Can You Find Me?

“You better have a fantastic reason for calling me before noon on my day off Styles,” I said as soon as I answered my annoying phone. The past few days after the encounter with Niall at the party, I’d kept myself real busy. I worked wherever and whenever my aunt needed me at the bakery. Since she had more than enough counter help these days, since Blue and I had been gone for so long, I mainly helped out in the kitchen and the office organizing the books.

I heard the little shit laugh through the phone, “Get up, I’m outside your door.”

I sat up slowly, “Why?”

“Because you’re coming with me to get a tattoo.”

I scoffed, throwing the blankets off me and swinging my legs over the side of my bed to fully sit up, “You can’t find someone else to go with? Where’s Kota?”

“Kota’s got class, and I want to spend the day with you. I haven’t seen you in far too long.”

“You saw me over the weekend at Louis’,” I pointed out.

“I meant one-on-one time. Now open the damn door, I got you tea and muffins.”

I sighed, “Alright, you’ve talked me into it. Hold on, let me throw some pants on.”

“You don’t have too, I’ve seen many naked ladies.”

“Oh shut up you twat,” I shot before I hung up. I got up and threw on a pair of shorts over my knickers and made sure my tank top was presentable before I stomped my way to the door.

I threw the door open to a very chipper looking Harry Styles. He was wearing his signature skinny jeans, a dark blue deep V and a gray beanie thrown over his curls. As promised, in his hand were a drink tray and a bakery bag “Morning love.”

“Yeah, morning,” I deadpanned, moving out of the way to let him in. It was so weird how I used to be worried he didn’t like me, and now… well he was one of my best friends. Calling and checking up on me, showing up at my flat uninvited.

He walked around me and I followed him into my kitchen, “Your aunt sends her love.”

“I feel like you go to the bakery just to see her. Need I remind you that she’s in a committed relationship and so are you?”

He smirked at me, setting the breakfast on the counter, “What can I say, I’ve got a think for cougars.”

“Ew,” I gagged, “That’s my aunt!”

He pulled out a muffin and passed it and a to-go cup of tea my way, “I’m not sorry.

“So why must I go with you to get a tattoo?” I started picking at the muffin. It was banana chocolate chip, my favorite. It made me less annoyed with him for waking me up.

“Because you’ve been avoiding everyone, and I want to hang out with you.”

“I’m not avoiding-”

“Yes you are,” he cut me off. “You’re avoiding us to avoid Niall.”

I sighed, “Well I’m sorry, yeah? I’m trying to get over him and how can I do that if he’s always around?”

“You could just try forgiving him.”

I glared at him, “No.”

Harry scoffed, “Oh come on Ayd. You love him! I know he was an abominable twat about everything but he’s trying to fix it, if you’ll let him.”

“I’m sorry I’m still bitter that he broke up with me with a drunk phone call and a text. It’s not something I can just get over.”

“In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re completely over what Dakota did?”

He winced at my words and I felt bad for bring it up. “No, I’m still bothered by it. But I’ve forgiven her, and we’re working on it every day. You can’t do the same for Niall?”

I took a long sip of my tea, “I don’t know. Maybe, but not right now. I can’t see me getting over it anytime soon.”

“Then why do you still wear the necklace he got you last Christmas?” he said pointing to my neck.

My hand went to the necklace instantly. I still loved is and couldn’t bring myself to take it off. I shoved it back under my tank top, “Because I love Peter Pan, now can we change the subject please?”

He shrugged, “Sure.”

“What are you getting tattooed?”

He leaned forward with his elbows on the counter, “I don’t know. I was thinking of a rose or something.”

“You don’t know what you want?”

He scoffed, “Do I ever know what I want? No, I just go and figure it out when I get there.”

“So deep, Styles.”

He nodded, “Plus I wanna see Lux, so it’s a win-win. You can get something too. Tom doesn’t charge.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged. I have wanted some more script.

“Hurry up and eat, so you can get ready and we can go.”

I took a giant bit of my muffin, “Fine.”

“So classy,” he shot.

*****

As soon as Harry and I walked into Lou and Tom’s house little Lux ran straight into Harry’s legs. “Aw, how’s my little Luxy? You remember Ayden right?” he asked the little girl as he swung her up into his arms. She looked over at me and smiled shyly, before hiding her face in his shoulder.

