Maybe It Was You All Along

Jesus Christ, where the hell was Tony? The last period of the day was about to start, and he's not here?! Fuck, things were getting so complicated so fast. 
This morning was weird, too. I mean, if I remember correctly Tony was with me last night, and then I woke up and he wasn't here, just a little piece of paper in his place that read,
"I'm sorry I'm just leaving like this, with no explanation. I just... I can't do this. Not to you. You're too nice, too kind. I'm just going to fuck everything up for you. Because that's what I am. A fuckup. So I'm going to let you go now before something happens that we both regret. Have a great life.
-Tony"
I couldn't even begin to understand what would posess him to write that. He wasn't a fuck up, just a kid who got caught in the wrong crowd, if that's what he meant, anyways. I didn't regret anything, but did he? Is that why he kept pushing me away? Was I being too forward? Last time I checked, he was okay with, well, whatever we had between us was.
"Mr. Fuentes, sir? Uh, the bell's rang already..." Aaron broke me of my thought process.
"Oh, right..." I mumbled. Somehow my papers, which were nicely stacked and everything this morning, had turned into complete mush by now. Probably something I had been doing subconsciously. I was so worried about Tony though.
"Uh, so today's a practice period, and since Craig and Tony aren't here today, we don't have to-" I started to say the plans for the hour, but was interrupted by two people coming through the door. Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear. (Or rather, devils, because both of them were here). As if on cue, Tony and Craig stumbled into the classroom, probably stoned out of their minds by the looks of it. After laughing a few fits and failing to walk straight, they made it to their seats and silenced their giggles enough to let the focus turn back to me.
I gestured for the kids to do what they had to do, and took out a small piece of paper from my notebook, tucked away in the little podium I had on the far side of the class. I didn't have it for its normal use, but it was an okay hideaway for journals and other things. I couldn't help myself as I wrote out the words running through my mind on paper.
"This isn't over Perry. Far from it. After school, you're coming to my place. Even if I have to drag you there."
Yeah, I sounded like a confrontational jackass, but the words needed to be said and this was the only way I could fathom getting them out in the open. I wanted to say more, but I could tell him later. I walked down the side of the class where Tony was 'carefully observing his fingers' with Craig (I swear, these kids need to know when to get high and when to just wait), and lightly dropped the small paper on his desk before anyone else noticed. I think Aaron glanced over at me, but I continued to my desk and ignored my other student. 
I sat down and heard a hand slap something, as well as a groan coming from, well, from Tony. I glanced up, seeing his posture had changed; he was sitting almost straight up, leaning forward and reading my note. He was bending the corners and already crumpling it up and shoving it in his pocket. I wasn't worried about it though, the rest of the class knew to ignore everyone else when they came stoned, and they followed that same sort of procedure today. 'If you ignore it, it will go away.'
The period passed by fast and suddenly my nerves had taken over. Feeling anxious, I told the class to pack up now and then I'd let them leave five minutes early. Thirty kids jumping up with instruments and all the energy in the world, all headed toward the back of the room was not exactly what I had in mind with my preposition, but hey, if it got them out of my hair faster, then I wasn't going to complain. As expected, Tony and Craig didn't jump up because they hadn't done anything this period, although Craig had gotten up and played a little piano at some point. To be honest, he sounded like a five year old and I wanted to tell him to just mind his own business in his seat. Luckily he sat down fast enough so I didn't have to go and do that.
One by one all my students left, and Tony tried to follow Craig out the door, but I called his attention back.
"Mr. Perry," I said. He turned to me slowly, giving me a blank look.
"What do you want, Vic?" He groaned. Rolling my eyes, I continued anyways.
"My place, do you need a ride, or do you have your own way there?" I asked sternly. I wanted to talk, but I couldn't do it at school. Not in this building.
"Whatever, Vic," he grumbled before walking through my classroom door without so much as a glance back at me. I sighed, aggravated at both him for his reluctance and myself for letting whatever this was take presence in the classroom. I gave the room a once-over, making sure everything was cleaned up, and flung my bag over my shoulder before stepping out of the room.
