More Than Friends

It was the 8th of May when John finally gave into his feelings and admitted defeat, almost three months to the day since the feelings had began to surface. At first he barely even noticed it. Fleeting glances at her that lasted just a moment too long, the image of her face imprinted in his mind when she wasn’t around. The feeling of not only wanting to talk to her whilst he was away on tour, but missing being around her and in her company. He denied it for weeks of course and by the time he finally realized that he might just be feeling something he shouldn’t, he was too far gone. He’d denied it for too long and when he finally admitted to himself that the feelings were there, he’d fallen hook, line and sinker.

It was seeing her with another guy that had done it – he thought it was so cliché really. He’d been home from tour for two weeks and had turned up on her doorstep, movie in hand as he always did. She opened the door and even though he’d seen her a few times since being home, she still took his breath away. She was done up to the nines, but he’d seen her dressed up so many times before. That day she wore a simple black dress that was well fitted at the chest and flowed out at the bottom – it was feminine and flirty but the length kept it classy. She was wearing high heels – again, plain black, and her arms were decorated with various gold oversized bangles. She’d straightened her hair and he could already tell that she’d spent ages perfecting her make up – each eye was silhouetted by heavy eyeliner lined into a flick at each side, and a deep red lipstick was painted onto her full lips. She looked classy and a bit edgy with her choice of make up and accessories – but it was her all over. She looked stunning and he was ashamed to feel himself getting turned on as he looked her up and down, his gaze slowly studying her long legs and his mind wandering to where they ended beneath the bottom of her dress.

And then he felt a brief hot flush of anger as he knew – he didn’t know how but he just knew whoever she was out with tonight, they wouldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put in. He knew whoever the guy was – because without her even having to say anything, something just told him that she was dressed up for a date – he wasn’t worthy of the extra hours she’d spent picking out her outfit or the frustration he knew she’d feel struggling to keep a steady hand when applying her eyeliner. No guy would even be worth the small glass of wine he knew she’d already had to calm her nerves. Because over the years and the time spent together he knew her routine down to the last coat of lip gloss. And he felt angry that she would be wasting her time on a guy who wouldn’t appreciate it or be worth it. No guy ever was. She was amazing and deserved so much better then the fleeting dates she went on with the dickheads that never called again.

“H – hey” he stuttered at last. His eyes met hers again and her bemused expression said it all – she knew the reaction she’d had on him.

“Hey John” she smiled, cocking her head to one side. “What’s up?” she asked. She stepped to the side and allowed him to shuffle into the small flat, her eyes not missing the DVD in his hand.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize you had plans” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Date, is it?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. He should be here already actually” she grimaced as she checked the time. “But you’re welcome to stay and wait. Maybe we can watch the film tomorrow night?” she suggested.

He nodded and sat down on the sofa. In the past she’d been stood up before – only once or twice – and he’d always been round to cheer her up, so he decided to wait until her date arrived. It wasn’t like she was a serial dater either, in fact she dated less then him, but having known her almost all his life they had both been there when each other had dated in the past or had relationships. She’d always help him get over break ups and he loved her for it – whilst he relied on the guys for going out and getting drunk to forget about things, she always amazing at the emotional stuff. She never laughed when John was genuinely upset and better still she always sat and talked to him about why his relationship might have failed. Likewise, he offered the same support to her. They were that close.

“You look really nice” he told her, studying her again. She blushed and smiled.

“Thanks John” she said, just as the doorbell went off again. “Oh. That must be Dan, I better go. Are you okay to lock up afterwards? You know you can stay and help yourself to a drink or whatever when I’m gone” she reminded him.

John stood up and plastered a smile on his face, feeling uneasy at the feelings developing in the pit of his stomach. Why is it he suddenly wanted her to stay so badly? “I’ll get a beer then head off. Have a nice time” he replied. On the spur of the moment he leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, pulling away with a blush.

