Heartaches Knocking on Her Door

[August 17, 2013, Helsinki]

“Just where do you think you’re running off to?” Liv chuckled as she sat in the center of his bed, blanket in disarray, laptop opened, drying her wet hair, a towel still wrapped around her body.

Ville shook the water from his hair, sending droplets across his room. He gave Liv a mischievous grin, grabbing his acoustic from where it stood in the corner of his room. “Inspiration has suddenly hit darling” He gave her a wink before retreating to his studio, still only in his black boxers.

Liv rolled her eyes and finally answered the call she had been receiving from Marcus over Skype, the morning sun shining on her through Ville’s open window.

“Oh, shit, did I get you at a bad time” Marcus smirked through the screen on her laptop as he took her in. He wore a black Metallica tee shirt from what Liv could see through the screen.

Liv blushed “No, no you didn’t” She tightened the towel around her. She could hear soft acoustic chords coming from Ville’s small studio across the hall.

“So what is this, like the third night in a row now? Where is Ville anyway?” Marcus sat at the kitchen table of the apartment he now shared with Hanna, picking at a bowl of popcorn.

“Um fourth” Liv laughed, hiding her face in her hands, than bringing them away. “But we’re heading over to the states soon and won’t be able to spend any alone time together, trying to get our fill now. And he’s hiding.”

“Hiding?” Marcus asked, raising an eyebrow than stuffing his mouth full of popcorn.

“I think he’s still a little uncomfortable about you knowing about us” Liv shrugged. She didn’t blame him, if the situation were reversed, and a friend of his, whom she barely knew, knew about them, she would feel uncomfortable as well.
“Understandable. So when the fuck do I finally get to see you! I mean jesus Liv, it’s been fuckin forever, I miss you.”

“Aw Marcus I miss you too. We won’t be in California until September, but I’ll get you into one of the shows, and get them to sign you some merch and”

Marcus cut Liv off “Fuck that, I just want to see my best friend again” he smiled, adjusting his laptop.

“The time will fly.” Liv sighed, hoping she was right. She really just wanted the rest of the month to fly by. September meant seeing Marcus, it meant visiting her grandfather, it meant going home.

“Hopefully. So you and Ville are good, everything is fine and dandy?”

Liv laughed “Fine and dandy? Sure, you could say that. Honestly it makes me nervous though, I feel like it may be the calm before the storm, you know? I just still can’t believe it, me, why me, how did I end up with such a, with him” Liv sighed, chewing her lip. Recently a nervousness had been thriving in the back of the mind, she loved Ville, she knew that, she knew he loved her, but he had also loved so many and had lost them. Why her? What did she have to offer him, a man. Lust had clouded her judgement before but now she couldn’t help but think further than just wanting him, she wanted him to be happy, would he be happy with her in the long run?

“Liv, don’t second guess yourself. There is a reason he loves you, and I guess this whole secret crap must be tough but, I don’t know, I have faith in you guys”

Ville hesitantly poked his head into the doorway of his room, balancing a plate of toast on a cup of coffee, another cup in his other hand. He quickly brought them to Liv, setting them next to Liv on his nightstand.

“Thank you” Liv beamed.

“Hi Ville” Marcus called eagerly, having seen the small interaction, but not Ville himself.

Ville pulled on a pair of dark jeans and a black Siouxsie tee shirt before sticking his head in front of Liv’s laptop, hair still wet, “Greetings Marcus” He took a seat behind Liv on his bed, leaning against his black headboard, grabbing his cup of coffee.

Liv turned and mouthed a smiling ‘thank you’ to Ville for coming out of hiding.

“Oh!” Suddenly exclaimed Marcus.

“What?” Liv asked facing her screen once again.

“I just remembered!” He left the screen. Liv could hear him run off, then return, beaming. “Look what I finally fucking bought!” He held up a small rounded box covered in a layer of black crushed velvet.

Liv sat with her mouth agape. She felt Ville sit up next to her, moving in for a closer look. “Marcus! Which one, which one did you pick?”

He laughed, still holding the box up to the webcam in his laptop. “I obviously bought the one you chose!” He slowly pulled back the lid to reveal a thin, silver banded ring, with a dazzlingly sparkling black diamond sitting solitarily in the center.

Liv couldn’t help it, she gripped onto Ville’s leg, practically digging her nails in with excitement. “Marcus! It’s, it’s so, I’m going to cry.”

“It very unique and very beautiful. I’m sure your lovely lady will love it” Smiled Ville next to Liv. Chuckling to himself he slowly lifted Liv’s hand from his leg, holding it in his.

