Purging Nightmare

Fuck.

My hand shook visibly as red droplets pooled around the sliced open flesh. It was something beautiful. Something absolutely magical. The horrendous sight, the pain that coursed through me, the shaking of my body, the sensitivity of my fingertips...

I peered around the parking lot at everyone leaving school. Their shiny new cars flashed brightly in the hot sun; summer was approaching, and that meant I would finally be free from the torment that was education. And even with the heat practically sucking the earth of its water, I was sitting outside on a bench in long sleeves and jeans. Better yet, all black. Fully black from my hair to my shoes to my boxers and socks.

Two girls walked past me with their blonde hair bouncing in well defined curls. They had shorts and tank tops on with their legs fully visible in the New Jersey sun, but I didn't pay them any mind at all. I was warm, but it felt all right. It seemed they cared a little too much, though, because they gave me a weird look and continued on to their cars.

My mom was late. On a normal day, she would have been there five minutes previous, and I would be almost home. But she wasn't there yet. It had been happening quite often; she would forget I existed and mind her own business, but on the inside, it hurt knowing I wasn't important enough for her to remember.

Fucking hell, mom.

I rubbed at my forehead and swiped the sweat from my brow, my eyes catching on the boy I'd been crushing on all school year long.

He was a thin little thing. Although he was taller than me by a few inches he was definitely a lot skinnier. His hair was black and long, framing his face in the cutest of ways since it curled just barely at the ends. He had brilliant hazel eyes, something I'd noticed the first time I saw him in the art room. He was artistically talented beyond belief.

His name was Gerard.

I wasn't the type of person to crush on anyone, no sir. Not when I had my own issues to deal with and problems to face. But Gerard's face manage to swoop its way into my mind all the time, pestering me until I couldn't possibly ignore it.

My mom wasn't there yet, so why not go and talk to him?

I stood and slung my backpack over my shoulder, making my way over to the other boy. He was perched up against one of the trees near the entrance to the band room. I paced over confidently and he looked over at me with a small smile.

"Hey, Frank," he acknowledged me, and I smiled back. God, that smile was so cute.

"Hi," I said with a rather timid voice. Dammit, snap out of it. Gerard gave me a knowing look and watched me. "So it's sort of the end of the year."

Wow, did I really just say that?

"So it seems," he replied, nodding in agreement with me.

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?" God, I'm such a loser.

"Sure. When?"

Did he just say sure?

I watched him in bewilderment. Did someone want to hang out with me? For real? Gerard wasn't at all weirded out by my shocked gaze. He seemed amused, actually. With the way his eyebrows lifted and his smile turned playful. He set his hands on his hips and licked over his lips, giving me butterflies. Ugh. I hated feeling like this, so weak and powerless.

"I dunno. This Saturday in the park?" I asked, clearing my throat.

"Which park?" He inquired and pushed back his hair with his long fingers. I almost forgot that he probably didn't live in the same subdivision as me. The school was a mixture of different school districts around the Belleville area.

"The one a couple blocks down from the school."

"Oh! Okay, yeah. Sure. What time?"

"Around 5 pm?" I said in an almost questioning tone. Would he want to come out that late?

"Of course. I'll see you then," he said, and gave me a small smile before turning back to looking up at the clouds. I grinned sheepishly and turned around, tugging on the straps of my backpack as I walked over to the bench near the front of the school. Gerard was going to hang out with me. Gerard. The thought made me grin stupidly, like a child being handed a rather large lollipop. Gerard was going to hang out with me, the schools most ridiculed kid.

I wouldn't go off and say that my life was the biggest bullshit bag of vomit in the world, because it wasn't. My life was fairly average. Divorced parents, slightly alcoholic mother who cared way too much (and sometimes to little), bullies in school who hated me and beat the living tar out of me when they felt it was right. You know. The normal teenagers dream.

But I would go off and say that it really was something that brought me down.

And as the wait approached an hour, maybe an hour and a half, I stood and shuffled my backpack more comfortably on my back as I took the half hour long trek to get back to my house. My mother had forgotten I existed again.