Can You Find Me?

No matter how used to it I was, getting up at 4:30am was still a pain in the ass. I had to be at the bakery early because my aunt had doctor’s appointments all day so she needed me to be in charge until 4 or 5 tonight.

When I got out of the shower Blue was sprawled out on my bed, “What are you doing up so early?”

“Max is picking me up at 6. I’m going with them to Paris for the week, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” I said as I started getting dressed. The You Me At Six lads were doing a few shows and press in Paris and Blue was tagging along to photograph it all. “What am I going to do without you for a week?” I said dramatically.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

She sat up and watched me brush my hair, “Okay creep, wanna stop staring?”

She rolled her eyes at me, “So what’s the deal with you and the popstar these days?”

“Friends,” I shrugged. “It’s kind of open ended to be honest.”

“You’re just prolonging the inevitable you know? You know you’ll end up getting back together.”

“We’ll see,” I said as I threw my hair up in a messy bun. “I gotta get to the bakery. Have fun this week. Bring me back something awesome.”

She scoffed, “Like you haven’t been to France before!”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t like presents!” I stuck my tongue out at her, “Tell the lads I said hello.”

*****

Something was up. Something that I knew probably wasn’t good. Not only was the traffic coming through the bakery almost too much for Jess and I to handle up front ourselves (two of the girls my aunt hired while I was gone were baking in the back, replacing everything we were selling), but there was a bigger crowd of teenage girls in and out around the place. That, and the paps sitting outside ready to pounce.

“What am I missing?” Jess asked between ringing customers up. “Are you back with Niall or something? What’s with all the chaos?”

“I have no idea, and I don’t think I want too.” I glanced out the front window and caught the sneers of a bunch of preteens. Whatever I apparently did must have been bad.

Things started to slow down the closer it got to 4. I was so ready to go home and google my name at this point, but honestly, I didn’t even want to know what the craziness was about. The only people sitting around the booths were our regulars, but there was still a steady stream of people coming in and out of the bakery buying things.

The group of teenage girls outside had dwindled, but there were still enough out there to bug me. There were still about 5 photographers outside as well.

I was restocking the display case when I heard commotion outside, mostly sheiks. I stood up just in time to see Niall push through the crown and through the front door. He was wearing sunglasses but I knew his face well enough to know he wasn’t happy, “We need to talk,” he said a bit harshly as came up to the case where I was.

“Now?” I asked glancing around at the few costumers in the bakery.

“Yes, now,” he spit out.

I sighed, glancing at Jess to make sure she could handle things until I got back. When she gave me a reassuring nod I turned back to Niall, “Come on, we can talk in my aunt’s office.” He followed me without comment as we walked back behind the counter and took a left at the kitchen. I shut the door behind him after he followed me into the office, “So what’s wrong? Why are you so angry?” I couldn’t help the defensive tone that came out of me.

He practically threw a news paper at me, “What is this Ayden?”

“What?” I started before I looked at the cover, then I shut up. On the cover of the Sun was a picture of Jay and me at that party in LA, and next to it was a grainy picture of what looked like Nathan Sykes and Dakota. The headline across the pictures read One Direction and The Wanted feud gets dirty! Then in slightly smaller text it said ‘Cheating scandals; Niall and Harry’s girlfriends sleeping with The Wanted.’ I glanced up at Niall after I scanned the cover. I didn’t even bother to open it to read the article, “This is bullshit, you know that.”

He scoffed as he took his sunglasses and snapback off and tossed them haphazardly on the desk, “No I don’t. Turns out Kota really did sleep with Nathan. She admitted it when Harry confronted her!” he barked. I flinched at his words. More so for hearing about Dakota and Harry rather than his volume. “You’ve been close to Jay for a while, so don’t lie to me Ayden. You’re secrets out.” I went to speak but he just kept going, “I mean, it could have been anyone! Did it have to be someone from the fucking Wanted? Do you know how this makes me look?”

It pissed me off that he would just blatantly accuse me of this without even hearing my side. I crossed my arms and glared at him, “I know it looks bad since Kota’s turned out to be true, but I’m not lying to you Niall. I never had sex with Jay. I’ve never even kissed him! He’s just a friend, and I use that term loosely.” I was trying to keep my composure. The last thing this situation needed was for both of us to get really angry and start making a scene.

He groaned and turned away from me, running a hand roughly through his hair. I just stood there, watching the back of his shoulders as he breathed heavily. I didn’t know how to make him feel better, I honestly did nothing wrong here. It wasn’t my fault that some news paper printed some bullshit story. And it definitely wasn’t my fault that Dakota had actually done the deed.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly turning back to me. “I didn’t… I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat and yelled like that, I apologize. You don’t owe me anything.”