"Mr. Fuentes, a word?" I heard someone call me. Funny, that wasn't...
"Oliver, hi," I turned, seeing the principal and one of my good friends coming my way. 
"Vic, can we talk in my office? It's... Urgent, you could say." He looked a little frantic, and that scared me. When Oliver was unhappy, the entire staff was too. He walked through the door and I followed suit, closing it behind me, and we both sat down.
"Yeah, not a problem. What's, uh, what's on your mind?" I asked. I didn't have the foggiest clue what this was, and I had to be careful not to step on a mine, in the figurative sense. He paused for a moment, and then sighed, giving me a look that had me thinking twice about agreeing to come to his office.
"Vic, you do know that the law prohibits teachers and their students from engaging in, er, romantic relationships, correct?" 
This wasn't happening. Nope, no no no no no. 
I gulped, and if my anxiety levels had been high at the end of last period, they were nothing compared to now.
"Y-yes, I'm aware of the law." I said as calmly as was possible.
"See Vic, an anonymous tip has been made that you and Tony Perry are, well... Taking the student-teacher relationship, uh, a little further than is acceptable. Now I'm not accusing you of anything, but a minor-"
"It sure as hell sounds like you are though, Oliver." I interrupted him. I was already extremely mad at him and whatever he was going to say. How did anyone find out? Me and Tony weren't even together, or whatever it meant for us to be an us! We had hid whatever it was so well, there wasn't any way someone could know. So Tony had spent last night at my house, big deal, he had been having a rough time and I was there as a friend, not a teacher. My mind was reeling, I was panicking and I couldn't think straight right now, but luckily I didn't have to because Oliver started talking again.
"Look Vic, I know that people can be wrong, but when accusations are made for something this serious, it needs to be investigated. I for one, believe you, but there are students and teachers who will not rest until there is proof that there is nothing between you and Tony Perry." Oliver said simply. 
"With all due respect, sir," I jumped in, "there never has been or is anything going on between any student of mine and myself. I would kindly appreciate it if there be no investigation or something of that sort called. There's no need for anything."
He waved his hand, dismissing the thought. "I'm sorry, Vic, but it's protocol, I have to. I'm truly sorry. For now though, you can't be on the campus during school hours or teach in that classroom until the issue is cleared up and taken care of. Whatever happens, well figure it out then." Oliver talked to me like I had just lost my puppy in a lethal car crash. I hated being spoken to like that, but if I lost it he'd for sure get suspicious that something was going on. So, I kept my cool as best I could.
"Thank you for your time, sir. I'll be on my way now." I stated, and left the office without another word. 
My car wasn't that far from the front doors and I walked briskly, first because I had to get all the anger out somehow, and second, if by some miracle Tony was at my house, I wasn't gonna give him the opportunity to leave. I reached my small car and by this time I was jogging. I flung the door open, jumping into the seat and starting the engine in one fell swoop. I slammed the door shut and sped off towards my house.
When I got there, I was not surprised to see that Tony wasn't here yet. There was no car in my driveway other than mine now, he wasn't on the front porch, and he couldn't have gotten in unless he knew how to pick three different locks. Unless he had somehow teleported into my living room in the time I was gone, he wasn't here.
I unlocked the door, stepping in and headed straight for the couch to lie down and take a break from thinking, for a while. The only thing running through my mind was my most pressing situation; Tony, of course.
I had calmed down a bit, not entirely knowing what to say to him, but I did get a little more aggravated. I asked, no, demanded that he be here, and then naturally, he doesn't show up. It was to be expected though, this was Tony we were talking about.
"Stop rambling, idiot. You need a drink." I mumbled to myself. I headed for the kitchen and stood in front of the fridge, reaching up into the small cupboard above and grabbing the first bottle that my hand touched. I brought it down to my eyes, seeing a good choice for today; rum. I was hoping Mike had bought some coke earlier in the week, and when I checked the fridge my silent prayers were answered. The can of pop was emptied into a glass, filling it to less than halfway, and I added in the liquor so that the drink was level with the top of the glass. Extra rum and less coke had always been my favorite choice to soothe my anger or distress, and it would definitely pay off in this instance.
