Let Me Be the One

Wolfgang sat in my lap only hours after Therese left. I stared down at him with a blank face as I stroked his cold body. He died.

Frank walked in the room, holding a bottle of milk in his hand and a grin on his face, "I finally got the milk to the right temp-" he cut off when he saw the motionless body laying on my lap. I looked up and shook my head.

"We tried." Frank sighed and shook his head, setting the bottle on the ground and coming to sit beside me on our small mattress.

I felt rage course through my body. We tried? In a few months we are about to have a baby whom we have to feed, bathe and take care of! How are we supposed to be parents if we can't even take care of a puppy?

"What the fuck do you mean, we tried?" I spat venomously. "We can't just kill our baby and say 'oh well, we tried.' It doesn't work like that!"

Frank looked shocked. But that I only made me angrier. Why was I living with this man? Let alone have a baby with him? "We just let a puppy die, Frank, what's going to stop us from killing our baby?"

"Child Protective Services?" Frank offered weakly to try and lighten your mood. I carefully set Wolfgang's body back in his old bed before standing off and storming away.

I heard Frank sigh from behind me, "Vee, really? Why are you acting like this?"

I stomped downstairs and into the kitchen as I started unloading dishes from the boxes. Lyn-Z had given us some before we moved out. I didn't answer until Frank asked again when he entered the kitchen.

"Because I'm worried, Frank!" I finally snapped and smashed a plate against the counter, "Wolfgang wasn't even alive for a day and we killed him! What's going to happen to our baby, huh? We may as well start a cemetery because this isn't going to be the first thing we kill!"

"Vera," Frank soothed, "Therese told us Wolfgang didn't have much of a chance. You can't beat yourself up over this."

"At least I care!" I screamed, "If I went and got an abortion right now, what would you say?"

"Vee, this isn't funny." Frank looked almost angry now.

"Good, because I'm not kidding! At least we would kill it before it had the chance to suffer!"

I was greeted by silence. Frank just stared at me with his eyes wide and his brows furrowed as he watched me from the doorway.

"Stop fucking looking at me, Frank." I snarled.

"No, I'm not going to stop looking at you because right now I'm trying to find out who the hell you are!" Frank roared. I had never seen him so angry, other than the time that creepy homeless guy tried to kill me.

And then I started sobbing. Like full on sobs. Tears ran down my face like the Niagara Falls and I could tell my face would be all puffy and red by the time I stopped. "I have no idea, right now!"

Frank seemed to pause, "What?"

"I feel angry and sad and my hormones, MY FUCKING HORMONES, are running out of control!" I sobbed, "I think they grew feet and just started running around and decided to fuck with me!"

"So...you don't wanna kill our kid?" Frank asked hesitantly.

Screaming. Anger. Wolfgang just died and he had the nerve to bring up death? "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled and Frank tensed up again, "Of course I don't want to kill my baby you idiot!"

Frank held his hands up in surrender, "You know what? I give up. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. This is crazy."

"We don't have a couch!" I snapped.

"I'll sleep where our couch will be."

I sat on the kitchen floor for about twenty minutes before I finally cooled my shit and got up. As I walked past the living room, I saw Frank sleeping on the floor, no pillow, no blanket.

That wasn't where I was planning on putting the couch but this time, I didn't flip out. I just fetched a blanket from one of the boxes and a pillow and set him up so he was more comfortable and then I went to bed.

Laying in bed (well, our mattress) I realized how actually creepy this house really was. Shadows played games on the walls and the floorboards seemed to creak, even though nobody was walking on them.

After what seemed like hours, I finally just gave up and grabbed my duvet and all the pillows. I left my pride and crazy hormones on the mattress as I tiptoed back down the stairs and into the living room.

Frank was awake and just staring at the roof as I threw the stuff on the floor and curled up next to my boyfriend. Only when I was laying on the floor next to him did he finally look at me.

I mouthed sorry to him and he mouthed I love you back to me. A wide smile grew on my lips as I pressed my body closer to his and closed my eyes. Sleep came fast.