me for most of my life around, someone who didn’t know what I was like before Leah died. It was refreshing.

“It’s fine honestly Immy,” I said, pulling her into a hug.

“It’s not fine Jack,” came Flyzik’s voice from the front door. I looked up to see him smirking at me as he pulled Isla’s suitcase out the door, “I’m too old for this shit.”

“Yeah you’re positively ancient Flyzik,” I replied, flipping him off as Zack came back from loading all our shit onto the bus.

“Right we’re ready when you are guys,” he announced.

I walked into the living room, addressing my girls.

“Come on Trouble 1 and Trouble 2,” I teased my daughters, “time to go!”

“Yay!” Isla jumped up and raced towards the door.

Imogen picked up Evie as I checked the room for anything we’d left behind, grabbing Isla’s duffel bag in the mean time.

I walked out towards the bus, taking in our home for the next three months or so. I realised in that moment just how much I’d missed it; the touring and seeing all my friends on the road. I was excited to get back, even if it would be a little different from before.

I looked back at my house, realising this was the first time we were gonna be going away since Leah had passed. ‘It’ll be good for the kids,’ I thought, ‘to get away from it all for a while.’
I made my way onto the bus, seeing that Flyzik was helping Isla and Leo into their bunks, and I noticed that Zack had placed Evie’s stuff down in a makeshift cot in the back lounge, as the bus pulled away towards our next pick up.

Imogen was attempting to get into her bunk whilst holding Evie, so I took her from the brunette’s arms, and took her towards my bunk, which on tradition would be the bottom one, opposite Alex’s.

I sat down in the all too familiar bunk, and sat Evie down at the end as well. She laughed and touched my face before saying “Dada”. I smiled at my 20 month old (I never understood why people said their age in months, when she’s just a year old, until I myself was a father), and pulled a face at her as I sorted out some of my basic stuff, placing things like my iPod and DVD’s in the shelves above my head, but leaving my clothes in my suitcase for now, before pushing that in the storage space underneath my bunk.

Evie was sat on the bed clapping her hands together and staring around aimlessly at her surroundings. I smirked at her knowing this would be a really different experience for her, but also acknowledging she’d love every moment of spending time with my best friends, who all my kids had grown up around.

The bus had pulled to a stop, and I heard everyone get off the bus to go help Rian (always the third pick up) with his stuff.

“Come on then trouble, let’s go see what’s going on,” I cooed to Evie, picking her up and walking out towards the bustle outside. I descended the steps, and immediately wished I’d stayed inside.

Rian was saying bye to Cass, and they were staring deep into each other’s eyes, clearly having a moment. I felt the all too familiar pain in my chest that I felt every single time my friends were with their wives or partners. I yearned to have that moment again, to have someone pulling me into a hug and telling me they would miss me, telling me to be safe, and telling me to come back to them.

I missed having that person in my life.

I’d come to terms with Leah’s death, and to everyone else I appeared to have gone back to the same old Jack. To everyone else I was coping. To everyone else I’d turned my life back around. But to me, I still cried at night. To me, I was still trying to realise I’d never have her in my life ever again. To me, I wasn’t the same old Jack. I was still horribly broken. And it seemed no-one could fix me.