He looked so vulnerable standing in front of me. I shrugged, “It’s okay. Like I said, it looks bad. But I swear Jay and I never happened. It’d never happen, I don’t see him like that.” He looked into my eyes with curiosity, “I’d never do something like that to hurt you,” I sighed.

He nodded at my words and inched closer to me. I could feel the heat coming off his body and the look on his face told me that he felt like a jerk for jumping to conclusions so fast. “I just… when Dakota and Nathan turned out to be true, I just though…” he sighed, “I don’t know. The thought of you with anyone, especially him just rips me apart.”

My stomach dropped when he said that. Every time he said things like that it hit me hard that I was still so insanely in love with him. But it also made me want to push him away because he’d hurt me once before already. I took a step back, “Niall I…” what was I supposed to say here? I sighed, “I need to get back out there,” I gestured to the closed office door.

“Stop, don’t do that. Stop pushing me away Ayden,” the irritation in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.

“I’m at work Niall!” I said waving my hands around to remind him that we were in my aunts office in the bakery. “What do you want?”

His fists clenched at his side. He sighed aggressively before he turned and grabbed his hat and sunglasses off the desk, “You know what I want?” I just looked at him to continue, “All I want in like, the whole world, is to just keep talking to you. I wanna know how your day was, I want know where you wanna eat and I wanna argue with you because I know everything I do annoys you to at least some extent.” He licked over his lips, “I wanna hear all your theories, even the ones that are, you know, wrong. Like how Justin Bieber apparently has no talent,” he scoffed. “And I know it’s not that simple, I fucked up before, I know. But all I can do is continue to apologize until you forgive me. And I know it’s not that simple, but I just think… I just think if you’d be willing to continue this conversation with me, then we can figure the rest out.”

I was in shock. That was the only way to describe how I was feeling. I didn’t expect any of that to come out, especially right now. So many thoughts and feelings were running through me then, and the biggest one was the need to grab him and hold him in my arms and never let go. “You choose this moment right now to spill all that on me?” was the first thing out of my mouth.

A blush flared across his face as he shrugged, “That’s not how I pictured this speech coming out, but it just came out. Like a verbal throw up really.” I cracked a smile because it was so Niall to be so casual after he just poured his heart out to me. He returned my smile, “You know, you’re giving me that look again.”

And then I wanted to smack him. But I couldn’t stop the soft giggle that escaped my lips. I took a few small steps towards him then pulled him into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face there as his arms came securely around my waist. This felt good. It felt right. God I wish this wasn’t happening right now, while I was at work. Why can’t life be like the movies where every conversation is perfectly timed and convenient?

I felt his lips against the skin of my neck briefly and it sent chills like fireworks across my body. I felt that simple gesture all the way to my toes! I turned my head and rested my forehead against his so we were looking in each other’s eyes, “Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi.”
Fuck it, I thought. I was kidding myself by trying to keep him at arm’s length. I reached up on my tip toes a bit so I could kiss him. My lips hardly brushed his when there was loud knocking on the office door and Jess yelling that she really needed my help up front. Niall and I were both started by the outburst that we ended up bumping heads and our teeth clattered together.

“Ow, fuck!” I hissed. “I’ll be right there,” I hollered out to Jess. Niall was running his tongue across his lips and teeth with a wince, checking if he was bleeding, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “You?”

I rubbed at my forehead as I tongued my gums, “Yeah I think so.” I sighed, “I have to get back to work. But… Come over tonight?”

He leaned in and placed his lips against mine softly, “Yeah. I’ll be there.”

*****

When my aunt came in to relieve me she was acting odd. “You okay?”

She was completely distracted and was sifting through papers on her desk, “Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine.”

“You’re acting weird. Everything go okay at the doctors?”

She nodded absently, “Yeah, everything’s great. Hey you wanna come over tomorrow? For dinner? I wanna talk to you about something.”

Yeah, she was totally acting weird, “Um, yeah sure.” She sat down in her chair, she looked exhausted, “You want me to stay? You look like you should go home…”

She waved me off, “No I’m fine. Just you know, baby stuff on my mind. You go home, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded, “If you’re sure…”

She looked up at me then, sighing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, “I’m sure Ayden. Go home.” I nodded and turned to leave when she stopped me, “Hey Ayden?” I turned back giving her my full attention. “I did okay right? Raising you?”

Relief spread through me. She was just worried about the baby, typical pregnant women things (or so I assumed), hormones, “Yes auntie, you did fantastic. Best mom I could ask for.”

A real smile graced her face now, “I love you kid.”

