Group Sessions

As time passed I began to notice a distinct difference between Kevin and everyone else. We all were well aware that our behavior was destructive and something the average human couldn’t relate too. Not Kevin, Kevin thought his lust for self harm and the bottle was a part of the mundane and that it was everyone else who needed to get on board. I was spellbound by his attitude and behavior from day one; by the time the eleventh session came around we were outright flirting. Kevin and I danced around each for a while after that, playing a game that others may not really understand. See others just want to see how long someone would last before giving into to their desire. Kevin and I wanted to see who would leave first from being freaked out, I was determined to win. But admittingly I was also determined to lose.

When I showed up to the thirteenth session, I decided to show up after Kevin. I didn’t want to let him think me routine, and I had also decided to wear eyeliner that day. Maybe I wore a little mascara too, and a dash of lip gloss. Anyway the point is a took a bit longer getting ready for session that day. Though then I wasn't sure why I made the extra effort, well hindsight is the clearest sight there is. When I walked into the room sessions were held in, he was his usual place the seat next to mine. He was also in deep conversation with Jenny who was only here as a volunteer, at least that what she would say. She remained us constantly of her normalcy and solid sanity, yet she hung out with the town crazies. Please tell me what sane person you know would make a dumb decision like that? She was pretty, if you like bleach blonde girls with fake breasts, which the majority of guys in this town do. She liked Kevin; she thought he was a ‘bad boy’ and a ‘lost cause’ whom only she could save. Which of course is as pathetic as it is amusing even to this very day it still makes me chuckle. She was leaned over, cleavage spilling out of a sad excuse for clothing. The sheer cloth on top is what they are trying to pass off for shirts these days. It had less materiel then my baby brother’s onesies pajamas.

I knew Jenny wasn’t a volunteer; she was the town slut with a bad case of chronic lying. Okay, so she isn't really a slut, she is a huge flirt, and I just didn't like how close she was to Kevin. She is a chronic liar though. She would argue with you that she was wearing a grey shirt and that’s why the lions from the zoo attacked her thus tearing her shirt. She would then explain that lions hate the color grey. When one, this town doesn't have a zoo, and two you saw her rip it in P.E class. That was Jenny for you; of course if anything it only aided in her growing popularity. I mean it’s a normal human behavior lying, that why I am honest. I despise normalcy.

Anyway I knew Jenny’s story because I had inside intel, which I gathered myself by watching people as I always do. Where was I again? Right so she was leaning into Kevin, trying to suffocate him with her breast I assume, when he looked in my direction. I guess it was the blaring music that drew his attention to me, but I never found out if that’s what it was. He gave lopsided grin in my direction, made Jenny cringe and turn away from him. I guess it did make him look a bit menacing but that’s why I liked it so damn much. She gave me a dirty look as I took my usual seat, which so happened to be at his side. Or should I say he sat at my side, I was here first.

“You are late.” Kevin sneered at me, showing off his pointed teeth.

“I don’t want to be predictable.” I rolled my eyes in his direction, ignoring the pounding of my heart.

He immediately grabbed my hand and pulled up my sleeve, “three new cuts I see.”

“Well that’s because you make me want to die.”

He smiled at me, “don’t speak that way to me. Its far too intimate for this setting.”

He rubbed his thumb across the new cuts and I watched his bitten down nail as it ran across my skin. I wanted to him to press down hard against the tender skin, but I bit my tongue. In those moments I was not yet ready to reveal to Kevin the feelings I harbored for him. It was, or rather is, bitter sweet mixture of love, disgust and admiration, to such a high degree that I can still taste it now as I share my tale. Kevin seemed in tune with my thoughts, and so he pressed down hard on the cuts. A rush filled my body, as he dragged his nail sharp pinky nail across the lines.

“Thrilling isn't it?” he whispered in my ear as the lead walked into the room and took his seat.

I placed on my headphones on and ignored Kevin as he laughed at my reaction. It was my constant reaction to him, retreat, relive, rethink and then react properly to the situation later on. Now Kevin wasn't the only one who I developed some form of a relationship with. Carla, my friend sat beside me, panting because she was late. Carla had Gilles de la Tourette syndrome, which I knew she used as an excuse to say everything on her mind. Her tic was minor just a cough, and some excessive blinking. That’s not the only thing that made Carla so special. She was also an eight year old girl, the youngest in our group. She fit in perfectly with the older crowd; in fact I was certain she was far more intelligent than most people in my age range. Probably any age range if I am perfectly honest, she was home schooled and her parents were certified geniuses. I am sure that’s why she was rarely seen without a book, and not really that comfortable in social settings.

The lead announced that today we will be playing emotion charades; we were to depict what each emotion looks like to us. This was a very bad idea but of course the idiot thought it was pure genius. He broke us into small groups with three people in each group. The end result was eight small groups. The lead blabbed about how he will be coming around to each group to check our progress. How this was going to be a wonderful exercise which will help us build bonds with on another. How this would help us get insight to each individual's thinking. Plus it would be fun he added, then while looking at me, he said everyone must participate. I rolled my eyes and slumped back into my chair as a response.

I was assigned to a group with Kevin, and Carla. Our emotion was love; we had to portray this emotion while the others watched after we practiced it with each other first. So there we all were, 24 people acting out silently in small group the very actions all would soon watch us do. I was sure we would all make complete fools of ourselves. Kevin, Carla and I silently stared at one another during the whole allotted practice time. That must be what love looked like to us. Due to our ‘uncooperative’ nature we had to go first. Standing in the center of a room with 21 people, plus the lead who I don’t think is human; I mean who could keep a fake smile on for 120 minutes each week in a room with us. I was unhappy with the whole thing, I just wanted to crawl back into my seat and crank up my iPod. Not to mention we had no idea what we were going to do. I hated the lead more then ever right now.

Kevin took charge, he gently hugged Carla, whispered something in her ear and she skipped off to her seat. This of course made me very confused. He turned to face me that grin on his face again, walking slowly towards where I was standing. I had no idea what was coming next, but if I did I would have left that room and never came back. Kevin wrapped his arm around my waist, and I felt shock course through my body as the blood rushed to my face. He lowered my hood, and unbraided my hair, leaving it in a mess of wild waves. He stared into my eyes and pressed his hand against where he knew my cuts were. No one was shouting out guesses, I knew it was because they all wanted to know what would happen next. Kevin took out a small razor blade and cut a K into the top of my wrist then kissed me. His lips tasted of vodka and whiskey.

The lead couldn't believe what Kevin had just done. He had the audacity not only to bring a razor to a session, but to use it on another cutter. This time the lead's fury could not be hid and I liked that. While he was in disbelief with Kevin's bold behavior I was in disbelief with mine. I couldn't believe that I was kissing him back with a hunger I only thought I had for music. A hunger that I wondered if I could ever really possess for anything else. That’s the day everything changed for me and Kevin, and every time I look at my K scar I remember the press of his lips against mine.