You Are Not

Gustav just stood there. Arms crossed and slight frown on his face it’s always been said to him that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile but Gus has always found a frown felt right. He didn't know how to explain what he meant other than it was comfortable. Frowning is what he was used to and he knew he wouldn't change. Well he thought that it wouldn't change.

Gus watched the young man at reception throw his head back and laugh, he wasn't supposed to be laughing though as the woman behind the desk tried to explain how not funny his situation was. The young man was talking back to her with a smirk on his face, the guy had no care in the world for anything, anyone could see there was no respect there but why should he respect her?

Maybe it was the woman’s problem and she was shitting it that she was going to be the one in trouble as the guy obviously didn't have a clue and wasn't going to catch on any time soon. Besides he probably had the type of money to sort this calmly but no instead he was going to try and push his luck with her. The young lad even tried flirting with her which just made her more frustrated. She looked quite young, her hair pinned up with a million too many pins and grips half still falling out, make up slightly smudged from rubbing her eyes and rosy cheeks from the stress of everything that was going on.

A shorter older man joined the young guy at the desk and nodded towards the door; Andy turned and pulled up the handle on his black shiny suitcase. He catch Gustav’s eye and came over to him, “Do you smoke?”

Gustav and Andy stood outside smoking, Andy telling him about how insane his night was but Gus thought he’d be the judge on insane. To Andy insane was trying to push his drummer’s mattress out of the window and once it was outside they set it alight and had a bonfire around the flaming mattress. Andy claimed he’d drank a bottle of Jack to himself along with four pints apple cider, vodka shoots and six glitter balls which Gus thought sounded extremely manly of him.

Along with their night came smashing up TV’s, dragging drunk girls back to their van which was apparently more suitable to sleep in also one of the guitarist was left tied to a lamppost wearing nothing but a cock piece. Insane or just fucking stupid?

“Apart from that I don’t remember the rest, so where are you going? Are you following me?” Andy raised an eyebrow.

"So you asked me if I smoke and babbled on about your night for over ten minutes and only now you're asking me if I'm a stalker?"

"Yeah?" Andy raised an eyebrow looking slightly confused, but above all he was just sleepy.

Andy grinned at Gustav thinking he was a very hateful person which Andy knew nothing about. He didn't know how Gus could hold on to so much misery, what good could it possibly do to someone? No good that’s what and he thought Gus really needed to let go. Let go of everything, the hate, whatever pain he was holding onto and not even be happy but just not to be down. He didn't have to smile but just not to frown, a frown didn't suit him, and he had an ugly frown which he didn't need to be wearing.

“Come for a drive with us and when you get close enough to home you can drop out.”

“Why would I do that?” Gustav mocked.

“You just will.”

Gustav hadn't slept well that night; he was up and down getting water, showering, Reading and then got too restless and decided to leave. It had been four in the morning he packed his things and left Mae lying in his bed. He knew she wouldn't feel good in the morning but there was nothing he could do for her. She needed her family and they were just down the hall so right now he had nothing to lose except the fact that he didn't want Andrew to think he wanted to he just didn't want to satisfy him.

Fuck it. He shouldn't give a shit what others think of him besides it was better than hanging out here. He really didn't want to run into Mae or her brother it’s not like he did anything wrong. He’d slept next to her yes but nothing happened between them because he didn't want anything to happen between them. It wasn't right. He didn't even know how old she was and he didn't want to hang around to find out.

He was going with Andy and he had a feeling he wasn't going to enjoy himself but he wasn't really happy anyway. He just wanted to be with Emma again and to do that he had to get home. He left his thoughts of Mae behind and followed Andrew onto the bus.

Andy gave him a tour of the bus telling him crazy shit that had happened up in this crib which meant nothing to Gus. As Andrew carried on touring the bus Gus stopped at the fridge and opened it, he was confused about what it had been used for, inside was bags of green which Gus could only guess was drugs, there was a bottle of coke filled with a mixture of things by the looks of it, there was cheese strings and bacon and a few empty bottles of beer.

Gus shut the fridge and turned to the four guys sat around with their beers and cigarettes just watching him.

“Guys this is my biggest fan.” Andrew told them bouncing over.