“Thank you” she spoke in a soft voice. She stood for a second looking at him, both of them rooted to the spot in her living room, eyes on each other. Then she shook her head and smiled again, strolling over to the door and opening it.

John could barely see him but he was surprised to find himself struggling not to clench his fists as he saw a pair of hands circle her waist. White jealousy surged through him as he saw the man kiss her cheek like he had done moments before and he felt angry when he heard her giggle out loud ; a sound that was usually music to his ears as he was often the one to make her laugh.

And then they were gone.

John sat back down on the sofa slowly, trying to decipher his thoughts. It hit him all at once, the feeling of seeing her with someone else finally bringing it out in him. In fact he now knew he had had feelings for her for a few months now, seeing her with someone else finally helping the realization dawn on him.

He groaned out loud.

Having feelings with his best friend was not a good thing. He knew more than anyone that getting involved with friends in that way never worked out and he cursed out loud to think what would happen if he made a move on her. If it didn’t work out, there was no way he could live without her. Could he settle with being just her friend? Or should he take the risk?



John jumped awake with a start, the sound of the front door shutting waking him from his slumber. He was confused for a moment, wondering where he was, until she jumped on top of him with a giggle.

“John Ohhh you’re still here” she grinned, leaning over him to switch on the lamp on the coffee table.

“Did you fall asleep?” she asked.

He rubbed his eyes until she came into focus. She still looked as gorgeous as she did before, even though the clock told him it was gone 2am and she’d been out for six hours. “Er yeah” he yawned at last. “Sorry. I must have dozed off”

“That’s okay” she smiled, sitting back beside him normally.

“How was the date?” he asked.

“It was fun” she replied, but he noticed her smile falter for a second. He raised his eyebrows and she smirked. “No, it was fun, honestly. He was lovely. The date was lovely. The kiss was lovely. It was just…lovely. Nothing extra special or passionate or out there, you know?” she sighed.

He knew. It was the very reason he was still single. He’d dated so many women in the past that had been perfect girlfriend material, but none of them gave him that thrill he was forever searching for. “I know” he agreed, sitting up himself. “Want to go for a drive?” he suggested.

She grinned and nodded – it was their favorite pastime, their long drives in his truck. More often than not they found themselves driving out into the desert at silly hours of the morning but it was their ‘thing’ and they’d been doing it for so long now that they never even thought twice about it.

John stood up and grabbed his jacket from the opposite chair, handing it to her. She smiled and slid it on and in silence they left the flat and climbed into his truck. The drive to the desert was silent bar the soft hum of Tom Petty playing in the background, but as always it was a comfortable silent. The long stretch of road ahead of them seemed to go on forever, but soon John was pulling up in the dusty Arizona desert, the view immediately relaxing them.

They sat in the bed of his truck, legs dangling over the side, their eyes focused on the view. The sky was everywhere in the desert, dark expect for the stars and the moon, and apart from her, it was one of John’s most treasured and beautiful things to look at. He tore his gaze away from the night sky and back at her. She locked eyes with him and with that he knew he had to tell her. There was no doubt about it.

“Um Becky” he muttered her name. His stomach dropped and suddenly all he could think about was how sweaty his palms were getting, even though he’d not even said anything yet. It was just the decision to take that chance that was getting him.

“Yes John?” she asked innocently. “If you want food I’m going to kill you, I told you we should have got some on the way…” she trailed off.

He shook his head but the sudden thought of a McDonalds with a huge glass of icy coke made him realize his mouth had gone as dry as the desert they were parked on. “Errr I just wanted to…my mouth is really dry, is your mouth dry? I could really use a drink” he babbled on.

She watched him with her eyebrows raised and a smirk on her lips. “No, my mouth isn’t dry John. Is that what you wanted to ask?”

“No, no” he shook his head, trying to man up. “I just..” he trailed off again, watching the skyline.

