Dying to Be Happy
You Gain Some, You Lose Some
5th grade had ended, and I was nervous about starting middle school... I guess more nervous than I thought... because this summer is where I lost it with my eating habits.
I never noticed how much I was eating. I would go through a whole 800 calorie bag of popcorn in a day. I wouldn't stop with the chips or the sugar or the sodas or anything. Nothing could make me stop. I thought I was happy doing this to myself. But my self esteem dropped lower than low right before I went on vacation to Mexico.
"So how's Yoda?" I asked my mom on the way home from show choir camp. Yoda was our cat. We've had him since I was two. I loved that cat... He'd been limping the past couple of days, so we took him home from the vet yesterday.
"He's doing great," Mama said. Her tone was a little flat though.
"Is he really?!" I asked excitingly. Mom didn't say anything- which was unusual. When good news is here, she can never shut up about it.
"Yeah.." she said a few seconds later. "I took him back to the vet today, and he's doing great. He's home now." Mama was acting really strange... Stranger than normal.
"So he's okay?! He's not gonna die, right?!" I was so anxious. Again, Mom didn't say a word. She just stared at the rode, and wouldn't look at me at all. Then I finally realized something.
"Wait..." I began, "he's not..." I was scared of the answer. It couldn't be true. Mom nodded and started crying.
"They had to put him to sleep," she managed to say through her tears. "The cancer came back, and it had spread throughout his body too much. It was only a matter of time, and I couldn't stand to see him suffer any longer. I'm so sorry, Jade... I was going to bring you with me, but I knew it would have been too much for you." I couldn't believe it. This can't happen. Yoda has been with me for nearly my entire life. I don't even know a life without him. He was my first pet. The memories flashed back. I had harassed him throughout my childhood, but I loved him more than anything. He slept by me a lot... He crawled into my nephew's crib when he was born. I'd come home and find Yoda laying in the bathroom sink. He sat with me and Mama whenever she would read to me in the rocking chair when I was little. I was always so excited about Yoda. I remember when he was gone for three days, and I almost flipped out. I screamed when he came back. That cat is my heart. I loved to feel his soft, Persian fur. I loved taking pictures with him and seeing his big, green eyes. I thought it was adorable when my new kitten, Laya Rae would try to play with him. Yoda Kitty was my baby... I can't believe he's gone.
As I walked in the door, I saw a box on the kitchen table.
"Is that him...?" I asked Mama. She nodded. I opened the box. And there lied my precious cat that I love more than anything. Sleeping peacefully. I started bawling at the sight. I pet him and rubbed his neck just how he liked it. I longed to hear him purr one more time. I couldn't believe what happened. I was so mad and upset, I didn't even know what to do.
"Mama!" I cried, "Why did you let them do this?! Why did they have to put him down?! If he wasn't already dead, then why couldn't we have waited?! We couldn't have kept him until the last minute?! He could have lived, Mom!!" I was hysterical. I was yelling and crying and holding Yoda's box in my arms.
"Jade, I'm sorry. He wouldn't have made it for more than two more days. He was suffering, and he was in pain. I couldn't stand to see him so miserable! Look how peaceful he looks. He's happy now. Wouldn't you rather him be happy with God than here suffering for longer than he had to?" I understood what she was saying, I was just so mad that he was gone.
My sister, Melody came over to say goodbye to Yoda. She brought a tomb stone for him so we could give him a proper burial. I held his box tight against my chest as we walked up the hill in the backyard. I wrote "I love you, Yoda" on top of the box, and placed it in the ground. Melody played Star Wars music to lighten the mood as she covered the grave in dirt. We placed the tombstone right above his grave. And that was the last time I saw my precious Yoda.
I didn't wanna eat. I wanted God to take me so that I could be with Yoda. I wanted to starve myself to death so that I wouldn't have to live with the memory forever. I held on to Yoda's collar. I kept it with me. I couldn't stop holding Laya Rae and telling her how much I loved her. I cried all night for Yoda... He wasn't sleeping by me like he usually does. He's really gone..
