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Chapter eleven

Oli’s P.O.V

The best thing about my winter break so far is that my parents are going to be gone until three days prior to the end. This means I can pretty much sit around the house without being paranoid about every sound I hear. Although I am stuck with my little brother also known as Tom so that’ll be an adventure. We’ve not talked since last year because I switched schools and our connection just slowly died down as months went by. Not even during dinner because I only ate when no one was here and they pretty much treated him like a king. But everything was supposedly going to “change” over break.

I vented out to Josh a while ago and I was stupid enough to mention Tom and how much I missed him in it. Jesus christ, I need to learn to keep my mouth shut these days. Anyway, Josh told me to “try” and talk to my little brother again whenever he was staying home. Funny because Tom was hardly ever home since he was out with his friends all the time so my chances just decreased as the day went on. Mornings were completely awkward for us because I would be in the living room watching TV while he would be eating his breakfast right next to me. Think I’ll just suddenly say,“Tom I really miss you because you’re my brother so wow let’s do something since we’re related ok let’s go, I’m driving.” Yeah that’s not how things roll in my world. And yes, we actually sit right next to each other yet we’ve not talked since fall of last year. Don’t ask me how it’s possible because I don’t even know.

Rain was pouring down on the pavement when I woke up in my bed this morning. Oh, England, you never do change weather patterns, do you? I was expecting to be home alone when I got downstairs but there he was, sitting on the couch, watching Shaun of the Dead or something like that. Then I remembered hearing Tom talking to dad on the phone last night and him saying that he was going to take it easy today. Why did I even bother getting out of bed. Wait maybe today’s my chance to finally not be a pussy and start a conversation with my brother.

I slowly made my way to the couch and sat down on the edge of arm rest. Let’s just be happy that Tom was sitting on the other side. Before I could even legit sit on the couch, a ring went off. “Hello?” he said. Great. At least he has friends. “Wait, that’s really happening? Holy shit, I’m so in! Give me a minute to get my things and I’ll be on my way! Alright, bye.” And just like that, he was getting his money from the counter and quickly making his way to the door.

“Wait, don’t go!” I said, jumping up. Kill me. “Tom, please don’t go and leave me here. It’s been like this every single break I’ve had and I’m tired of it.” He didn’t reply to me. I was so close to just breaking down right now, it’s insane. “Remember when we were younger? The two of us made a promise that we would never leave each other’s side no matter what happens. Now look at us, it’s like we’re complete strangers living in the same house. It’s a fucking pain when I come down here and I can’t get the guts to talk to you. I even had to vent out to my flatmate on how much I miss you and he suggested for us to talk to each other of winter break. You’re so much better off without me but I want the feeling to know I’m comfortable around you, Tom! I need it, I fucking need it.”

“Oliver, I-” he cooed whilst taking a small step towards me.

“No!” I cut him off, “You’re just going to say you feel the same and expect me to forgive you right away. Just because I’m pretty much on my own in this house doesn’t mean I’m going to let you back in easily. Do you even have the slightest idea why I never bother eating? Father abuses me both verbally and physically so my need for food dies down each day. The only time I ever bother eating is when no one is even home. When you eat right beside me in the morning sometimes? Yeah, I just want to turn off the TV and hug you so fucking tight. You’re my little brother and you have no idea how much you mean the world to me but it’s all gone. Gone like all the hope I have for myself.” I was in tears at this point. Tom had an astonished look on his face as I continued venting out to him. Just like with Josh, he waited until I was completely finished with everything and then made his move. “Why did you ever even stop talking to me? Because I switched schools? Is that why? Tell me!”

“It’s just that times became uncomfortable between us. As days went on, it became more and more uncomfortable. I was too nervous to start talking to you again so I started avoiding you throughout the day. Honestly, I kind of thought our mornings together were relaxing even though they were awkward.” he said, kneeling down next to me. “Words can’t describe how happy I am that you interrupted me before I left the house. Would you like to start over?”

I was in deep thought for a moment. Josh did request for me to talk to my brother again. But why am I not wanting to let Tom into my life again? After all this time of complaining, I’m finally talking to him again but I just don’t feel open. “It’s not going to change anything.” I said, standing up.

“Oli, it will! Think about it! We can put the past behind us and focus on what’s going to happen if the two of us do start over! Please..” his voice cracked a couple of times. Everything for me was just crashing down all at once. My stomach was churning and my legs felt like jelly at the moment. Why can’t I just get hit by a car and die instantly?