“I love you too aunt Jenny. And I already love the little nugget.” I walked over and kissed her cheek, “You’re going to be a kick ass mom to him or her. Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

*****

As if the day couldn’t get any weirder, when I stepped out of the lift on the floor to my flat, Harry Styles was sitting against my door. “Harry? What are you doing here?”

He stood up slowly, “I need to talk to you,” he said in a monotone. This was becoming a pattern.

“Okay, come in.” He followed me into my flat and I dropped all my stuff by the door as he continued into my living room. I sat down next to him on the couch, “Are you okay?”

He laughed dryly, “No, I’m not okay. I just found out that my girlfriend slept with some dick from The Wanted from a news paper!”

“Yeah, I could see how that could be a problem,” he glared at my sarcasm. “I’m sorry, sarcasm isn’t appropriate.”

“No, it isn’t.” He looked down at his hands, watching as he extended his fingers before bawling them into fists and repeating it, “Niall says yours was a rumor.”

I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me, “Yeah.”

He looked up at me then. His eyes were dry but he still looked like he wanted to cry, “You knew didn’t you.” It was a statement rather than a question.

I bit my lip anxiously. I wanted to lie, but I think he’d dealt with enough lying for one day, “Yeah. She told me before you guys got back together.” He looked away from me again after hearing my answer. “Harry,” I sighed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was low and full of hurt.

“I didn’t think it was my place to tell you.”

His head snapped back in my direction, “As my friend, you didn’t think it was your place to tell me that my girlfriend slept with a guy my band has a very public feud with?!”

“She’s my friend too Haz,” I defended. “Plus I told her to tell you. But it happened when you weren’t together. You were sleeping with Taylor at the time remember?”

“That was different.”

I sighed, “Maybe. But it’s still in the past.”

“I can’t erase the image from my mind. Every time I close my eyes I see them together.” He leaned back into my couch, “I can’t even look at her. And the rest of the band is mad at her, even if they won’t admit it. Except Louis,” he swept a hand through is curls, “He made it perfectly clear that he was real pissed at her for this.”

I winced at the thought of Louis angry at Kota. Being on Lou’s bad side was a terrible place to be. Just ask rude fans and, well, The Wanted. “Look, I know this whole thing is fucked up and makes everyone involved look really bad, but it happened almost a year ago Harry.”

“Well it’s new to me!” he snapped.

I sighed and tried again, “You love her, right?”

“Yes of course but that has nothing-”

“It had everything to do with this Harry. Are you really going to let one night, that she completely regrets by the way, ruin what you have? You guys have been through so much and letting this get between you is stupid.”

He ran a hand over his face, “But the media is going to be on our ass over this. And management is already pissed.”

“This is your management’s job. To take care of shit storms.” I reached over and grabbed his hand, “What you should be worrying about is how you’re going to deal with this.”

“I don’t know. I just… I’m confused and angry and I just can’t face her right now.”

I rubbed my thumb across his knuckles reassuringly, “You can hide out here if you want. Blue’s out of town so if you wanna crash, you can have my room.”

“You sure?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

He gave me a small smile, “Thanks Ayden. Really. And I’m sorry for snapping at you about not telling me. I understand why you felt you couldn’t. Though I wish you had, would’ve been better than finding out like this.”

“I’m sorry Harry,” I said softly.

He sighed no saying anything. We sat like that, in my living room, quietly holding hands. I didn’t know what was going through his mind, but I knew that if this were Blue in this situation, she’d just want to have me sit with her as she tried to collect herself, so that’s what I did. “So I heard Niall talking to Liam earlier,” he said after a while.

“Oh?”

“I guess he like, spilled his guts to you?”

I chuckled at the memory, “Yeah he did. In the middle of my aunts office at the bakery. Not an ideal time to do that, while I’m at work and what not.”

“You finally back together then?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. We’re getting there if anything.” I bit my lip thinking over everything Niall said, “I really love him, I’m just scared he’ll hurt me again.”

“He probably will.” I sent him a glare, “I’m not saying that to be a dick. I’m saying it because loves not easy. There’s always going to be hurt, that’s just how it works. You just have to remember that it’s worth it and work through it.”

“Are you taking your own advice there?”

He shrugged, “Maybe.”

*****

Niall showed up not too long after that. He was surprised to see Harry, but after I explained what I came home too, he understood.

We sat on the couch, me in the middle of 2/5th of the world’s biggest boy band, and we ordered pizza and watched a marathon of the Great British Bakeoff.

“Do you have work tomorrow?” Niall asked around midnight.

“No, but I’m exhausted.” I looked over and Harry looked about seconds away from falling asleep. “Harry,” I nudged him, “You can go crash in my bed.”

