Let Me Be the One

"The Frank Iero, a rare and majestic creature; commonly found at the cave of Gerard Way's, another creature of the MCR family. The Frank Iero is a herbivore, usually eating grass, leaves and fruit loops with gross soy milk added."

Frank's head shot up the second he heard my David Attenborough impersonation coming from where I was staked out, behind a potted plant. "The wild Frank senses danger, and is alert for any signs of his most common and ferocious enemy, Lyn-Z Way. He chews his fruit loops slowly, ready to leap into action at any indication of oncoming danger."

"Vera? Is that you?" Frank called out.

"The Frank calls out for his pregnant mate who doesn't respond. The wild Frank becomes worried and quickly will become territorial until he is sure him and his mate are safe in their den."

Frank set the spoon down as he started looking around the kitchen for where the voice was coming from. He glanced at the potted plant to see me dressed in a safari hat and peaking through the leaves. "What the fuck are you doing, Vera?"

"Shackles raised, the Frank stalks forward, ready to pounce if necessary. The Frank Iero is usually a gentle and nurturing creature, only showing signs of violence for douches at the mall and insane dicks who set other people's houses on fire."

Frank took a step forward, looking really confused as he easily pushed the potted plant out of the way. "Why are you-"

"The Frank has discovered our camera crew -"

"Vee, you don't have a camera crew! It's just you!"

"-and as suspected, has become territorial! The correct way to respond to a confused and frustrated Frank is to slowly back away and make sure he doesn't feel threatened or cornered."

"We are in a kitchen Vera! The only place you can corner me is into the pantry." Frank argued, "there's like a lifetime supply of marshmallows in-"

"The wild Frank is still feeling threatened and flustered and the next best step is to play dead in hopes that he realizes that we are in fact, not a threat." I went all limp and stuck my tongue out of my mouth as I pretended to die.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Frank yelled out. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"The Frank has grown angry and will soon go into an uncontrolled rage. I have to act quickly!" Not even hesitating, I reached into my safari backpack and pulled out a long stick.

Franks face paled, "I-is that a cattle prod?"

"The best way to handle these situations is to calmly hold the cattle prod with a firm lightsaber grip." I held the cattle prod with both my hands and started stepping towards him, raising it high, ready to strike. "With any luck, the Frank will become fearful and back off."

Frank held his hands up as he started backing away, "No, wait. Where the fuck did you get a cattle-" he tried to bat the prod away. His first mistake.

"The Frank has attacked!" I jabbed him with the prod and he screamed out in pain. It was actually a really weak cattle prod and the farmer that I got it from said that it was no use to him and I could have it for free.

Frank jumped up on the kitchen table, knocking over his bowl of cereal and a few chairs in the process, "ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

"The Frank continues to show signs of anger and violence. A cattle prod might not be strong enough if he gets too uncontrollable."

"YOU HAVE SOMETHING STRONGER THAN A CATTLE PROD?!" Frank screamed and started pelting muffins from the basket on the table, at me. I dropped the cattle prod and reached into my bag to pull out a tranquilizer gun.

Frank tried to jump off the table and run away, but I was too fast for him and pulled the trigger, hitting him square in the shoulder. He didn't really stop running, he just ran straight into the ground before falling unconscious. Ah, you've got to love him.

[x]

Frank shot up in bed, beads of sweat covering his forehead. I grumbled slightly as I stretched my arms and snuggled closer to him, "Go to sleep, babe." I muttered, "We're moving into our new house tomorrow."

"I just had the scariest fucking dream imaginable." Frank panted, "you were narrating my life and you shot me. And for fucks sakes you...you zapped me with a cattle prod." he started examining his arms and chest to see if there were any injuries. "You were like an insane David Attenborough!"

I giggled, "He's the guy who narrates animal movies, right? That's what you get for falling asleep to Planet Earth." I honestly didn't understand why he was watching it...he liked the videos of the frogs croaking, I guess.

"You are never watching a nature documentary ever!" Frank snapped at me and I laughed harder. "Like...ever! In your life! Neither is Lyn-Z, because I am 99 percent sure she's still plotting my murder for sitting in her chair!"

I yawned. "That's all awesome, but can you please go to sleep now? I'm as tired as a motherfucker."

Frank settled back in our temporary bed as I closed my eyes and wrapped my casted arm over Franks body. He was all sweaty though because of his nightmare. "...I still can't get over how damn crazy you were though..." Frank whispered and I slapped him lightly.

"Frank, both of my arms are in casts, how would I jab you with a cattle prod, let alone pull the trigger on a gun?" I reassured him. He seemed to let out a sigh of relief at that one. "You're a strange man..."

Frank chuckled, "according to you, I'm a majestic and rare creature. I had to pelt muffins at you to get you away."

"You're about to be a bloodied and dead creature if you don't shut the fuck up and let me get some damn rest." I mumbled in a sweet tone. Yup, definitely not a morning person. "Besides, I hate muffins."

Frank snorted, "Why?"

"They're weirdly shaped and it doesn't make sense to me." I grumbled, "and I am about to shove one down your throat and make you choke on it if you don't shut your face."

"Love you too." Frank mocked sarcastically. They were the last words I heard before I drifted off to sleep.

I am almost positive Gerard or Lyn-Z slipped something in his drink.