~
About maybe five or six of those later and I was sprawled out on the couch. The room wasn't spinning yet but it was definitely wobbly, and I really didn't feel anything except a numbing sensation in my mind. My thoughts lazily drifted to Tony; what he was doing, why he wasn't here, his adorable brown eyes and his inner, shy personality that had me swooning at every thought. His bad boy rep was hot, sure, but I liked his quiet and sensitive side just as much. I had screwed up, he had screwed up, but we could figure this out. I'd just have to persuade him. I smiled, pushing the negative thoughts out of my mind and focusing only on Tony and I, us.
Unfortunately, my blissfully ignorant moment ended when there was a knock at the door, a noise that was probably it opening, and the voice I had been thinking about for weeks straight called out, "Vic?"
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I was almost hoping Tony didn't show up and then I could wallow in self-pity without the judgement or stares I would receive from him.
My mind told me to shut up but my body betrayed as I said something along the lines of "in here," and waved to get his attention. His chocolate eyes landed on me and if I could stand up right now I would be right there, kissing him hello.
"Well don't be shy, come on in," I slurred and at this point I didn't care that I was drunk out of my mind. I giggled softly and he just looked at me, raising his eyebrows.
"Look, Vic I can come back later, if you're... busy, or whatever," Tony said and turned toward the door. No!
"Tony, waaiit, hang on," I said and tried to stand up. It didn't work though and I fell to the floor, stumbling my way over to Tony. 
"No Vic, it's fine, I'll see you tomorrow at school. If you really wanna talk about whatever then we can do it there." He mumbled and started heading for the door again. Fuck fuck fuck, I wasn't allowed at school anymore, I couldn't see him tomorrow then! I had to tell him somehow, cause otherwise he'd find out from someone else. The word vomit was coming up.
"Tony I'm not allowed at school anymore and I won't be able to go up there or anything for a while, so let me explain today okay? I don't know when I'll see you next." I sighed deeply and looked up expectantly.
"Wha- why? You're not allowed at school anymore?" He repeated. I shook my head. "Why?" He asked me in a desperate voice and I couldn't help but tell him the truth.
"Oliver, er, Mr. Sykes, got some anonymous tip that you and me were together and stuff and how that's wrong and I'm not allowed back 'till they go through and investigate and see if it's true or not," I spoke until I was breathless. Tony just stared at me blankly, and the unemotional expression he held was freaking me out, a lot. 
His gaze didn't lift, just intensified some, and then he looked down at his feet and said something, so low that I couldn't hear.
"What? Tony what did you say?" I asked and stepped closer to him, putting my hand on his shoulder and rubbing it softly, trying to comfort him, but he shrugged it off.
"I- fuck, Vic, I knew I'd fuck something up. I should go, I'll see you later." And with that he walked out the door, shutting it behind him.
"Tony, wait," I called, but he had already left. I heard his car start up and speed away before I snapped out of whatever I was in and broke down in tears. I crumpled to the ground and in my drunken haze I somehow made it upstairs to Mike's bedroom. I banged on the door, trying to hold myself back until I felt safe.
Mike's door swung open, to reveal him in his pajamas and looking like he'd just woken up. He seemed out of it, but when he saw what state I was in, his expression changed, eyes wide and arms reaching out for me. 
"What happened, bro?" I was pulled into my brother's arms, the door closing behind me and I didn't hold back the tears anymore. I cried into his chest, and I felt his hand on my back, surprisingly calming me down. The quiet 'shh's that Mike was making and the soft rocking motion I felt was adding to that calm feeling.
After what felt like an eternity I had quieted myself down and sobered up enough to form coherent sentences. Mike was still clinging to me as if I was going to break. If I was thinking rationally right now, I don't even know why I broke down, all the emotion and stress of the day, I guess... I was getting worked up again, and thinking wasn't helping that. 
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mike asked cautiously. I know I wasn't always one to talk about my problems out loud, and I wasn't sure I wanted to, really, but I could tell what Mike was thinking. 'It wasn't everyday his brother came to his room in the middle of a break down.' So, I thought I should fill him in.
