Entombed

Shane kept his distance from the house after my threat to him. If there hadn't been bigger issues at hand, I would have shot him then and there. I would have done more than shoot him actually, I would have made it painful for him.

I wanted to talk to Rick about what the new plans for this prisoner were, but he was no where to be found. It was Carol that told me Daryl had Randall locked away in the shed for interrogation. In Daryl's hands, this meant the kid was probably getting the beating of a lifetime. I waited at the bottom of a tree, watching the shed, for Daryl to emerge and for a decision to be made.

​​​​We couldn't keep the kid here forever. Either his group would find him and us, or he would escape and lead his group back to us anyway. The claim that he knew Maggie was unsettling, because now his death would be the only thing to ensure he wouldn't be coming right back for us. ​​​​

"Come on." Daryl said down to me as he quickly left the shed and made his way over to Rick's camp. I stumbled to my feet after, trailing behind him to hear what he knew.

Rick smiled at my faintly as I approached behind Daryl, and I felt better knowing he mustn't still be upset after my opinion of the kid.​​​​

"The boy there has got a gang. About thirty men.​​​​ Heavy artillery an they ain't lookin' to make friends." Daryl explained. "They come through here, our men our gonna be dead. And our women and gonna wish they were."

"What did you do?" Carol asked, examining Daryl's bloodied fists.​​​​

"I had a little chat."​​​​

"No one goes near this guy, you hear me?" Rick said to his group.​​​​

"Rick, what are you going to do?" Lori whispered off to the side.

"We have no choice, he's a threat." Rick said, looking to me for a confirmation that what he was about to do was okay. I nodded at him, sadly though, because the burden of another claimed life would be on him. He nodded again in reply. "We have to eliminate the threat."

"You're just going to kill him?" Dale asked, sounding astounded.

"It's settled." Rick said and turned away.​​​​​​​​​​ "We'll do it today."

Rick walked away and I started to follow behind him as Dale rushed past me to fight with him. I could see from Dale's posture and the tone in his voice that he was not okay with this situation. But it was what we had to do.​​​​

Dale was really starting to get on my last nerve, and I could tell that it was getting on Rick's nerves too as the two of them had a yelling match only a few feet away from me. Dale was pleading to have one day to talk to the group, come to an agreement​​​​. As Rick walked away from Dale, I caught back up to him.

"Rick." I said, looking up at him.

"Sorry that I can't be more happy to see you right now." Rick sighed, looking down at me.

"Its okay." I frowned slightly. "You have a lot on your shoulders."

"Too much on my shoulders." He mumbled.

"Let's talk about it?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of the now empty barn.

He thought to himself for a minute, looked around to make sure Lori or the rest of the group weren't watching him. When he finally nodded the two of us walked to the barn, sneaking in through the door and shutting it behind us.

Sunlight poured in through the broken windows as I shoved aside dirty shades and old sacks that used to keep the walkers hidden. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​I watched as Rick sat down on a bale of hay and I sat down next to him, laying my sweatshirt down to keep my legs from getting scratched.

"I thought about what you said the other night, I thought about it all night."

"About killing the kid?" I clarified.

He nodded. "That's all I could think about. I mean, it's not moral and it goes against everything I want to believe right now, but he's a threat to my family, my group and you. I don't want to kill the kid, but if we just let him go, he's going to lead them right back here."

I nodded as I listened to him. He was warring with himself over this, and I could hear it in his voice. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer to me and rested my head on the shoulder closest to me. He reached across his chest to hold the hand on his shoulder and glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"Am I doing the right thing?" He asked me.

"It may not seem like it now, but you are." I said and kissed his shoulder. He grasped my hand tightly and sighed deeply. "It's for the better of the group, you said so yourself."

"I know, but I just can't take an innocent life. Those guys ​​​​​​​​​​​​at the bar deserved it, but how does this kid deserve it?"

I sighed to myself and pulled my arm away from him, turning him to face me and placed a hand on his cheek. "Let me do it."​​​​​​

He looked at me shocked. "No Shannon, it's not your responsibility."

"Rick, I know that you are the leader of your group, I do. But you can't keep carrying every burden on your shoulders, it's going to drive you crazy. Please, let me help you."

"Okay." He said after a pause.

"Lori doesn't know about us, does she?" I asked quietly, hesitant to ask the question in the first place.

"No, no she has no idea." He shook his head. "Why?"

I shook my head no and ran my hands through his hair, looking into his eyes.I thought to myself whether or not I should mention that Glenn saw the two of us together, but he already had enough on his plate to worry about.

"Well, everything's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out, together. Okay?"

"Okay." He smiled faintly and kissed me. I kissed back and pulled away before we took it any further. He nodded at me and kissed my forehead and stood up.

Rick left the barn through the main doors. I waited a few minutes and left through the back of the barn. I knew that if were seen leaving the barn alone it would ruin Rick, and I wasn't one for confrontation where confrontation wasn't needed. I considered going back to the house and doing some chores around the place, but I was in no mood to clean up after others today.

