Dying to Be Happy
Can it Get Any Worse?
August, September, October, November... The months had passed like a slow-healing scab. I was right: 6th grade was the death of me. My grades have never been lower, I'm working harder than ever to keep them up, and I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted. I just want things to chill.
Well... That didn't happen. In fact, the worst thing happened to me at the worst time: One of my biggest fears came true.
When I was four, I had a nightmare about something. Something that scared me more than anything... Ever since then, I was terrified of it. But I never thought it would actually happen...
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December 17th, 2009:
"Jade, wake up," Mama whispered weakly as she nudged me. I opened my eyes slowly and dreaded the day.
It's exam week, and I am so STRESSED out. If that wasn't bad enough, Mama just got out of surgery, so she can't do anything; and I have the WORST fever virus that I have EVER had. [Nothing can make this day any worse!] I thought... But I should think again.
"Happy Birthday!" I shouted to Mailee as I ran to hug her in literature class.
"Thank you! You remembered!"
"It's a talent..." I said. It really is: I always remember birthdays for some reason.
"Oh my God you look awful..." she said looking at my pale face.
"Thank you.." I replied, "I'm sick."
"I know! But you must feel awful!" Mailee frowned at the sight of how miserable I was.
"Yeah... I've got this darn fever blister the size of Asia in my mouth, I barely just finished my art project, and my fever keeps rising every second! I just wanna go home..." I actually started feeling bad for myself.
Mailee and I walked to lunch together and sat at the very end of the lunch table- like always. We didn't really like the other people in our class, because they didn't really like us. They were all popular, and we weren't. But we were completely happy having lunch on our own everyday. Mailee came to the table and sat down with her tray.
"Don't tell me you're skipping lunch AGAIN!" she said when she looked down to see that I didn't bring or buy a lunch.
"I'm not hungry..." I said.
"You're never hungry!" she debated.
"So what? I don't need to eat anyway..." It had started to bother me when people got on me about my eating.
"YES. YOU. DO." she declared. "Jade, you're SKINNY. You are not fat. Ugh! I don't know why you think that."
The bell rang, and we were off to class to review for exams. The day could not have gone by any slower... When the final bell rang, I was so relieved to get out of this hell hole. I just wanted to lay down in my cool bed and sleep for eternity. But I was going to have to wait a while to do that.
[Crap] I thought. [I still have to go get my art project and my jacket from the lost and found.] I so didn't want to do that. I felt awful. I could feel my fever rising higher and higher. I was dizzy and exhausted. I just wanted to go home.
3:20 PM:
[What the heck? Why isn't my aunt here to pick me up. She's always the first one in line... What am I supposed to do? Is raining, and I'm freezing, I have a crap load of stuff in my arms, and I feel awful, and..... Dad?]
I ran to the car and hopped in as quickly as I could; only to face my dad.
"Where's Aunt Dee?" I asked him.
"She um... Had to go and help your Mamaw out with your mom." Something wasn't right...
"Uh, ok..." I just sat there. Something wasn't right. "Is Mama okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine." He was acting strange...
"Is everything okay?" I asked nervously. But I didn't wanna know the answer. Especially after Daddy said,
"There was a fire today." It took me a moment to process what he had just said. Then, I felt a hot flash move through my body.
"What?!" I screamed. "Where? How?! Aunt Dee's house?! Your hosue?! Mamaw's house?! MY house?!" I was clearly freaking out.
"It was at your house," he responded calmly.
"W...What?! Are my cats okay?! Is Mama okay?! Is Mamaw okay??! How did this happen?!?! Did we lose everything?! Did I lose a lot of stuff?!!? What happened to my room?!?! Did you get Rainy?!?!" (Rainy was my most sentimental object. He is a stuffed animal that I've had since I was five.)
"It's okay," he said, "Everyone's okay. Your mama is fine, Mamaw and Aunt Dee are fine, and the cats are fine. The damage isn't terrible. It's just on the inner parts of the house, like the attic. It's not burned down, it's still standing. It'll be restored in four months. You're going to stay with me for a few days, then you and your mama are going to try to find an apartment or hotel to stay in." I couldn't believe what I was hearing... One of my biggest fears had happened.
"But... how?! How did this happen?! Is my room okay?! What all did we lose?! Where are my cats? Can I go home and see?!" I looked at my reflection in the rear-view mirror of Daddy's car. I could see myself crying through the blur of my wet tears that were dripping down my feverish face.
"Your cats are at Aunt Dee's house with your mom. Mamaw accidentally left the stove on, and turned on the wrong eye. There was a pan of grease on the back of the stove that caught on fire and went up through the cabinet above the stove. It spread all throughout the attic pretty bad. They had to get to the attic from your room, so I'm not sure how bad the upstairs is. It knocked out all of the power, though. The downstairs shouldn't be messed up too bad. The living room and your mama's bedroom should be undamaged. Probably nothing survived that was in the attic. We're going to go get your house key from your mom right now so I can take you to see the damage and grab a few things." I was so sick and exhausted that I just went numb. I couldn't feel anything. I was in disbelief. This can't happen to ME. It's not supposed to. I don't wanna live in a hotel or apartment. I want my room, I want my Rainy, I want my cats, and I want my home! This can't happen to me.
