Purging Nightmare

Because of the heat during the past couple of days and the cold front coming in, thick gray clouds were starting to form on the horizon. I watched them and crinkled my nose in distaste. Today was the day that I was supposed to meet Gerard in the park and I didn't want stupid weather to ruin the plans.

Friday when I had finally made the walk home, the house had been unlocked and my mom was nowhere to be found. Figures. She tended to leave after work, go out, and do things at bars with her friends. I assumed that she forgot about me, and was right. I made myself good, ate, and went to bed with a short smoking break thrown in there before she came home at 2 in the morning.

But that wasn't all that important.

She was out again today, taking her sweet time either at work or at the bar. I didn't really know nor did I care. She tended to either be really oblivious of my existence or she cared to the point of caging me. It wasn't healthy, I knew this. But I couldn't exactly escape just yet, could I? Not when I was just about to be a senior next year. Not quite old enough to move out.

And it was a bummer, too. Gerard was a senior. He was leaving in a couple of weeks once school was over. I had no idea where he would go for summer, if he would stay in the area or not, but then for the start of school he would probably go to some prestigious art college and I would never see him again.

I pouted to myself as I picked at my now cold spaghetti. I really wasn't hungry. The thought depressed me. I wasn't ready to give up my crush just yet. He was the only cool guy in the school. Everyone else was either a prep, a jock, some random hardcore kid, a nerd, or an underclassmen. I tended not to judge or classify but it was almost impossible at my school.

Eating the last of what was warm, I threw the rest away and washed off my plate.

The remainder of the day was a mindless blur. I watched TV, played my guitar, wrote a couple of lyrics... anything to keep my mind preoccupied. I couldn't stop thinking about Gerard. I didn't really know him. I spoke to him all throughout the first semester when we had art class together. He was quiet and had an interesting mind. We talked about everything. Space, art, music. He had an incredible music taste, too. It was easy to get completely infatuated with someone who was beautiful and smart.

But I rested my case. He probably didn't even see me like that. I figured he was straight a long time ago.

Sighing, I left myself up from my guitar and made my way downstairs. It was around 4:30, about 30 minutes before I was supposed to meet him, so I took the opportunity to smoke. I stepped outside with the box at hand. Lighting up my cigarette, I took a long inhale and let the smoke waft into the humid air. The clouds were looming. They covered up the shining sun and sent the warm day into a slight darkness. I frowned and continued to smoke, checking up on the time every now and again, and by the time I was finished it was time to meet Gerard.

Although I'd smoked, my hands were shaking profusely as I fumbled with my shoes and stepped out the front door. The walk to the park was about the same distance as to the school. I hurried so I could make it at exactly 5:00, just in case Gerard was the kind of guy to be there early. I sat down in a swing at 5:01 with a heavy sigh. The day just continued to grow darker and the sound of thunder rumbling in the distance made me uneasy.

Would Gerard not show up in this weather?

The air grew more humid and sticky as I waited, kicking off and swinging. I managed to kick up a lot of woodchips with my shoes. Letting myself go, I came to a slow halt a few minutes later, my hair windblown and my face red. My hoodie had slipped up and I pushed it back down, trying to ignore the clock as best as possible. I didn't want to come to the inevitable conclusion that I'd been stood up.

When my feet settled back down on the ground I felt a rain drop plop and hit me on the head. I peered up and another one came down on my cheek, then a third, and a fourth until slowly the rain became steady and thunder rolled in close, followed by a small flash of lightning. I sat there, letting the rain drench straight through all of my clothes, my jeans sticking to my legs and making my thighs uncomfortable. The hoodie became ten pounds heavier and weighed me down as I sat motionless on the swing, my hair hanging limp and dripping into my face.

Who was I kidding? Why would Gerard want to hang out with me, anyway? In the park for little kids, even. God I was so pathetic.

I coughed and avoided crying by rubbing at my face. Fuck. Checking on the time, I realized it was already 6. I'd been waiting an entire hour, praying that it had only been 5 minutes to no avail. I stood and felt my hoodie drag as I made to head out of the park.

The soft sound of thumping and wet splashes caught my attention, and I looked up to see an equally drenched Gerard running my way. I blinked, thinking it was probably a deluded hallucination, until he stopped in front of me and leaned his hands on his legs to let himself breath. His clothes were sticking to his body, his hair was matted down to his face, and he looked up at me with one of the most apologetic faces I'd ever seen.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry I'm late," he managed to exclaim between breaths, holding up a finger to indicate that he had more to say. "My mom wanted me to look after my brother, and... god. Sorry."

I was dumbstruck, to say the least.

"You actually came," I blurted out without thinking. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Of course. You don't think I'd blow you off, right?"

The question hung in the air uncomfortably long and I cleared my throat.

"I dunno."

He stood up straight, was much taller than me, and tilted his head curiously. He seemed to examine me for a little while, as if he was picking out every single little feature on my face. I wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Well, c'mon. It's pouring out here and my house is like... five minutes away. Let's go," he said, and waved for me to follow him. Oh, so he did live in the same subdivision as me. I followed along obediently and jumped as another rumble of thunder struck and lightning flashed right after. I wasn't particularly scared of storms, but they didn't make me quite comfortable. I had an uncomfortable knot in my stomach that I couldn't get rid of.

