Can You Find Me?

“You know what would go great with your new hair?” Blue asked, coming in and leaning on my door frame. I was sitting in front of my mirror putting some loose curls into my already wavy hair.

“What?”

“Your new boyfriend.”

I set the curling wand down and looked at her confused, “What are you talking about?”

She shrugged, coming in and sitting on my bed, “I’m saying you need a new boyfriend. New hair- check, new boyfriend, well now we need to check that one off.”

I rolled my eyes turning back to the mirror, running my hands threw my hair, “I don’t need a boyfriend. I’m not ready for a new one.”

“Then you need to get laid!” She exclaimed. “The fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. When’s the last time you had sex? When you went to LA?”

“So what? I’m fine.”

“I know you are, I’m not saying you aren’t. I just think you deserve to find someone amazing, and you shouldn’t be sitting around waiting too long.”

I walked over and threw my closet open. I needed to start getting ready for Louis’ party, “I’m not waiting. It’s only been 6 months Blue, I’ll start dating again when I’m ready. The right guy just hasn’t caught my eye.”

“What about the guy we met at Sound Wave?”

I shrugged, “He was nice, and attractive but I don’t think there’s much there for us.” She was talking about Jacko Strong. He was a really awesome guy. And completely fit. I mean, he was a Moto X rider for crying out loud, he’s almost hot by default! He just happened to be at Sound Wave, doing moto demos on each of the dates. We hung out one night and made out. I mean, Niall had just broken up with me the week before, it was a pure rebound thing. That and we haven’t talked much since I left Australia.

“You’re not still holding out hope for Niall are you?”

I sighed turning back to her, “So what if I was? I’m not, but if I was, you would be the good best friend and support me. Right?” She just rolled her eyes. I turned back to my closet, “Be civil tonight, yeah?”

“I will. I’ll be the definition of classy, don’t you worry. But if that little shit says something rude, I can’t promise to hold my tongue.”

“I guess that’s as good as I can expect. Now help me find something to wear.”

*****

I decided to just go totally casual to the party. I wasn’t in the mood to put much effort into my looks, especially when I was around friends and didn’t feel the need to have to impress anyone, no matter how much Blue was trying to push me onto another guy. I was wearing an All Time Low shirt and a pair of Drop Dead black skinny jeans and my gray Toms.

I was comfortable, and ready to party!

As soon as Blue and I got to Louis’, it was already packed with people. The girls found us first, before we’d made it more than 5 feet into the house, pulling us both into hugs and telling us how much they’d missed us the past 10 months.

“Oh my god!” Perrie exclaimed, “Ayden, you’re hair looks amazing!” she rand her hand through it.

“I love it, when did you do this?” El asked.

I shrugged, “Last night.”

“Damn girl,” Dani smiled, “You can rock any color like Pez can’t you?”

“Right!” Blue agreed, “I’m jealous of it!”

Kota grabbed my hand, “Come on, the boys are in the kitchen.” I went a bit ridged when she said that, but I was still excited to see everyone, aside from the obvious.

There were a lot of people in the kitchen, but Liam and Niall were absent. When the boys saw us they all cheered and rushed us, giving Blue and I hugs and hellos.

“There’s my little traitor!” Lou glared with a smirk.

I rolled my eyes, “Let it go Louis,” I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Fine. Just know that my party is 100 times better than any Wanted party, and sleeping with the enemy is frowned upon.”

“Louis!” all the girls, including me, shrieked. Kota and I shared a quick glance. Her worry was quickly whipped from her face though.

“Nice hair Ayd,” Harry said smiling genuinely, “Looks good on you.”

“Better than I looked when I dyed mine red for a day,” Louis commented.

“Where’s my boyfriend?” Danielle asked.

“He and Niall went out to see Aston’s new car,” Zayn said then sent me a panicked look and all the boys got quiet, glancing at me awkwardly.

I cleared my throat, “Guys. You don’t have to act awkward every time you bring up Niall.”

Louis threw his arm around me, “That’s my mature bird! Now let’s get you some drinks!”

*****

There were so many people at the party. People I had met a few times through the boys, celebrities I still hadn’t met, and were too intimidated to go say hi. I eventually ran into Liam and we took a few moments to catch up.

I had seen Niall for a brief moment, but as soon as his eyes locked with mine he turned away acting like he hadn’t seen me.

