Dying to Be Happy
Spill
"Hey mom, can I have an iPhone?"
"A what?"
"An iPhone!"
"No."
"Why not? Not even as a birthday present?"
"No Jade."
"But Mo-"
"No Jade!"
"But Mama!"
"JADE! I said NO! One more time, and you lose the phone you have!"
I felt the anger rage through my body. She never listened to one word I had to say. But she was about to start.
"But why?! Why not?! You aren't even listening to me!!" I yelled through my tears. There was more behind the tears than just not getting what I wanted.
"Because! I can't afford that!" she said as she slammed down the news paper.
"Mama, you never listen to me!! You never care about what I have to say!! I'm not a kid anymore!" I was getting more and more angry by the second.
"Now you know that's not true!" she argued, "You know I listen plenty!! You're just mad because I'm saying no!"
"NO I'M NOT MOM! WHEN WILL YOU JUST STOP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND?!" I was screaming and crying hysterically.
"I DO LISTEN TO YOU, JADE! What is your problem?!" I was getting so pissed off and angry that it just spilled out of my mouth.
"HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED TO THINK that maybe I'm NOT happy?!" My voice was past raised. My heart had just exploded. And it just came out. I never in a million years thought that I would actually come out and tell somebody that. After all those years of secrets and crying in my room all alone- isolating myself... it just came out right then and there.
The room became quiet instantly. You could have heard a pin drop it was so silent. You could feel the tension in the room, too.
"...What?" Mama finally managed to say. "What do you mean, you're not happy?"
"I don't know!" I answered angrily. "I don't know, but I'm not happy anymore and I don't know why!" My mom looked at me in disbelief.
"How long have you felt this way?" There was a little bit of sympathy in her voice now.
"Since I was ten."
"You mean you've been sad since you were ten years old, and you never told anyone?"
"...Yeah."
"Why? When did this start?" she demanded answers.
"I don't know, Ma! It was around the time that I met Laura, I guess. But Laura didn't do anything. I don't know exactly why I'm depressed- I just am!"
I didn't know what depression was when I was little. I didn't know what it truly felt like until I experienced it. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know why I was so sad everyday. I just was. But I never told anyone about it until that day. Now, my life is going to change. Forever.
"A what?"
"An iPhone!"
"No."
"Why not? Not even as a birthday present?"
"No Jade."
"But Mo-"
"No Jade!"
"But Mama!"
"JADE! I said NO! One more time, and you lose the phone you have!"
I felt the anger rage through my body. She never listened to one word I had to say. But she was about to start.
"But why?! Why not?! You aren't even listening to me!!" I yelled through my tears. There was more behind the tears than just not getting what I wanted.
"Because! I can't afford that!" she said as she slammed down the news paper.
"Mama, you never listen to me!! You never care about what I have to say!! I'm not a kid anymore!" I was getting more and more angry by the second.
"Now you know that's not true!" she argued, "You know I listen plenty!! You're just mad because I'm saying no!"
"NO I'M NOT MOM! WHEN WILL YOU JUST STOP AND LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND?!" I was screaming and crying hysterically.
"I DO LISTEN TO YOU, JADE! What is your problem?!" I was getting so pissed off and angry that it just spilled out of my mouth.
"HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED TO THINK that maybe I'm NOT happy?!" My voice was past raised. My heart had just exploded. And it just came out. I never in a million years thought that I would actually come out and tell somebody that. After all those years of secrets and crying in my room all alone- isolating myself... it just came out right then and there.
The room became quiet instantly. You could have heard a pin drop it was so silent. You could feel the tension in the room, too.
"...What?" Mama finally managed to say. "What do you mean, you're not happy?"
"I don't know!" I answered angrily. "I don't know, but I'm not happy anymore and I don't know why!" My mom looked at me in disbelief.
"How long have you felt this way?" There was a little bit of sympathy in her voice now.
"Since I was ten."
"You mean you've been sad since you were ten years old, and you never told anyone?"
"...Yeah."
"Why? When did this start?" she demanded answers.
"I don't know, Ma! It was around the time that I met Laura, I guess. But Laura didn't do anything. I don't know exactly why I'm depressed- I just am!"
I didn't know what depression was when I was little. I didn't know what it truly felt like until I experienced it. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn't know why I was so sad everyday. I just was. But I never told anyone about it until that day. Now, my life is going to change. Forever.