Can You Find Me?

“I think the only thing I’m curious about is if you still have feelings for him, love,” Aunt Jenny asked. I was over at her house to have dinner with her and Will before I headed off to a party at Josh and Max’s. I’d come over a bit early to talk to her about what was going on with Niall, and help her cook
.
We were on her couch drinking tea, I had finish telling her everything that’s happened within the last week. How he acted at Louis’ party and how I’d caved and agreed to be friends. I shrugged, “Honestly, I’m sure part of me will always be in love with him.”

“That’s the thing about first real loves babe,” she said pointedly. “I know he was a huge tosser, the way he ended things, but it sounds like he’s trying to fix it. Seeing his mistakes. Are you sure you can’t find it in your heart to forgive him? You were so happy with him Ayden.”

I looked down, trailing my finger around the edge of my empty mug, “I don’t know. I want to say yes, but when I think about it again, I get so angry.”

“Well maybe you should let that anger out, yeah? Explain all your frustration to him. Get it over with so you can move on and maybe fix things.”

I nodded looking back up at her, “That’s what everyone keeps telling me. Well, except Blue. She hates him.”

Jenny laughed, “She’s extremely loyal, that one.” She picked up her mug from the coffee table and grabbed mine and took it into the kitchen.

I followed and pulled myself onto the counter, “I guess I can forgive him with time. Right now I guess we’ll try this friends thing again.”

“I just want you to be happy love. With whatever you decide.”

I smiled at her, “Thanks auntie.”

She returned my smile, “You’re welcome. Now, shall we start cooking? Will should be here in an hour or so.”

*****

Aunt Jenny and I made pasta and salad for dinner. Will showed up, with French bread, right when we were putting everything on the table. I loved seeing how my aunt lit up when he came into a room. Even after a year of being together and knowing each other for years they still acting like teenagers around each other almost.

I was really glad Will came back into her life. And I was glad he was in mine as well, I really liked him, he was a stand up lad.

“So Ayden, we have something to share with you,” Jenny said as we were pretty much done eating. We’d just been sitting around the table talking now, about what I’d missed while traveling and what I’d done in Australia and America.

I looked between the couple, “Oh? What’s going on?” They exchanged a look, both giving each other a massively huge smile. Okay then… “Yes…?” I said urging them to continue.

“Well for one, we’re moving in together,” Will said. “We’ve been looking at houses. We think it’s time we get something… bigger.”

“Bigger?” Aunt Jenny’s house had enough space for the two of them. Especially since I’ve moved out. Two bedrooms was more than enough space right? Wait.

“Oh my god,” I blurted out. “Are you pregnant?” I could feel the shocked look on my face.

Aunt Jenny looked at me worried, “Yes. We are.”

I sat there for a moment to let it sink in. “Oh my god,” I whispered. A small smile was creeping across my face.

“You’re gonna be a cousin,” Will smiled.

I shook my head, “No, I’m gonna be a big sister!” I could feel tears spring to my eyes as I shot up out of my seat and ran around the table to hug my aunt, “I’m so happy for you, oh my god! How far along are you? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I let my aunt go and pulled Will into a hug.

“We just found out a few days before you got home. We wanted to wait until we were sure before we told you. I’m only 3 month along,” Jenny said.

I whipped my tears, “This is so exciting! I can’t wait for him or her to get here!” I put my hang on her, still flat, stomach, “Hear that little nugget? You’re gonna have one hell of an awesome life!”

“Little nugget?” Will laughed, “I like that.”

“Oh my god, this is so exciting,” I said again. “What do you guys think you’re having?”

They both shrugged, “I’d be happy with either,” Will said.

“Me too,” Jenny agreed.

I pulled them both into a massive hug again, “This is amazing! I’ll be here to help with whatever you need. Anything!”

Aunt Jenny tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, “Well we’ve already decided we want you and Blue to both be the Godmothers. I mean, it was a no brainer.”

“Oh my god, she’s going to flip! Can I tell her? Or do you want to tell her?”

“You can tell her. I can tell you won’t be able to keep this a secret, you’re too excited.”

I nodded, “Yeah, it’d probably come out without even realizing it. Have you guys found a house yet?”

