Heart Attack Waiting to Happen

Chapter 34: Prologue.

Tom's P.O.V

We’ve been back in Australia only a week and mum already had a new boyfriend.
We’ve been staying in this tiny old wooden beach house; which would shake violently in the wind and the walls were so thin I could hear every single disgusting moan my mother and her boyfriend would screamed out.
My mother was covering up her pain by sleeping with any man she could get her hands on. She always did this, whenever she was sad she would turn to sex. Men who didn’t care or love her, they only wanted one thing and my mother always gave it to them without a second thought or any respect for herself.
Disgusting.
She refused to tell me anything what happened when we were in England.
Nothing about Oliver or why he was in hospital and why we left without him… He was the main reason why we came back to England, so I don’t understand why we left without him. There was no mention of dad or his whereabouts’ or any knowledge that he wanted to see me…
Something must have happened; mum was in pieces no matter how much she tried to hide it, I knew her too well and something definitely happened.
She needed to stop treating me like a baby all the time and actually start telling me the truth for a change. She always said she was protecting me from the truth, and she will let nothing hurt her little boy.
But little did she know she was actually killing me not telling me anything, keeping me away from my brother and father. Why can’t we just be a family again? Were they really that bad to not give them a second chance?
My ipod ran out of battery so I couldn’t even listen to music to drown them out. I tried burring my head under my pillow hoping the feathers will block out the horrid sound but it didn’t do much at all!
“Please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop!”
No I am not hearing this! This is the most disgusting thing I have ever had to listen to!
Hearing my mother being shagged by some disgusting pervert, it was the middle of the night for crying out loud, did they honestly think I would be able to sleep through that?! Ugh!
About half an hour later, they finally stopped.
I crawled out from under my pillow and turned on my side light so I could see the time; it was 2:45AM, seriously…who the hell has sex at this time?!
Next to my clock was an old photograph I found in mum’s hand bag years ago; it was a photograph of me, her and Oliver and we looked like a proper family… the family I hoped to have gone back to when we were in England but was unsuccessful.
“What do you have there sweetheart?”
Crap, I didn’t know she was watching me or even hear her open my door to be fair.
She was standing in my doorway smoking a cigarette, wearing nothing but a skimpy dressing gown.
“Uh…oh nothing.” I tried to hide the photo under my pillow but it was too late, she had already seen it.
“Thomas.”
She only ever calls me Thomas when she actually means it.
She stood in front of me with her hand out waiting for me to hand her over the photograph.
I hesitated before giving it to her; I didn’t want it to upset her.
“Where did you get this? I thought I lost it.”
“Erm… I found it.”
I didn’t want her to figure out that I stole it from her…
“You’re father took this photo of us.”
I kept quiet; I didn’t really know what to say…she would always get offended whenever I started asking questions about them.
“Oliver had such a sweet smile.”
She smiled slightly but it soon disappeared.
“Once upon a time when we were happy…”
She said slipping the photograph in her dressing gown pocket.
“Can I have it back?”
“No.”
“Please mum, it’s the only thing I have left of him.”
“I said no Thomas. You need to learn that Oliver is never going to be apart of our lives again.”
Her words were hurtful, but not intentional. I just missed him so much and I know she does too.
“Please.” I begged her.
“I told you to stop mentioning him, how do you expect us to move on if you keep wallowing in the past?!”
She shouted at me before slamming my door behind her as she left my room.
I didn’t mean to upset her; I just can’t ever forget the brother who was left behind.
That was the only thing I had left of Oliver; an old photographed, which she had now taken from me.
I threw myself into my pillow and cried; I would cry myself to sleep most nights, I was miserable. I hated my life here, I just wanted to be in England with my brother and father and just be a normal family and be happy for once.
Mum was always convince she met the right man and that he would be the one who was going to take care of us for now on. But then they would break up and which left us to be on the road again looking for a new place to live.
We moved up and down the country all the time, we never stayed in one place for long, sometimes I didn’t even bother unpacking.
I never had any friends, we wasn’t in a place long enough to make any, and I was always missing school and when I did go I was always behind in work.
I was never settled; mum was always dragging me all over the place and I was always left to pick up the pieces when she was used and dumped by a guy. Some life this is…but I couldn’t stay mad at her for that long, she was my mum after all and although she did always make bad choices…I did love her, very much.

