Let Me Be the One

Frank.

The doctors appointment is on Thursday, 4:00 at the walk in clinic down at South railway. I know that I don't even deserve you coming but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not aborting. You mean too much to me to do that, even if I've said different.

-Vee

That was all I could come up with after spending three hours, laying in my bed next to Snugs as I typed, deleted and then redid my message. I can see what Mrs. Brown meant when she said that she wrote the letter so many times.

I thought that once I wrote it enough, I would eventually write the perfect letter that explains my feelings and apologize for what I've done. But after the fifteenth message, I realized that there was no possible way I could say sorry for what I did to him and my emotions were too complex to put into words.

Its been two days since that message was sent and since then, I haven't gotten a reply. It was now Thursday and the most I could do was go to the appointment since I already made it and there was no point in backing out now.

I say nervously in the plastic chair as I sucked on a peppermint Lifesaver. I kind of felt like crying right there because Frank wasn't there and the other half of me wanted to go get more candy to suck on.

"Miss. Van Der Veen?" I looked up to see an aging woman in a white coat. Her brown hair was tugged back in a professional bun, but it only made her grey roots more prominent.

"Yes." I stood up. I had my hand protectively over my non-existent baby bump as I prepared myself to do this alone.

"Wait!" We both looked back to see Frank sprinting down the hospital hallways until he reached us.

"You came." I couldn't help but let a dopey grin slip onto my face. Frank came.

"Of course I did, this is my kid." I didn't even bother correcting him, he knew that there was a chance that the baby wasn't him. I didn't need to remind him.

"Are you the father?" Dr. Armstrong asked and Frank nodded. She smiled slightly and led us into the office and motioned for me to sit down in one of the chairs. "So basically, I am just going to ask a few questions. It is too early in the pregnancy to do an accurate dating ultrasound, but I can tell you what to expect."

Dr. Armstrong pulled a clipboard out from one of the cabinets and sat in the chair opposite of mine. "Do you smoke or drink?" Very blunt.

"I don't smoke, but I do have the occasional drink." Frank snorted at that and I shot him a glare. "What? It's not like I'm an alcoholic."

"The first time I met you, you were as drunk as fuck." Frank grinned and I rolled my eyes.

"It was a party!" I huffed. "But no, I will not be drinking through this pregnancy."

"Uh, I actually have a question about that!" Frank rose his hand slightly. "Would secondhand smoke hurt the baby?"

Dr. Armstrong thought for not even a second before she answered, "there is no medical proof that secondhand smoke has harmful effects, but I don't recommend being around a smoker."

Frank pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and tossed it in the trash bin. "No more nicotine for me."

"Good choice." Dr. Armstrong grinned. "On with the questions! Is there any genetic issues that I should be aware of on either side of the family?"

I thought back in my family line. There wasn't anything wrong with us, but we did get pretty fucking stupid some times. I had cuts on my arm to remind me of all the idiotic mistakes I've made. "Nope."

"Other than having a weak immune system when I was younger, I'm good." Frank answered.

"That shouldn't come into play here." Dr. Armstrong scribbled something down on her clipboard as she read out the next question. "Do you have any history of miscarriages, previous pregnancies or abortions?"

"No, this is the first time I've been knocked up." Frank chuckled slightly but didn't have anything to add to the conversation.

Dr. Armstrong continued on to ask me some more questions about our lifestyle, medical history (which Frank actually has a list of hospital visits) and when I had my last period. Then she went on to tell me about all my 'symptoms' that would be occurring throughout my pregnancy.

Cravings, morning sickness, tender titties. All that fun stuff.

"So do you have any questions?" My hand shot up instantly.

"Um, is there any way to do a paternity test before the actual baby is born?" I asked and Dr. Armstrong nodded. "There are two ways, neither are always accurate and it is better to wait until the baby is actually born."

"Can you just tell us about them?" Frank asked urgently. I could see the distressed look on his face and the way he was wringing his hands. He was scared of the results.

"The first way is amniocentesis. A sample of the baby's DNA is collected by inserting a needle, through your abdomen and-"

"What's the next way?" I interrupted. I hate needles. Hate, hate, hate them. There is no way I am having one shoving through my abdomen.

Dr. Armstrong chuckled slightly, "CVS is where you get a small tube and insert it in the vagina-"

"Okay, just hold up for a second here." I held my hand up. "Is there no other way to get a paternity test done than have something shoved up my vagina or being impaled by a needle? Both of those sound horrible!"

"There is one other way..." Dr. Armstrong trailed off and I perked up. I swear if it's something like having a machine shoved down my throat, I'm getting up and leaving this damn clinic. "Wait until the baby is born to take its DNA. This is the best and most recommended way."

I let out a frustrated sigh, "But I really don't want the baby unless it's his!" I pointed an angry finger at Frank.

