Dying to Be Happy
Monkey See Monkey Do
8th grade started in August of 2011. I was 89 lbs, and loving it. But like any other 14 year old girl, I was still unhappy with my body.
I was unhappy with a lot of things. I was still depressed. Dad, the stepmonster and I "made up" over the summer, but I still dread going over to their house. The bullying over there hasn't stopped. I guess I'd just learned to tolerate it.
After a month of school had passed, I went into Hope's office on a Thursday like I did every week. Only Mama came in with me this time. I hated when she went into our sessions. And I hated the reason why even more...
"Melody has... some issues she's been trying to work out. And she hasn't been handling herself very well. She's in the hospital. She cut herself and attempted suicide. So you nephew, Timmy has to come live with us for a while."
I was SO not okay with this. Timmy was special to me, but he was like an annoying little brother that took all of the attention. But above all, I couldn't believe what Melody had done. What was she thinking?
That night, I stepped into the hot water of my bath trying to relax. I pondered continuously why Melody had done what she did.... I remembered the pain I had felt the past year with Daddy, and the first time I cut. I remember being scared of it, but something in the back of my head was telling me otherwise. I closed my eyes and let my head fall under the bathwater. When I came up for air, I saw a bobby pin sitting on the edge of the tub. I picked it up and found the sharp edges of it. I connected it to my wrist until I bled. I had about two scratches on my wrist that were noticeable. Then I stopped... The scared feeling returned... But I understood. Melody didn't want to die... She just wanted to escape the pain. And I had just found my new way to escape mine.
I was unhappy with a lot of things. I was still depressed. Dad, the stepmonster and I "made up" over the summer, but I still dread going over to their house. The bullying over there hasn't stopped. I guess I'd just learned to tolerate it.
After a month of school had passed, I went into Hope's office on a Thursday like I did every week. Only Mama came in with me this time. I hated when she went into our sessions. And I hated the reason why even more...
"Melody has... some issues she's been trying to work out. And she hasn't been handling herself very well. She's in the hospital. She cut herself and attempted suicide. So you nephew, Timmy has to come live with us for a while."
I was SO not okay with this. Timmy was special to me, but he was like an annoying little brother that took all of the attention. But above all, I couldn't believe what Melody had done. What was she thinking?
That night, I stepped into the hot water of my bath trying to relax. I pondered continuously why Melody had done what she did.... I remembered the pain I had felt the past year with Daddy, and the first time I cut. I remember being scared of it, but something in the back of my head was telling me otherwise. I closed my eyes and let my head fall under the bathwater. When I came up for air, I saw a bobby pin sitting on the edge of the tub. I picked it up and found the sharp edges of it. I connected it to my wrist until I bled. I had about two scratches on my wrist that were noticeable. Then I stopped... The scared feeling returned... But I understood. Melody didn't want to die... She just wanted to escape the pain. And I had just found my new way to escape mine.