“Aw, hey Lux,” I said and brushed my fingers through her hair.

Lou came around the corner then, “She’s been waiting for you to get here all morning,” she smiled at Harry. She came over to me, pulling me into a hug, “How have you been love? It’s been a while since we’ve seen you.”

I nodded, “I’m good. Lux is getting big!”

“She grows an inch every day, I swear it,” Tom said joining us in the entry way. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek before turning to Harry, “You ready to get inked Haz? We’re all set up in the back room.”

Harry nodded and kissed the little girl’s cheek before passing her to Lou, “Yeah, let’s do this. Ayden’s getting something too,” he smirked.

“I believe I said maybe,” I said as we all walked into the back room where the tattoo stuff was set on a table.

“Well just let me know, love. You can have anything you want,” Tom smiled at me.

“I will.”

*****

Harry ended up getting a few random tattoo’s. I spent time catching up with Lou and playing with Lux. I’d only been around this little family a handful of times since getting involved with the One Direction lads, but Lou was always more than welcoming. Lux always seemed to warm up to me after a few minutes too. That little girl was so cute and so loved by all the boys. Especially Harry, they had a very special bond.

“Ayden, it’s your turn.”

I looked over and Tom and Harry were both smiling at me expectantly. I sighed, “How good are you with script?”

Tom shrugged, “Depends on what kind you want.”

“Can you do cursive?”

“I’m amazing at cursive,” Harry volunteered, “And good with a tattoo gun!”

I eyed him, “Are you sure?”

Haz rolled his eyes, “Yes, watch.” He pulled a piece of paper off the side table and wrote my name in cursive on the sheet. “See? I’m fantastic at lettering.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I trust you to tattoo me.”

He scoffed, “Oh come on, I’ve tattooed loads of people!”

“It’s true,” Tom interjected, “He’s way better at script then I am.”

I looked over at Lou, “Should I believe these idiots?”

“Well Hazza does have better hand writing.”

I looked back over and Harry was staring at me with a massive cheeky smile, “Alright. But if you fuck it up, I will tattoo your face.”

“Relax, it’ll be fine,” Harry said. Tom got up and I took his spot, “What do you want?”

I bit my lip, “Lyrics. I’ve been thinking about getting them for years.” I already had 3 tattoos, but I was always thinking of the next ones I wanted.

Harry nodded, “Alright, what do you want and where to you want it?”

I pointed to the side of my forearm, “I want it here. I want ‘Love. A difficult thing to say, don’t let it go to waste.’”

“Whose lyrics are those?”

“Four Letter Lie. It’s from ‘Think Of Your Favorite Place.’ It’s my favorite song and that’s my favorite lyric.”

He smirked at me, “I like the lyric. Let’s do a few different scripts and well do this!”

*****

We left Lou and Toms with fresh ink. Harry with 4 new tattoos and I with one that I completely loved. “I have to admit Styles, I didn’t have full faith in you,” I said once we were in the car and I was admiring my arms again. I carefully pulled my sleeve down back over the clear wrap.

“Oh gee thanks!”

I shrugged, “You can’t blame me.”

He scoffed before he pulled out into traffic. I played with the radio, switching stations until I found something I liked and Harry checked his phone. “You down for a movie night tonight?”

“At your place?”

“No, Liam’s.”

That made me nervous, “Is everyone going to be there?”

“Yes, Niall is going to be there.”

“I don’t think-”

He cut me off, “Come on Ayden. Everyone wants you there, they all miss you.”

“Fine,” I huffed. I knew no matter what I’d say he wouldn’t let me sit this out.

“Awesome. Tonight will be fun I promise!” He pulled onto the freeway.

“If you say so,” I sighed. “Where are we going now?”

“Your favorite place.”

“Why are we going to the record store?”

He smirked, “Because I’m in need of new music so I obviously need your help.”

“Obviously.”

We spent a few hours going through different CD’s and records. I’d convinced Harry into getting a few bands he wasn’t sure he’s like (but he was wrong, I mean who doesn’t love The Maine?), and even picked up a few new records for my own collection.