"I'm sorry, Miss. Van Der Veen, those are your only options. Now, I'll give you some vitamins and brochures and I suggest you look into all options." Dr. Armstrong said, handing me some pill bottles and a stack of booklets.

I just sat there for a moment, staring at her. Did she really expect me to read all those? I finally had to leave when Frank grabbed wrist and pulled me out the door.

We decided to get something to eat at a pizza place close by so we could look through the booklets and talk about everything. This time, maybe without me storming out. When we got there, Frank ordered cheese and we sat awkwardly in the booth for a few minutes before I pulled out the brochures.

"Let's see..." I muttered as I laid them out for us to look at. There were so many and so many options to choose from. Circumcising, adoption, abortion, the different paternity and maternity testing...

"Before we do this, we should probably talk about the big issue here." Frank sighed. I didn't want to talk about it either. "I don't like admitting it, but there is a chance that the baby isn't mine."

I stayed silent for a moment as I let the information process in my mind, "Well, we don't know until the baby is born. And then we take a DNA test and hope for the best."

"And then what?"

"Frank, do you really want this baby?" I asked. He nodded wildly. "Then, maybe it doesn't matter if the baby is yours or not. We can still take the test, but if you love it, it really doesn't matter."

"I guess so. It will still be my kid, even if Tom is the one who created it. I'm the one who's going to be sticking with you through this pregnancy. It's not like I'm going to leave if I find out something I don't like."

I smiled at that. Frank was giving up so much for this baby. He quit smoking, he's clearly been under emotional stress, and now he is willing to spend nine horrendous months with someone like me. Maybe even more.

"So... What happens with us?" I asked, fiddling with my fingers. "I mean, the only real reason we are actually talking to each other is because I have a baby growing inside of me."

"Well since you rejected my marriage proposal," he shot me a fake annoyed glance, "and I don't think we're ready to be...together. I think that we should just be friends, who live with each other and are raising a baby."

"So who said I was moving in with you." I giggled. I knew that my house wasn't safe for a baby, and there was no place to have a baby room. Franks place actually wasn't so great either, now that I think about it.

"Will you move in with me?" Frank asked.

"Sure, but we might have to get a new house, closer to when the baby comes. I'm not going through a pregnancy and labour, to have it fall down the stairs."

"That is a horrible thought." Frank chuckled. I heard the door to the restaurant open but I didn't turn around.

Franks eyes glanced behind me before focusing on me again. Before I could even move, Frank grabbed my face and smashes his lips to mine. So much for the 'just friends' thing.

"Just go with it." he whispered in between kisses. Truthfully, I didn't even mind. Frank was a good kisser and this wasn't half bad. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he held my waist.

"Frank?" we both pulled away when we heard the girly voice. That's when I finally understood.

The girl had short, black hair and hazel eyes. Frank fake blushed when he saw her and smiled awkwardly.

"Hey Jamia." Jamia. That's a cute name.

"So who is this?" her lips were purses together and she was glaring at me. Oops.

"I'm Vera."

"She's my fiancé." Frank lied.

Okay, hold up. I could handle the whole 'fake girlfriend to make other girl jealous' thing but this was a little over the edge. It was a hard enough decision to raise a baby with Frank, let alone marry the guy.

"Oh... Congratulations. She's not really your type though." Jamia stated.

Frank narrowed his eyes, "I have a type now?"

"It's just that you usually go for the same kind of girls. More like you." Jamia shrugged, unfazed. I could see Frank getting angry and his hand was getting tighter around his grip on the table.

Thats when I decided to step in. I moved one of my rings to my left hand and held it up. "I wouldn't be wearing this if he had a type."

"I'm just saying." Jamia shrugged, "all your past girlfriends have had dark hair, dark clothes and listened to the same music as you. She's blonde, foreign, and clearly doesn't even know who the Misfits are."

"Maybe there's a reason why I proposed." Frank snapped. I put my hand in his and gave him a squeeze. He was getting too worked up. Thankfully, the food came. "Sorry to kick you out though, Jamia, but we're starving."

"Sure, I'm meeting up with some friends anyway." she shrugged and waved goodbye before sauntering off. I could see Frank was still seething from the corner of my eye.

"Frank, don't pay attention to her." I calm and ran my thumb over his hand to try and soothe him. "She isn't worth it."

Frank still didn't say anything.

"Besides, she was totally jealous." that got him to laugh. I turned my head slightly to see that Jamia was watching us with a sneer on her face.

I tilted Franks face up, and pressed my lips to his. He was startled at first because he thought that whole part was over but didn't hesitate to kiss back. His hands moved to cup my face and mine rested comfortably on his chest.

Finally, we pulled away and Frank smiled slightly. "Thanks. For everything."

"Don't thank me, I've done worse to you."