Love in All the Wrong Places

Tell us a little about yourself and your past relationships:

“I’m a 21 year old recent university graduate in graphic design. I’m a virgin, saving myself for marriage. I've never been kissed, never been in a relationship, and the only guy I ever truly loved more than platonically, I found out after 3 years was gay.”

I laughed darkly to myself and deleted what I had just typed in. I sighed and leaned back against the couch and set my laptop off to my side. Online dating has never been my ideal way to meet somebody. Heck, it wasn't even my idea; it was my roommate Jessie’s. She looked up from the magazine she was reading and looked at me chuckling at my current state.

“Ya know Christy, you’re never going to meet a guy if you don’t put yourself out there.” She rolled her eyes and continued to read her magazine.

I knew she was right, but I don’t exactly have the best history when it comes to relationships. Sure I have plenty of guy friends that I love dearly and I know they feel the same, but it’s always ever been platonic. I’m okay with that though because those guys are like brothers to me and honestly, the thought of dating any of them grossed me out. However, I’m not going to lie and say that I hated when one of them got a girlfriend and I would see how happy it made them. Don’t mistake this as me being unsupportive; most the time the girls were great and I had no issue with them. This also doesn't mean that I was jealous that one of my guy friends was now off the market. No. What it did mean is that when it came to group outings, I was always the lone wolf that could never find a date to go with. I would sit wherever we were, and watch them all happily with their girlfriends and I would feel my stomach plummet. I wanted that feeling. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a guy want to parade me around and flirt with me in front of his friends. I wanted to know what reciprocated love felt like. Something I didn't see in my foreseeable future. I closed my laptop and set it on the coffee table in front of me, as I slouched further down into the couch.

Noticing my change in mood, Jessie set her magazine down and turned on the couch to face me. I met her in college through a couple mutual friends, and we hit it off immediately. She quickly became one of my best friends, and I now consider her like a sister. I’m so glad to have her around though we don’t always see eye to eye. She was a good friend for me though, because she helped bring me out of my shell, which was strange to me. Most of my life I had always been an extrovert; extremely outgoing, ready to mingle, and loving to meet new people. Over the last couple of years however, I've found myself shying away more from social settings. Not that I don’t enjoy being social, but I prefer to spend much of my time alone reading, listening to music, or making work. I’m not sure where to pinpoint the sudden change in my demeanor, but this is the side of me that Jessie has always known, so she didn't think anything of it. She took in my appearance before subtly clearing her throat to get my attention. I looked up from my laptop on the table, and turned my head towards her.

She smiled gently, before reaching for my laptop and opening it to see how far I had gotten on filling out my profile. She laughed before handing it back to me, noticing that I had only filled out my name, age, and location. As she handed me my laptop, she shook her head and clicked her tongue at me disapprovingly. “Christy, you need to let people know more about you than that. You haven’t even uploaded a picture yet! C’mon girl, what’s going on with you today? I thought you’d be excited about this! It’s a chance to get one step closer to meeting your perfect guy!”

I took my laptop, and smiled weakly at her as I looked back at the daunting screen in front of me. As cliche as it may seem, I always wanted to meet a guy the old-fashioned way: bumping into him at the grocery store, meeting him at a bookstore, or seeing him in concert and him falling madly in love with me upon seeing me in the audience singing along. Okay. That last one is a stretch. Even I’m not that disillusioned from reality, but I can’t deny that I’m a bit of a fan girl at heart. Outside of my friends and art, music is my safe-haven, my escape. Music is one of the few things that keeps me going most days and the people who make that music are just as important to me. All of that aside, I've always wanted a cliche romance story. Don’t ask me why because I couldn't tell you. I've dreamed of meeting my perfect guy my entire life.

Sighing in defeat, I look back at the question I attempted to answer before and hastily wrote a little about myself:

“21 year-old university graduate. Graphic Designer. Loves old music and movies. Never had a relationship, but ready to try. Looking for something long-lasting, not just a fling.”

I shut my laptop and got up from the couch. I needed to get out of the house and going for a walk seemed like the perfect thing to do. I went to my room and grabbed my purse and keys off of my dresser. I made sure to grab my phone and headphones as I walked out the door. Am I really ready for a relationship? I don’t know, but all I did know was that I needed to get out of this suddenly too crowded apartment. What I didn't know was how leaving my apartment at that moment would forever change my life. I plugged in my headphones as I closed the door, and slung my purse over my head and shoulder as I hopped down the stairs and walked outside.