And now he was across the room chatting with some really fit blonde in what was hardly considered a dress if you ask me. I was trying to hard not to look, but I couldn’t stop myself. He looked good, but he’d make anything look good. He was wearing a tank top that showed off his arms (he’d clearly been going to the gym) and jeans. He was drinking a Stella and there was a bandaged wrapped around his hand, which I was curious about.”

“He’s gutted you know,” Kota said coming up to me.

I glanced at her, “Why? I didn’t do anything.”

“Because he knows what an idiot he’s been. After you left his flat last night he punched a hole in his bedroom door. Liam had to take him to get stitches.”

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head, “He what? Why?” Why the hell would Niall do that? That was completely out of character for him. I mean he was, to use his own words, a ‘laid back mofo.’ He was never one to get physically violent.

She shrugged glancing over at the Irish, “Because he’s still completely in love with you but can’t make his mouth shut up. Harry told me he was really upset when he saw those pictures of you with The Wanted. And I guess that plus whatever happened between you last night just boiled over.”

“He broke up with me Dakota. He has no reason to be upset anymore.”

She grabbed my hand, “Look, I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I’m going to give you some advice like you did for me when I went through my downward spiral. Just talk to him. Let him explain himself. You guys never got real closure. Maybe you can get it now, or better yet, work through this.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk to him. Maybe if things yesterday went better, but they didn’t and he made me feel like shit.”

“He’s a guy Ayd. He’s stupid. He let his pride get to him. But I’m not going to make excuses for him. We’re all pissed at him for how he broke up with you. But just cut him some slack yeah?”

I shrugged, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Talk about what?” Aston Merrygold asked coming up next to us.

I smiled up at him, “About how you’re going to dance with us!” I said grabbing his and Kota’s hands and dragging them into the living room where everyone was dancing.

We danced for a song or two before Blue, Perrie, El and Dani eventually joined us. Aston putting us to shame with his foot work that could make even Usher jealous.

“You wanna dance with me?” someone asked in my ear. I turned and vaguely recognized him from Union J, but I had no idea which one he was. It was either JJ or Josh, but I didn’t care to ask as I nodded and let him pull me into him. I was just ready to have fun, and he was kind of cute, in that typical boy band way.

He placed his hands on my hips, but high enough that wasn’t considered handsy, as we started to sway together to the Jessie J song that was blaring. “I’m JJ.”

I knew he was one of the two. “Ayden,” I yelled back.

“Have we met?” he asked close to my ear.

“I think we met in passing at X-Factor when I was there to see 1D perform.”

“You dating one?”

I shook my head, “No.” He smiled. But genuinely, not like a creepy smirk or something that said he wanted in my pants.

His hands left my hips then and he grabbed my hand and spun me dramatically, causing me to laugh. That’s how we continued to dance to countless songs. He even dipped me at one point. The girls were still around us, laughing and cheering and doing their own moves. Blue and Kota were dancing with Grimmy and Perrie had brought Zayn over and forced him to dance, but he was mostly standing there awkwardly and laughing as his girlfriend moved around him. El and Dani were dancing with each other and a few people around them.

I had turned and was dancing with my back against JJ’s chest and he had one arm lazily around my waist. When the last song ended he squeezed my side to get my attention, “Wanna get a drink?” I turned and nodded then followed him into the kitchen. He grabbed two beers and handed me one. I took is and popped the cap off on the counter. “That was impressive,” he chuckled.

“Well thanks,” I smiled as I took a long sip, “So tell me about yourself JJ.”

*****

I couldn’t stop watching her dance with JJ. It took every muscle in me not to cross the room and rip her from his grasp. I turned as Harry made his way too me with Liam right behind him. “Is she doing this to me on purpose?” I asked them as they reached me.

They both looked to where I’d nodded. “I doubt it mate,” Harry said. “She’s not one to be vindictive, yeah?”

“Niall just go talk to her. You know, apologize for being a cunt and tell her how you feel,” Liam remarked.

I scoffed, “How can I when she keeps falling into the arms of every boy band member in the Uk.”

“Oh my god,” Harry moaned then glared at me, “She’s just dancing with him Niall. They aren’t having sex! Stop being a dick and talk to her.”