Will shook his head, “No, we’re still looking.”

“Are you going to be one of those dad’s that builds swing sets and tree houses? Because I can so see that! You’ve got that ‘hot dad’ thing going on too. Actually both of you have that hot parent look,” I said cheekily.

“Oh stop it Ayd!” Jenny laughed as she started grabbing dishes off the table.

“No, no!” I said grabbing them from her, “I’ll do this, you sit.”

“I’m pregnant, not injured!”

“Yeah whatever, same thing!”

*****

By the time I finally got to the party at Josh and Max’s there was already a good amount of people there. I didn’t mean to spend so much time with my aunt and Will, but we all got carried away with the talk of the baby.

I walked through the crowd, saying his to people I knew as I tried to find Blue. I finally spotted her with Max, Josh and Dan by the couch. “Blue! Blue guess what?!”

“Hello to you too Ayden,” Dan shot.

“Hi,” I said before turning back to Blue, “Aunt Jenny’s pregnant!”

“WHAT!” She shrieked.

I nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, she’s three months along! And we’re going to be its Godmothers!”

“Together? Oh my god this is massive news!” We started jumping and hugging and generally fangirling over the baby news. The boys gave us congratulations but we pretty much ignored them as we started talking about our future plans for the rugrat.

“What are we all excited about,” said a familiar voice behind me.

I turned and there was Louis, with Niall right next to him. “Oh, hey guys, I didn’t know you were here.”

“Josh invited me, so I brought Louis along,” Niall said.

Louis nodded, “We’ve been here for a good hour, where have you been?”

“I was at my aunts. She’s having a baby!”

Louis and Niall both got huge smiles, “Wow that’s awesome! Tell your aunt congratulations for me, yeah?” Louis asked.

“I will.”

“From me too,” Niall said. He looked excited but timid at the same time, like he wasn’t sure what to say. Which I guess he didn’t in this awkward situation we were in, “I bet she’s very excited.”

I nodded, “She is.” I smiled lightly at him before Dan pulled me into a conversation.

Throughout the night I tried to play nice with Niall. Well, maybe ‘play nice’ wasn’t the right term, it wasn’t like I hated him or anything. But I was just trying to be friendly. Blue was being nice, well actually she was completely avoiding him. It’s weird when your best friend can hold a grudge against the lad that broke your heart better than you can.

Josh and Louis got a long really well. There was almost too much sass going around when they were together. It was definitely a sight to see. At one point Louis and Josh challenged Niall and I to a beer pong game. It was weird at first to be on a team with him, but after a while it was like we forgot that things weren’t as they were and we actually laughing together and high fiving like we were still the best of friends.

Then he’d look at me a certain way and it’d all come rushing back and hit me like a bus.

*****

It was getting late. People were drunk, hooking up or trying to find a ride home. I had stayed sober enough to drive since Louis had planned, and succeeded, to get drunk tonight. He and Josh together, they were like long lost brothers.

“What you need to do mate,” Lou slurred, “Is get her to trust you again.”

Josh, who was just as drunk, nodded his head, “Yeah, she still loves you. It’s obvious. You just have to make getting back together seem like her idea. She’s a delicate flower Niall.”

“Riiiight,” I said. “Thanks for the drunken advice.”

“We’re not drunk!” they said at the same time, then started laughing at themselves.

I nodded, “Yeah, sure you aren’t. I’m gonna go find a drink.”

Aside from being asked for a picture by a few people, the party was chill. I didn’t feel like a celebrity in the crowd for the most part, and they were all awesome people. I could see why Ayden liked this scene. When I got to the kitchen I spotted Blue by the cooler. “Hey,” I said walking up to grab a beer.

She scoffed, “Don’t ‘hey’ me popstar. We aren’t friends.”

Yeah, she really hated me, “Yeah, sorry.”

She glared at me, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, you know.”

I sighed tossing my beer cap on the counter, “What do you think I’ve been trying to do since I’ve got home?”

“Telling her you love her and whining about how you made a mistake isn’t apologizing Niall,” she snapped.

“I know. That’s why I’m just trying to give her some space. Starting from the beginning and just being friends.”

