You Are Not

Gustav stood outside of her front door not bothered about going home first although he really wanted to shower, change into fresh clean clothes and sleep but it was never that simple so he wasn't going to try and make things simple. He got to the front door and pressed the doorbell. Emma answered the door wearing nothing but her underwear and a silk dressing gown that covered nothing, her hair was it large rollers and she was holding nail polish.

“What are you doing here Gus?”

“I’m sorry for everything that happened I really am and I can make it up to you I promise.”

“Not now I’m going out with the girls tonight for my birthday and we’re having a pamper party. No boys allowed.”

“Emma please, I would have been here sooner but I couldn't.”

Emma shook her head, “What the hell have you done to yourself?”

Emma let Gus into her house and poured him a drink of 7up, “We’re going to sort this out babe because you look like a disaster.”

“You’re friends hate me I can't stay.”

"Gusty you sort of need pampering yourself and it's my birthday." Emma beamed.

Emma and her friends were overjoyed to give a man makeover which Gus thought was partly down to the empty wine bottles in the room, "What time did you start drinking this morning?" Gustav nodded towards the bottle.

"That went with our lunch." Emma smiled, getting out a pair of clippers.

"We're cutting my hair?" Gustav's eyes widened.

Gustav showered and then was shaved with Emma’s shaky hand almost cutting into his skin, they put a new hair colour on his hair after he’d paid for it to be professionally done in London, no his girlfriend was taking back the control. Emma also cut the back of his hair taking it shorter just leaving the fringe long now.

They sat Gus down and applied eyeliner he was also given all black clothes, black t-shirt a black denim waistcoat and skinny jeans in black. The final experiment was the worst of the whole experience; they pierced his ears giving him small silver hoops. Which Gus thought was going to be more horrific than it actually was.

“Oh my god, my boyfriend looks like a rock star.” Emma beamed, jumping up and down around the room and then finally leaping into Gustav's arms.

Looking in the mirror Gus could have guessed his hair was going to be black; he didn't really like it but gripped Emma tighter and kissing her passionately on the lips. He started to feel slightly happier knowing he had his girlfriend back and this time she wanted him to go out with her friends and she was proud to have him as her boyfriend. It felt so good to have her in his arms that the sick feeling still in his stomach wasn't bothering him so much. He’d never tell her what had happened to him and he had a feeling she wouldn't even believe him and he won't blame her. Well that or she’d be seriously ticked off which wouldn't be good for their newly mended relationship, it was for the best.
 
"Babe what did you do yesterday?" Gus asked looking down at her.

"Nothing really, went out with the family for my birthday and bought a new outfit for tonight why?"

"I just wondered." He shrugged.

"You're wondering if I got with someone else."

"It just crossed my mind that's all."

"Did you?"

Gus thought back to the night before and his heart started to race, waking up with a guy in his bed that he'd previously been intimate with was never something Gus ever thought he was going to have to go through. He sighed not wanted to think about it.

"No," he said. "I wasn't with anyone else because there's no one else I'd ever want to be with."

Emma smiled and skipped away to attend to her guests and Gus went down stairs to charge his phone, he opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out the charger. He charged his phone and made himself a sandwich and then once his phone had some life he called Tay.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Tay screamed down the phone.

"Sorry okay, it's a long story but we need to talk."

"You bet we do, I called you a million times and I have a situation and you're here and I didn't know where you were AND..."

"Tay chill."

"Don't tell me to chill." She snapped.

"Okay, okay."

"What are you doing tonight, can you come home?"

"No but I'm going out and you could join?"

"Are you at Emma's?"

Gustav could sense the disappointment, "Yes but if we need to talk you might as well come over."

"Okay I'll leave now."

And before Gustav could say a word Tay hung up, Emma wouldn't be too happy that Tay was joining them on her birthday but Tay was his best friend and he'd stand by her no matter what. Gus thought that maybe Emma was threatened by Tay even though Tay was her complete opposite. Gustav kind of liked it though someone feeling threatened over Tay, he'd known Tay for a few years and she'd really grown into such an amazing person.

"She lied to you y'know."

Gustav turned to see one of Emma's friends stood in the kitchen doorway, She had her hair scraped back into a bun on the top of her head, light pink lipstick on and the worlds smallest blue dress on. She walked over to the counter rubbing her lips together and taking a seat in front of Gus, she tapped her fake nails on the worktops.

"She slept with someone else," she continued. "Last night and it's funny because she actually picked him up on her day out with the family. At least she got one good thing out of it I suppose."

"Why am I supposed to believe you?" Gustav said quietly.

She raised her eyebrows at Gustav as though he just told her lamps can talk. Gustav hated Emma's friends, their stupid drawn on eyebrows, the terrible fake tans and their empty heads. Did it matter if Emma lied? Gustav had lied as well.

