Dying to Be Happy
Better Than You Thought It'd Be
It was summer of 2010... It was boring, depressing, and lifeless. All I could think of was losing weight, but I didn't do anything at all. I skipped a few meals and started crying for myself to be happy. I felt like something was missing. There was a hole inside of me that needed to be filled. I needed something... I felt incomplete.
In July, I went to Sunday School just as I did every other Sunday. But that day, our youth pastor had a special announcement:
"Sometimes, when we struggle, we lose a little of our faith. Sometimes we need some motivation from someone. Your parents are good people to look to, but it is also good to have someone else there to help counsel you in the right direction. We are going to pair you up with an adult in this church that has volunteered to be a mentor. Their mission is to pray for you and help you whenever you may need it. We're pairing you up based on what you have in common, so you'll have someone that can easily relate to you. If you'll fill out these forms, your mentor will contact you within a week."
I was excited about this. I always looked up to older women. I don't know why, but it was just something I had done lately. I would get this, sort of, attached feeling. Like, they would become part of me- like a second mother or something. I had this feeling towards Mrs. Jewel- Laura's mom. Lord knows, after every visit I had with Laura, I cried and cried because I missed Mrs. Jewel. I didn't know why I was feeling like that. But she made me happy. And when I wasn't with her, I couldn't feel that happiness anymore.
A few weeks later, my mentor contacted me on Facebook. Her name was Janyce. She seemed extremely sweet. And she seemed like she cared about me although she didn't even know me. She kind-of gave me that happy feeling that I couldn't explain.
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As the summer ended, 7th grade started. Anxious didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. I hated 6th grade. It was way too hard. I didn't want to start 7th grade. Summer wasn't fun, but it was better than being tormented.
I had started wearing a lot more make-up. I never left the house without applying my eyeliner. That was my main priority. Without that, I just didn't go out in public. It was a little dark, so I got stares as soon as I walked through the door. But my hair style had also changed. As well as my wardrobe. I was very concerned with my appearance now. I mean, I was almost thirteen. Appearance was my main concern in life. I was still heavier than I wanted to be. But it seemed like some of the people in my grade were about my size now. Still, I wanted to be thinner.
When I picked up my schedule, I looked at it in awe. I actually had the best schedule I could have gotten. The boring classes in the morning, and the fun classes in the afternoon. And I got the BEST teachers that there were to offer. I was amazed. But still nervous.
As I walked into my 1st period literature class, I saw another nervous face: My teacher, Ms. Taylor. She was new to the school. I could tell it was her first time teaching. She seemed very laid back, anxious, and timid. But she also seemed really sweet and friendly.
The rest of my day went better than expected. I loved my history and English teachers. They were my favorites. My history teacher, Mrs. Sanders, was the funniest teacher I had ever had. She had such a positive and enthusiastic attitude and put a lot of energy into her job. She was just a fun-loving person that seemed to love life and everything in it. My English teacher, Mrs. Shields , was absolutely GORGEOUS. She did not look like a teacher. At all. She look as if she could have been a model. Her personality was so sweet and gentle. She was so caring. You couldn't help but love her from the moment you saw her.
My science teacher, Mrs. Rage, was someone to remember. She had a loud voice and a spunky attitude. She seemed very energized. But there was something about her that worried me... I couldn't figure out what it was, though.
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Later that night, I went to Wednesday night church. It was fun to get caught up in the new school talk and schedule comparisons. I loved my youth group.
When church got out, I noticed Ms. Janyce's son running out the door. Then I put two and two together... If he's leaving, then his mom must be picking him up! And I still hadn't met Ms. Janyce yet! I followed him outside. I was going to meet Ms. Janyce TODAY. And nothing could stop me. As soon as I pushed open the door, Blake got in a car. I walked out so that I could be seen, making it seem as if I were just casually walking. Then I heard the window roll down the car. My face lit up as I turned around.
"Jade?" I heard a sweet voice call out. I blinked a few times to make sure that it was the face I was expecting to see.
"Hey!" I responded excitingly. I was smiling bigger than ever.
"I'm Janyce! It's so nice to finally meet you!" her smile was contagious.
"It's nice to meet you too!" I responded.
"Well, I'll see you around sometime, sweetie! Look for me on Sunday! It was nice seeing you!"
"You too!" I kept smiling, and then she drove off.
