White

White is the color of fresh milk and snow. The color of salt and paper and vanilla ice cream. It is the color of the walls and the floors and the clouds up in the sky.

Everything is white.

I wanted to stop the voices. They are so so very loud. I wanted to shut them up. I wanted the silence. Silent like the snow or the flap of a butterfly's wings.

Instead they only got worse. Three bottles of over the counter pills still wasn't enough. They were screaming and yelling until i drew in my last breath.

And when I woke up in the hospital they were even louder than they had been. Even more viscous.

Everyone seemed sad. Lying through their teeth. They don't care. They are only sad I survived. They want me to die just as much as I want to. I'm nothing.

I tell them this.

They send me to the white building. The one with the large garden and the big blue letters naming it. Hope Hill Psychiatric Hospital. I'm not well they tell me. I'll be allowed out when I'm better.

I lay down on the too white bed and stare at the ceiling. I feel like I'm drowning in white. Suffocating.

Poor poor Biely. The voices laugh.

So useless he can't even die properly.

See Biely? Not even death want you.

Pathetic little waste.

You should kill yourself.

Oh wait you already did.

"Shut up." I wimper, pulling myself into a ball on the bed. "Shut up."

Don't be like that.

You are alone.

No one will love you.

But we love you Biely.

We're gonna stay with you forever.

The cruel laughter doesn't stop ringing in my ears.

It is my first night at Hope Hill. Tomorrow I'll meet my doctor. But for now it is just me and the cruel voices, that horrible laughter, and the white.

The suffocating white.

I cry myself to sleep.