I never noticed how much I was eating. I would go through a whole 800 calorie bag of popcorn in a day. I wouldn't stop with the chips or the sugar or the sodas or anything. Nothing could make me stop. I thought I was happy doing this to myself. But my self esteem dropped lower than low right before I went on vacation to Mexico.
"So how's Yoda?" I asked my mom on the way home from show choir camp. Yoda was our cat. We've had him since I was two. I loved that cat... He'd been limping the past couple of days, so we took him home from the vet yesterday.
"He's doing great," Mama said. Her tone was a little flat though.
"Is he really?!" I asked excitingly. Mom didn't say anything- which was unusual. When good news is here, she can never shut up about it.
"Yeah.." she said a few seconds later. "I took him back to the vet today, and he's doing great. He's home now." Mama was acting really strange... Stranger than normal.
"So he's okay?! He's not gonna die, right?!" I was so anxious. Again, Mom didn't say a word. She just stared at the rode, and wouldn't look at me at all. Then I finally realized something.
"Wait..." I began, "he's not..." I was scared of the answer. It couldn't be true. Mom nodded and started crying.
"They had to put him to sleep," she managed to say through her tears. "The cancer came back, and it had spread throughout his body too much. It was only a matter of time, and I couldn't stand to see him suffer any longer. I'm so sorry, Jade... I was going to bring you with me, but I knew it would have been too much for you." I couldn't believe it. This can't happen. Yoda has been with me for nearly my entire life. I don't even know a life without him. He was my first pet. The memories flashed back. I had harassed him throughout my childhood, but I loved him more than anything. He slept by me a lot... He crawled into my nephew's crib when he was born. I'd come home and find Yoda laying in the bathroom sink. He sat with me and Mama whenever she would read to me in the rocking chair when I was little. I was always so excited about Yoda. I remember when he was gone for three days, and I almost flipped out. I screamed when he came back. That cat is my heart. I loved to feel his soft, Persian fur. I loved taking pictures with him and seeing his big, green eyes. I thought it was adorable when my new kitten, Laya Rae would try to play with him. Yoda Kitty was my baby... I can't believe he's gone.
As I walked in the door, I saw a box on the kitchen table.
"Is that him...?" I asked Mama. She nodded. I opened the box. And there lied my precious cat that I love more than anything. Sleeping peacefully. I started bawling at the sight. I pet him and rubbed his neck just how he liked it. I longed to hear him purr one more time. I couldn't believe what happened. I was so mad and upset, I didn't even know what to do.
"Mama!" I cried, "Why did you let them do this?! Why did they have to put him down?! If he wasn't already dead, then why couldn't we have waited?! We couldn't have kept him until the last minute?! He could have lived, Mom!!" I was hysterical. I was yelling and crying and holding Yoda's box in my arms.
"Jade, I'm sorry. He wouldn't have made it for more than two more days. He was suffering, and he was in pain. I couldn't stand to see him so miserable! Look how peaceful he looks. He's happy now. Wouldn't you rather him be happy with God than here suffering for longer than he had to?" I understood what she was saying, I was just so mad that he was gone.
My sister, Melody came over to say goodbye to Yoda. She brought a tomb stone for him so we could give him a proper burial. I held his box tight against my chest as we walked up the hill in the backyard. I wrote "I love you, Yoda" on top of the box, and placed it in the ground. Melody played Star Wars music to lighten the mood as she covered the grave in dirt. We placed the tombstone right above his grave. And that was the last time I saw my precious Yoda.
I didn't wanna eat. I wanted God to take me so that I could be with Yoda. I wanted to starve myself to death so that I wouldn't have to live with the memory forever. I held on to Yoda's collar. I kept it with me. I couldn't stop holding Laya Rae and telling her how much I loved her. I cried all night for Yoda... He wasn't sleeping by me like he usually does. He's really gone..