Heartaches Knocking on Her Door

Liv’s heart sank.

She sat up in the dark. She could hear the dawn orchestra of birds chirping already. She felt sick, hung over, tired, uncomfortable. Turning on the small flashlight she could see that no trace of Ville remained behind, it really was like it had all been a dream.

Sighing, Liv fell back onto her sleeping bag. I can’t be upset at him, she thought, leaving was the right thing to do, what would have people thought if they saw him coming out of my tent in the morning?

She tightly shut her eyes in frustration. What was going to happen now? Ugh, she rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in her sleeping bag, not wanting to think about it, all the complication which would arise from last night’s kiss. Last night’s kiss. The most perfect kiss Liv had ever had. Thinking about it again made Liv’s chest swell.

Grumbling, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to sleep Liv changed for the day, putting on a light gray tank top with a lace skull on it, her leather jacket, and a pair of black skinny jeans. She folded up the clothes that Nikki had lent her than crept out of her tent, the sun just rising for the day.

She sat out, on the grass, smoking, watching people slowly waking up, thinking. Thinking about how at home she felt in Ville’s arms. How good it felt to have his body up against hers. To have him so obviously jealous.

“Can I bum a smoke” Came a gruff voice from above her.

Looking up she saw a smiling Bam, dressed in exactly what he had been wearing the previous night. He took a seat as Liv handed him a smoke.

“Look sorry if I kinda bailed on you guys last night, something, uh, came up.” She took a long drag of her cigarette, watching the swirling smoke dancing in the light morning breeze, avoiding Bam’s eyes.

“Shit, no need to apologize, I get it. Where’s Ville?” He turned his head in front of her gaze so she couldn’t avoid eye contact.

“Probably in the tour bus. Uh, why do you ask?” She began nervously chewing her bottom lip.

“Look I get it, but I’m not a dumbass. There’s something going on, between you two.” He smiled, scratching his beard with his hand, covered in rings.

“I honestly don’t know, so I couldn’t tell you.” Liv shrugged.

“Ah cut the high school crap. Listen, the guy looked at you like I never saw him look at Jonna before.”

“Oh” She didn’t know how else to respond. What did that mean? Like I never saw him look at Jonna before? “Uh, well, there uh, there isn’t anything”

“There will be” Bam smugly interjected. “I may not have seen the guy in a few years, but I fuckin know him well enough.” He got up, smirking “You’re an alright chick, I approve. Hey come back to the bus with me, Nikki’s up and bored.” He held out his hand for Liv.

Smiling, Liv quickly dipped back into her tent, grabbed Nikki’s clothes, and took Bam’s hand.

“We got a shit ton of food but none of us knows how to cook. You got any skills?” Bam said as they walked side by side across the lot. More people were slowly emerging from their tents.

Liv let out a chuckle. “I try, and that’s all I can say about that.”

“Good enough with me” Bam laughed.
***

Ville tiredly rubbed his face as he made his way to Bam’s tour bus, having planned on spending the day with him between shows. He hadn’t slept much the previous night. He had been too tense, feeling Liv so close to him, in his arms, after months of wanting her there. He could feel her, throughout the night, body shaking with dreams, continually waking up, he had held her tighter. It had dawned on him an hour before sunrise that he should head back to the bus. What would people think if they saw him coming out of Liv’s tent? He’d been reluctant to leave, it had felt wrong, but he did, placing a tender kiss on Liv’s sleeping head before departing.

He had gone back to the bus feeling like some stealer of youth, a villain in the night. He had tried to return quietly, but had failed. Leaving in the morning Gas had commented on his late return with a raised brow. Ville had shrugged him off, saying he had just gone out for a smoke. It unnerved him still. What would the guys think? Him and Liv? A girl almost half his age.

He came up to the Fuck Face Unstoppable bus dressed in the same pants from the night before, a black V neck, black cardigan, and black beanie with his unruly waves hidden beneath. Hearing laughter inside he hesitantly knocked, not wanting to disturb anything.

A laughing Jess threw open the door.

“Hey! Ville, what’s up, come in. You’re photo chick is making us the shitiest breakfast we have ever had, but we’re so damn hungry we’re scarfing the shit down like it’s no one’s business.”

Smiling Ville stepped onto the bus. Liv stood in front of the bus’s small stove, spatula in hand, making scrambled eggs. What looked to be hash browns sizzled in another frying pan. She turned and smiled as she heard Ville come in. Though she still had on most of the makeup from the other night, except the lipstick, which had ended up on Ville, he couldn’t help but think how utterly beautiful she was.