“I mean it’s no tattoo or anything, but I really do think Hanna will love it.” Marcus shrugged, admiring the ring.

Ville’s hand suddenly tightened around Liv’s. ”I, I’m going out for a smoke” He let go of Liv’s hand, swinging his feet over the side of his bed, grabbing his coffee cup than stormed out of the room.

Liv grumbled in frustration. She wasn’t about to run off after Ville, he needed time to think. I, I don’t even understand though, she thought, why does even one small mention of anything that has to do with Jonna send him over the edge, makes him angry.

“Did I say something?” Marcus asked confused.

“No no no. So tell me, when do you plan on proposing?” Liv asked turning back to the screen, hearing Ville descending his stairs.

“Um I think end of the month, we both have some time off so I’ll think of something fucking magical. You better keep a day open to Skype me after I propose!”

“Of course! I’ll uh, I’ll have some stuff to talk about too. You know how I’ve been talking to my dad?” Liv chewed her bottom lip. “Well he lives in Tulsa now, so I’m meeting up with him for dinner while the bands in town for Rock Allegiance. I talked to HIM’s manager already and he’s letting me take the night off if I take on this promotional photo shoot for this club/venue type place called Tavastia.”

“That’s good. Are you nervous? Does he seem, you know, clean?” Marcus asked concerned.

“He does, but that’s over email, I’ll have to see for myself” On top of work and Ville, Liv had been worrying about her father. She needed him, she needed him clean, she needed to know that she had more family out there, family that could actually be there for her.

“I’ll be fucking honest, I’m worried about you. I don’t know if you’d be able to take it if you found out he was still shooting up. Remember last January? When you ran into his old drinking buddy? And how he told you about your dads overdose? You were a wreck for weeks Liv.”

He’s right, Liv thought, she had been, she’d been distraught and the only person who had been able to pull her through had been her mother. If there was a similar episode, she’d have no one. “I know, I’m just really hoping, praying, that things will be different, that he will be telling the truth. Enough about this topic, tell me about school.”

Marcus sighed, knowing that Liv was avoiding the subject, she always did that, but he humoured her to make her happy and rambled on about all the assignments he had due.

They talked for a while longer, about school, and the photo shoot Liv had planned out for the band later that day. Liv’s mind had veered back to Ville however and his abrupt departure due to the reference about Jonna. Jonna, why, what was it about her? Does he still love her? Eventually Liv said her goodbyes to Marcus than snapped her laptop shut. She hadn’t been able to enjoy her infrequent face to face conversation with Marcus because of Ville.

She quickly pulled on the clothes she had brought with her. Bra, panties, black leggings and a loose gray Rob Zombie tank top. Hair still wet she made her way downstairs, past the kitchen, past the small laundry room, and to the screen door which led to Ville’s small shaded backyard. They grass was tall and lush, vines twisted, intertwining over the tall wooden fence which surrounded it. Small bushes hugged the corners of the backyard. Almost in the center, but slightly off to the side, sat the metal frame of a large skeletal shell. Ville sat in the center of the shell, looking off into the distance, Marlboro between his lips.

Liv gently slid open the door, and stepped out into the shade of his backyard feeling a slight chill. She shut the door behind her and walked over to Ville who hadn’t seen or heard her arrival. As she came closer a huge grin spread across Ville’s face. He tossed his cigarette away in the moist grass and got up. Before Liv could utter one syllable about Jonna, Ville gently grabbed her by the hand and began leading her to the side of his vine covered tower. “Come. I have something to show you.”

He’s acting practically giddy, Liv mused as she followed him. He opened the gate at the side of the house, his feet crunching on gravel, swinging open the gate he stopped. His worn black cruiser stood next to a new deep crimson one. “Well, what do you think? I know you won’t be able to use it for a while but I figure it would be cheaper than renting or buying a car while you’re here. Plus this way you won’t be my chauffer.” He chuckled, still holding onto Liv’s hand.

“Ville, it, it’s beautiful. I love it.” Grinning from ear to ear Liv let go of Ville’s hand and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her tip toes she brought her lips to his, feeling his smile against them. She pulled away, dropping her hands to her sides. When, when will I be able to use it? We leave for America soon. When the tours over? When the tours over are you going to live here? “Ville, what’s going to happen once the tour is over?”

“What do you mean darling” Ville asked, raising a brow.

“When the tour is done, I’m done working.” She began chewing her lip. When the tours done, then I’ll have to go back to America. I, I can’t live here, can I? Her breathing began to pick up as she began to worry. Ville won’t, can’t move. Will I have other job options? Will I have to rent an apartment or will he ask me to move in with him? Will we be even still be together by then?

