Forelsket

“There you a—oh!” My eyes sprang open and I pulled my head from Seth’s quickly. My heart was pounding in my chest and my head was spinning. I bit my lip and looked up at Annalie, feeling the heat rising in my face. “Keels,” she cleared her throat, eyes darting between the two of us. “I’m getting tired and was thinking of walking back to campus, are you ready to go?” I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. “Okay well I’ll be waiting out front, just meet me when you’re, uh, ready.”

I was so embarrassed. Not only had I kissed Seth, Annalie had caught me in the middle of it. Seth let out a sharp breath, clearly just as confused as I was. I bit my lip again and looked over at him slowly. He was staring vacantly forward, his hand rubbing the back of his head. Finally he spoke.

“Did we just—“

“Yep.”

“And your friend just—“

“Yep.”

He paused before looked over at me. “Keelyn I—“

“No.” I said firmly. Snapping out of my drunken haze long enough to pull myself up and smooth out my dress. “No, no, no.” He was up in a matter of seconds trying to block my route to the door.

“Keelyn listen to me, I really think we should talk –”

“No!” I tried to push him away to no avail, my arms were like jello. I didn’t know where this was going but I was so embarrassed by everything that had happened so far that I just wanted to hide. He grabbed my arms as I went in for another shove. I turned my face to try to hide my flush and struggled to get my arms free. “Let go!”

“Keelyn for fucks sake will you just stop for two seconds? What’s your fucking problem?” I snapped my head, face red, and looked him right in the eyes.

“Oh I don’t know Seth,” Where did all the venom spitting from my mouth come from? “Maybe almost getting fucking raped in a bathroom and then kissing a boy who irritates me to my fucking core was just too much for one night!” His face dropped into something unrecognizable, was that pain? Before I could fully register it the look was gone, and that same irritating look from the first day we’d met was back on his face.

“Okay, Princess.” I’d definitely hurt him.

“That came out wrong.” I murmured meekly.

“No, no, you’re right, kissing someone as bitchy as you really does have a way of ruining the night.” And before I could rebuttal he had pushed my arms from his hands with disgust and disappeared back inside.

I let out an exasperated groan and leaned over the bannister, head in hands. What was my problem? Seth hadn’t done anything to deserve that outburst. I should have been thanking him for slugging my attacker, not yelling at him for kissing me. What was I yelling for anyway? I had kissed him back.

I sucked in a breath and pretended the closest deckchair was Seth. “Seth, I’m really sorry for yelling at you. The truth is that I don’t think you’re irritating. I mean I did for a long time, but since then I’ve been finding myself slowly becoming fixated with you. Not in a creepy way, just in an I-look-at-your-lips-more-and-longer-than-I-probably-should kind of—oh for fucks sake Keelyn what are you even doing.” I rubbed my face. I didn’t know what to say to him, but I knew I needed to go back inside and find him to apologize.

I picked up my ego and quickly found myself back inside the dark bar, trying to find Seth’s familiar face through the sea of drunken dancers. On the other side of the room I saw him, sitting at the bar alone. Relieved, I started to push my way over to him. The bass of the DJ drowned out my attempts to call out to him as I continued to push towards him. Seth, I’m sorry for yelling, the truth is it scares me how much I like you.

As I got closer I saw another girl appear out of the crowd with a solo cup and some kind of pastry. I furrowed my brow and slowed my pace, watching as she exchanged smiles with him and held up the pastry to his mouth. She laughed as he took a bite and brushed crumbs off of his shirt, “accidentally” touching the chest poking out of his flannel in the process. I was floored. How dare he make me feel bad when it clearly didn’t mean anything to him anyway? I pushed through the last few people and stormed over to them. She looked at me first, Seth turning to follow her gaze in surprise.

“What do you want, Princess?” His voice was cool and a little standoffish. I was boiling over with anger and disappointment. My lip quivered as I silently snatched the cup out of the girl’s hand and dumped its contents on his head. I didn’t stick around to see the aftermath; instead I found Annalie and walked back to my dorm.