Mum was in the kitchen when I woke up, cooking which was a first.
I tried to sneak out of my room as quietly as I could but she caught me.
“Tommy darling, come sit down I’ve made you you’re favourite!”
She’s made me breakfast?
She was wearing that skimpy dressing gown again as well as smoking another cigarette…surely it was too early for that?
I sat down at the table and she placed a plate of pancakes and syrup in front of me.
This is my favourite? I frowned in confusion.
“Don’t you remember sweetie, I used to make these for you and Oliver all the time.”
She stroked her fingers through my hair before turning back to the stove.
Oliver? Why is she mentioning him, I thought she didn’t want to be reminded of him? Last night she seemed pretty upset over that photograph but this morning she seems fine, more than fine if she’s mentioning Oliver…what’s going on?
She placed another plate of pancakes by the seat in front of me.
“Mum, why is the table set for three?”
“Because we have company.” She smiled.
I heard the toilet flush and a scruffy hairy looking man came walking into the kitchen wearing nothing but his pants. He slapped my mother on the bum and put his hand down her dressing gown while kissing her neck; completely ignoring the fact that her son was sitting right here!
Eww fucking disgusting! What the hell does this man think he’s doing, touching her like that, like she’s a piece of meat.
My hand tighten around my folk, as my blood started to boil, this man was utterly vile.
“Bill stop it, you’re breakfast will get cold.” Mum giggled.
“No pancakes are as sweet as you sugar!”
I rolled my eyes, oh give me a break!
I was about to vomit in my mouth.
None of her men had stuck around long enough to stay for breakfast… what is his game?
He sat down at the table and started stuffing his face, not caring about the syrup and crumbs falling into his beard. He was fucking disgusting; please tell me mum doesn’t really find this man attractive?!
I just sat staring at him in disgust…I was so angry I manage to bend the folk back slightly.
“Tommy darling you haven’t touch you’re breakfast, don’t you like it?”
I was so angry I shot up from the table and snapped.
“You honestly chose this pig over dad and Oliver?!”
“Thomas!” she was furious.
I don’t care if I over stepped the mark, it was the truth and she knew it. I’m not going to sit here and pretend to play happy families with this repulsive man and just forget about our actual family back in England.
I was livid, how could she want to be with this man instead of our actual family?! I stormed out of the house as fast as I could and headed straight to the beach.
When I got to the sand dunes I collapse to my knees and burst into tears.
Why is she doing this to herself and to me?
Degrading herself to these disgusting men, believing that any of them are going to make her happy and treat her with respect…
How could she honestly want this more than Oliver? I don’t understand…why didn’t he come back with us? He should have! And what was all that about with the pancakes?
She was obviously thinking about him to do that… god knows what goes on inside that woman’s head, I only wish she could realise its not all about her.
What about me? What about what I want or need… she was selfish, she didn’t care about anyone but herself!
“Are you okay?”
A sweet voice interrupted me, making me jump out of my skin. I turned around to find a blonde haired girl, with mascara down her cheeks standing behind me… crap!
I quickly wiped the tears away from my face, I didn’t want her to know I’ve been crying.
I slowly looked back up at her; she looked like she had been crying also…
“You come here to cry too?”
I looked away sniffing, ignoring her. She probably thinks I’m a right cry baby.
She sat down beside me on the sand, placing her hand on my knee…what the hell, who is this girl?!
“It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who comes here to run away from life.”
It was like she read my mind… like she knew how I felt.
“I’m Jenny by the way.” She smiled.
“I’m Tom.”
“Life’s a bitch huh?”
I let out a little laugh.
“Yeah you could say that.”
“Do you live around here; I’ve never seen you before.”
I nodded to the beach house not so far behind us.
“I guess this makes us neighbours, I live just down the beach.”
I smiled.
We sat in silence, watching the ocean in front of us.
It was actually really nice… being in someone else’s company other than my mother’s.
We didn’t speak much, which was good to…we didn’t let our problems get the better of us and ruin the moment.
She had the cutest smile I had ever seen… I blushed a little but looked away quickly hoping she wouldn’t notice.
I let out a sigh, I wanted us to be friends but I knew I shouldn’t get too comfy, it would only be a matter of time mum would pack up and leave this place and Jenny would just be another forgotten memory.
When I came back to the beach house, to finally face mum and apologies, the place was a mess and everything was in boxes.
“Come on we’re leaving!”
I searched the room…That Bill guy was gone, of course we were leaving.
“But I like it here…”
Despite the thin walls and not much privacy for either of us, I liked being near the beach… it was a nice place to escape to and think over thoughts.
And I liked Jenny…
“And you will like the next place too, I promise.”
“You said that last time…” I mumbled under my breath but she heard me.
“Thomas pack you’re bags now or we will leave without them!”
She was mess, an angry emotional mess.
I knew this was going to happen, so much for making new friends.