“Liv, stop. Stop worrying, your ruining that bottom lip I adore so much.” He gave her a reassuring smile, cupping her face between his hands. “The tour doesn’t end for quite a while, there is time to figure everything out, just live in the moment my dear”

Liv closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, feeling the warmth from Ville’s large ringed hands radiate across her cheeks. He’s right, I’ve been wracked with worry all day, and the days just begun.

***

Ville sat on the hardwood floor of his small studio, lyrics flowing out of him in a deluge, his hand scrawling across his moleskin rapidly, acoustic in his lap.

Liv, her face, her voice, the way she made him feel, it was all scribbled in the pages of his notebook. The night he saw her he had gone out and bought a new notebook, filling the first few pages instantly. She haunted his every thought.

He put down the pen sighing. He felt bad for leaving Liv to go write, but he couldn’t leave the melodies, the lyrics, bottled up, they needed to be released, and she understood. Ville had left Liv downstairs on his sofa, updating her website. It’s past noon, I wonder if she is hungry, he thought setting aside his acoustic. The shoot isn’t for another couple of hours, we have enough time to go out and surreptitiously grab a bite.

Suddenly there was a slight knock on the door. Ville got up, curious. He walked out to the top of the stairs, scratching the back of his head wondering who had shown up unexpectedly, when he heard the sound of a key entering the lock. Family, he thought, rushing down the stairs, thankful he wasn’t wearing socks or else he would have slipped and fallen at the speed he had run down. Hopping down the last step he was greeted by the smiling form of his father.

Kari wore a plane black tee shirt over an unbuttoned, short sleeved plaid shirt, and light denim jeans. He stood in front of Ville’s front door holding a covered dish.

“isä, mitä sinä täällä teet?” (dad, what are you doing here) Ville asked, confused, as he gave his dad a one armed hug, eyes darting to his living room, but Liv wasn’t there, though her laptop sat open.

Kari raised a brow as he noticed Ville’s preoccupation. “Äitisi ajatteli saatat olla nälkää itse kuolemaan täällä, pakotti minut ulos talosta toimittaa lounasta sinulle. Mikä hätänä poika, olet oudosti.” (Your mom thought you might be starving yourself to death here, forced me out of the house to deliver some lunch to you. What’s wrong with you son, you’re acting strange.)

“Olen, olen yritys.Liikekumppani. Hänen pitäisi olla täällä jossain …” (I, I have company. A business partner. She should be here somewhere…) Ville explained as ran a hand through his loose curls. “Liv! Come say hi to my father” He called out in English, wondering where the hell she had gone, sure that she had went off to hide in case it was someone they both knew.

Liv hesitantly walked to the front door, coming from the direction of the kitchen, a nervous smile on her face. Ville tried to give her a reassuring look. “Liv, this is my father Kari, isä this is Liv Manning, the bands new photographer.” He motioned from his father to Liv, eagerly gauging his father’s reaction.

Kari’s smile widened as he took Liv in. “The American!” He laughed as he extended a hand towards Liv.

Liv began chuckling. Ville stared down at her confused as she took Kari’s hand. Oh! That’s right, the signature, she went into the shop.

“How did you like the film?” Kari asked resting a hand on Ville’s shoulder as he held the covered dish with the other.

A beautiful blush came across Liv’s face, Ville sighed with love internally. “I um, I haven’t seen it yet actually, I sort of bought it for a friend.” Her blush reddened deeper.

Changing the subject as soon as he could, Ville jumped in, taking the dish from his father. “isä did äiti make enough for three?”

“I believe so” Kari replied, finally pulling his smiling face away from Liv and turning towards his son. “But I have a few errands to run, so you two enjoy the meal. I’ll stay and chat though before I leave.”

“Great” Ville smiled, leading the way into his kitchen. He almost stopped in his tracks however when he saw it. It was clean. Spotless. The dishes had been washed, the counters wiped, the empty water bottles and Red Bull cans cleared away, floor swept. He smiled to himself, he didn’t know that Liv was so, so domestic. Going around his counter, Ville set down the food his mother had made and grabbed two plates and some utensils as Liv and his father took the two chairs at the opposite end of the counter.

“Liv you should have told me you knew my boy here, I would have just given you the video. I could have thrown in the cuffs and whip too” Kari said as he swiveled in his chair, facing Liv.

Ville almost dropped the plates.

Liv began to laugh as she had watched Ville’s reaction. “Oh no, that’s fine, I’m not quite that adventurous.”

What has gotten into her, Ville thought. Liv was being more open, acting more comfortable in the presence of a stranger for once. Ville liked it.

