Dear Journal, Who Will Save Me?

Everyday is a battle, a battle people like me can never win. Sometimes its good to leave. Because no one will really miss you. Why do you think they call you names all the time? Fat, ugly useless , stupid, dumb shit, emo, goth freak, a disappointment......

Dear journal who will save me?

I put my pen down, I hear footsteps and quickly close my journal, and stuff it in my black and purple backpack. “Knock knock.” The sound makes me wanna hide and never come back.

"Come in." I quietly reply.

"Violet, did you finish your homework?"

"Yes mom, it is complete."

"It better be......You know what happens if you lie to me!" Most girls would explain there mom nice, sweet, understanding, and caring. My mom? She's just like everyone else at school. Sometimes I think she doesn't even know me! "Since when did you go goth?" She asked.

"I'm not goth mom, I'm punk, like dad."

"No your not." She said with a stern voice. "You are a preppy little angel who listens to MY music!"

"Yes mom." She leaves. There is no use arguing. She won't listen anyway........ To cheer myself up, I turn on my stereo. I look through the songs I own, I decided on "1979" by "Smashing Pumpkins." Its my dads favorite band. Every since he played me one of their songs I've been hooked!! I picked up my pencil, and began to draw.

It was a simple drawing. Something simple and not to flashy. It was just a boy. A boy with black and green hair, sitting on a curb listening to his Ipod. I put down my pencil.

"I miss you."

*********The Next Day**********

I have always hated school. But, not why most people do. I have no friends what's so ever, I get bullied 24/7, I have sucky grades, and I'm what you call "Queen of the outcasts." Life sucks.....

"Hey look guys!!" Its the emo fag!!" Hmm I wonder who that is?! By the way that was sarcastic. I sadly know exactly who this is. Anton fucking White. Also known as "The Jock King." But, I think he is mainly "Queen of the swag fags."

"One, I'm not emo. Two, leave me alone. Three, go fuck yourself. Four, stop being a close-minded jerk!!!"

"Ouch! Kitty's got sass in her!"

"Whatever." I walk away, leaving them to laugh at me behind my back. I started down the empty hallway, and when I reach my locker, the first thing I notice is my locker neighbor. His name is Percy Miller. He's pretty cool, he and his sister are the other people that are actually willing to talk to me. Percy is averaged height, He has brown eyes and dark brown hair. He has an awesome nose piercing,

"Hey Violet." Percy greeted.

"H-hey." I stuttered, heard footsteps as if someone was running, and a heavy panting. I turn around to see its his twin sister Macy. She's really nice. She and Percy share the same dark brown eyes, with a sprinkle of freckles, and pale skin that I envy. But, she had her hair dyed into a bleach blonde, with a bunch of choppy layers. She takes a section of hair and sweeps it to the other side so that the layers stick up on the top. Its probably the coolest hairstyle I have ever seen!

"Percy!! Percy!!" Called Mallory. "Did you finish the homework for physical science! I'm so freaking screwed!!"

"No....." Replied a sheepish Percy. "Lets go finish it in the library."See ya Vi." And they quickly walked away. I've always debated hanging out with them, but whenever I talked to them I choke up, I guess, I just have a fear of rejection.

Dear Journal,

Friends are the people I read in books, the ones that don't ever exists. Whenever I speak I feel like a ball of saliva is resting in my throat, and I feel like I'm unwanted. I'm lonely and tired. And I'm waiting for someone to notice me, notice me in good way. To accept. Someone who doesn't care about my past, what I have done, or who I am. Someone to join me in hell......