When I saw my weak mama, all I could do was hug her. Laya Rae, Jay, and Jimbo were all hiding in Aunt Dee's house. I tried to comfort Laya, but she hissed at me. My poor baby was scared. She hated this just as much as I did. I felt bad for my sweet Mamaw. She's such a harmless person. She'd never do anything to harm anyone.
"I tried to grab Rainy for you," Mama laughed, "but he's still where you left him. He's okay." That made me feel better. She gave me my house key, and I left to go see the damage. But nothing could compare to the damage in my heart.
**********************************************************************
As I pulled into the driveway of my house, my heart shattered. It looked about as broken as me, and deja-vu really hit me. The house looked just how it did in my dream... That scared me. I inserted the key into the back door and rushed inside. It was cold and dark. Smoke was still blanketing my home. My heart stopped when I saw the stove.
"That's where it started," my dad whispered. All I could see was black. Ash. Smog. Broken glass. It was killing me. The dining room was unharmed, but I didn't really have anything sentimental in there. I went into my living room. It was untouched as well, but it was so dark and empty. I grabbed my phone charger and stuffed it in my pocket. Then I went into the back room of the house. The sight was treacherous. Insulation from the attic covered the floor; along with the rest of the ceiling. Everything in the room was destroyed- including my heart. So many memories were made in this room. It had been my bedroom when I was a baby. I had tea parties, and sleepovers, and dress up in this room. I looked down to see my judge's comments that I had from my very first singing competition.. They were destroyed. The sight hurt my heart.
Next was Mama's bathroom and bedroom. I managed to find my hair straightener through the insulation and broken wood. It was still usable. I ran into Mama's room and found Rainy. I squeezed him as tight as I could and I never let him go. That was the most important thing to me at that moment. Now was the hardest part: I had to go see my room.
I looked up the stairs in horror. It looked as if the wall had been crying as much as me. Ash stains mingled in with the wall. It hurt me so bad to look at it. The smoke made it harder to breathe. I was torn apart. My eyes wandered as I walked up the stairs. When I made it to the top, my heart stopped. A door to the attic was barely standing against the wall. It was burnt, broken, and terrifying to look at. I couldn't stand it. I went into my room. To my relief, it looked better than I thought. Besides the fact that there was a giant hole in the wall, nothing had changed. I collected all of my CD's and awards. I didn't want to put those into storage. They were too precious. Just like the rest of the house...
That day changed me more than it should have. It broke me in ways that I cannot explain. This was the house that built me... Now I had to build it. And wait four more months to be home. I didn't know what to do. But I had to do something.
Well... That didn't happen. In fact, the worst thing happened to me at the worst time: One of my biggest fears came true.
When I was four, I had a nightmare about something. Something that scared me more than anything... Ever since then, I was terrified of it. But I never thought it would actually happen...
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December 17th, 2009:
"Jade, wake up," Mama whispered weakly as she nudged me. I opened my eyes slowly and dreaded the day.
It's exam week, and I am so STRESSED out. If that wasn't bad enough, Mama just got out of surgery, so she can't do anything; and I have the WORST fever virus that I have EVER had. [Nothing can make this day any worse!] I thought... But I should think again.
"Happy Birthday!" I shouted to Mailee as I ran to hug her in literature class.
"Thank you! You remembered!"
"It's a talent..." I said. It really is: I always remember birthdays for some reason.
"Oh my God you look awful..." she said looking at my pale face.
"Thank you.." I replied, "I'm sick."
"I know! But you must feel awful!" Mailee frowned at the sight of how miserable I was.
"Yeah... I've got this darn fever blister the size of Asia in my mouth, I barely just finished my art project, and my fever keeps rising every second! I just wanna go home..." I actually started feeling bad for myself.
Mailee and I walked to lunch together and sat at the very end of the lunch table- like always. We didn't really like the other people in our class, because they didn't really like us. They were all popular, and we weren't. But we were completely happy having lunch on our own everyday. Mailee came to the table and sat down with her tray.
"Don't tell me you're skipping lunch AGAIN!" she said when she looked down to see that I didn't bring or buy a lunch.
"I'm not hungry..." I said.
"You're never hungry!" she debated.
"So what? I don't need to eat anyway..." It had started to bother me when people got on me about my eating.
"YES. YOU. DO." she declared. "Jade, you're SKINNY. You are not fat. Ugh! I don't know why you think that."
The bell rang, and we were off to class to review for exams. The day could not have gone by any slower... When the final bell rang, I was so relieved to get out of this hell hole. I just wanted to lay down in my cool bed and sleep for eternity. But I was going to have to wait a while to do that.
[Crap] I thought. [I still have to go get my art project and my jacket from the lost and found.] I so didn't want to do that. I felt awful. I could feel my fever rising higher and higher. I was dizzy and exhausted. I just wanted to go home.
3:20 PM:
[What the heck? Why isn't my aunt here to pick me up. She's always the first one in line... What am I supposed to do? Is raining, and I'm freezing, I have a crap load of stuff in my arms, and I feel awful, and..... Dad?]