"You okay?" Gerard's question hovered over to me and I looked up at him. He was watching me with those inquiring eyes, his eyebrows crinkled in some form of worry.

"Yeah, I just don't like storms all that much," I responded, and looked down at my hands. He chuckled and I smiled, but didn't look his way.

The trip to his house was short, and I managed to memorize how to get there. Just in case, right? He stepped up to the front door and unlocked it with a small key, letting me in. I followed him inside and shivered at the cooler, air conditioned air coming from within. It was still humid outside but when you were drenched with water, any form of cold air was freezing air. Gerard huffed out a short breath and called out into the kitchen.

"Mom, can you please come here?"

Into the foyer stepped a shorter woman. Her hair was turning white from her original brown and she had a nice layer of make up to cover her face. I gave her a small smile and she sighed at her son.

"Oh, Gerard. Look at you," she started, and looked over at me with a curious gaze. "Who's this?

"This is Frank. He's a friend from school," Gerard said, and I nearly fainted. Friend? Oh my god, he thought of me as a friend. "He asked to hang out and it started to rain, but I couldn't let him sit out there waiting, so..." Gerard trailed off and Mrs. Way rolled her eyes.

"So you couldn't have called him?" She asked, and I swallowed hard.

"We don't have each other's numbers."

"And yet you're friends?"

"Mom, that's not the point. The point is, can you bring us towels and stuff so we don't make your carpet wet?" Gerard used the perfect word choice to make Mrs. Way want to bring us towels. It would ruin her carpet, so she wanted to bring it to us so we wouldn't make a mess. Gerard gave me a small smirk and I smiled back sheepishly.

Mrs. Way brought us two towels and I spent a good amount of time drying off my hair and face before I got down to patting down my jeans and hoodie. I couldn't take anything off. It was unnerving and scary to be soaked in someone else's house where I wasn't safe. I realized how much of a mistake it was too late as Gerard lead me to his room. He went straight for his dressers and found some fresh clothes for himself before turning to look at me.

"You'll probably need a change in clothes, I'll--" he started, but I cut him off.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine."

He frowned at me and I licked over my lip ring. He could tell I was shivering, I knew he could. I was shaking and my lips were probably blue. My immune system was shit, on top of that, and if I stayed in cold clothes for too long I'd be sick at the beginning of summer.

"Yeah, okay." His tone told me he was getting me clothes, anyway. He pulled out dry garments and threw them at me. I caught them by instinct. "They'll probably be a bit baggy on you, but put those on. Go commando."

The comment made me flush a bright red. Commando in his pants? Seriously?

"But--" I started, and it was his turn to cut me off.

"I mean, unless you wanna wear my boxers." Gerard was smirking. I crinkled up my nose, the blush fading from my face quickly.

"No, shoo," I said, waving him off, and he laughed as I made my way out into the basement. His room was downstairs, and I wished my room was like that just because he had so much to himself. Privacy especially. I stepped into the bathroom and closed the door, relieved that I had at least a few minutes of privacy to take off my clothes and cover myself up quickly. I stripped out of the drenched sweatshirt and paused when I noticed myself in the mirror. The angry red marks spanning across my arms were bright against my pale skin. The water made my skin a bit soggy, my fingertips looked like raisins, and so the newer cuts looked frightening against the fading scared. I swallowed thickly and pulled on the short sleeve shirt I was handed.

The jeans were a different story. It took me a few minutes to peel them off because the cuts were fresh from just two nights ago, and hurt more than I'd ever felt them hurt. Tears sprung to my eyes as the jeans clung to my skin and I quickly pulled them down so I didn't have to prolong the pain, like a bandage. It was a bad mistake. One of the cuts was much too deep, and blood started to slowly pour out of it and mix with the water still coating my leg.

Fuck.

I quickly scrambled and grabbed some toilet paper, patting the cut down gently to try and ebb the flow. The process was slow and agonizing, my eyes tearing up every time I touched the wound, but when it finally stopped bleeding I was relieved. My breathing was heavy and my hands were shaking badly, but I wasn't bleeding. I flushed the soiled toilet paper down the drain and took a few moments to strip down completely and slip into Gerard's pants. They hung loose, but fit better for my jarred legs.

I paused when I realized I didn't have a sweatshirt to cover my arms. Fuck. Again. I was just about to call out for Gerard when I heard a knock on the door and the handle sliding downward.

"Hey, I figured you'd be cold, so I brought you a--" Gerard was cut off when I quickly pressed the door closed.

"Just set it down on the ground, I'm basically naked, dude," I said smoothly, and he snorted.

"What, you think I haven't seen a naked guy before?" He asked, and I chuckled.

"Not this sexy body. Now shoo."

I heard him laugh as he walked off again, and waited for a few minutes before reaching out and taking the hoodie. I zipped it up and rolled the sleeves up slightly so my hands could fit more comfortably. God, that was my lucky break. I exhaled and took a moment to compose myself in front of the mirror, before grabbing my wet things and stepping out. This would be a long night.