“Do you two have a photo shoot later today?” Kari asked as Ville began scooping out the food his mother had made onto the plates. Turnip casserole, his favorite.

“Yes at two inside Tavastia.” Ville smiled, handing Liv her plate as he leaned against the fridge holding his plate. The food had still been hot.

“They’re promotional shots for the club. Honestly I’m a bit nervous, it will be my first major photo shoot, instead of just taking candid’s of the band and shots of them performing.” Liv shrugged, bringing her fork to her mouth.

Ville watched eagerly, becoming utterly delighted as she smiled at his mother’s cooking after her first taste.

Kari noticed Liv’s reaction as well, grinning he said “You like my wife’s cooking?”

“I love it. I haven’t had a home cooked meal in, in a very long time.” Ville noticed Liv’s smile become a little less bright. She’s thinking about her mother.

***

“So what do you think of my father?” Ville asked leaning across the counter with a crooked grin as Liv finished her meal.

“I think you are very lucky” Liv said, stretching out her arm and cupping Ville’s cheek with her hand. Brining it away she got off the stool and went around the counter, turning on the water at the sink and beginning to wash her plate.

She felt Ville wrap his arms around her from behind, burying his face in her hair. “Thank you. Thank you for cleaning my mess here, and thank you for being so kind and open with my father, it means a lot to me darling.”

Liv set her plate on the drying rack than twisted in Ville’s arms so she faced him. She wiped her wet hands on her pants than brought them up, placing them on Ville’s shoulders. “I’m sure if I ever met him again, as your dame, girlfriend, chick, lady friend, whatever you want to call it, I’d be too nervous to utter a word.”

Ville laughed, bringing his fingers up to Liv’s face and smoothing out the worry lines on her forehead.

“Come!” Liv said suddenly, grabbing Ville by the hand. “Let’s get you ready for the shoot.” She was nervous, tremendously so, the photo-shoot later that day was a big step in her career, and if something went wrong… No, Liv stop worrying, she told herself, everything will be fine, you work with the guys all the time, they know what they’re doing.

“What do you mean ‘get you ready for the shoot’?” Ville asked as he let Liv lead the way to his bedroom, their fingers laced together.

“I mean” Liv smiled, turning to face Ville at the top of the stairs, “that I told the rest of the guys what I wanted them to wear, but decided to personally help you” She smirked, darting into Ville’s room and going straight for his closet.

She began digging through all the black, searching for something just right. From behind her she heard Ville take a seat on the edge of his bed.

“What did you tell the guys to wear?” He asked as Liv pulled out exactly what she had been searching for.

Liv turned, smirking. “I simply asked them to wear their dirtiest, grimiest shirts.” She triumphantly held up an old, plain, faded, black beater.

“Simple enough” Ville smiled at Liv’s excitement. “Why the need to personally help me though?”

Liv approached him, a devilish smirk on her face. She stopped right in front of Ville, grabbing him by the hands and pulling him up so he stood before her, looking down at her sporting a similar, but confused, smirk. “Honestly I just wanted to be the one to take your shirt off”

Ville laughed, grabbing Liv by the waist and pulling her to him, her body colliding into his. He brought his face to hers. “This morning wasn’t enough for you than?”

“What can I say” Liv blushed “I’m insatiable” She loved Ville, she loved how gentle he was being with her in their physical relationship, but after her first taste back in Germany, she wanted him more. She wanted all of him. Why can’t we just have sex? She asked herself. He had blocked all her attempts so far and it was bruising her ego. Add that to the list of things to worry about, Liv mused.

Ville brought his lips to Liv’s slowly, holding her face to his by the chin. His slight stubble brushing up against her cheek. Their lips parting, but still touching, foreheads pressed together, Ville whispered “If we didn’t have that damn shoot I’d stay here with you all day.”

Liv chuckled. “It’s all we’ve done for the past couple of days, you’re not sick of me yet?”

The corners of Ville’s mouth twitched up. “Oh darling, I’m just getting started with you.”

Liv brought her hands to the bottom of Ville’s shirt, slowly pulling it up and tossing it into a corner. Admiring his abs she bit her lip with yearning.

“Are you quite sure you don’t have a few minutes to spare?” Ville asked pressing his bare chest up against Liv, bringing his hands under her shirt and running them up and down her back.

He’s making working with him so incredibly hard. She wound her hands with his against her back and reluctantly pulled them out from under her shirt. She had to return to her hotel room and grab all the equipment she had bought for the shoot and set it up before the guys arrived. “I’m going to attempt to call myself a cab.” She pulled away from Ville and went to go grab her phone from his bathroom.

