Heartaches Knocking on Her Door

It had taken Liv more than an hour to get to the venue. She stood under a street light trying to figure out where this supposed back door was. Fans without tickets littered the outside of the building, a group of them moved and Liv spotted a small alleyway that ran beside the venue. As she cautiously made her way out of the light and into the dark alleyway she could hear a sudden roar of voices from inside. Liv hoped that it was for the opening act, and not because the band had just gone on.

A cold wind picked up, swirling Liv’s hair around her face. Boots crunching on gravel, she found the side door and hesitantly knocked. Her nerves were wreaking havoc in her stomach, shifting from one foot to the other she waited impatiently for the door to open. Ugh, this was a bad idea, what am I doing here?, Liv nervously thought.

The door abruptly opened revealing a dark corridor and a young man, he looked to Liv to be around 25 or so. He had shaggy shoulder length blonde hair, blue eyes, and a welcoming smile. He wore a backstage pass around his neck, and plain black clothing.

Liv stood out in the cool night awkwardly as the young man looked at her expectedly.

“Oh, shit, yeah, the password right? Umm fuck, what was it, uuuuuh, misty sausages?” Liv said, now very uncomfortable because of her stupidity.

The young man’s laugh dismissed her forgetfulness. “You must be that chick that Ville asked to come. Well come on, they already went on, should start soon. My names Jarno” He had what Liv assumed was a Finnish accent.

“Liv” she replied motioning towards herself.

“Pretty. Uh your name I mean. Follow me and I’ll find you a good view to watch from backstage.” He handed her a backstage pass and shut the door behind Liv as she stepped into the warm, dark building.

Liv followed Jarno as wound through a few hallways, dodging other roadies. He constantly turned around to make sure Liv was following, always giving her a reassuring smile to not be so timid. Finally they arrived at the side of the stage just as the opening chords of a familiar song began to play. Liv couldn’t pick out the name but she knew she had heard Marcus playing the song at home. Must be an instrumental track from the new album, Liv thought.

The fans were going crazy, screaming, taking pictures. Lights flashing from overhead Liv was only a few metres from Burton. Long hair swaying, he stood in a white beater, completely focused on the keys. In front of Burton was Linde, dreads and all. He clutched his guitar in a black tee shirt and studded belt, dreads moving with every step. Liv couldn’t help but chuckle as she saw Mige at the far end of the stage, excitedly playing the bass, making dramatic scowls at the audience. Gas sat in the back enclosed by an intimidating drum set. Where’s Ville? Liv thought.

A tall lean figure suddenly rushed passed her onto the stage, the smell of sweat and cigarette smoke following in his wake. Ville. Commanding the stage he grabbed onto the mic stand, tapping his foot to the rhythm, taking drags of his Marlboro. His hair was in a bun, tucked away by a black beanie. A thin scarf wound around his neck as he wore a dark grey tank top.

Liv stood there star struck as Ville began to sing, the song having flowed into another. Why is this happening to me now? Liv asked herself, thoroughly confused. Jarno was swaying to the music beside her, utterly enthralled by the band. Liv shook herself and began to feel the music, it began with foot tapping, than enveloped her. She kept stupidly smiling as Ville worked the audience.

Remembering her camera Liv got suddenly more excited. Taking off the lens protector and turning it on, she set to work. The lighting was perfect, and though being to the side of the stage instead of in front of it limited the images she could get, Liv still was able to take many amazing shots. When it came down to it, photography would completely take over Liv. She began crouching on the ground, moving to various spots, even stepping on a plastic crate, just to get the best shots.

The next song began, one which Liv knew very well. So did the audience, their swaying had become more erratic, and soon enough, along with Ville, the whole venue burst out with “Again the burden of losing rests upon my shoulders.” Memories of younger HIM obsessed years began to flood Liv as she sang along, swaying her hips while continuing to take pictures. Jarno watched her with an amused smirk plastered on his face, but Liv was oblivious.

The show continued much in the same fashion. Liv taking shots while almost shouting out the lyrics to familiar favorites. Halfway through when the band was taking a short break Jarno nudged Liv, snapping her out of her trance like state. He laughed as Liv looked at him utterly confused for a second.

“Sorry, I tend to get overly focused when taking pictures.” Liv apologized.

“Haha it’s alright, I was just going to ask if you wanted to bring Ville a new water bottle, he’s running low.” Jarno beamed as he took in Liv’s surprised expression.

“Really? Are you sure? No, I can’t” Me? On stage, fuckin scary, Liv thought.

“Yes yes I’m sure, look” He turned her around, motioning towards Ville, “he’s looking around for someone to bring him the water, go.” He thrust a bottle of water in her hand and pushed her onto the stage.”

Sweat began to form on the back of Liv’s neck as the lights shining onto the stage blinded her. She hesitantly walked towards Ville as he stood talking to the audience. He caught sight of her from the corner of his eye. A huge smile erupted on Liv’s face as she made her way towards him. Heart beating she extended the water bottle. Ville grinned back at her as he placed a hand on her shoulder, leaning his head in towards her ear.