"It's not the first time she's lied to you either, oh and y'know you ditched her at the campsite or whatever..."

"Festival." Gustav interrupted.

"Whatever, yeah you ditched her and she shagged some guy and then he gave her a lift home. She don't really care about you mate."

"Doesn't," Gustav corrected.

"What?" The girl spat frowning at him.

"She doesn't really care and I'm not your mate."

"Whatever, it don't matter anyway cause you probably had a shag anyway."

"Doesn't matter and why would you say that?"

"Because you know she don't care."

Could anyone be this stupid thought Gustav, he took his plate from the worktop and washed it up. The girl sat there chewing gum although it looked like she was trying to chew a fully grown cow, she watched Gus as he moved.

"What do you want?" blurted Gus.

"You going to dump her cause like I think you should cause like she ain't gunna care."

"Is that English?" Asked Gustav frowning at her.

"What?"

Gustav was so thankful when Tay turned up, they decided it was best for them to sit outside for a while, they sat on the doorstep together. Tay had made little to no effort in her outfit if she was going out with them; she wore a black hoodie, her hair was in a messy ponytail, she wore skinny jeans with trainers and no make-up although she was stunning either way.

"I met John's brother," Tay blurted.

"I didn't think you even knew about his brother."

"I didn't, John hadn't mentioned he had a brother that was living close by and that he played guitar on the streets. I was just being nice to someone asking for help." Tay sighed, "I really wanted you here Gus."

Tay placed her head on Gustav's shoulder, "I'm sorry Tay."

"Fraser was playing his guitar on the street near Starbucks which is where I was going and he seemed really good and so when he stopped playing I offered to buy him coffee. He accepted and we got talking, he seemed really nice and when I asked him where he was staying he told me the backseat of his car so I offered him your bed for the night guessing you wouldn't be home." Tay took a breath.

"You offered a random guy my bed?" Gustav raised his eyebrows.

"We had a really nice night together, watching films and eating ice-cream and we talked about music and watched some live shows online. It was fun and he was so shy and sweet then the next morning in sounded as though we were under attack, John was yelling at the top of his voice and Fraser was being kicked out trying to carry all his things and getting dressed at the same time. I trying talking to John asking him what he was doing and then he turned to scream at me, why I'd let him into the apartment and asking how I knew him. I asked John to just calm down and he continued to yell at me so I got dressed and left the apartment."

"Looking for Fraser." Gustav added and Tay nodded.

"It wasn't fair of John to do that and I wasn't going to get anything out of John so I had to ask Fraser. But I couldn't find him so I walked back to the apartment and John was sat down with a tea, he told me that Fraser was his brother and that they used to be in a band together, with you too actually and when things didn't work out everyone went their separate ways except you and John."

"Did you hear from Fraser again?" asked Gustav.

"I did, I'd given him my number and he'd used some loose change he'd been given as tips and called. I told him I was sorry but he seemed fine, I was angry at John for pushing his brother away like that, how could he leave him to live in the back of his car?" Tay shook her head, "I told John to give me some space because I don't feel like I know him right now."

"If I didn't know Fraser I'd be telling you you're crazy for trusting some guy you'd just taken in off of the street. But he's a great guy and I knew he was around I just hadn't done anything about it."

"I hate situations," Tay sighed. "didn't you have something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I slept with a guy." Gustav blurted out, "And not just any guy but Andy Biersack."

Tay let out a scream, "I- HOW DID YOU- WHAT?"

"I know, I don't really understand it myself but it happened and we should now forget it although every time I think about it my belly feels weird." Gustav said quickly.

"That's butterflies Gus, OH MY GOD DO YOU STILL WANT HIM?"

"Will you keep your voice down." Gus hushed her.

Emma wasn't otherly thrilled that Tay was going out with them and she had doubts about her being let in looking like 'a slob' and the thought made her laugh. The girls walked ahead holding each other up and giggling loudly to each other.

"Did you get his number?" asked Tay.

Gustav sighed thinking back to that morning waking up to Andy's limp body spread out across the sofa bed. Gustav's heart left his chest every time he thought back, he climbed over Andy slowly careful not to wake him and made hot drinks, he couldn't bring himself to get back in bed with him. Gus had gotten dressed and got all his things together so he could make a quick exit, but Andy wake before Gus could leave, their eyes meet and Andy smiled. Gus brought him over a drink and Andy leaned in for a kiss but Gus moved his face away slowly, it hurt Gus to do it although he didn't understand why, he barely knew Andy. Gustav looked at Andy smile and squeezed his shoulder before they let Gus off the bus. The time in between Gus waking and Andy waking Gustav was itching to jump off the bus, he wasn't really used to sleeping with someone he might never see again.

"No I didn't," Gus said quickly.