Alex and Novak sat at a table laughing at their burnt hash browns, but still scarfing them down. Bam sat on a couch with Nikki on his lap as she took pictures of the crew and Liv.

“Hungry?” Liv smiled at Ville, holding up the eggs.

“Fuck, dude, you gotta be really hung over to eat this shit” Novak laughed, taking another mouthful of the eggs.

“Yeah well this is your third plate” Liv smirked.

“How come you never make me and the guys breakfast?” Ville teased, taking a seat next to Bam and Nikki.

“I wouldn’t want to poison you guys before a show, these ones on the other hand” she pointed her spatula at Novak, who was only wearing his boxers, and Alex, who’s blonde hair was a complete mess.

Bam turned to Vile “We go on in a few hours, if you wanna come watch. I’ve asked Liv here to come on stage and tazer Novak’s’ nuts, but she’s too scared.”

“She can be quite the mouse at times, I’m sure if I asked her however, she would be more than willing” He smirked at Liv who had taken a seat next to him, her own plate of eggs and crisp hash browns in hand.

“I bend to no mans will” She joked, taking a stab at a clump of egg.

“We’ll see” Bam winked. He slapped Nikki on the butt to get up. He stood and grabbed a worn sweater which lay on the ground. “As soon as the master chef here is done eating we are going to go check out the grounds and the other acts, if you want to come” He said to Ville.

“Of course”

Ville watched as Liv got up and threw out her food, having barely touched any of it. “You guys are right, this is shit”

Everyone laughed, throwing out the remains of their breakfasts as well. They all began to file out of the bus. Liv and Ville being the last ones out. Liv smiled awkwardly at Ville as he allowed her to leave before him, closing the door behind himself. The two found themselves falling behind the group as they walked side by side at the same pace.

Ville turned to Liv. “Look, I apologize for leaving this morning, but you understand?” He looked down at her earnestly.

“I understand…” Liv replied, looking ahead of her.

Ville knew, he knew she wanted to know what was going to happen how. But he himself didn’t even know. All I know, he thought, is that I can’t imagine not holding her again, not kissing her again.

“Liv, I, I need to know, the other night, do you still feel the same way now, cause darling, I do. I want you, I’ve wanted you for a while, it’s just that, I’m an old fool, prone to every whim of my emotions. And you, you my dear are this young thing, with little to no life experience. I, I feel , I feel like Mr. Rochester.” He sighed, scratching his head in agitation, waiting for Liv’s response.

The mornings rays danced upon her shimmering hair as she finally looked up at him, the two still slowly following the group. “Well you read the ending did you not? Though blind, home in ruins, Mr. Rochester still got Jane.” She smiled, letting her fingertips graze against his hand as they walked, tickling the inside of his palm.

“Very true my dear” He smirked, grazing Liv’s hand back. He thought it best to leave it at that. An unspoken understanding. Though it felt so right, right to be with Liv, it still felt wrong. The age difference. Sandra. But all he knew was that he wanted her, like Mr. Rochester yearned for Jane despite what society would think, despite his wife.

The rest of the day was spent leisurely. Ville and Liv went around with Bam checking out the different performances, doing interviews. Liv had her camera out, recording almost every moment. To Ville it had seemed as if the camera had been on him most of the time. He had been able to convince Liv to tazer Novak, to his amusement she had accidentally gotten him twice before practically running off the stage in embarrassment, cheeks aflame.

Throughout the day, Ville couldn’t help but become more enamored with Liv. Before the other night he had stopped himself, stopped himself from admiring her smile, conversing with her too much. But he had torn down those walls, there was no rebuilding them now.

***

It had been a near perfect day, Liv thought as she stood to the side of the stage, watching as roadies began setting up for HIM’s performance. The sun had already gone down, bright stage lights illuminated the night as Liv took shots of the fans eagerly awaiting the performance. They must feel like gods out there, she thought, zooming in to some of the signs screaming girls held up.

“What they wouldn’t give to be in your place right now” Came an accented voice from beside Liv. It was Jarno. She’d barely seen him at all over the past few days. They were on good terms, though she could tell the eagerness had dissipated from his eyes.

“I know, it’s, unreal. I, I don’t really deserve it.” Liv hung her head. Though her day had been amazing, joking with Bam, having Ville finally opening up to his emotions, she just couldn’t shake the knot in her stomach. She didn’t have a clue why it was there, but it made her feel unworthy of being there.

“Of course you do” Jarno consoled, placing a hand on Liv’s shoulder, smiling at her.

“Uh Liv, may I have a word. Seppo asked be to uh pass on a message.” Ville said, suddenly appearing from the confounds of the back of the stage.