“You came” His deep voiced sounded slightly strained from singing, but his whisper was soft in Liv’s ear.

“Yeah, um, I was discharged this morning. Hey you probably know this already, but uh you’re doing amazing out there.” What are you even saying, stop, just stop right now, Liv thought.

Ville laughed, “Why thank you. Don’t run off after the show, stick around with Jarno and you can meet the rest of the guys.”

Words were unable to make it past Liv’s lips, so she nodded, backing away, off stage. Ville was still laughing at her as he began singing Wicked Game.

“You did superb, you really got the makings of a roadi.” Jarno smirked as Liv joined him.

“Oh yeah, for sure, water girl” Liv gave him a thumbs up and returned to taking pictures.

“So what did you do to get backstage? Friend of one of the guys? Music execs kid? Groupie?”

“No, no, and definitely not. I just, I just met Ville the other day at the hospital and he just asked me to come tonight, that’s all. I know, it must sound kind of weird, well imagine what I think.” Liv shrugged.

“Well, whatever possessed him to ask you to come out tonight, I’m glad he did.”

Liv awkwardly smiled back at Jarno and continued taking pictures. Maybe Marcus was right about the roadies. He seems nice enough, Liv snuck Jarno a peek. Interesting night so far, Liv mused as she turned back to the stage taking pictures.

***

Sweating, Ville waited offstage for the band to return for the encore. Heart still pounding he stuck another Marlboro between his lips, taking a deep drag as he waited with agitation. Looking out at the stage he caught sight of Liv, she stood smiling next to Jarno at the other end of the stage, a camera in hand. He could barely make her out, but Ville couldn’t help but think, tragically beautiful.

The chant of the audience became increasingly loud. ENCORE ENCORE. Ville’s drags became more frequent.

“Take it easy” Mige suddenly said as he nudged up against Ville.

“Just preparing to meet my maker” Ville smirked, feeling his body quiver in nervousness.

“It’s a long way down” Mige laughed, walking onto the stage, followed by Linde, Gas, and Burton.

A hush fell over the audience as Burton began to play the somber opening keys to Sleepwalking Past Hope. Ville’s lips tightened around his cigarette, hands squeezing the water bottle that Liv had handed him. She was so innocently nervous, Ville thought as he remembered her brief moment on stage. Tossing aside the remnants of his cigarette he entered the stage, to the roar of the audience, still smiling at the memory.

***

He took off his beanie, undid his bun and ran his fingers through his hair. The excitement of the show began to lull as Ville sat backstage with the rest of the guys and Seppo. They were in what seemed to be a large dressing room. The walls were flooded with various band posters. A beaten wooden table stood in the corner next to the door while couches lined the walls. No one was in much of a social mood, they weren’t young anymore, they wouldn’t end up going out to the pubs tonight, they were all exhausted.

“When do you think we can head to the hotel?” Mige asked Seppo as he wiped the back of his neck with a small towel.

“Soon my boy, we just need to wait a few moments for the crowds to disperse.” Seppo replied. He stood up to grab a coke from the table, which was littered with various drinks and snacks. Burton sat on the edge of it, digging into a bag of chips.

Both Gas and Linde sat talking on the phone, Linde with his daughter and Gas with his wife. Ville envied them. Though it must be painful leaving behind their families, they still had loved ones who would miss them dearly while they toured. All I have is mama, papa, and Jesse, Ville mused. He began rubbing his face in agitation, fingers massaging the sleep from his eyes. He heard the door open and peeked between his fingers, Jarno stood holding the door for Liv as she cautiously entered the cramped room. Ville sat up straighter.

Ville couldn’t help but smile as he took her in as she stood, practically shivering like a dog on the way to the vet. What’s she so nervous about? All tragedy was gone, Liv’s appearance had completely changed from when Ville had last fully seen her in the hospital. Her black hair lustrously spilling over her shoulders, swaying over her, Black Sabbath shirt? She likes Sabbath too eh? Ville’s smile widened as he noticed her shoes.

“Liv” Her name tumbled from his lips in almost a whisper.

“Hi” The corner of Ville’s lips twitched up as he saw her cheeks redden. Strange, she didn’t have this reaction the other night, he thought.

“Thank you Jarno for watching her. Liv this is the band, Mige” Mige extended a hand, “Linde” he gave a shy smile, “Gas” he raised a hand in greeting, “Burton” he stopped mid chip grab to give her an overly ceremonious bow, “and Seppo, our manager” Seppo looked over at Ville confused. Ah, perhaps I should have told him about my guest beforehand.

Liv smiled back at everyone timidly, still awkwardly standing in the center of the room, Jarno having left, closing the door behind him.

“This my friends is Liv, the young woman I met the other night. Have a seat, would you like a cola, or beer?” Ville motioned to the seat next to him and to the table in the corner.

“Is she even old enough here in the US?” Mige asked, brow raised at Ville.

Shit, I don’t even know her age. Do I even know anything about her, Ville asked himself. He looked towards Liv waiting for a response.