She perched up on Ville’s counter, the harsh bathroom lights shining on her. She punched in the number for the cab company and waited for their answer.

Ville came in, having put on the shirt Liv had picked up, he sighed sat down on the closed toilet, running a hand through his hair. Liv couldn’t help but smirk as she noticed that Ville once again had all his rings.

Quickly making the call and hoping the cab driver understood her horrible Finnish she hopped off the counter and began digging in one of Ville’s drawers. Laughing internally, she casually said “So I see someone found your ring”

Ville began laughing. “Yes, Mige found it on the floor in a corner the other day when he returned to the bus to retrieve a snack of some sort he’d left on the bus. I’m thankful he found it, not unthankful that I had to take it off in the first place.”

Liv turned to face him as she pulled out the black eyeliner she had found, a blush on her face.

“And you still blush at the memory, yet downstairs you spoke so openly about whips and handcuffs, now why is that my dear?” He grinned, locking his fingers together behind his head and leaning back.

“Oh shush.” Liv said as she slowly lowered herself into Ville’s lap, facing him, much to his amusement.

“Changed your mind about having a few minutes?” He brought his hands to Liv’s hips.

“What’s gotten into you today?” Liv laughed as she began gently putting the black liner on Ville, his emerald eyes staying locked on her face.

“Me? You’re the one who’s began wracked with worry all day, and not just this morning, darling I’m not obtuse, I can tell.” He began rubbing soothing circles on her back, a gesture which always calmed Liv.

“Ville, I’m sorry but what do you expect. I’m not use to this, all of it. I had a quiet life back in LA as a student living with a roommate, now I’m here, across the ocean, touring with a band, doing photo shoots. Then there’s my father, and Marcus’s soon to be engagement, and you.” Why am I being so open today? Liv thought. She was never used to opening up so freely with someone, then again, she’d never had a serious relationship before, this is serious right? Isn’t it? She moved onto his other eye.

“Me? My love, there isn’t any reason for you to worry about me.” He raised his left hand catching her hand just as she brought it to his eye, pulling it away from his eye so that she would look at him.

Liv looked down at his hand, her eye couldn’t help but gravitate towards his ring finger, a thick silver ring sitting on it, hiding what she knew lay beneath. She thought back to earlier, when what Marcus had said upset Ville. Her lips were about to make their way unconsciously between her teeth, but she stopped herself. Nothing to worry about…

***

“Okay now for this shot I really want you guys to flaunt you’re tattoo’s, you know, look menacing, if you can” Liv looked directly at Mige who had been teasing her throughout the entire shoot for her nervousness.

She turned around and began adjusting the lighting umbrella’s she had set up, toning down the brightness. Liv couldn’t help but stop and admire the location she was shooting at. She’d gone into Tavastia once when approached for the promo shoot and immediately fell in love with the hallway. It provided a busy backdrop, to say the least. The hallway was long with a black and white checkered floor and walls, which were covered in signatures and graffiti. Short black leather couches ran along the side of each wall. It was perfect, dark, tough looking, aesthetically pleasing, and of course, a highly recognizable spot actually in Tavastia.

“Liv, do you even have any tattoo’s?” Mige asked as Liv turned around, adjusting the settings on her camera. He had come dressed in paint splattered dark wash jeans, chains hung from them, and a tattered red tee shirt with an unrecognizable band logo on it.

Blushing to herself as she tried to focus and getting just the right setting, Liv replied “Um, yes, I do actually.”

“Really?” She heard Ville skeptically remark. She looked up, trying to gain a control over her blush. He crossed his arms “Where?” Liv understood his confusion, he thought he’d seen almost every inch of her. Almost, she thought, blushing more. He stood slightly in front of the rest of the guys in the old black beater Liv had found for him, faded black jeans, riddled in rips, which hugged his long legs closely, a gray scarf wrapped around his neck, usual black beanie on his head, dark curls spilling out from underneath, and scratched black leather boots on his feet.

“On my ribs” She lied. She’d tell Ville later, but she really didn’t want the rest of the guys to know where it was, or how it had ended up there, or what it even was of for that matter.

“Tough chick” Burton smirked. He wore a faded plane olive tee shirt, ripped light wash jeans with a huge intricate silver belt, and strands of ripped gray fabric wrapped around his wrists.