That made for it a perfect day. I had a great schedule, awesome teachers, and I met my sweet mentor that I've been dying to see. Right then I knew: I had a year ahead of me.
In July, I went to Sunday School just as I did every other Sunday. But that day, our youth pastor had a special announcement:
"Sometimes, when we struggle, we lose a little of our faith. Sometimes we need some motivation from someone. Your parents are good people to look to, but it is also good to have someone else there to help counsel you in the right direction. We are going to pair you up with an adult in this church that has volunteered to be a mentor. Their mission is to pray for you and help you whenever you may need it. We're pairing you up based on what you have in common, so you'll have someone that can easily relate to you. If you'll fill out these forms, your mentor will contact you within a week."
I was excited about this. I always looked up to older women. I don't know why, but it was just something I had done lately. I would get this, sort of, attached feeling. Like, they would become part of me- like a second mother or something. I had this feeling towards Mrs. Jewel- Laura's mom. Lord knows, after every visit I had with Laura, I cried and cried because I missed Mrs. Jewel. I didn't know why I was feeling like that. But she made me happy. And when I wasn't with her, I couldn't feel that happiness anymore.
A few weeks later, my mentor contacted me on Facebook. Her name was Janyce. She seemed extremely sweet. And she seemed like she cared about me although she didn't even know me. She kind-of gave me that happy feeling that I couldn't explain.
**************************************************************************
As the summer ended, 7th grade started. Anxious didn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. I hated 6th grade. It was way too hard. I didn't want to start 7th grade. Summer wasn't fun, but it was better than being tormented.
I had started wearing a lot more make-up. I never left the house without applying my eyeliner. That was my main priority. Without that, I just didn't go out in public. It was a little dark, so I got stares as soon as I walked through the door. But my hair style had also changed. As well as my wardrobe. I was very concerned with my appearance now. I mean, I was almost thirteen. Appearance was my main concern in life. I was still heavier than I wanted to be. But it seemed like some of the people in my grade were about my size now. Still, I wanted to be thinner.
When I picked up my schedule, I looked at it in awe. I actually had the best schedule I could have gotten. The boring classes in the morning, and the fun classes in the afternoon. And I got the BEST teachers that there were to offer. I was amazed. But still nervous.
As I walked into my 1st period literature class, I saw another nervous face: My teacher, Ms. Taylor. She was new to the school. I could tell it was her first time teaching. She seemed very laid back, anxious, and timid. But she also seemed really sweet and friendly.
The rest of my day went better than expected. I loved my history and English teachers. They were my favorites. My history teacher, Mrs. Sanders, was the funniest teacher I had ever had. She had such a positive and enthusiastic attitude and put a lot of energy into her job. She was just a fun-loving person that seemed to love life and everything in it. My English teacher, Mrs. Shields , was absolutely GORGEOUS. She did not look like a teacher. At all. She look as if she could have been a model. Her personality was so sweet and gentle. She was so caring. You couldn't help but love her from the moment you saw her.
My science teacher, Mrs. Rage, was someone to remember. She had a loud voice and a spunky attitude. She seemed very energized. But there was something about her that worried me... I couldn't figure out what it was, though.
************************************************************************
Later that night, I went to Wednesday night church. It was fun to get caught up in the new school talk and schedule comparisons. I loved my youth group.
When church got out, I noticed Ms. Janyce's son running out the door. Then I put two and two together... If he's leaving, then his mom must be picking him up! And I still hadn't met Ms. Janyce yet! I followed him outside. I was going to meet Ms. Janyce TODAY. And nothing could stop me. As soon as I pushed open the door, Blake got in a car. I walked out so that I could be seen, making it seem as if I were just casually walking. Then I heard the window roll down the car. My face lit up as I turned around.
"Jade?" I heard a sweet voice call out. I blinked a few times to make sure that it was the face I was expecting to see.
"Hey!" I responded excitingly. I was smiling bigger than ever.
"I'm Janyce! It's so nice to finally meet you!" her smile was contagious.
"It's nice to meet you too!" I responded.
"Well, I'll see you around sometime, sweetie! Look for me on Sunday! It was nice seeing you!"
"You too!" I kept smiling, and then she drove off.
That made for it a perfect day. I had a great schedule, awesome teachers, and I met my sweet mentor that I've been dying to see. Right then I knew: I had a year ahead of me.