I ran to the car and hopped in as quickly as I could; only to face my dad.
"Where's Aunt Dee?" I asked him.
"She um... Had to go and help your Mamaw out with your mom." Something wasn't right...
"Uh, ok..." I just sat there. Something wasn't right. "Is Mama okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine." He was acting strange...
"Is everything okay?" I asked nervously. But I didn't wanna know the answer. Especially after Daddy said,
"There was a fire today." It took me a moment to process what he had just said. Then, I felt a hot flash move through my body.
"What?!" I screamed. "Where? How?! Aunt Dee's house?! Your hosue?! Mamaw's house?! MY house?!" I was clearly freaking out.
"It was at your house," he responded calmly.
"W...What?! Are my cats okay?! Is Mama okay?! Is Mamaw okay??! How did this happen?!?! Did we lose everything?! Did I lose a lot of stuff?!!? What happened to my room?!?! Did you get Rainy?!?!" (Rainy was my most sentimental object. He is a stuffed animal that I've had since I was five.)
"It's okay," he said, "Everyone's okay. Your mama is fine, Mamaw and Aunt Dee are fine, and the cats are fine. The damage isn't terrible. It's just on the inner parts of the house, like the attic. It's not burned down, it's still standing. It'll be restored in four months. You're going to stay with me for a few days, then you and your mama are going to try to find an apartment or hotel to stay in." I couldn't believe what I was hearing... One of my biggest fears had happened.
"But... how?! How did this happen?! Is my room okay?! What all did we lose?! Where are my cats? Can I go home and see?!" I looked at my reflection in the rear-view mirror of Daddy's car. I could see myself crying through the blur of my wet tears that were dripping down my feverish face.
"Your cats are at Aunt Dee's house with your mom. Mamaw accidentally left the stove on, and turned on the wrong eye. There was a pan of grease on the back of the stove that caught on fire and went up through the cabinet above the stove. It spread all throughout the attic pretty bad. They had to get to the attic from your room, so I'm not sure how bad the upstairs is. It knocked out all of the power, though. The downstairs shouldn't be messed up too bad. The living room and your mama's bedroom should be undamaged. Probably nothing survived that was in the attic. We're going to go get your house key from your mom right now so I can take you to see the damage and grab a few things." I was so sick and exhausted that I just went numb. I couldn't feel anything. I was in disbelief. This can't happen to ME. It's not supposed to. I don't wanna live in a hotel or apartment. I want my room, I want my Rainy, I want my cats, and I want my home! This can't happen to me.
When I saw my weak mama, all I could do was hug her. Laya Rae, Jay, and Jimbo were all hiding in Aunt Dee's house. I tried to comfort Laya, but she hissed at me. My poor baby was scared. She hated this just as much as I did. I felt bad for my sweet Mamaw. She's such a harmless person. She'd never do anything to harm anyone.
"I tried to grab Rainy for you," Mama laughed, "but he's still where you left him. He's okay." That made me feel better. She gave me my house key, and I left to go see the damage. But nothing could compare to the damage in my heart.
**********************************************************************
As I pulled into the driveway of my house, my heart shattered. It looked about as broken as me, and deja-vu really hit me. The house looked just how it did in my dream... That scared me. I inserted the key into the back door and rushed inside. It was cold and dark. Smoke was still blanketing my home. My heart stopped when I saw the stove.
"That's where it started," my dad whispered. All I could see was black. Ash. Smog. Broken glass. It was killing me. The dining room was unharmed, but I didn't really have anything sentimental in there. I went into my living room. It was untouched as well, but it was so dark and empty. I grabbed my phone charger and stuffed it in my pocket. Then I went into the back room of the house. The sight was treacherous. Insulation from the attic covered the floor; along with the rest of the ceiling. Everything in the room was destroyed- including my heart. So many memories were made in this room. It had been my bedroom when I was a baby. I had tea parties, and sleepovers, and dress up in this room. I looked down to see my judge's comments that I had from my very first singing competition.. They were destroyed. The sight hurt my heart.
Next was Mama's bathroom and bedroom. I managed to find my hair straightener through the insulation and broken wood. It was still usable. I ran into Mama's room and found Rainy. I squeezed him as tight as I could and I never let him go. That was the most important thing to me at that moment. Now was the hardest part: I had to go see my room.
I looked up the stairs in horror. It looked as if the wall had been crying as much as me. Ash stains mingled in with the wall. It hurt me so bad to look at it. The smoke made it harder to breathe. I was torn apart. My eyes wandered as I walked up the stairs. When I made it to the top, my heart stopped. A door to the attic was barely standing against the wall. It was burnt, broken, and terrifying to look at. I couldn't stand it. I went into my room. To my relief, it looked better than I thought. Besides the fact that there was a giant hole in the wall, nothing had changed. I collected all of my CD's and awards. I didn't want to put those into storage. They were too precious. Just like the rest of the house...
That day changed me more than it should have. It broke me in ways that I cannot explain. This was the house that built me... Now I had to build it. And wait four more months to be home. I didn't know what to do. But I had to do something.