“We have to stop by the store before we head to Liam’s.”

I nodded, “Alright.” As he drove I slipped in The Maine’s ‘Pioneer’ CD I insisted he buy. “Now listen to this album and tell me it inst amazing.

He laughed, “I’ll have to listen to more than 2 seconds of a song before I admit anything.”

“Yeah, well still. I want a written thank you letter when you realize I was right.”

“Okay Ayden.”

*****

“Are you sure she’s alright that I’m here?” I asked again.

Kota sighed, “Yes Niall. Harry said she was coming and she knew you’d be here. It’ll be fine.”

I nodded. We were all at Liam’s to have dinner and watch movies and just hang out. By ‘we’ I mean Liam and Dani, Louis and Eleanor and Harry, Kota and Ayden and I. Even though they all kept saying that it would be fine, I was still on edge to be around her, especially after how we left things at the party.

“Niall you need to relax,” Louis said patting me on the shoulder. “Have a beer mate.”

I nodded trying to get myself to relax. I grabbed a beer and headed out to the living room where everyone else was. I was anxious to see her. It’d only been a few days since the party but I already missed seeing her face. I’ve missed it every day since we were apart.

I wanted to get her back, but at the very least I wanted to be friends. I just needed her in my life, and to do that, I’d have to get her to talk to me.

“Niall,” Eleanor said and set her hand on my thigh that I hadn’t realized I was bouncing. “Chill mate.”

“Yeah, you look like you’re going to pass out,” Liam commented.

“I feel like I might.”

Dani rolled her eyes, “You know, I’m on your side here to try and get her back but you need to calm down. Give her some time to clear her head.”

“I just want her to talk to me.”

“Pizza should be here soon,” Kota said coming into the room and Louis trailing behind her with a handful of beer bottles for everyone. I chugged half mine already, “Slow down Ni.”

“Yeah, I said relax, not get car parked,” Louis smirked.

“I’m fine,” I stressed.

But when Ayden walked in the house with Harry a few minutes later my heart started beating incredibly fast. Just looking at her took my breath away.

She greeted everyone, including me, but didn’t meet my eyes. She just greeted me with a simple ‘hey’ while everyone else got hugs. It hurt, but I understood it. I had treated her like such an asshole. Breaking up with her while I was drunk. Practically ambushing her at Louis’ party, I get why she wouldn’t be too excited to see me.

I just… I needed to find a way for her to at least tolerate being around me before I could try and get back to where we were before, if not better.

When the pizza came we all crowded in the kitchen to fill our plates. Ayden was talking with the girls a few feet from me, and she hadn’t even glanced at me since she walked in. When I opened the fridge to get a drink, water this time, I figured I’d try and show her I came in peace.

I grabbed an orange pop out of the fridge, her favorite, before walking the short distance to here, “Here, I uh, grabbed you a drink.”

She glanced at me surprised, “Oh, thanks.” She grabbed the can and I noticed she made sure none of our fingers touched. She gave me a weak smile before walking over to grab a plate. This wasn’t going to be easy, but it was a start.

Once we all had our food we were back in the living room, and that’s when I noticed a problem. There was one couch and two loveseats. Louis and El had one love seat while Kota, Harry, Dani and Liam occupied the couch, which just left two seats left.

I watched Ayden look around at the situation before she walked over and sat on the floor in front of Kota and leaned back against her friends legs. I sighed lightly before falling into the last couch.

We all started eating, with the tellie on in the background as we talked.

“So tell us about the modeling you got to do in America!” Danielle asked Ayden.

A slow smile spread across Ayden’s face as she chewed, “Oh my god it was awesome. I got to meet so many people from bands that I loved.” She was starting to get excited and I couldn’t help the small smile that hit my face, “Like Pete Wentz. He’s such an awesome guy! And Kellin Quinn from Sleeping With Sirens. He was so nice, like, he invited me over to his house for dinner and everything.”

“Oh really?” Kota asked moving her eyebrows suggestively. I had to hold back a grimace. I didn’t want to hear this. Liam and Louis sent me worried glances.

“It wasn’t like that,” Ayden continued looking down at her plate. She cleared her throat, “He’s married and just had a baby.” She glanced at me for a split second when she said that before glancing back up over at Dani, “She’s the most adorable little thing.”