I decided instead that I would head down to the river. I told Rick that this was a possibility I was considering before he left the barn. This way no one would freak out if I went missing for a little while. But then I wondered, who would really miss me besides him? And sometimes I wondered if he would really miss me. How was I supposed to know that I wasn't just some play thing to him that he could have when Lori wasn't around? I thought about Glenn, too. But I was still far too angry with his games and indecisiveness to consider his response to my leaving. Whether permanent or temporary.

I knew where I was going as I walked through the woods. When I was little and we came down to visit uncle Otis, my dad would take me to a natural spring that he and his brother frequently visited when they were children. It was my favorite place as a kid, and I prayed that it would still be untouched by the chaos of the world.

It took a lot longer for me to find than I expected, and I didn't have much time left in the day. I took this as an immediate incentive to undress the second I found water. The sound of the rushing water was so relaxing and it was a welcome comfort. The water was clean, visibly at least.

No one really knew about this part of the river, the cold spring. It was our lovely secret that I never had the opportunity to share. I wanted to share it with Carl and Rick. But Carl was not my son and Rick was not my husband and this was not my family. I wanted a family. Even with the world gone to shit, I would have loved to have a husband and a child to love and nurture and protect. I hated Lori just for the fact she attempted to kill her unborn baby. She had something, many things rather, to live for. And I had none.

I stripped down to nothing, trapped deep in my own thoughts. I hid my gun wrapped in my shirt and underneath my shorts. Ever since Shane returned to the farm without my uncle, I found that my gun was on me at all times. But out here I wasn't all that concerned with a living human finding me. But I kept my knife out in the open on a rock beside the water for protection.

I walked into the water and slowly lowered my body into the chilly liquid. It was colder than I remember it being, especially considering how hot it had been the past few weeks here in Georgia. I submerged my body completely, pulling my hair back across the top of my head with my hands. I held my body underwater for as long as I possibly could, thanking God for the cool relief against my burning skin.

If I died right now, kept my body underneath the water and welcome the icy water into my lungs, I would face a much simpler fate. I don't know that they would ever find me here. I would just simply disappear.

"Shannon!" I heard the scream from the surface.

I kicked off the bottom of the spring almost frantically. One arm flew up to cover my chest and the other wiped my face in a panic so that I could see.

"Are you fucking crazy, Glenn!?" I screamed at him. "You followed me here?"

"I have to talk with you, and you refuse to let me."

"So you just fucking stalk me out here! What did you watch me undress too?" I said, boiling with anger.

"No, no I looked away when you--"

"You listened in on me talking to Rick?" I said, glaring at him.

"Shannon, just calm down, okay?"

"Don't tell me to calm down Glenn." I got out of the water as quickly as I could, facing away from him to pull on my bra and undershirt and quickly my shirt and shorts after. "You are un-fucking-believable Glenn." I growled.

"Wait, Shannon." Glenn grabbed my arm and tried to get me to turn around.

"Glenn, let go of me." I pulled my arm away and picked up my gun, then my knife.

"Do you want Lori to know about you and Rick?"

I turned around and had to hold back the urge to punch Glenn in the nose. "Are you threatening
me?"

"No, no that's not what I meant!" He tried to back track.

"You think that you can just mess with my feelings and, and basically use me as a back board so that you can get with Maggie? I'm not a fucking idiot Glenn--"

"I never said you were, oh my God!" He yelled back at me. "I fucking love you okay, I'm just trying to look out for you, I don't want you to get caught by someone other than me!"

I stared at him, relaxing my posture a bit and trying to understand what he had just said to me. "What...?"

He stared back at me. "I do, Shannon."

"How many times have you said that told Maggie that?"

"I haven't told her that. She's said it, but I haven't."

"I don't know how to believe you."

"I'm not trying to threaten you, that wasn't my intention at all, I swear. I just look at you and I want you for myself but I want to protect Maggie, too."

"You can't have us both." I murmured and sat down on a rock.

"Listen to yourself..." He sat down beside me. "Rick has both you and Lori, and no offense, but he did have Lori first, and she had him first. Not you."

I sighed and looked down. "I know, I think about it every time I'm with him, every time I see him." I shrugged. "It terrifies me. I don't really have anything holding me here. To this place, to this life."

"And you think he'd going to hold you here?"

"I don't know what I think, Glenn. He makes me feel warm, happy, and safe here."

"I don't make you feel that way?" Glenn whispered, staring at the ground beneath him.

"In a sense, you do. But I know you love Maggie, I've seen the way you look at her. I've grown up with Maggie on and off for almost my whole entire life. I've always had to compete with her, and everything she wants, she has always gotten. And she wants you, so..."

He looked at me sadly and reached over to hold my hand, which I let him. "I'm trying to reach out to you, too, Shannon. I am truly trying."

I looked at him and frowned. "I don't know what to say."

"I just don't want Lori to find you two out. Hell will break loose, it's not going to end pretty."

