Back It up, Baby
The First.
When I came into the dressing room after the second period on December 1st, I was furious. I hadn’t been that angry in a long, long time but, I had every right to be. It was my second to last game, my sixth, that Pittsburgh was going to play me in so, they could ensure that I could still play in World Juniors and I was standing on my head. The Avalanche were outshooting us 20-43 already and I had only let three goals in. Our offense had not scored a single one.
Coach always gave us 10 minutes of the intermission to reflect within ourselves. I spent five of it, sitting on my bench, bouncing my feet and fuming. James and Sidney had been helping me curb my temper but, I couldn’t today. I was mad at everyone for not having my back and if I didn’t let it out, I was going to scream.
A hand reached out and landed on top of mine. I turned quickly to see Beau smiling at me, “settle down.”
I had accepted his apology by then but, that was neither here nor there. Beau was casually telling a known hot head to settle down and he was going to deal with the consequences. I stared at him for a long second before reaching over and grabbing his glove. I then stood up, turned slightly and threw it as hard as I could against a wall. Standing over top of him, I started to yell, “settle down? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m working my ass off and no one is helping me out there. You’re all playing like fucking junior A kids.”
“Lily,” James warned but, I ignored him. If this were a comic, steam would be billowing out from my ears and a train horn would be sounding. I turned to him and glared.
“Fuck you, Larch. We’re trying,” Beau tried to argue. My head snapped back around and I nearly dove at him.
“No, you’re fucking not. Especially not you,” I yelled. “You are taking fucking stupid penalties and turning over everything you get. You are fucking useless out there right now. We might as well fucking trade you for some kind of muscle because you’re shit.”
Suddenly, my body was being dragged away from Beau and to the opposite of the room. I fought back, trying to rip away but, the impact of the wall against my back made me hesitate, “what the fuck is going on? Are you all fucking nuts?”
“Enough is enough,” Brandon hissed in my ear. He was on one side of me and Geno was on the other, holding me against the wall. I fought once more before giving up and sliding down the wall. Geno let go of me but, Brandon held me down, knowing very well that any leverage that I could get would send me flying back over at Beau. He pressed his cheek against mine and started talking, “blaming everyone isn’t going to help and neither is taking it out on Beau.”
“Fuck you, farm boy,” I tried to push him off but, he used his weight to hold me down. He kept his voice low.
“Grow the fuck up, Lily. You’re my favourite person but, you’re acting like a huge bitch right now and no one needs that,” I stopped fighting him and looked at him in shock. His face was sincere and genuine. He leaned over to whisper in my ear one last time, “I mean it, you’re amazing and I don’t know a single person I’d rather spend my time with but, no one is going to even like you if you keep this up.”
Was this him confessing his feelings? I just stared at him and started to pant, the adrenaline seeping from me. He leaned back, he could feel all the pent up energy drain from me as well and knew I wasn’t going anywhere. He gave my hand a squeeze before getting up and backing away. I watched him the whole way as he walked back to his stall.
My perfect man. It took him telling me that he thought I was amazing for me to realize I was head over heels for this ridiculous Alberta hockey player farm boy. I was shaking, nervous or happiness? I couldn’t tell you but, I could feel my entire body move. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall. When I opened them, Beau was staring at me.
“Time of the month?” He asked. My scowl quickly returned.
“Go fuck yourself, Beau.”
--
We didn’t win. We couldn’t score a single goal and everyone was less than amused. The entire game had been a shit show from start to bottom and I was just happy it was over. The last period, I had been off my game. My mind had shift to Brandon and how incredibly talented he was. I watched him more than I watched the puck, which is a horrible way to play hockey. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around how in love I was with him and how stupid I was for never realizing it.
I decided to confess my feelings to him. After the media interviews and everyone had started to head back to the hotel next to the arena, I made my way to Brandon’s room. He happened to be the floor above mine and James’ room. I was so giddy and nervous, that I took the stairs, hoping to calm me down a bit.
“Hey, Lily,” I stopped and looked up to see Beau shoving Reese’s Peanut Butter cups into his mouth. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”
“No, you played like shit, dumb ass,” I muttered, trying to push past him. He moved into my way. “Seriously, I need to get upstairs.”
“Why, so you can go see Brandon?” He asked, venom seeping from him. I stopped dead in my tracks. Beau rolled his eyes and laughed, “really? You didn’t think I would notice? You used to look at me the way you look at him now. You’re so obvious to those who really know you, Lily. When you like someone, I can tell. It sucks that its not me anymore but, what can you do. At least Brandon knows who you are now.”
I swallowed hard. Beau smirked, a devious plan hid behind those lips. My lips started to part with fear, “Beau, what do you mean he knows who I am?”
“Well,” he said, thoughtfully. He took big bite out of Peanut Butter cup and pretended to really evaluate my question. “I suppose you should ask him.” He reached into his pocket and handed me his room key. “here, you might need this.”
I didn’t need any more prompting. I took the key and pushed past him, listening to him laugh as I ran up the stairs. I sprinted down the hall to their room and unlocked the door, not bothering to knock. When I opened the door, I was greeted with darkness. Slowly, I wandered in a little farther, using the hallway light to find a switch. I flicked it on to find Brandon laying in his bed, scrolling through his iPhone.
I opened my mouth but, he beat me to the punch, “get the fuck out, Lily. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Brandon, I-“ I started but, he just shook his head, refusing to look at me.
“No, no more excuses. You always have an excuse,” he turned off his phone and sat up, glaring at me. “There is no excuse now, Lily. You were fucking Beau and now you’re fucking with me, except I didn’t even get the good part because I thought you were worth the wait.”