“Yes actually I am, but no thank you. And um actually I was hoping you guys would let me take a few photo’s.” Liv held up the camera which had hung from her neck.

“Oh, yes of course, should we stand, or strike a pose?” Ville chuckled.

Ville noticed Liv’s nervousness dissipate as the corners of her mouth began to turn upwards.

“No, I prefer to capture people in their natural habitat” Ville, Mige, and Burton all let out a laugh. Gas and Linde were still on the phone, so they were too preoccupied to take notice of Ville’s strange young guest.

“Well darling, go on then” He noticed her eyeing Gas and Linde, “Oh they’ll be fine, just go on.”

Ville watched as Liv began adjusting the setting on what looked to be not the average camera fans brought to shows. She was oblivious to his fixed eyes. Her hazel eyes, brimmed by long lashes, focused on her camera. He couldn’t help but look at her the way any man would look at a woman. Her eyes sparkled, her hair shone as it brushed against her lower back. Her Sabbath tee had slipped from her shoulder, leaving it bare as her thin arms held the camera. Lean legs leaving little to the imagination in the black leggings she wore.

Soon the lens was pointed at Ville, but instead of attempting to look natural, he stared straight at the camera. Lowering his brow, clenching his jaw, sinister. Liv peeked out from behind the camera to look at him after she had taken the shot.

“May I see?” Seppo curiously asked. Liv gently handed him her camera and he began going through her pictures.

“You don’t talk much do you?” Mige asked as he stood to grab a bottle of water.

“Nervous is all, if you asked my roommate, he’d probably tell you I never shut up.” Suddenly the sound of Wolf Moon, by Type O Negative, filled the small room. “That’s him now, sorry I should answer this” she moved to the corner, blushing profusely.

Ville mentally sung the lyrics until Liv answered. He couldn’t help but smile to himself, this chick has got excellent taste, he thought, just as Burton exclaimed, “Good song”

Ville got up to see what had Seppo so transfixed, looking over the short man’s shoulder at the camera. Ville’s breath caught in his throat.

“She’s quite talented” Seppo mumbled.

Ville couldn’t help but think what a gross understatement that was. Her shots were amazing, every one, not a one was bad. Despite the darkness of the venue and the flashing lights, Liv had been able to capture shots that looked as if they had been staged.

Suddenly Seppo’s phone rang, he put Liv’s camera on the table, Ville turned back to see if Liv had finished with her call. She had taken a seat next to Gas and was speaking with him. Ville didn’t want to interrupt. For some reason he felt happy that Liv had begun to talk with the rest of the guys, that she was opening up a bit.

“the cabs are here” Seppo announced, hanging up his cell.

Liv suddenly sprang to her feet. “I guess that’s my que to leave. It was nice meeting all of you, sorry about my immobilizing shyness, it usually takes a half hour to wear off, that or a few beers. Anyways, you guys were truly amazing, that is horribly undescriptive but you know what I mean, again thank you, especially you Ville.” She flashed Ville a brilliant smile as she pulled out a deep crimson sweater from her purse before suddenly slipping out the door.

“Well that was strange, you don’t get much fans who don’t want to linger around, or even be in their own pictures of the band” Gas mused aloud.

“Honestly, I’m not too sure she is a fan. I mean, I only briefly met her in the hospital the other night. Her roommate was the one wearing the heartagram shirt.” Ville internally kicked himself, he knew nothing about this woman, tragically beautiful. Shouldn’t she have stayed in bed resting after the ordeal the other night? What had even happened? Where was her roommate, the fan? There were too many unanswered questions.

“I’ll be back in a moment” Ville suddenly exclaimed as he rushed out the door, after Liv.

Wondering around backstage Ville eventually found her in a dead end, angrily mumbling to herself.

“Lost?” he called out as he approached her. Liv abruptly jumped. “Apologies didn’t mean to frighten you, little red” Ville laughed aloud. She looked like a modern fairy tale character in her crimson sweater.

Liv shot him a miffed grimace. “Not lost per say, just…”

“Just left the path to go pick pretty flowers?” Ville couldn’t help but tease her. He stopped suddenly however when he realized who he would be in this scenario, the big bad wolf. “Allow me to help you find the way out, I promise not to gobble your dear grandmamma up.” He motioned his head for her to follow, but Liv stood there stubbornly for a moment before raising her chin and walking past Ville.

Laughing, Ville caught up with her. Placing a hand on the small of her back he led her to the back door.

Liv stepped through the door but turned around, “Sorry if I’m strange, just ignore it. Again, thank you Mr. Valo. I will never for the life of me figure out what possessed you to invite me out tonight, but I appreciate the gesture none the less.” She turned and left. Ville stood leaning in the open doorway watching her walk away, smiling to himself because of her awkward formal speech. Ville observed as Liv stepped into the halo of a street light, tossing her crimson hood on her head and bringing a cigarette to her lips.

Going back inside he found the rest of the guys and Seppo gathering their belongings, headed for the cabs. Ville joined them, walking alongside Seppo.

“The young women left this behind” Seppo said, handing Liv’s camera over to Ville.