“Here” she told him, grabbing a bottle of water she always kept in a bag in his truck. She practically kept half her belongings in his truck, she was in there that often. She handed the bottle to him and he blushed as it immediately slipped out of his hands. She giggled and he grabbed it again, opening it and taking a long swig.

Why was he so nervous? He performed to screaming girls on a regular basis yet he couldn’t even fucking tell his best friend how he felt without being all clumsy and goofy like he always was.

“Thanks” he sighed at last. He turned towards her again, pulling his legs up so he was sitting across from her with his legs crossed. She repeated the motion, facing him. “Okay, so, do you remember when we met, way back in fifth grade? And one of the first things you said to me was about how you hate boys?” he began. She laughed but allowed him to continue. “Well the thing is, you don’t really hate boys…wait…I don’t know where I’m going with this..” he trailed off again. “Okay, we’ve known each other for so long now and you know how you know someone for so long but then suddenly its like you’ve just met them?”

She shook her head, a smile still plastered to her face, but not understanding him at all.

He ran a hand through his hair before dropping his head into his hands. “Argh!” he cried. “I just cant..the words won’t come…”

“John” she giggled, reaching over and pulling his hands away so that she was looking at him. “C’mon, out with it”

He sighed and shook his head before standing up. “I can’t” he admitted simply, turning his back on her and pacing the ground.

She stood up too, confused and worried about how he was acting. He never acted like this. “John” she tried again.

He spun around on his heel and grabbed her suddenly, deciding that it was now or never. If he couldn’t tell her the words, he could at least show her. One hand grasped her hip and the other grabbed at the back of her head, keeping her still as he lowered his face to hers. She barely had time to register his actions before his lips were on hers in a soft kiss. At first it was gentle and cautious but when John realized she wasn’t pushing him off, he began to kiss her deeply, his tongue running along her bottom lip. A soft groan escaped her and she opened her mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss more. Her hands circled his neck and she pressed her body into his. The two kissed as if their lives depended on it.

Finally he pulled away and they looked at each other, breathing heavily.

“Wow” she gasped. John could spot a smile on her lips though.

“Ditto” he smiled. “That. That’s what I wanted to say. You’ve been my best friend nearly my whole life and I love you for it but lately I’ve been feeling something more. And seeing you with that guy today who clearly didn’t deserve you only made me realize how badly I’ve fallen for you. I didn’t want to tell you and fuck things up and lose you, but I wanted to take that chance too. So yeah. I like you. I like you a lot. I’ve fallen for you” he grinned at last, so happy to get the words out.

There was only a moment or two of silence but it felt like a lifetime to him before she broke into a grin herself and spoke. “I know”

“W – what?” he asked, stunned. “You knew?”

“Well I had an inkling. I’ve had these feelings for a while now too John – in fact I think I’ve always had them – and I’ve noticed the way you’ve been acting around me. I didn’t want to go out with him earlier. I knew you’d be coming round with a movie. I only did it to make you finally man up and admit things to yourself” she laughed.

His mouth dropped open, unable to believe she’d done something so sneaky and out of character, something only he’d do. “You little – ” he laughed, grabbing her and kissing her hard again.

“Well it was worth it, wasn’t it?” she shrugged.

“Yeah. It was” he agreed, his hands linking with hers. “What now? Are you coming back to mine?” he grinned wickedly.

“You can take me on a date I guess. I’m not sleeping with you yet” she informed him. His heart dropped but he understood – they’d just admitted their feelings to each other and neither knew exactly where they stood with each other. It made sense to take things slow. “John, I’m joking” she laughed again, seeing his face. “Seriously, it’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past six months. Please get the fuck over here and have your wicked way with me. Like, right here, right now. I think we’ve waited long enough”

He thought she was joking but when he saw her face and the lust in her eyes he knew she wasn’t. He growled playfully and kissed her again, picking her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he sat her down on the back of his truck, stood between her legs, no space between them. “Really? Right here, right now?” he asked, his breath heavy again.

She just winked and kissed him again.