"Um... So, Tony and I, we've been... Complicated, I guess..." I spoke cautiously, not wanting to break into it just yet.
"Complicated how?" Mike questioned.
"Uh, complicated like, the fact that he spent last night here, in my room." I said.
"Woah, you and Perry, man?!" Mike jumped up, completely excited over this. Meanwhile I was still hurting over, well... Whatever I was hurting from, really. 
"Dude!" I snapped, and he sat back down instantly.
"Sorry, too soon?" He tried again and I groaned.
"If you're gonna be like this, I can leave," I said, but made no move to get up. Mike just rubbed my back some more and I leaned into his shoulder.
"Okay, so you and Perry. What's the problem?"
"Well," I grimaced, trying to find a way to put the words to my tongue. "Like, er... We're not like, together, though, I don't even think we want, to be together? I don't know. Like I said it's complicated. But we flirt and stuff and like, whatever. Nothing huge. Kissing. I mean he spent last night here, but nothing happened. That's cause of, uh, his personal problems, I don't really think it's my place to tell you." 
"Vic, you're rambling..." Mike sung out and I laughed nervously.
"Right, sorry. So yeah, I wake up and instead of Tony in my bed, there's this note from him, basically saying we need to stay away from eachother and he's a fuck up and bad for me. So I said I needed to talk to him after school today, but I didn't get straight home 'cause Oliver pulled me into his office. He said he had something 'urgent' to say." I rolled my eyes at the word "urgent", now understanding his discomfort earlier.
"Oliver?" Mike questioned. Oh, right. He never called the principal by his first name.
"Principal Sykes." I told him, and he nodded. I saw a frustrated expression cross his face at the name, but he signaled for me to continue.
"So... Apparently, there was this anonymous tip made that Tony and I were seeing eachother. Like, I'm already confused about that, because I'm pretty sure there's f-feelings on both sides of whatever equation we are, but the thing is that Tony pushes me away almost every time I try to talk to him or whatever. Like, we'll have our fun and then after, h-he's pushing me away again. So I told Oliver that there wasn't anything, and he beli-believes me but I still can't go back to school until they investigate this whole fucked up situation. And I came home thanking satan that Tony wasn't here, but my mind kept darting back to what Oliver said in his office about this investigation thing, and so I, uh... Well I had a drink or two, or... six..." I trailed off, a bit ashamed at what I had done. I had no reason to be though, Mike drinks to forget, so I should be able to as well. 
"And then Tony showed up and you were drunk and you told him all this, and he pushed you away again, right?" Mike finished my little story for me and I nodded to him.
"Perry's not an idiot though," he mumbled, probably to himself. I had told someone basically our whole situation and truthfully, it didn't make me feel better. Actually, I felt sort of guilty. 
"You're right, he's not. I'm gonna go talk to him." I said and got up, leaving my brothers room.
"No, no, no, Vic, that's not a good idea!" He called after me, but I was already in my bedroom finding something to change into and get out of my work clothes. 
"It's a great idea! I'm going now."
"Vic, wait. Why don't I talk to him? I mean, he'll probably listen to me, I've known him longer anyways. And you can take your mind off things, go hang with your teacher friends or whatever it is you smart people do." He chuckled a little bit and I rolled my eyes. Would Mike be able to talk to Tony? I didn't know, but he was sort of right. I did need to take a night off, just relax. I could feel myself giving in, slowly but surely.
"...alright, knock yourself out," I sighed in defeat. Mike slapped me on the back, laughing softly.
"Awesome, man. I'll be back, probably not till late though." He said and left my room.
"Keep me posted! And you have class in the morning!" I reminded him, even though he probably was blowing off college for a week or two. I still didn't understand how we were brothers. We were completely different people. 
"'Kay, I'm leaving, see you tomorrow or whatever," he yelled from probably the bottom of the stairs and I heard the door slam. I laid down on my bed, focusing on my breathing, to try and stay calm and not panic. If Mike could actually make this work... 
Nah, I wouldn't think about that now. I just hoped everything would be okay.