“Putting the past behind us won’t solve anything. The only thing it’s going to do is make things worse. We’re not forgiving, we’re forgetting; that’s not how I want it to be.” I couldn’t take anymore of this. Tears were streaming down my face each time I took a breath. Turning my body, I slowly took small steps towards the stairs.

“Just put the past behind you!”

“It won’t fucking get rid of all the memories I could’ve shared with you!” This was all too much for me. I ran up to my bedroom and slammed the door shut. Josh’s little plan turned out to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to me in my life. What even happened back there? It started out with an awkward moment and suddenly I was screaming at my own brother. All the tears that came from my eyes made me really tired all of a sudden. Dammit, this hardly happens when I cry, why in this situation? I let my body slide down to the floor as I held my knees close to my chest.

“Oli, come on, we’re going to the park!” my mum shouted from the front door. Today my entire family and I were all going to the park today. I was only 7 and Tom was 5 at the time. We all piled into the car and drove to the park.

So many kids were here! The sun was shining and the sky was blue as ever. Our family decided to eat lunch at the tables near the field. Tom and I finished early so we played together in the fields, even other kids decided to join us. Sadly they all left early and Tom decided to rest with mum and dad so I was on my own.

A small pond was located nearby so I would visit that on a regular basis each time we came here. It was so soothing for me since not many kids ever came over to this spot, Tom included. Small little fishes swam in the water and sometimes splashed at the surface area. It's like I'm in my own little world.

“I am definitely not leaving this place anytime soon,” I said whilst tossing a small pebble into the water.

I must’ve been gone for a while since I heard my family calling out my name.

“Oliver!” Tom shouted and ran towards me. “I thought you left me!”

“Calm down, Tommy. I ain’t going anywhere anytime soon.” I said, ruffling his hair. He always worried about me, I don't understand him sometimes.

"Promise you won't abandon me?"

"Only if you do!"


"You fucking promised me." I choked out, holding myself closer. Today was supposed to be my chance to build a relationship back with my brother. Of course with all the luck I get, it turned to shit like all the other friendships I've had in my life.

"You're leaving?" my brother asked in shock. "But you can't just come up to me and say that you're going to a bloody boarding school, Oliver! When are we going to see each other?”

“Hardly ever. Only during when my school goes on breaks. All the kids are going to hate me so that’ll be more fun than ever. I can’t wait to be beaten into no tomorrow!” I said sarcastically.

“Don’t act like this is a fucking joke. Get it in your head, we won’t see each other during school hours or at all!”

“Calm down, alright? It’s not like I’m completely leaving you or something. All that’s happening is that I’m going to a new school until I’m able to move out and then we can spend time together. You’ve got your friends to help keep you company. Trust me, it’s like I was never gone.”

If there’s one thing that gets on my nerves about Tom is that he acts all tough but inside he’s the biggest pussy out there.

Why am I lying, he can fight and I can’t. Hilarious because he thinks I’m going to a boarding school because I have bad grades when in real life my parents are sick of me so off to a boarding school it is!

My room hardly even had anything in it. To be honest, it hardly had anything even before I packed my bags. A few posters were placed on the wall and my closet was completely empty. Doesn’t even look like a room that someone would sleep in, just an empty cell full of sad memories. This is just proof that my own parents couldn’t even stand me. Even my own little brother who’s been my best friend for all of these years was being a complete dick about it.

Depression started invading me when I was eleven or so. I stopped going outside with my family and hanging out with friends from school. The only place that I felt safe was being locked up in my room all day. It even got to the point where cutting myself and burning myself felt like the only way to ease the pain. No one from school was able to find out since all I wore was a hoodie every day. Tom almost found out a couple of times but I made up a lie that a stray cat clawed me while I was walking.

Honestly, my brother doesn’t have a reason to be mad at me. It’s his fault for letting it get to him, not mine. Sure I’m switching schools but it’s not like I’m moving out of the house to Cambridge or something. Tom’s better off without me anyway, so.

A sudden knock on my door interrupted all my thoughts. Great. More drama is about to happen. Just go hang out with your goddamn friends already. The sooner I open the door, the sooner it’ll end so might as well get it over with.

I slowly lifted my body up and lightly grabbed the doorknob and turned it. His blue eyes showed regret and a heartbreaking past. Is this the queue for me to say something? No, I’ve said enough for one day. He suddenly held out his hand as if we were going to give each other a hand shake.

“My name’s Tom Sykes, what’s yours?"
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I don't even feel like typing another fucking chapter bye