“You’re just figuring that out now” Liv teased as she brought the camera up to her eye. “Alright guys, like I said, show off your tattoo’s, look tough and what not. Gas could you just angel yourself in just a little towards Ville please.” Liv watched through her lens as gas, who had worn a dark blue faded Megadeath tee shirt and torn khaki’s, shifted just as she had asked. “Perfect. Alright and Linde could you come forward a bit, stop, okay, now just bring your chin down, yup.” Linde wore a dark green cut up tee shirt under a paint spattered black vest, and faded black jeans. She began taking shots, their eyes locked onto her camera. “Almost done, now for these last few I want you guys to just do whatever the fuck you want really, I want your personalities on full display.” Am I going to regret this?

Laughing, they all relaxed immediately. Linde leaned in snarling slightly. Burton straightened out his shoulders, putting on his aviators and tilting his chin up. Gas pursed his lips and threw up a casual metal sign with his hand. Mige scowled, crouching slightly, sticking out his tongue like Gene Simmons, and air bassed. Ville straightened out his body, putting one foot slightly in front of the other, standing at an angle, and raised his two hands and brought them to his head, devil horns, he sported a slight grin.

Liv quickly took a few shots, barely able to contain her laughter. Lowering her camera she sighed with relief “And we’re done!” One less thing to worry about.

The guys clapped, and Liv bowed slightly, smiling.

Mige sauntered over and locked Liv into a huge bear hug, lifting her off the ground. “You did it kid! You’re in the big leagues now.” He guffawed. He set her down. “This calls for a celebration, how about we all go out for drinks?”

“I can’t, sorry Liv, date night with Natali, I promised I would take her out to some place fancy. But drinks are on me next time alright” Gas sighed.

“I can’t either, I’m helping Toni look after Olivia and Lara tonight” Linde shrugged, “But next next time, drinks are on me”

“Aw come on guys” Mige said, bringing an arm around Liv’s shoulder.

“ I’ve got family friends coming to visit” Burton said, giving Liv an overly dramatic expression of sadness. “But next next next time, drinks are on me.”

Liv laughed, “Well it looks like I’m set for a while.” She turned to Ville, grinning, “And what about you?”

“Ah, hmm, well I guess I can squeeze you in” Ville smirked.

***

“This place looks intimidating” Liv said as she walked along side Ville and Mige towards the entrance of Bar Bakkari. It was just past nine when Liv had met Ville and Mige a few shops down from the Bar.

After the shoot she had a meeting with editors from a German magazine about selling them shots from the show in Hildesheim. Exhausted Liv had gotten back to her hotel room and had taken a nap, waking up just in time to get ready and meet Ville and Mige. Her worries from earlier in the day had only gotten worse, her bottom lip on the verge of bleeding by the time she’d left her hotel room. She’d decided to dress up a bit, since she barely went out, not that she was used to it before, but the anticipation of drinking away her worries had kept her going throughout the day. She had put on a black lace tee shirt with a black bra underneath, the pattern was pretty thick so nothing popped out, or at least she hoped that was the case. She tossed on a pair of black skinny jeans, black leather booties with studs on the heel and her pin riddled leather jacket. Deciding to not wear too much makeup she put on a layer of red lipstick before tousling her black natural curls and leaving.

“It won’t be as intimidating once we get a few drinks into you” Mige laughed as they approached the entrance.

He hadn’t changed after the shoot, but Ville had. Liv sneaked a smile at him as Mige paid his cover for the upstairs area of the bar. Ville returned Liv’s smiling, discreetly bringing his hand to hers, playing with her fingers. He’d changed into a low cut black V neck, an eye peeking out from underneath, new black jeans and a black rosary, otherwise he still wore the same scarf and beanie, though he had taken off the eye liner.

Letting go of Ville’s hand, Liv paid her cover, thankful that she wasn’t’ asked to show her ID. Ville followed close after her. The downstairs was crowded and dimly lit, a well-stocked bar stretched across the back and left walls, small tables littering the open space. Metal music blasted from the speakers.

Liv followed Mige as Ville trailed behind, watching carefully as Liv unsteadily climbed the stairs in her heels. Why did I wear these damn things, she thought.

They arrived at the top of the stairs and Liv was shocked. The upstairs club/bar area was much nicer than downstairs. The upstairs area was shaped much like an L with the stairs at the corner, straight ahead were washrooms and a coat check, a line of women at both, and to the left was the long section of the L. Black leather booths lined the walls with a long bar up against one side. At the very back was a stage with a Live band playing metal, a small crowd head banging in front. Various rock paraphernalia covered the walls. The upstairs was far more packed than below, Liv wondered how they would find a seat.

Just than Ville began laughing, he stepped past Liv with his arms out and embraced a man who’d approached them. The man was tall and pale, with this longish black hair. He had on a black dress shirt, around his neck hung a bunch of silver necklaces with skulls and crosses on them, the many rings on his hands followed the same motif.