18 months later.

Mum was in hospital, claming she fell down the stairs but we both know that’s not true.
Her last boyfriend liked to drink… I walked in on them arguing last night but I was sent to my room like a child, not being able to do anything… next thing I know, mum’s in hospital.
There was no serious damage, just a sprain on her left wrist which the doctor said she could leave the hospital tomorrow.
“That’s it; I’ve had it with men! You’re the only man I want in my life Tommy.” She joked.
I let out a sigh, this wasn’t funny.
Maybe this accident has made her had enough with Australia all together… maybe if I ask about going back to England she would go. It was a long shot and she would probably say no, but I was desperate and if you don’t ask you don’t get!
My hand tighten around her good hand.
“Mum…can we please go back home…home to England?”
“There’s nothing for us back in England darling.”
“There’s nothing here for us either…at least in England we have dad and Oliver.”
She hung her head, refusing to say a word to me… this was just like her, giving me the silent treatment whenever I mention England or Oliver and dad.
“Please mum can we go back? I promise I will never ask you again…please can we go back and find them.”
All I had left was hope, I’ll do anything to go back home to England, I was done with this place… she needed to stop running away and finally face her problems.
“They will only take your innocence from you Thomas.”
“What?”
Her words puzzled me, what did she mean by that?
“Don’t you like it just being you and me Tommy?”
“But it’s never just me and you though mum… there’s always some man not far behind.”
She couldn’t even look at me, she hated be told the truth especially from me.
“Don’t you ever wish you could see Oliver again?”
She was thrown back by my words, tears filling her eyes as my question settle into her mind.
“My little boy doesn’t need me anymore…” she sobbed.
“But we need him…please mum I know you want him back just as much as I do.”
More tears started to fall from her eyes, I knew my questions were causing her pain but maybe if I finally get through to her she will at long last agree to going back home.
“Please… please mummy.”
I begged her, her eyes locked on to mine, realising I was just in as much pain as she was being without him.
“I’ll book us a flight tomorrow.”
I was in shock; she agreed…we’re finally going back home to England!
“Thank you mum!”
I jump up from my seat and hugged her tight.
This was all I ever wanted and we were finally going to become a family again.

It was snowing in England when we arrived; I forgot our summer is their winter, I wasn’t expected it to be this cold! Me and mum checked into this run down tacky motel room, I guess it was all we could really afford. But to be honest I don’t know why she bothered really I just wanted to go find Oliver and dad right away.
“When can we go find Oliver and dad?”
“Patience darling.”
I just wanted to go find them, what was she waiting for?
She pulled me close to her chest and stroked her fingers through my hair.
“You must be exhausted from the flight sweetheart, why don’t you get some sleep.”
“But mum…”
“Please Tommy, get some rest for me.”
I let out a sigh and gave in to her.
“Okay.”
“I love you sweetheart.”
“I love you too mum.”
She tucked me in bed and kissed my forehead, she still treated me like a baby not caring that I was now 18.
Once my head rested on the pillow my eye lids became incredibly heavy, I didn’t realise how tired the jet lag had made me. I was asleep in no time.