"I get it Glenn, but the only way she'll find out is if I tell her, which I won't. Rick, which I don't think he will. Or if you tell, and if you do, I will never forgive you."

"I'm not going to tell, it just slipped."

"I hope for everyone's sake that you don't." I whispered.

Glenn squeezed my hand. "Rick's a lucky guy to have you so invested."

"Glenn, I tried to be there for you, support you and everything you need from me I tried to give. But you always ended up returning to Maggie, and that hurt."

"I made a mistake, I should have come to you and I'm sorry I didn't."

There was a prolonged silence between the two of us until I pulled my hand away and stood up. I looked at the water before turning to look back at him and held out my hand.

"Let's swim, c'mon." I said and nodded toward the water.

He smiled slightly and took my hand, following me back down to the edge of the water. I let go of his hand to pull off my shirt and slip out of my shorts, piling my things back up, my gun and knife both folded in this time. Glenn took his shirt and jeans off, and we were both left in undergarments. I walked into the water, already used to its breath-taking cold. Glenn took longer to adjust, slowly dipping himself deeper and deeper until he was up to about his chin. Not much was send between us at all, I looked at him every once in a while and he would look at me and we would just pause there in each other's glance, but would never say a thing.

Truth be told, I didn't know what to say. Glenn had said the big three, and it have been a long time since anyone had said that to me, especially anyone that wasn't family or considered family. He said it to me, and I could tell that in a way he did. But I know he loved Maggie, too. And I was conflicted because Glenn loved me and he loved Maggie, and I loved him and I loved Rick. But Rick loved Lori, and did he love me? I couldn't just ask.

Glenn swam to be in front of me and I continued to hold my gaze with him. He held onto one of my hands beneath the water and gave me a look that asked if this were okay. I nodded slightly at him and he leaned in to kiss me, pressing his lips against mine. I put my free hand on his cheek and sighed deeply as he pulled me closer to him.

We kissed and he held me there in the water, our bodies molded together for some time before I pulled away from him gently.

"We had better get back, no one knows where I went." I whispered to him and he nodded.

I could tell he was disappointed, and we dressed silently and faced away from each other, even though we were never naked to begin with. We both decided along our quiet walk back to the farm that one would go one way and one would go the other to avoid questioning from the others. And secretly, I was afraid of what Rick might think to see the two of us together and our clothing wet. I left so guilty as Glenn pulled me to him at the edge of the woods, kissing me yet again with such a force that I had to kiss back just was powerfully. I felt guilt toward him, and I felt guilt toward Rick. I was betraying both of them in a way, though neither of them were mine to betray in the first place.

I returned tot he farm house quietly, managing to get into my room without any human interaction. I stripped of my clothes, piling them in the basket to be washed and wrapped myself with a towel. I was in desperate need of a shower, and I was so thankful for the generators we had collected at the start of the outbreak to keep lights and hot water. They were, after all, quite an essential part of our lives. Most of us found at the beginning that hot water was one of the hardest things to live without, and so we stocked up on power sources to keep this an ongoing pleasure.

After my shower, I returned to my room and looked through clothes to wear. It was beginning to get dark outside and the temperature was rapidly decreasing, surprisingly enough. I was in the process of pulling out a clean pair of jeans when I heard a large bang come from the window. As I whipped around, I saw Rick climbing in through my window like a mad man.

I ran to my bedroom door to shut it all the way and lock it, double checking that no one would get it.

"Are you fucking insane?" I questioned him, pushing him aside to close the window and pull the shades closed so that no one would see, if they hadn't already.

"No." He laughed slightly, his Southern drawl making me melt.

"What are you doing?" I asked, rather flustered at his uninvited and unanticipated arrival.

"I wanted you." He said and approached me.

"You've never come to my room like this." I whispered slightly, unsure of what else I could possibly say.

He shrugged. "I know, but this seemed better to me."

"This is unlike you, are you okay?" I questioned, placing a hand on his forehead.

"I'm fine." He laughed. "I just came to say hello, and kiss you. I just need to see you."

"Tonight's the night, isn't it?" I asked.

He sighed and looked down. "Yeah, I think so."

I nodded at him and crossed my hands over my chest. "I'm coming with you, I hope you know that."

"Shannon, it wouldn't be appropriate if you came. Shane, Daryl and I are going to take care of it." He said, taking each of my hands in his.

"I don't trust Shane." I said blatantly.

"I know you don't, but he's my best friend. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. And you said so yourself, this execution is the best thing to do. We have to go through with it, and Shane actually agrees."

"I still think that I need to go. You can't live with this on your shoulders. Daryl or I would be more appropriate."

"But then that means you'd be living with it on your shoulders."

"I've already had to kill, Rick." I said and wrapped my arms around his neck. "We've both had to. But you tried to save this kid from the beginning. How is it fair to you that you have to kill him now. For your sake, let someone else take care of it."

He sighed and pulled my body up against his. "Fine, you can come."

I smiled and kissed him, pulling him down to the bed.