This Love Was Out of Control

Vic POV

She’s been gone for four months, four months ago she randomly up and left me, high and dry. I wasn’t going to forget about this, about her, about us. I want to know why she’s leaving. Hell I deserve to know why she left. Five months and two days ago we were having mind blowing sex, not even just sex it was making love. I want to know what happened in those five months, what went wrong for her to leave. I want to know if she’ll ever come back, I want closure. She hasn’t contacted any of us since she left, we all tried calling her and texting her but never got a reply. We know she didn’t change her number but she’s just not going to answer to us.

“Come on Vic, we’re going out.” Mike told me, coming to the back of thee bus, where I was currently at writing lyrics down for our next album. I ended up not making the EP and made it an album four months ago because I had a sudden burst of inspiration after she left me. I shook my head, I wasn’t in the mood to go out, never was when I thought about Rita. “Man you can’t hole yourself up because she up and left, if anything you got to get out there and forget about her.” Mike told me but he didn’t get it, none of them got it and it made this whole situation worst. Because they continued to act like they understood how I felt and they didn’t. They acted like they knew all about this type of shit, like it happened with them everyday, news flash, it didn’t.

“Mike I can’t just forget about her. We been together for three years, I can’t forget about that in four months! I loved her and she loved me, I can’t just forget something like that and I know she can’t either, because that’s how she is.” I told him, struggling to stay calm.

“But you can’t just hole yourself up and force everybody close to you to leave because you’re only hurting yourself.” Mike told me, sitting down beside me. I looked over to him.

“But that doesn’t mean I have to go out to the bar with you guys tonight, besides I have these lyrics in my head, that I have to write and put into a song. They’re good lyrics and I’m trying to figure out how to word it. Go out and have fun Mike, I’ll be here when you guys come back.” I told him, turning back to my lyric journal.

“Fine Vic. You win just…don’t push away. Ok?” Mike asked me and I nodded. I sat down and figured out how to word the lyrics that were in my head.

“I still remember the night you tried to kiss me through the window
I tried to settle for the taste of toughing glass over the sound of answering machines
Because I love the way your voice it says it’s gonna get back to me someday
As I brace my knees you hold me down with your eyes.” I sing aloud as I write, trying to put how I felt and what I thought into lyrics. It wasn’t easy, considering I didn’t know what to think or feel. I felt lonely. I felt unwanted. I felt used. I felt like trash. I felt numb. I didn’t know how to feel anymore and it was all because of Rita. If she wouldn’t had left, I wouldn’t be feeling this way.

“Ugh! Dammit!” I yelled in frustration, not bothering to keep quiet considering I’m the only one on the bus. I got up and walked around the bus to stretch my legs and find something to eat. I was hungry, thirsty, tired and most of all numb. It’s like Rita took all my feelings with her when she left me and I don’t appreciate that. Maybe if I can find her and get closure, maybe I’ll feel better, I won’t feel as numb about this. I felt like nothing could save me from this. I felt like I might as well quiet trying, I shouldn’t try to feel happy anymore because Rita took my happiness with her. Rita took my heart with her and she crushed it, and burned it to ashes with her grey-blue eyes, the eyes that could make anybody melt at just the sight of them.

I went back to writing the song I started and by the time the guys came back I had about half of it done. I knew they were back because of al the drunken laughter and I also knew the one even semi-sober would be Tony. Somebody had to help these idiots get back her safe. I went out and helped Tony get everybody on the bus and into their bunks. “Thanks Vic.”

“No problem, Tone. Come on.” I told him and pull him into the bus. I closed and locked the door behind us and went back into the back lounge. Tony followed me and sat beside me, looking over my shoulder to see what I wrote.

“What’s it going to be called?” Tony asked me and I looked at the lyrics I had so far and then to Tony.

“The Sky Under The Sea. It’s about somebody reflecting on the good times with somebody and wanting them to yourself. You want to be selfish about that person but they’re selfish, manipulative, mean and uses people. It’s about admitting that you’re selfish. It’s about being selfish with love and taking without regret.” I told Tony, I knew he would at least semi-understand and would know the song was about Rita, per se but nobody but PTV band and crew and maybe Rita if she hears fit will know that.

Tony looked lost in thought for a moment before saying something. “Man, I know you’re hurting but this is what she wanted, what she thought was good for both of you guys and we have to respect her decision, even if we don’t want to. She even said she was doing it for you. The song is good, no doubt but you’re showing your selfish machine right now when she wasn’t at that moment. At least try coming from her point of view with the information she told you.” Tony told me before standing up and going to his bunk. I wonder if he knew something about Rita he wasn’t telling anybody, especially me. He sounded like he knew more than he was letting on but I shrugged it off and went back to writing. A few minutes after Tony left, I finished the song and went to my bunk. I plugged in my iPod and phone so it could charge and turned to the wall and tried to fall asleep.