White
drei
It isn't until dinner that the nurse sees my arms. She sighs.
She makes me wash the tissue out of the now dry wounds, opening them again. They aren't deep. She puts on some ointment then wraps my arms from wrist to elbow in gauze. To cover the down the river cuts on my flesh.
A nurse sits near me during lunch. Urging me to eat. I just stir the chicken soup and banana chunks around with a frown.
"Eat Biely." She commands.
"I don't eat meat." I mutter, pouring the soup from the styrofoam cup and onto the grey lunch tray. "I'm allergic to bananas."
I drink the orange juice with a frown.
She waves over another nurse who comes over with strawberry yogurt and a blueberry muffin like what me had for breakfast.
I stir it into the mess I already made.
The nurse sends me back to Doctor Reed's office.
How about now?
Let's kill him now.
Biely.
Biely!
Kill him!
I pretend I don't hear them.
"Biely you need to eat." He scold softly. Like he's concerned.
"I don't want to." I whisper.
"You are not healthy." he says after a pause.
I shrug.
That's why I'm here.
I'm sick.
Biely! the voices whine.
We need paint.
We need blood.
The walls are too white.
Kill him.
He has blood.
It'll be pretty red.
"I need a paintbrush." I tell them.
I don't realize I said it out loud until Doctor Reed asks, "Why do you need a paintbrush Biely?"
"I just do."
He sighs.
"If you eat everything we give you and don't cut yourself again for the next week, I will get you a paintbrush and some paint." he promises.
I don't trust him. He's probably lying.
He is.
But he won't want you to know.
He'll get the brush if he thinks he'll be called out as the liar he is.
And then we kill him.
"Yes."
The doctor smiles, pleased. He thinks I was agreeing with him.
I just want the voices to stop.
I'll do anything for a moment of silence.
She makes me wash the tissue out of the now dry wounds, opening them again. They aren't deep. She puts on some ointment then wraps my arms from wrist to elbow in gauze. To cover the down the river cuts on my flesh.
A nurse sits near me during lunch. Urging me to eat. I just stir the chicken soup and banana chunks around with a frown.
"Eat Biely." She commands.
"I don't eat meat." I mutter, pouring the soup from the styrofoam cup and onto the grey lunch tray. "I'm allergic to bananas."
I drink the orange juice with a frown.
She waves over another nurse who comes over with strawberry yogurt and a blueberry muffin like what me had for breakfast.
I stir it into the mess I already made.
The nurse sends me back to Doctor Reed's office.
How about now?
Let's kill him now.
Biely.
Biely!
Kill him!
I pretend I don't hear them.
"Biely you need to eat." He scold softly. Like he's concerned.
"I don't want to." I whisper.
"You are not healthy." he says after a pause.
I shrug.
That's why I'm here.
I'm sick.
Biely! the voices whine.
We need paint.
We need blood.
The walls are too white.
Kill him.
He has blood.
It'll be pretty red.
"I need a paintbrush." I tell them.
I don't realize I said it out loud until Doctor Reed asks, "Why do you need a paintbrush Biely?"
"I just do."
He sighs.
"If you eat everything we give you and don't cut yourself again for the next week, I will get you a paintbrush and some paint." he promises.
I don't trust him. He's probably lying.
He is.
But he won't want you to know.
He'll get the brush if he thinks he'll be called out as the liar he is.
And then we kill him.
"Yes."
The doctor smiles, pleased. He thinks I was agreeing with him.
I just want the voices to stop.
I'll do anything for a moment of silence.