“Yeah sure.” She called over to him. Tucking her camera away in her purse she turned back to Jarno, “See you around” Than followed as Ville walked, without turning to make sure she was following, out the back of the stage, into the night. She could see his finger clenching and unclenching. Finally he stopped in a dark corner, out of sight, beside a truck and turned to Liv.

“I’ve been meaning to do this all day” He whispered. Then suddenly Liv was up against the van, Ville’s lips on hers. A hand eagerly ran up her back, under her shirt, holding the small of her back. His silver rings, icy to the touch, made Liv’s back arch. His other hand cupped her face.

Liv smiled against his lips, kissing him back. Ville broke the kiss, kissing a line down her jaw to her neck.

“Why the need to steal me away into the night” Liv whispered in his ear, purposefully allowing her lips to brush up against it.

Ville shivered. ”Would you hold it against me if I told you I like my privacy darling?” He held her closer, burying his face in her hair.

“No, of course not.” What am I supposed to say? Liv thought. I’m getting what I wanted aren’t I? Ville. He isn’t a normal guy, why did I expect this situation to be normal? Ville tenderly brought his lips up to Liv’s once again. “I bet they are looking for you right now” Liv whispered against his lips.

“Let them look.”

“Ville” Came a faint call from inside the stage area.

“Fuck” He grumbled against Liv’s lips, closing his eyes in frustration. He took out a cigarette and lit it, body still pressed up against Liv’s as she curiously looked up into his eyes.

Liv took the cigarette from him, taking a deep drag, than squirmed out from under him. “Come on Mr. Dark brooding idol, you have a show to do” She smirked, trying to seductively blow the smoke into his face. He laughed. Liv stuck the smoke back between his lips and took his hand, heading back to the stage.

Normally one to be led by others, to take the back seat, having Ville want her, it made her feel different. Independent. Powerful. Not like a little girl, like a woman.

As they entered the backstage area Liv immediately dropped Ville’s hand and walked on ahead of him. She found Bam and Nikki in the wings talking with Mige.

“Well isn’t it the she-devil herself.” Mige exclaimed as Liv approached them, trying to adjust her slightly disheveled hair.

“Not sure how I acquired that title Mr. Machiavellian clown.” Liv smirked, digging out her camera.

“Where’s uh Ville” Bam said turning to Liv, trying not to smirk.

Nikki gave him a slight nudge.

“Right here Bam Bam” Ville suddenly appeared next to Mige, cigarette still in hand. He turned to Mige, “Shall we?”

The two walked away, joined by Linde, Gas, and Burton who were waiting on the corner of the stage for them to appear. They walked on stage to an overpowering roar of fans. Liv went closer to the side of the stage, Nikki and Bam beside her.

As the guys prepared their instruments Ville grabbed the mic “This is an old one.” He turned his head, looking straight at Liv, smiling as the opening notes began to play. He turned back to the crowd, taking a deep drag of his cigarette, looking at where Liv’s lips had been on it. “It’s called Razorblade Kiss”

Liv’s face turned beet red.

***

“Shut the fuck up! I cannot believe this!” Yelled Marcus over the phone.

“Well believe it!” Liv laughed. She had retreated to her tent after the show, turning down Bam who had wanted her to go to a local pub with everyone. She felt like giving Bam and the rest of guys space to properly catch up. She hadn’t had a chance to talk with Ville, he had been whisked away by Bam right away.

She had changed into an oversized Iron Maiden tee shirt that went almost to her knees, with short tight boy shorts underneath, making it look as if she only wore the shirt, prepared for a night in when Marcus had called a few hours later, wanting an update.

“What’s he like? Is he all crazy like in Jackass or is he like fat and old now?” Marcus eagerly asked.

Liv rolled her eyes “He’s, well he isn’t as crazy as he is in Jackass, and of course he is older. But wow, he is so friendly. Suck a fuckin cool guy.” Liv sat cross legged, tossing her hanging flashlight around as she spoke to Marcus.

“That’s not descriptive enough woman!” Marcus teased over the line. “Ah hell, at least you are in better mood, what changed?”

“umm well a lot actually” Liv was hesitant about telling Marcus. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted anyone to know. If anything became of her and Ville and the news got out, it could ruin the credibility she had been forming as a professional photographer, many might end up thinking she got the job just cause there was something going on with Ville. That’s not why I got it, right? She thought.

Liv had been so distracted with her train of thought that she hadn’t heard the loud commotion outside, slowly making its way towards her tent.

“Liv! Come out!” Came a loud voice from outsider her tent.

“who’s that?” Marcus curiously asked on the other line, having heard the voice.

