Love in All the Wrong Places

I let out an exasperated sigh. “What do you want Jake?”

He heaved just as heavy of a sigh and responded in such a way that I could see his eyes rolling during his response. “Look C, don’t beat around the bush here. I know you’re pissed at me about the blonde you saw in my apartment. She told me she saw you. Look C—“

“YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I’M PISSED! HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO RESPOND TO FINDING A LEGGY BLONDE IN NOTHING BUT ONE OF YOUR SHIRTS STRUTTING AROUND THE APARTMENT OF THE GUY I’M MADLY IN LOVE WITH? HUH? NOT EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECTED TO FIND. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING WHAT ALL I HAD BEEN THROUGH ALREADY THAT DAY. I MEAN, IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WITH JESSIE, AND THEN—“

“C, hey, slow down!” I hadn’t realized I was talking so quickly. I get adrenaline rushes spur of the moment sometimes. He began to meekly speak, and I could barely make out what he was saying because he was talking so softly. “Were you serious about what you just said?”

Flabbergasted and frustrated beyond definition, “YES! OF COURSE I’M ANGRY! WHY WOULDN’T I BE? WHO DO YOU—“

“No, not about that. I know you’re pissed about that, and let me tell you I can explain. Give me a second, but that’s not what I’m referring to.”

“Then what the hell are you referring to because quite frankly I’m sick of waiting around for your shit right now.”

He took a deep breath before proceeding. “When-when you said you….loved me. Did you mean that?”

Now it was my turn to take a big breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I did this a couple more times before formulating my response. “Yes. I did mean it. Every word. When I came back to your apartment and found that bimbo in your shirt, that’s what I was coming to tell you. I wanted to tell you I loved you. Well, I love you. That much hasn’t changed, but I’m still mad as hell at you right now.”

I went to run my free hand through my hair in exasperation, only to realize it was still in a towel. I rolled my eyes at myself and continued in my self-loathing towards how much Jake affects me. Can’t believe after the hell he’s put me through that I so openly told him how I felt. Dave has always been the only one able to break through my defenses so easily. Something was off with me.

He began to laugh a little, and I swore I heard him crying a bit. “C, you have no idea how happy that makes me! First, let me clear the air about the blonde. That’s Ally. My sister. Well, step-sister, but she might as well be blood. Her mom married my dad when I was like three. I don’t even know my real mom. Anyway, she made a surprise visit to Chicago the night before all the shit hit the fan, and she was still asleep in the guest room when you came to the apartment a complete wreck.”

“First of all, thanks for telling me that I look like a wreck. Great way to make your girlfriend feel better about herself.”

He chuckled. “Babe, it’s okay. You look gorgeous no matter what you look like. That’s one of the many things I love about you. Which leads me to my next point.”

“Which is what exactly? You’ve been trying to dubiously avoid my questions the last few minutes and I’m getting quite impatient.”

“I’ve noticed! If you could calm down for half a second and try to enjoy this moment. I’m getting to my point. I’ve done some thinking over these last couple weeks. I’ve missed the hell outta you kid, and I’ve been miserable without you. What I’m trying to say is…I….I love you, too.”

The biggest grin began spreading across my face and I could feel my eyes welling up with tears. “Are you serious? Do you really mean it?”

“Of course I do. And if you’re wondering why I haven’t been frantically calling you, I knew I needed to give you your space for a few days to clear your head. After I heard you slam the door after you left the second time, I had just come out of the bathroom. I asked Ally who that was and she explained to me what happened. I took a look at her and put the pieces together. Knowing that Jessie isn’t my biggest fan and that you and she just fought, I called Dave. He didn’t tell me much other than to give you space. He said that he saw you boarding a bus to Nashville and that he was going to go after you in a couple days. I figured since you guys were so close, you’d prefer to see him so you could talk through it with him. Hun, please hurry back. I miss you.”

I bit my lip, and wanted so badly to hop on a plane and fly back to him right that moment. “Babe, I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can because I miss the hell out of you, too, but there are some things back home that I need to figure out before I can make it back home. You see, there’s been….an accident…”

Jake misunderstood and went into instant panic mode. “WHAT? ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT HOSPITAL ARE YOU AT? WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME BEFORE? WHAT HAPPPENED?”

“Jake, calm down. That’s not what I meant. I’m okay. I wasn’t in an accident. Jessie was….sort of.”

“Oh.” He replied rather coldly and distantly.

“Yeah, Apparently the Monday after I left, she was found murdered in our apartment. Dave found her when he went to say bye to her before he left to come here. She left a series of voicemails to me that morning before she left. Which reminds me…you lied to me. You said you didn’t know Jessie…”

Wanting to give him a chance to redeem himself, seeing as now I was fuming and completely forgot about this side of Jake.

I heard him debating on how to start what he was going to say before he finally spoke. “Yes. I did know Jessie. Why did I lie? Initially I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal. I didn’t realize things between us were going to get as serious as they did, nor did I plan on falling so hard for you. I also didn’t account on actually seeing Jessie, but lucky for me, she made that a lot easier on me. So yes, we did know each other. I’m sorry I lied about that.”

I was getting aggravated because he admitted to knowing her, but he didn’t own up to how he knew her. “Yes, I get that Jake, but how did you know Jessie?”

“Why does it matter how I know her? Clearly it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Getting defensive are we? Why are you being so secretive about this? It’s not like y’all used to date or anything.”

“No. Of course we didn’t date. I would never date her. She repulses me. That’s beside the point. I’m not being defensive about her. Why would I want to defend her in any way?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you still won’t tell me how you knew her. Knowing how you know her can help me eliminate you as a suspect.”

“Who died and made you police chief? I don’t have to answer to you!”

With that I was met with a dial tone. That bastard hung up on me. I can’t believe he wouldn’t own up to how he knew Jessie. I swear, Jake has been one of the few people in my life that has the capability of making me go through such a series of emotions in such a short period of time. Anger. Annoyance. Anticipation. Anxiety. Jubilation. Love. Longing. Sorrow. Anger. Frustration. Pure hatred. If anything, this phone conversation definitely puts him at the top of my hit list for Jessie. I was so deep in my thoughts that I about jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand touch my left shoulder. I quickly turned around to see a concerned Dave standing behind me.

“Shit Dave! You’ve got to quit scaring me like that!”

“Sorry C.” he responded shyly. “Are you okay? I mean, I don’t know who you were talking to, but by the sounds of it, it sounded like Jake. I don’t know what happened with y’all before you left, but from what he told me, things might be a bit tense between y’all. Wanna talk about it?”

I just looked back at him, feeling tears pricking behind my eyes as I told myself not to cry. Again. I just shook my head and collapsed into his frame. I grabbed the sides of his shirt and began to sob. I can’t believe that my boyfriend who I was still hopelessly in love with, managed to be so cold and heartless. Everything was coming at me so fast. Despite the fact that Jake and I just professed our love for each other, I can’t help but feel that it’s over for us. Until I can definitively cross his name off the list of potential killers, I can’t be around him; much less date him. Dave just pulled me into his frame tighter as we stood there unmoving while I sobbed into his shirt.