“En ole nähnyt sinua ikuisesti!” (I haven’t seen you in forever!) the man exclaimed in a deep voice.

Mige stood grinning beside Liv, approaching the man as Ville stepped back next to Liv. “Jyrki!” He laughed. That name sounds familiar, Liv thought, trying to remember where she’d heard that name before.

“Jyrki I’d like you to meet Liv Manning. Liv this is Jyrki 69 from The 69 Eyes” Ville said.

Oh that’s right! Beaming Liv extended a hand. Jyrki accepted smirking, catching on he said in heavily accented English, “Nice to meet you little lady” He turned to Mige and Ville, “Would you guys like to come sit at our booth, it’s just me and Jussi” He motioned to a dark corner.

Mige turned to Liv “If you don’t mind Liv?”

“No no of course not, though, you know, get the drinks in me a soon a possible or I might die of social anxiety over here” She said sighing, chewing her bottom lip.

Mige and Jyrki laughed and began making their way through the crowd.

“Please don’t end up on the ground outside” Ville whispered, bringing his lips to Liv’s ear as he walked alongside her.

Liv rolled her eyes. He wasn’t teasing, he was being serious. She loved him to death but he was a little uptight about her drinking.

As she swerved around people in the crowd, next to Ville, Liv’s mind couldn’t help but replay her worries. The future, Ville, work, Marcus, Ville, her father, Ville.

Breaking through the edge of the packed bodies they made it to a dark lit booth. A man sat at the table on his phone, two empty shot glasses before him. He was olive skinned and wore a black muscle shirt with large low cut arm holes. His black hair was straight framing his face and spiked in the back. His eyes were rimmed with black liner and he wore a chain wrapped round his neck. He lifted his head as Jyrki slid in next to him, sitting on the edge. A smile spread across his face.

“Missä vitussa paskiaiset ollut koko tämän ajan?” (Where the fuck have you bastards been all this time?) He grinned as he took in Ville and Mige, his eyes turned to Liv however and she hesitantly took a seat next to Ville who had slid in next to Jussi.

“Oh you know, first it was the album and now it’s been touring” Mige shrugged, speaking in English for Liv’s benefit.

Jussi nodded and turned to look right at Liv, raising a brow. Jyrki stepped in, “This is the lovely Liv” He introduced. “And I assume you must be American?”

Liv nodded shyly. Jussi smirked at her reaction, “I needed to brush up on my English. I’m Jussi”

“Now I see you boys have been doing some shots, how about four more rounds, on me” Mige smiled rubbing his hands together as he got up to fetch the drinks.

***

“Fine! Fine fine fine. You got me!” Head swimming Liv whipped her head to face Mige next to her. “I lied alright! I don’t have a tattoo on my ribs, I do have one though!”

Five rounds of shots later Liv was quite drunk, obviously more so than the rest of the guys, who were still intoxicated, except Ville, who had decided to have a few beers instead.

“You know what that means!” Jyrki smirked looking at Jussi.

“Below the belt” Jussi exclaimed.

Mige and Ville turned in surprise to look at Liv who’s already red face grew redder. She turned her eyes away, avoiding eye contact as Jussi and Jyrki began laughing at her reaction.

“You’re not going to share the enlightening tale of how you got said ‘below the belt’ tattoo are you?” Mige asked.

“No, no I’m not” Liv gestured locking her lips with a key than throwing it away.

She was having a great time. After the first two shots she had become more comfortable with Jussi and Jyrki, who were really friendly and talkative. As the drinks flowed, her worries began to drift away, and she was loving it. She had never been much of a drinker, except on a few occasions. Drinking just makes everything better, Liv drunkenly thought. She enjoyed the feeling of a weightless mind.

Jyrki turned to Ville who had been all smiles all evening. “Ville, you know, I haven’t seen you this happy since, since you were with that one woman, Jonna?”

Liv noticed a hardness in Ville’s eyes, her bottom lip making its way between her teeth. Why, why does that happen every time Jonna is mentioned. Ville laughed it off however “I’m just, happy with life right now, or at least, less miserable, as Pete would say”

“That’s good to hear” Jyrki nodded. “I’ll grab us another round” He said getting up.

“Oh!” Mige exclaimed turning to face Liv excitedly. “Are you proper fucked up yet?”

“Um, I don’t know, why?” Liv laughed as she brought her elbows up onto the table.

“Well last time I saw you drunk you had been prepared to sing a little song, I wonder, would you now please regale us with this voice of yours we have yet to hear” He clasped his hands together, his lips jutting out in a dramatic pout.