She rolled her eyes, “Or, you could just flat out apologize and explain yourself.” She walked around me, slamming her arm into my shoulder, “She’s out back,” she said over her shoulder.

Well, point taken then. I took a rather large sip of my beer and walked through the house to the backyard. It didn’t take me long to find her. She was out by the pool across the yard by the deep end, sitting on the edge with her legs crisscrossed looking out at the water. Or the couple in the water making out. I couldn’t tell.

“Hey,” I said when I walked up. “Can I sit?”

She barely glanced up at me, “Sure.”

“What are you doing out here?” I asked as I crossed my legs next to her. I left a small space between us.

She shrugged, “It was too loud and hot in the house. Plus it’s a nice night out.”

“So Jenny’s having a baby, huh?”

Ayden smiled down at the water, “She is. Don’t tell anyone, but I hope it’s a boy?”

I chuckled, “Why’s that?”

“Little boys are just fun. Don’t get me wrong, so are little girls. Lux is adorable. But I think our family needs a boy in it. I mean, Blue’s dad is the only lad. We need more testosterone I think.”

“You’re gonna be a great sister.”

“I wanna be,” she dipped her fingers in the water. “I’ve always wanted siblings, but you know…”

The sad thing is I did know. The thing with Ayden is she never talked about her parents. If anyone ever asked, she was fine, ‘over it’ as she’d say. But I knew the truth. She’s opened up to me about it a couple of times. How she misses her dad more than anything, wonders what life would be like if he were still alive. Would her family still be together today. I think what really bothers her is the mystery around her mom. She wonders if her mom ever thought about her, where she was and if had a new family. She wondered if she had half siblings out there somewhere.

“Now you’re getting one. Or two, who knows!”

She laughed, “Twins would be cool. I’ll have to ask Greg how to handle younger siblings,” she said shooting me a look.

“Hey, I’m a fantastic little brother, you know.”

“Sure you are.”

I nodded, “Mind if I smoke?” I asked and I pulled my pack out of my pocket. It was all tattered and almost smooshed since I rarely even smoked.

She looked at me from the corner of her eye and smiled, “Have I ever?”

I smirked back as I lit my cigarette. I took a deep breath before I blew out the smoke. I leaned back on my hands and let the cigarette dangle from my lips and lazily puffed on it.

We just sat in silence. It was nice, being next to her and not have to worry about saying something that would hurt her or just having her not want to be around me. Instead I think she was actually enjoying my company.

She reached over and plucked the half smoked stick from my lips before bringing it to hers and taking a few hits. I sat up as she handed it back, “Pick up a bad habit while America Ayden?”

She shrugged, “I dabble, but I’m pretty sure I picked it up from you,” she smirked.

It was probably true. I was more of a social smoker more than anything. Only doing it if I was drunk or out with friends partying. If I was out with Ayden we usually shared, though she only ever took a few hits.

I took another puff before handing it back to her to let her kill it, “You’re probably right.”

She nodded, bringing the cigarette back to her lips. The way she blew her smoke out was so sexy to me. It was hard to sit here and now I could lean over and kiss her hard. I had to turn away to stop staring at her. I leaned back against the concrete and looked up at the stars. She was right, it was a nice night out. Even though we were in the middle of the city, you could still see hundreds of stars. It was beautiful.

“Hey Niall?” She asked, bringing me out of my trance with the night sky.

I moved my gaze to her. She had half turned her body to look back at me. “Yeah?”

She pulled her lip between her teeth, looking away for a moment. She sighed before her eyes met mine again, “I know I’m the one that keeps avoiding it, but… do you think we could talk? Not right now, I don’t want to ruin this night like that. But, I just,” she moved one of her hands around her head to sweep her newly bright red hair off to one shoulder. “I think we need to get some things off chests you know?”

I nodded before sitting up, “Yeah, I think we should. I have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I have a lot of anger to let go of,” she commented. I winced, I knew she would. I mean I would if the situation was reversed.

“Okay,” I nodded. “When?”

She shrugged, “I have Wednesday off.”

“I have to be in the studio that day, but I’ll be done around 3, if that works.”

“Yeah, okay.”