“But, I could be,” I muttered, awkwardly standing in the middle of his room like a middle school kid waiting to be shamed by their peers. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly.
“No, sluts aren’t worth it.”
Coach always gave us 10 minutes of the intermission to reflect within ourselves. I spent five of it, sitting on my bench, bouncing my feet and fuming. James and Sidney had been helping me curb my temper but, I couldn’t today. I was mad at everyone for not having my back and if I didn’t let it out, I was going to scream.
A hand reached out and landed on top of mine. I turned quickly to see Beau smiling at me, “settle down.”
I had accepted his apology by then but, that was neither here nor there. Beau was casually telling a known hot head to settle down and he was going to deal with the consequences. I stared at him for a long second before reaching over and grabbing his glove. I then stood up, turned slightly and threw it as hard as I could against a wall. Standing over top of him, I started to yell, “settle down? Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m working my ass off and no one is helping me out there. You’re all playing like fucking junior A kids.”
“Lily,” James warned but, I ignored him. If this were a comic, steam would be billowing out from my ears and a train horn would be sounding. I turned to him and glared.
“Fuck you, Larch. We’re trying,” Beau tried to argue. My head snapped back around and I nearly dove at him.
“No, you’re fucking not. Especially not you,” I yelled. “You are taking fucking stupid penalties and turning over everything you get. You are fucking useless out there right now. We might as well fucking trade you for some kind of muscle because you’re shit.”
Suddenly, my body was being dragged away from Beau and to the opposite of the room. I fought back, trying to rip away but, the impact of the wall against my back made me hesitate, “what the fuck is going on? Are you all fucking nuts?”
“Enough is enough,” Brandon hissed in my ear. He was on one side of me and Geno was on the other, holding me against the wall. I fought once more before giving up and sliding down the wall. Geno let go of me but, Brandon held me down, knowing very well that any leverage that I could get would send me flying back over at Beau. He pressed his cheek against mine and started talking, “blaming everyone isn’t going to help and neither is taking it out on Beau.”
“Fuck you, farm boy,” I tried to push him off but, he used his weight to hold me down. He kept his voice low.
“Grow the fuck up, Lily. You’re my favourite person but, you’re acting like a huge bitch right now and no one needs that,” I stopped fighting him and looked at him in shock. His face was sincere and genuine. He leaned over to whisper in my ear one last time, “I mean it, you’re amazing and I don’t know a single person I’d rather spend my time with but, no one is going to even like you if you keep this up.”
Was this him confessing his feelings? I just stared at him and started to pant, the adrenaline seeping from me. He leaned back, he could feel all the pent up energy drain from me as well and knew I wasn’t going anywhere. He gave my hand a squeeze before getting up and backing away. I watched him the whole way as he walked back to his stall.
My perfect man. It took him telling me that he thought I was amazing for me to realize I was head over heels for this ridiculous Alberta hockey player farm boy. I was shaking, nervous or happiness? I couldn’t tell you but, I could feel my entire body move. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning my head against the wall. When I opened them, Beau was staring at me.
“Time of the month?” He asked. My scowl quickly returned.
“Go fuck yourself, Beau.”
--
We didn’t win. We couldn’t score a single goal and everyone was less than amused. The entire game had been a shit show from start to bottom and I was just happy it was over. The last period, I had been off my game. My mind had shift to Brandon and how incredibly talented he was. I watched him more than I watched the puck, which is a horrible way to play hockey. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around how in love I was with him and how stupid I was for never realizing it.
I decided to confess my feelings to him. After the media interviews and everyone had started to head back to the hotel next to the arena, I made my way to Brandon’s room. He happened to be the floor above mine and James’ room. I was so giddy and nervous, that I took the stairs, hoping to calm me down a bit.
“Hey, Lily,” I stopped and looked up to see Beau shoving Reese’s Peanut Butter cups into his mouth. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”
“No, you played like shit, dumb ass,” I muttered, trying to push past him. He moved into my way. “Seriously, I need to get upstairs.”
“Why, so you can go see Brandon?” He asked, venom seeping from him. I stopped dead in my tracks. Beau rolled his eyes and laughed, “really? You didn’t think I would notice? You used to look at me the way you look at him now. You’re so obvious to those who really know you, Lily. When you like someone, I can tell. It sucks that its not me anymore but, what can you do. At least Brandon knows who you are now.”
I swallowed hard. Beau smirked, a devious plan hid behind those lips. My lips started to part with fear, “Beau, what do you mean he knows who I am?”
“Well,” he said, thoughtfully. He took big bite out of Peanut Butter cup and pretended to really evaluate my question. “I suppose you should ask him.” He reached into his pocket and handed me his room key. “here, you might need this.”
I didn’t need any more prompting. I took the key and pushed past him, listening to him laugh as I ran up the stairs. I sprinted down the hall to their room and unlocked the door, not bothering to knock. When I opened the door, I was greeted with darkness. Slowly, I wandered in a little farther, using the hallway light to find a switch. I flicked it on to find Brandon laying in his bed, scrolling through his iPhone.
I opened my mouth but, he beat me to the punch, “get the fuck out, Lily. I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Brandon, I-“ I started but, he just shook his head, refusing to look at me.
“No, no more excuses. You always have an excuse,” he turned off his phone and sat up, glaring at me. “There is no excuse now, Lily. You were fucking Beau and now you’re fucking with me, except I didn’t even get the good part because I thought you were worth the wait.”
“But, I could be,” I muttered, awkwardly standing in the middle of his room like a middle school kid waiting to be shamed by their peers. He closed his eyes and opened them slowly.
“No, sluts aren’t worth it.”