I was watching her the whole time he snapped at me. I watched JJ lean into her neck, the place I should be, and whisper something to her. Then they turned and walked off together. My heart was beating so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

“Niall!” Liam said snapping me out of my trance. “Just go talk to her. But be nice. Don’t be a dick and accuse her of hooking up with people you know she isn’t,” he said giving me a stern look.

“She’s gone off with him, there’s no point.”

“Dear god. Niall,” I could tell Harry wanted to slap me, “They went to the kitchen, probably to get a drink. Just go in there and ask if you can talk to her.”

I shook my head, “She doesn’t wanna talk to me.”

“Well no, probably not,” Harry shot.

I glared at him, ready to say something back but Liam cut in, “Hey lads, cool it, yeah? Niall, Harry’s right, you’re being ridiculous, but Harry you need to not be a dick right now.”

Harry sighed, “Sorry. Just,” he groaned, “I still don’t get when you broke up with her. Now you want her back, yet you were an asshole yesterday. What are you doing Niall?”

“I don’t know, okay?” I snapped. “I don’t know what happened to me. I got all insecure that she was going to leave me and it fucked me up and now I need to find a way to fix it.”

“Go talk to her,” the exclaimed at the same time.

“But don’t. Be. An. Asshole.” Harry warned.

I took a deep breath before I downed the last sip of my beer. “Alright,” I said handing Harry my empty bottle, “I’m going in.”

“Play nice,” Liam called after me.

It wasn’t hard to find her once I got top the kitchen. I could pick her laugh out of a crowd anywhere. She was leaning against the counter with her back to me laughing at whatever JJ was saying. The jealousy was building up inside me, but I knew I couldn’t let it surface because then I’d just turn into a dick.

JJ saw me walk up before Ayden did. “Oh, hey Niall,” he said once I got right behind Ayden.

She turned and once she saw me, her smile instantly vanished off her face. That hurt… really bad. I nodded in JJ’s direction before turning back to her, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

She didn’t say anything, just stared at me. JJ shifted uncomfortable next to us, “I can just…”

“No,” she said. I don’t know if she was talking to him or me. She glanced at JJ before turning back to me, “Now’s not a good time Niall,” she gestured between the two of them, “We’re talking.”

I ran my hand threw my hair. I was desperate at this point, “Please.”

She stared at me for a long moment before she sighed, “Fine,” her shoulders slumped before she turned back to JJ, “I’m sorry. I’ve gotta-”

“Nah, it’s cool. I’ll just see you around yeah?” He pulled her into a hug then. My hands balled into fists at my side. This whole situation was testing my patience.

Once he left she turned to me, “What do you want Niall?”

“I-” There was loud cheering and my words were lost in the noise. I moved closer to her, trying to ignore how she stiffened, “Can we go outside where you can hear me better?” She just shrugged and I took that as the best answer I’d get. I grabbed her hand and pulled her through the crowd of people out to Louis’ backyard. There were a few people out there so I took her around the side of the house so we could be alone.

Once we were there she ripped her hand out of mine, “Okay, we’re alone, now talk.” She crossed her arms over her chest, and you could tell she really didn’t want to be here, with me, alone.

“I just,” I sighed, running my hand through my hair, “I’m sorry for yesterday. For being an ass. I was just, I don’t know, stuck in my head.”

“Okay, fine apology accepted. Now, can I go-”

I grabbed her arm as she tried to walk away, “Ayden, please. Stop okay? I’m trying to fix this.”

She gently pulled her arm out of by grasp, but didn’t leave, “Fix what exactly?”

I looked into her eyes for a long moment. I watched her bit her lip. I loved when she did that. “I just… I love you Ayden. Okay? I love you and I was such an idiot for-”

She held her hand up, stopping me, “Don’t. Not here. Not now. You’re only doing this because I was talking to JJ. We were just talking, there’s nothing going on, so you don’t have to try and mark your territory and fuck with my head.”

I walked closer to her crabbing both her hands in mine, “That’s not what I’m doing. You know me better than that.”

“I thought I did Niall. But yesterday it was like I was seeing you for the first time. You were different, you treated me different. You were cold. We’re not even friends anymore let alone anything else.”

“Ayden, just-”

She shook her head, “I really can’t do this right now. You’ve completely blindsided me,” She pulled her hands from mine and started taking steps back.

“Ayden…”

She just shook her head and kept walking.