Group Sessions

I am not sure why I said it; all I knew was that I didn’t regret it as much as I should. Two weeks later I was still getting engagement presents from the group, coupled with dopey smiles. These people were really dumb enough to believe that Lisa and I got engaged after only a month dating. I mean don’t get me wrong Lisa was always over my house, and we had become a bit inseparable. But engaged was a bit much for this early stage. While Lisa paraded around giving Jenny glares and talking about wedding plans, I sat in my chair as confused as ever. How is it that I manage to get myself into these situations? I have to stop letting anything I think fly out of my mouth. I took a discreet swig from my flask and went back to surveying the room. The usual suspects were here looking as unhappy as ever but at least the wore some semblance of a grin when the lead wasn't around. That dude had to be the devil himself, the way he sucks joy straight out of a room.

I was proud of Lisa, all the time she spent with me seemed to cause my confidence to rub off on her. She was actually talking to people, which was a relief to me. I didn't want to be this girl’s only friend, that would make us an even more dangerous pair then we already are. I noticed Blake eyeing her appraisingly and it took all I had not to kick him in the throat. So I got out of my seat and wrapped my arms around Lisa’s waist. I kissed her cheek and gave her a swig of my liquor. She smile devilishly before pulling me close into her, a felt a slight prick against my skin and I smiled. Of course she would cut me, she knew how much that it means to me. It was moments like this I didn't regret my lie, I mean what other girl would get my need to draw my own blood like she did. But enough with the semi-romantic crap, Lisa was like a crack to me. Another thing that numbed everything else out and I didn't want to lose that feeling. I almost felt like I could be without a drink or some form of self harm with her. Maybe just for a day or something, I know I am not willing to give that theory a try.

It was half way through group session when the screaming started up again. It happens like this every year when my brother’s death anniversary starts to near. My head started to pound a few minutes later and there was nothing I could do to drown it out while in this hell hole. I placed my hand on my temple and bit down hard on the inside of my cheek. A small pain surge and the screaming ebbed a bit. I had to get out of here; I needed more than just a small fix. It was time for the much bigger guns. When I got up to leave, I was surprised to find that the group was over. Lisa was staring to me, concern written on her face. I had no time or desire to explain so I just left, knowing she would follow after me.

I all but ran to my apartment and as soon as I was through the door, I was looking for my rope. I found it under a wood panel I had loosened to hide my good stuff in. I opened a box, moved my gun and grabbed the rope before shoving it all back into its hiding place. I walked over to a hook on the archway of the living room and started prepping the rope. Lisa walked in when I had it tied up to the hook and looped over my neck. She looked terrified.

“Kevin, don’t do this,” I could hear the fear and sadness in her voice.

“Relax babe, I am not trying to kill myself. Just cut me down when it looks like I am about to croak.” I handed her my switch blade.

“How will I know when that is? What if I don’t cut the rope in time?” A worried look filled her eyes and I sighed.

I kissed her so passionately that I felt the tension leave her body. “I trust you.”

I set up her chair next to mine and held her hand, so she could feel when I was losing my life. I kicked my chair back and hung for a while. I could see Lisa start to cry but my vision blurred, then the screaming stopped and I smiled. I knew Lisa was cutting the rope because I felt each movement of the knife. Though I wasn’t ready for my bliss to end, but I was happy that she was there to help. I blacked out and woke up on my couch with Lisa crying over me. I lifted my hand and wiped the tears off her cheeks.

“Don’t you ever do that again Kevin!” She said between sobs, “I thought you died.”

She climbed into my arms and I reluctantly held her. Cuddling up like this really wasn’t my thing, but I could do this much for her after what I had just put her through. I kissed her forehead, while mumbling some soothing words I had heard on TV once. I gently ran my fingers through her hair until she stopped sobbing. She lay in my arms a little while longer before getting up and sitting on the floor. She stared at me, today was the day we craved our scars deeper of course. I smiled and went to grab my kit, the screaming hadn't returned yet, it rarely does after I do something that reckless. At least for a while anyway, I placed my kit in between us and grinned. It went the way it always does, she goes first then me. I held her as she went to cut me but she did something different this time. She didn't hesitate; her anger at my earlier actions caused her to be rough with me. I loved it.

Of course that made Lisa even more furious, so she pressed her fingers deeply into my wound. I couldn't take the blinding pleasure anymore so I grabbed her roughly and started to kiss her. The anger she had for me making her kiss me roughly, pulled my hair, biting me. I couldn't be more thrilled with this turn of events. I knew in that moment I was right, I needed to Lisa. She could keep me somewhat sane while making me crazy all at once. So I did another foolish thing.

“Marry me psycho.” I mumbled between our kisses which she combined with cutting my back.

“No.” She scoffed, hitting my chest as I kissed her neck.

“Marry me!” I yelled as I grabbed the blade and pressed into our palms.

“Yes.” She kissed me before getting up and pulling us to town hall.