“Alright, Liv why don’t you come out and get some air with me, grab a smoke?” Ville interrupted.

Mige narrowed his eyes at Ville. “You always do that.”

Ville rolled her eyes and began scooting out of the booth, forcing Liv who was next to him to follow. She sighed, she’d been waiting for him to suddenly decide she had drunk enough.

Just as Liv stood up, Jyrki had returned with another round of shots. “Where are you two off to?” He asked as he set down the tray of shot glasses filled to the brim with whiskey.

“Smoke” Liv said sharply, slightly put out that with Ville, more nervous though about the whole Jonna question which had been plaguing her thoughts for a while. She grabbed a shot from the table, quickly tossing it back, then roughly brought down upon the table and made her way through the crowd, Ville following. She’d figured Ville had wanted to go to the patio out front, so she made her way down the stairs and through the patio entrance which lay just next to the bar entrance. She found an empty table and took a seat at the black wrought iron chair, Ville took a seat across from her. Small dim lights barely illuminated their table.

“You know, I’m not even that drunk” She said, crossing her arms and leaning back.

Ville chuckled. “Don’t worry Liv, I’m not going to be a bastard again, I just wanted a moment alone with you.” He pulled out a pack of Marlboro’s from his pocket, pulling one out and sticking it between his lips, offering Liv the pack, she shook her head.

“Oh.” She sat up straighter, a cool night breeze whipping her hair around, she was warm however, the whiskey, so she took off her leather jacket. You still need to ask about Jonna, she told herself. She didn’t want to, she wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know, I can just stay happily naïve can’t I? Sighing, butterflies swooping around her stomach, tasting blood on her bottom lip, she finally spoke up. “Ville I want you to tell me about Jonna”

Ville looked away from Liv, taking a deep drag, his face became sombre. “There’s nothing to tell.” After a brief pause he looked back at Liv. “Tell me about this tattoo of yours”

“No” Liv said stubbornly. “I’d like you to tell me about Jonna Ville. This, this right her, this is the worry.” She said referring to their earlier conversation.

Ville sighed. He brought his cigarette to his lips before leaning across the table, his green eyes locking onto Liv’s. “There isn’t much to tell dear. I loved her, but we were toxic for one another, we fought, constantly, our fighting fueled our drinking, our drinking fueled our fighting. Eventually it became too much, we couldn’t take it, physically, mentally. After dancing on the razors edge a violent alcohol induced fight split us up and my heart broke. It shattered. I used alcohol to dull the hurt but it got to the point where I was drunk, constantly. I was taking prescription pills on top of that too. In the end I had to go to rehab. I came out, I, I came out different.” He turned to look off into the distance.

Liv could see the hurt in Ville’s eyes as he spoke. She chewed her lip more. She felt the weight of his words and rubbed her face before pressing him more. “You, you don’t still love her do you?”

He snapped his head suddenly, facing Liv, shocked. “No, of course not. Darling, it hurts to think about that time not because I lost a love, but because of who I was. I was disgusting, it pains me to think of all the people I hurt by being like that.” He leaned in closer towards Liv. “Liv, don’t be, please don’t be insecure. After getting myself help I was still, I was afraid. I was afraid to love again, afraid of getting hurt, afraid that I might end up like I was. I had muses who inspired my lyrics, but I didn’t love. I had women who warmed my bed, but I didn’t love.”

Liv gulped, bringing a hand to rub her forehead, shielding her eyes which threatened tears. She felt Ville’s hand slide under her chin and lift her face up. He looked into her eyes earnestly.

“Then I found myself waiting in a hospital room, being lectured by a doctor, when suddenly there was a commotion, and your unconscious body came rushing by, nurses hurriedly discussing getting your stomach pumped. I thought to myself, who is this girl, is she dying, someone keeps yelling ‘Live.’ Hours later I couldn’t get you out of my mind, your face, so tragically beautiful. And here you are, here we are now, and I have you, and you love me, and after 6 years I was finally able to feel it, once again, I love you. Liv please, don’t ever doubt me, don’t ever doubt the way I feel for you, I can see it, the worry on your face at times, you chewing your lips. Despite our age different and the difficulties it bring to our relationship, until you don’t want me anymore, I’ll be here. Until you stop loving me, I’ll be here. If we ever get into a huge fight, I’ll still fucking be here because I love you. You pulled me out of the dark waters of my inner torment. I love you, don’t ever forget that.”

Liv was tearing up, “Ville, I, I don’t have the words to, I’m sorry I, I”

He cut her off bringing his thumb to her lips. “You don’t need to say one thing, I know Liv. I know.”