“Uh, no clue, let me check” Liv could hear other voices outside her tent talking, laughing.

She hesitantly unzipped her tent to see a very drunk Ville, Bam, Linde, Novak, and Burton standing out in the night, the moons dim glow illuminating their figures.

“How freakin drunk are you guys?” She laughed. They all had beers in hand and were just barely managing to stand.

“Very!” yelled Bam as he came right up to Liv’s tent, unzipping it all the way. “Come out, we need someone to judge our pissing contest” Linde, Ville, Novak, and Burton all burst out in laughter.

Liv turned back to her phone, “Uh, Marcus I think I should go, these guys are pissed drunk, I’ll call you back tomorrow, alright?”

“Fuck I wish I was there! Alright, have fun” He laughed before hanging up.

Liv reluctantly stepped out of her tent, goosebumps going up her bare legs. “Where’s everyone else?” She asked crossing her arms.

“Fuckin couldn’t handle their shit, went back early” Said Novak as he came around and put a skinny arm around Liv. It didn’t surprise her that he was wearing nothing but boxers.

“Alright lads, shall the contest begin, we have our judge” Laughed Burton, adjusting his cowboy hat.

Liv rolled her eyes. “How the hell am I supposed to judge this, I can barely see shit all in the dark”

“Darling, the flashlight” Laughed Ville pointing to the small light shining through Liv’s tent.

“jesus” Liv grumbled. They call themselves grown men?

Ville cleared his throat, laughing, “I actually prefer Sabbath my dear” Bam couldn’t contain his chuckling.

Liv shrugged out from under Novak and ducked into the tent, grabbed the flashlight, then stepped back out. “Do I actually have to do this? I’m not sure I want to see that much of you guys”

They all roared with laughter.

“Of course you do! Then we’ll leave you alone, promise. We just need to know which of us jerk offs is the biggest man” said Bam.

“drop trou” Called Linde

Liv couldn’t help but giggle as she averted her gaze.

“Form up” Linde commanded. The men, formed up into a line.

“You guys are freakin ridiculous. Alright, on the count of three start uh, pissing I guess, and please, try to respect these pure eyes of mine.” Liv laughed. She couldn’t help it, she had never seen them this drunk before, especially Ville who barely even drank.

“They’re probably virginal eyes too” Novak snickered.

“hey!” Burton called, “ You watch it perv, she’s like a little sister to us” Ville practically choked on the sip of beer he was taking. Burton nudged Novak, causing him to almost fall over.

Liv couldn’t help but laugh to herself. Not everyone sees me as their little sister. She reluctantly watched them, and to everyone’s surprise Novak had won.

“What the fuck do I win??” Novak yelled, still in surprise.

“Whatever the fuck you want” Bam called.

Novak suddenly rushed at Liv laughing, he picked her up, slinging her over his shoulder. Liv couldn’t help but laugh along.

“Put the poor girl down” Ville said, his tone not as light hearted as before.

Novak gently set Liv down. Winking at her in the dark “Lets head back to the bus” he turned and started sauntering off in the direction of Bam’s tour bus. Linde and Burton followed on his heels, bursting out into laughter as Novak he tripped on a rock on his way to the bus.

“Like what you saw during the contest.” Bam laughed “Walo here should really pull a Peter Steele with that big fucker of his” Laughing he slapped Ville on the ass. He approached Liv, putting an arm around her shoulder. “I probably won’t see you in the morning but uh yeah you are welcome on my bus or in my home any time, you’re a sick chick Liv. And hey, if you ever get tired of working with these geezers I’ll find ya another job” He gave her a slight squeeze than made his way to catch up with Novak and them.

Once alone Ville quickly closed the space between him and Liv. “I apologize. When in the company Bam Bam…”

Liv cut him off smiling, putting her fingers to his lips. “I’m not your mother, you don’t have to explain anything” She turned to go back into her tent, her hand slowly retreating from his lips. Suddenly she felt him catch her hand, pulling her back towards him.

His face was inches from her. “When we get back to Hel’s, I’ll take you out, real proper, a date if you will, would you like that?” His hot breath, smelling of beer, washed over her. Liv’s heart couldn’t help but pick up.

“Very much” Liv whispered, moving her face a fraction closer to his, their lips almost touching.

Slowly, Ville laid a soft kiss on her lips, then gently placing his hands on the sides of her face he laid another kiss upon her head. “Bonum nocte my dear” He turned around, walking in the direction the rest of the guys had went.

Liv crouched down, unzipping her tent but stopped as she heard Ville call out “Oh and Liv” She turned her head in his direction. “My filthy mind absolutely adores seeing you in nothing but that tee shirt.”