I woke hours later, to hear my mum sobbing in to her pillow.
My heart sank, and my mind flooded with worry, why is she crying?
“Mum?” I croaked but I don’t think she heard me.
I crawled out of my bed and slowly crawled into hers, wrapping her arms around me so I was in her hold. I was such a mummy’s boy but I couldn’t bare seeing her cry, it just made me want to cry too.
I looked deep into her sad dark teary eyes.
“Mum what’s wrong?”
She just lent her head against mine and sobbed.
“Mum don’t you want to find Oliver?”
“I hurt him…and I hurt you and I hurt you’re father too… we’re beyond repair…” she sobbed more into my hair.
“We can fix it, I know we can… please mum, we don’t know until we try?”
Her arms tighten around me.
“You’re such a lovely kind hearted boy; I’m so sorry for hurting you darling, please forgive me.”
Where is this all coming from?
“Promise me you will never change who you are, you are my beautiful baby boy and I love you.”
Her words were worrying me… why is she saying all this? Did something happen while I was asleep?
“You and Oliver are the best things to ever happen to me… I wish I could tell him how sorry I am and say how much I love him…”
Her words startled me; I’ve never heard her talk about Oliver like that before…you could hear the pain in her voice, it was heartbreaking. She really did love him and you could see she regretted leaving him.
I looked up at her.
“But you can mum, when we find him you can tell him.” I smiled at her which made her smile weakly back through her tears.
“Darling you must be hungry, I thought I saw a pizza place down the road, why don’t you get us something to eat and then we’ll go look for Oliver.”
“Really?”
She nodded wiping the tears away from her eyes and handing me some money.
“Thanks mum, I won’t be long.”
“I love you Tommy.” Before I could get up from the bed she pulled me into a tight hug and kissed me on the cheek.
I thought it was abit weird, I’m only going down the road to get food and then I’m coming right back.
“Love you too mum.” I smiled at her before I headed down to the pizza place.
I was abit worried about leaving her in that state…she seemed so upset.
I guess she’s been hiding her true feelings about Oliver for so long its kinda got to her…I think she’s scared about seeing him again, which I can understand…I’m scared too but it’s only normal, I would think its abit weird if she wasn’t scared.

I was back with our pizza in no time, I couldn’t wait to get out of the snow, I was freezing!
When I opened the door I found mum laying half way off the bed…
I dropped the pizza box and ran to her side.
“Mum?!”
I cradled her in my arms and shook her but she didn’t move.
I notice her hand had grip on a bottle of pills…the bottle was entirely empty.
NO!
Panic shot through me, making my body shake and tears filling my eyes.
I shook her again, please god no!
“Mum, talk to me please! How many have you taken?”
I begged but there was no answer or movement from her.
“Mummy please!”
I placed my fingers on her neck to find a pulse, but I was too late…she was gone.
“Mummy please don’t leave me…please!”
I burst into hysterics as I held my lifeless mother close to me.
“You promised me you would never leave me…” I chocked.
I couldn’t breathe, my lungs burst with pain, I felt like I was having a heart attack or something.
Why did she do this, I don’t understand, everything was fine we were about to become a family again, so we did she…
I shouldn’t have left her, I knew something was wrong! Why did I leave?! This all my fault!
I lent my head against hers and cried, begging for her to come back to me.
“Please mum wake up…we need to go and find Oliver…”
I let out a gasp through my painful lungs.
“Oliver.” I whispered.
He is my only hope…the only one I have left.
I layed on the bed with mum in my arms until it got dark; her body had become pale and cold within the hours.
I still couldn’t believe she was gone…
I couldn’t stay here for much longer, it will only be a matter of time before someone found us and I know all hell will break lose then.
I placed my mother gently in bed and wrapped the covers around her; I wanted to make sure she was comfortable…
I straighten out her hair for her and kissed her softly on the forehead, making my tears fall once again.
“I love you.” I whispered through my tears.
As I turned to grab my back pack I notice a ripped up piece of paper by the end of the bed.
It was the photograph of the three of us…the one which mum took away from me. She kept it all this… she must have ripped it in half before she… a lumped formed in my throat.
It was all too much for her, coming back here and the fear of having to face Oliver again… it was my fault, I should never have forced her in coming back here.
I shoved the photographed in my pocket and ran for the door; I took once last look behind me.
“I will find him and I will tell him what he meant to you… I love you mum.”
Hurt lingered in my throat and tears welled in my eyes and with that I was off.
It was dark and snowing but I didn’t care, this snow was nothing compared to how it snows in Australia.
I had no idea where I was, all I knew was that I had to find away to get back to that playground… it’s the only link I have to Oliver. Even if he isn’t there, maybe if I see that guy who was once there before I could ask if he knows Oliver… maybe he could take me to him.
Anything, I just need my brother.
Either way, I was going to find Oliver no matter what.