Maybe It Was You All Along

I knew it. I fucking knew it. I knew I'd fuck everything up with Vic and I. I knew I'd screw up his life one way or another. God, why couldn't I have just stayed away?

Because I fell for him more and more everyday.

I was sitting in my room, feeling so, so fucking bad. I couldn't even believe that I'd done this, couldn't believe that I'd been this stupid. I should've just left him alone.

Why do I fuck everything up?

~

I was currently working on my second joint when my doorbell rang. I got up and stumbled to my front door, silently hoping it was Craig so I wouldn't have to wallow in my self- pity.

Craig always made things just a little bit better. Even when I'm completely sober, he makes me feel fine. As if nothing and no one can hurt me. It's a main reason he's my best friend.

Plus, since I'm high, I'm always eager to see him. He's just that kind of guy. He gets hyper when he's high and becomes so lively, more so than usual. It's really fun to be around him when I'm high.

Besides, I haven't been honest with Craig about my 'relationship' with Mr. Fuentes. And that makes me feel like such a horrible friend. Craig's always told me the truth. I could at least do the same.

With my new found happiness, I yanked the door open, only to find that, instead of my best friend, it was the brother of my teacher. Fuck, is he here to throw everything back in my face?

"Hey Tone," he greeted softly.

"Mike!" I cheered.

"You're high off your ass," Mike observed.

"Your point?" I asked, giggling.

Mike sighed and shook his head. Looking at him now, my mind hazy from the drugs, I remembered my crush that I'd had on Mike back when he went to our school.

He's skinny, although I'm not sure if it's from the drugs or from his drumming that he does. He's tall with long, thick, black hair that I just wanted to run my fingers through.

Mike Fuentes is one sexy motherfucker.

"Mike," I giggled, pressing my palm against his chest. "You seem tense."

"You're so fucking stoned Tony," he joked, chucking lightly.

"And you're fucking sexy," I muttered, running my hand down to just above his belt.

He stared at me with wide eyes and I bit down on my lower lip, batting my eyelashes innocently. His shocked expression disappeared, and now he was looking at me as if I had three heads.

"What the fuck are you doing," he demanded, slapping my hand away and shoving me inside, slamming and locking the door behind himself.

"I'm so hard Mikey," I whined, cupping my hardening cock with my hand.

"Tony, stop," he growled.

"But I don't want to," I protested, rubbing myself firmly.

"Tony, snap out of it!" Mike screamed, slapping me across the face. Not hard enough to hurt or leave a mark, just hard enough to slap some sense into me.

I gasped and dropped my hand, stumbling away from him. I was still high, my mind still a mess, but things were starting to clear up a little. Fuck, what am I doing?

"M- Mike," I whimpered. "I'm sorry."

"You better fucking be!" He snapped. "My brother is drowning himself in alcohol and you're over here trying to hit on me?!"

"I- I. I just.. I'm sorry," I stuttered, dropping my head.

"Yeah, I got that," he hissed.

"I didn't mean to fuck everything up," I whimpered. "I just wanted Vic so bad."

"Tone," Mike sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't want either of you getting hurt. I mean, Vic really likes you and you obviously feel the same but fuck."

"W- What are y- you s- saying Mike," I choked out.

"I came over here to try and fix things, and that's what I'm trying to do. This may hurt you, and Vic too, but I think it's for the best."

"What's for the best," I whimper.

"I- I. Fuck,!" Mike sighs, gripping his hair. "You guys need to put whatever the fuck is going on between you two on hold."

"W- What?" I stammer.

He... He expects me to leave Vic? To just say 'hey, what we're doing is awesome, but it's over now'? Because no. I won't do that. I can't do that. I love care about Vic too much.

"It may seem tough Tone, but I can't sit back and let you guys get into trouble. I can't," Mike whispers, shaking his head.

"But, I really like him," I mutter, dropping my head.

"And he really likes you too, trust me. He's beating himself up over this," Mike says, squeezing my shoulder.

"But it's my fault," I say, shrugging his hand off.

"Just... Think about what I said, yeah?" Mike asks.

He doesn't give me a chance to answer. He just turns around and leaves. As soon as the door shuts, I drop to the ground and a sob rips from my throat. I can already feel myself missing Vic,and he isn't even gone.

But I know Mike's right. I have to stay away from Vic. I can't cost him his job, not when he's this early in his career, so I have to do this. I'll never be able to live with myself if I did anything to fuck up Vic's life even more.

~

That night I crawl into my bed, fresh cuts on my wrists and sobs still escaping my lips. I don't bother to tell Vic about Mike's plan, because I assume Mike's already told him anyway.

It's one of those nights that I wish I had Craig or Jaime or even my parents around, just so I don't feel so alone. But I know I don't want any of them. I want someone I can't have, and it makes me feel like I'm dying inside.

I love you Victor Fuentes.