“You sure?” he mumbled.

“Yeah. I’ll sleep in Blue’s.” He nodded at my answer as he got up and walked out of the room calling a ‘goodnight’ over his shoulder.

“Where’s Blue?” Niall asked once we were alone.

“In Paris with You Me At Six.”

“Lucky her,” he smiled. He looked down and started playing with my hand. This was probably where we should start talking about what happened earlier, but I was too tired to even think of where to start. I watched his face as he played with my fingers. He looked so concentrated and adorable, like he was trying to solve a puzzle or something.

I threw my legs over his and scooted up so I was in his lap. His arms circled my waist without comment and I cuddled into his neck. Maybe we didn’t need words, maybe this was enough.

He trailed his lips across my neck, which drove me crazy. My back was on fire where his hands were, and when he kissed my jaw, I was done. I pulled my face from his neck and guided his face towards mine with my hand. I ran my thumb across his cheekbone as I looked into his eyes. His eyes, there were a dark blue at the moment and full of emotion. I saw him glance down at my lips before his gaze met mine again. We were so close and I could feel his breath across my face and just, this build up was killing me!

I knew he was waiting. Waiting for me to make the move, he wasn’t going to do it this time, it was all up to me now. I messaged my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck and he hummed in approval. I leaned in more and I was right there, “I miss you,” I said against his lips. I’ve pretty much thrown all caution to the wind completely.

“I’m right here,” he whispered back, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled his face to mine bringing our lips together. It was like an electric current shot through me. His lips were cautious and slow, but still inviting and I just felt… home. My arms wrapped firmly around his shoulders pulling him closer to me. He was being a gentleman though and his hands stayed at my back. I licked across his bottom lip that I had between my teeth urging him to give me that deep, slow kiss that always turned my insides to mush. He took the hint and his mouth opened and his tongue danced with mine.

I sighed audibly into his mouth as he kissed me like he used too. One of his hands came up and rested against my jaw and my neck, securing me in place as my hands wondered down his chest. God working out was doing wonders for him. I could feel his newly (to me anyways) defined muscles through his shirt, his stomach muscles tightening under my touch. His trainer is a saint, I’ve decided. I should write him a lengthy, detailed thank you card.

His hand that was still at my back pushed the material of my shirt up and his hand rested against the skin at the small of my back. I take back everything I’ve ever said before about Niall’s kisses, this was the best one we’ve ever shared. Well, maybe it came second to our first, but I mean that one had a soundtrack to it, so it automatically wins.

I could tell he was slowing down the kiss when he pulled his tongue back and was giving me open mouthed butterfly kisses. And then he was kissing the side of my mouth, and trailing down my jaw at an agonizingly slow pace, and then he was holding me. We were back to where we started; me in his lap as he cradled me closely as I tried my best to wrap myself around him.

“Will you stay?” I said into his neck.

I felt his chuckle more than heart it, “In Blue’s bed?”

I pulled back and smirked at him, “We’re just sleeping”

He smiled and leaned in and kissed me again slowly. I felt it in my toes. I took this as a yes to him staying and got off his lap and pulled him down the hall with me. I crawled on the bed, not bothering to get under the covers or undress in any manner and patted the spot next to me. Niall smiled down at me as he kicked his shoes off before crawling to my side and laying next to me.

I curled into him and rested my head on his chest as his arm came around my back. We were like magnets to each other since Harry left our presents. I careened my neck up and kissed his jaw, “I love you.”

He squeezed my side, “I love you too.”

*****

“Aunt Jenny?” I said opening the door to her house. I was a bit late for dinner, but not by much. I was excited to tell her what happened with Niall and I. We still weren’t officially back together or anything like that, but I had made progress!

“Dining room,” I heard Will call out.

I rounded the corner and found Will and aunt Jenny at the table, but they weren’t alone. In the chair directly across from me was a dark haired lad who looked about my age, if not a year or two older. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Aunt Jenny waved to the chair for me to sit, “Pizza should be here any second.” She gestured to the stranger I didn’t know, “This is Daniel.”

I smiled and stuck my hand out over the table to shake his, “Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Ayden.”

“Hey, nice to meet you.”

His accent surprised me, “You’re American?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, “This is my first time out of the country.”

I nodded and looked at Will and Jenny. They both had awkward straight faces as they watched our interaction. Seriously, was the whole world going bonkers these days? “So what brings you to London? How do you know these two?” I asked pointing to the couple at the end of the table.

“Well, I don’t really,” he said awkwardly. He cleared his throat, “I’m here for you actually.”

“Me?” I couldn’t even hide the surprise in my voice.

He nodded, “Yeah. I’m uh… I’m your brother.”