Sasha

No cars were in his driveway and it seemed as if no one was home. As I got closer to the front door, I heard water splashing from the backyard. I wandered a back there to see Zack in the pool with his dogs.

"Where's your car?"

He jumped a little when he looked up and realized he was no longer alone.

"Uh, hey! It's in the shop getting inspected."

"Oh, cool. Mind if I hang out?"

He lifted himself out the pool and left his dogs swimming around in the clear, blue water. I took a seat on the lounge chair beside Zack's, and took in the scenery. I had forgotten how beautiful the house was.

"It's been awhile, huh?" He shot me an awkward smile.

"Yeah, I forgot how beautiful this place was."

"Well, the inside is still the exact change...with some minor additions, of course."

I looked at him and smiled.

"Everything is still how you designed it. The furniture. Hell, even the paintings are still hung how you wanted them!"

"Why didn't you change things up?"

"The older I get the more optimistic I get. I left everything the same, hoping things would work out and you could come back to a home the way you left it." I got quiet and breathed in the fresh air. "Sorry, if that was weird..."

"No..." I stood up and peeked at the dogs in the pool.

"Do you want to go in and sit?"

I nodded at his proposal and we went in. He was right. Everything was how we had designed it. He hadn't changed a single thing as far as I could see. I sat on the stool by the bar in the kitchen and continued to let my eyes wander.

"You want anything to drink?"

"No, thanks. Um..."

"What's up?"

"I sorry about last night. I was rude and I know you wanted to talk but I was still so pissed from Brian that I couldn't handle a conversation."

"I understand! But I do think that since you've moved back, in order for us to move on with our lives, we need to let out everything we've bottle up. I think we need to tell each other what we haven't."

I knew he wanted to get over me but I was too scared to have this conversation.

"Yeah, we do..." I shut my mouth tight and swallowed my spit. "I'm going to actually need a drink now."

He reached in the cabinet and pulled out two glasses, whiskey, and then got some soda from the fridge.

"I can't drink this stuff straight anymore." He let out an anxious chuckle as he unscrewed the soda cap.

He made his drink and passed the bottle over to me. I poured myself a double shot and quickly drank it.

"We don't have to talk about this stuff if it's too soon for you. I mean, with you just moving back and whatnot."

"I'd rather us talk sooner than later."

"Okay..." He shook his drink around and watched me mix soda and whiskey into my glass. "I don't know how to start or where to start."

"Me neither." I took a sip from my drink. "Maybe we should have rules so things don't get out of hand?"

"Good idea. I think the rules should be, don't hold back, tell the truth, and go from there."

I nodded in agreement. I was so scared of how this was going to end.

"Ask me something."

"Why did you leave me like that?"

FUCK. Awesome first question, Zachary Baker. Good one.

"Be honest. This needs to be about honesty and getting everything out so we aren't fucking miserable anymore."

"I left you because I couldn't bare to see you after what I had done. Everyone hated me. You hated me. You say you don't but I know you do. I did something that fucked everything up and I couldn't stay here and be punished by the people I loved. If I stayed, if I kept in contact, I would've killed myself. I wanted to so bad, Zack. That's why I left but I had my reasoning for acting the way I did."

He nodded. I knew this conversation wouldn't actually be one. It was going to be me getting questioned. But part of me wanted him to ask me everything so I could get rid of it in my head.

"Is there anything you want to ask me?"

"Why didn't you try to find me?"

"I didn't care at the time. I think I wanted you to disappear and never be heard from again when everything first happened." He showed no expression. "I feel like what I'm about to say is going to make this worst then what Brian did last night. The only difference is that it was never his business and this is something I've been dying to say to you."

I felt my mouth grow dry and my palms get clammy.

"What?"

"When we first found out you were pregnant, you were so excited. You were happy and you loved me and our future. Why did you stop, Sasha? It was like a fucking car crash. I blinked and you hated me." I opened my mouth to speak but he kept going. "You wanted to kill that baby but you were too much of a coward to get an abortion."

"I didn't hate you and I never wanted to kill the baby."

"Then fucking explain to me why you stayed drinking and bumping coke. What good was that supposed to do for our child? I told you to stop. I threw every bit of alcohol and drugs out of this house. I even committed to staying sober and not partying for you and the baby but you couldn't."

"I fucking tried to! I was scared and I felt that I wasn't good enough for that responsibility. You don't fucking understand. No one will understand." I stood up and began to cry and shout.

"You don't fucking understand what you did. If you had just cut the bullshit and stopped partying, you wouldn't have lost my son or daughter. We would be married and have a one year old, Sasha. A fucking baby. I would've done...fuck I did everything for you and you ruined me. I have to hear my niece and nephew ask me what happened to Aunty Sasha every fucking time I see them. I have to deal with my family asking me why I haven't moved on. And the fans are the worst. The rumors about why we split are crazy."

"Why is everything a guilt trip for me? Every fucking day I feel bad."

"Stop pitying yourself. You weren't the one that got played, remember? I was. I lost my child and then had my fiance ditch me. I didn't leave my fucking bedroom for a month after you left. Holly's crazy ass tried to make sure I ate and the guys checked in on me."

"So, maybe Holly is right for you."

He stood up and took the drink out of my hand.

"I have slept with no one since you. I have kissed no one since you. What have you done, Sasha?"

I couldn't say anything because I had been hooking up with a guy when I was living in New York.

"Exactly."

"Do you have anything positive to say to me?"

"I don't know. I don't even know you anymore. I stopped knowing you when you fucked everything up in my life."

"Stop talking."

"No. Fuck that. Was it the drugs, Sasha? or did you just want to make my life hell? Give me some false vision of happiness."

"I'm fucking going back to New York."

"Oh, of course you are! Princess fucking Sasha, always running away from me and her problems. Soon, you'll fuck up something in New York and then have to run off somewhere else."

"Listen to how you're talking to me."

"You fucking deserve it. I've been dying to get this all out. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME! Do you not fucking get that you're the person at fault. And look, you still have the fucking nerve to wear your engagement ring. What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm leaving." I took the ring off my finger and tried handing it to Zack but he wouldn't take it.

"This was a really bad idea. I thought I was ready to be an adult with this but I'm not. Get out, Sasha. And you can go back to New York for all I care."