Gustav liked the fact that Andy didn't know his name or that he wasn't a fan at all. They sat with the four odd looking young lads and Andy passed him something to smoke that Gus was pretty sure wasn't nicotine but he took it as he knew he was being watched carefully. He lit it up and inhaled whatever he’d been given, his eyes widened and he breathed deeply. He took another puff slower and relaxed slightly, he’d never been interested in drugs or smoking but things always tend to happen to Gus that he’s never too fond of. He had just learnt to take things as they come. He turned and looked at Andrew wide eyed.

“Boys I think we have a first timer.” Andy sat back and grinned, amused with Gustav's reaction.

One of the guys leant over offering his beer which Gus took and finished the bottle, “Thanks.”

Gus led back taking in the drugs as Andrew sat next to him laughing along with whatever was going on. Gus had no idea, he felt as though he was in a cloud as the smoke drifted around him he smiled and the sound around him became quiet and peaceful. His thoughts stopped and everything was effortless as though his anger was being swallowed up by medicine. Andrew held his head up and Gus could see his mouth moving as though words were supposed to come out but he heard nothing.

“We need to get him a drink or something; he’s much more of a light weight than I thought he would be.”

“Just pass him another beer,” laughed the weirdest looking of them all.

“You know alcohol isn't good to mix with when you’re not used to it.” Andrew frowned looking at Gus, he’d only offered it to him thinking he’d know what it was but on a bus full of smokers Andy thought he must have put Gus under pressure to smoke it.

He took the remainders from Gustav’s hand and placed it on an ashtray, he tipped water into his mouth and Gus choked slightly pushing the water away from him. One of his friends handed Gus and can of beer and then Andy stood telling them it was a bad idea but they weren't going to listen.

Andy had never carried before but as he watched them mess around with Gus he could see this wasn't funny. And why he’d ever found it funny baffled him. Right now Gus was laughing and drinking and they knew he couldn't hear them take the piss out of him.

Andrew lit a cigarette not having a clue what to do except watch Gus being messed about, first they got him up dancing like a circus monkey as one of them thrusted behind him until Gus lost he balance and so the guy behind him hauled his shirt backwards which ripped causing Gus to tumble over anyway.

Gustav sat up in a dizzy state which also made the guys laugh and pass him a shot but Gus was in such a state he wasn't seeing anything in front of him and so they just tipped it as his face.

“Stop it.” Andy snapped, Gustav’s eyes started to roll slightly. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to him?”

“It’s funny.” One of them said with a chorus of laughter behind him.

Andy dragged Gus to his feet and helped him to the toilet; he sat him back down on the floor. Gus leant back and just let his eyes roll backwards.

Andy went through Gustav’s jacket and picked out his mobile phone, he had no messages, he looked through texts which he had mostly from Tay saying the same thing with no reply’s but almost every day asking if he was okay or asking where he was. Missed called from his mom, Tay or Em but no calls that had been answered or made out and then contacts they were about seven and that was all.

Andy thought that Gus obviously didn't like making contact which made him wonder why he even had a phone and if it was for comfort why he never made any phone calls. Andy still didn't even know his name and there was no clue, no facebook or twitter and so he looked through the pictures on his phone there was one of him and a girl, a couple more of him with a different girl and that was it.

Andrew put his phone back and carried on looking through his jacket, he found a lighter, an empty pack of cigarettes, a crumbled piece of paper with a phone number on it and a packet of chewing gum. He opened his backpack but only clothes.

Gustav had nothing to really recognize who he is. No personal belongings, he found no wallet and he didn’t call anyone. But he didn't look like a trap and then it did cross Andy’s mind that he was a crazy stalker. But the guy had a girlfriend and some other chick that called him every day but why didn't he answer? Why did he come across as a nobody?

Gustav turned and emptied his insides into the toilet, his eyes decided to empty also causing tears to stream down his face. He couldn't breathe and was coughing over the toilet until more alcohol or food came out. He just let himself cry and rested his head on the toilet.

Andrew done his bag back up and went to find Gus a t-shirt that would fit. Andy could wear girls’ clothing if he really wanted as guys cloths just seemed to hang from his gangly body. He found a t-shirt from one of the bands he’d been touring with recently and took it to Gustav. He knelt in front of he and smiled, “You alright there?”

Gustav's eye rolled back and he drifted to sleep with his head rested on Andy's shoulder. Andy made himself comfortable and got Gustav's phone back out and went to send Tay a text but Andy didn't even know what to say. He suddenly had no idea how to get Gustav home, where his home was, what his name was or if what he was going to remember.