We continued to talk, well everyone else did. I pretty much just sat back and listed. After a while we finally turned out attention to watching movies.

“Niall,” Louis whisper at me from across the room. It was late and dark in the room except the tellie. I was practically falling asleep. I looked over and he pointed to the floor where Ayden was. She was fast asleep. She looked beautiful. “If we all leave without waking her, you can drive her home, right?”
I glanced at everyone else. They were all awake and looking at me expectantly, “I don’ think she’d like that.”

“No, but it’s your chance to talk to her,” Kota said softly.

“Grow a pair Ni,” El said as she started to carefully get off the couch to not make any noise. Louis followed ad did Harry and Dakota.

“Guys, seriously, this is a terrible idea.”

Harry patted my arm, “Just don’t be a twat and you’ll be fine.”

As they left the house I looked back at Dani and Liam, “What am I gonna do?”

Danielle rolled her eyes, “I’ll wake her up.” She moved to shake Ayden.

“It’ll be fine Niall,” Liam said as his girlfriend started talking to Ayden.

“Hey sleepy head. Everyone left.”

She sat up, “What? Even Harry?” She glanced around, “Dammit, he was my ride home!”

Liam sent me a look telling me to speak up. I coughed awkwardly, “I, uh I can give you a lift Ayd.”

She met my gaze with an uneasy look of her face. She sighed and stood up, “I’m going to kill him,” she said as she stretched.” I was wondering if she met me or Harry but then was distracted by her shirt riding up. But it was gone within seconds as she dropped her arms. “Are you sure?” I looked up and she was staring at me expectantly.

I stood, “No, it’s fine.”

She bit her lip, “Okay.” She turned to Liam and Dani giving them hugs and saying goodbye.

As she walked towards the door I went to say goodbye to the couple, and the freak out, “What the hell did you guys get me into? She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Just play nice. Don’t push her,” Liam said.

Danielle rubbed my arm soothingly, “You can handle this. Now go.”

Once we got in my car, you could feel the tension. We drove a few blocks and I noticed she kept shifting and her fingers were twitchy. Kind of like she was going to reach for the radio but then remembered she couldn’t just do that anymore. I cleared my throat, “You can change the station or put a CD in if you want.”

She sighed dramatically, “Thank god!” She opened my glove box and started sifting through my CD’s. “What’s on this?” she asked holding up a blank CD with no writing on it.

I shrugged, “Just random songs, I made a while back.”

She nodded and pushed it in the CD slot. Within seconds ‘Passenger Seat’ by The Summer Set started playing. It only got a few seconds on play before she reached over and switched the song. ‘Bounce’ by The Cab started to play and she sat back looking out the window.

The silence was killing me. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted to be able to talk to her about anything, I wanted to be able to reach other and hold her hand as I drove. I wanted her back. “Can we at least be friends?” I blurted out.

“What?”

I glanced at her, but she was still staring out the window. I sighed, “I know you don’t want to talk about… well you know, but do you think we can at least be friends?”

“I don’t know Niall,” she was looking down at her hands now.

“I just, I miss you, yeah?” I licked my lips, “And I know you aren’t ready to forgive me for what I did, but will you at least give me a chance to make it up to you.”

She sighed, “I don’t know if you can Ni. You really hurt me. Like you made me feel like I didn’t matter and that it was no big deal to call me drunk and dump me.”

“You do matter,” I insisted. “I was just in a bad place.” I was getting worked up, so I took a breath, “Look I just… I need you in my life.”

She didn’t say anything for a few blocks. We were almost to her building and I didn’t want this conversation to just end. “I can try to be friends with you. For the sake of our mutual friends,” that stung. “I’m just… I’m not ready to get into anything with you right now.”

I nodded, “I understand. I just need you to know how gutted I am at how I ruined things. I love-”

“Don’t,” she said. “I don’t… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” We pulled up to her building then, “We can try to be friends alright? But that doesn’t mean anything’s changed.” She opened the car door, “Thanks for the ride.”

I watched her walk into her building with a heavy heart. Even though I got what I wanted, sort of, I still felt empty.