J'exploserai

“Okay, I’ve got one, guys!”
“Oh God,” Rian hides his face with a hand, “Not again.”
Jack laughs and leans forward on the couch. “No, really. Think about it. What if,” he pauses for dramatic effect. “What if you switched your dick and your big toe?”
“You’re kidding me right now.” Flyzik deadpans.
“No! Just picture it! Okay, you’re with some chick, she pulls your pants down, expecting a cock, right? Wrong! Big toe!” Jack falls back on the couch in a fit of laughter.
“What’s this about big toes?” Alex walks onto the bus, pulling a shirt on.
“Jack’s a little,” Zack makes a drinking motion with his hand.
“No, shut up!” Jack throws his just-emptied Bud Light can at Zack’s head. “No, okay, what if your dick was your big toe, like, that’s crazy as fuck!”
“And you have a toenail on your dick? Wouldn’t that hurt the chick?” Rian asks.
“No, you still have a dick it’s just where your toe is. So you have to, like,” Jack kicks his foot around and cracks up.
Everyone else looks disturbed, and Alex raises an eyebrow. “Jack, I think you should probably get to bed before you become an even bigger danger to society.”
“Lex, I’m fine.” Jack rolls his eyes, but then gasps. “Hey! What if you—”
“Definitely time for bed. Come on, let’s go,” Alex tries to pull Jack up by his arm, but Jack refuses to budge. Frustrated, Alex pulls Jack over his shoulder and carries his tall but skinny frame to the bunks, dropping him in the aisle carelessly.
Jack hits the back of his head on a bunk. “Ow. What the fuck?”
“Go to bed.”
“Only if you join me,” Jack smirks.
Alex rolls his eyes. “Not a chance.”
Jack feigns hurt. “Your words hurt! I shall spend the night sobbing.”
“Have fun, then.” Alex says flatly and turns to leave the bunk area.
“Hey, Lex.” Jack says, voice lowered, grabbing Alex’s wrist.
“What?” Alex sighs, but doesn’t turn around.
“Look at me.”
Alex turns slowly to face Jack, raising an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Help me up?” Jack says in a poorly mocked old-movie-teenage-girl voice.
“Jesus,” Alex protests, but pulls Jack to his feet anyway.
“Thanks, babe,” Jack smirks, pecking Alex on the cheek and patting his head.
“Whatever.” Alex tries to be indifferent, but cracks when Jack continues to stare at him with an amused grin on his face.
“Shall we go for a spot of tea?” Jack proposes in a terrible London accent, holding a hand out.
Alex chuckles. “What happened to sleep?”
“Ah, but the night is young! We must, how you say, ‘live it up while we can’?”
“That was terrible and you know it.”
“I—” Jack tries to continue on with the accent, but fails. “Yeah, that was fucking bad.”
The two laugh.
“Yeah, sure, we can get a coffee or whatever. Sober you up.” Alex says.
“Sweet.” Jack grabs his wallet from his bunk and yells to the guys that they’re going out.
“Date night, already? It’s a fucking Tuesday for crissakes!” Colussy yells back.
“Shove it, Colussy!” Alex says as the two walk through the lounge to the front of the bus.
“Jack and Alex, sittin’ in a tree,” Rian starts.
“F-U-C-K-I-N-G!” Everyone but Alex finishes. Instead, he groans.
“Relax, holy shit.” Jack says quietly to Alex, placing a hand on the small of his back, leading him out of the tour bus and into the dark loading area at the back of the venue. “They’re just joking around.”
Alex sighs. “I know, it’s just that—”
“That you’re so pussy-whipped you can’t take a fucking joke?” Jack tries to say it light-heartedly, but can’t help the edge to his voice.
“I’m not pussy-whipped!” Alex protests.
“Right.” Jack says sarcastically.”
“Jack—” Alex starts angrily.
Jack holds up a hand. “Just leave it. Let’s get coffee, yeah?”
Alex doesn't say anything.
“Lex?”
After a pause, Alex finally nods. “Yeah, okay.”
Jack smiles. “I’ll buy.”